for you curious creepies out there, my name is Dan. i will not release the rest of my name. now go away.

NO! never mind, don't go. well, you can go, but read my stories first? :p

if you don't want to listen to me e-speak, (or rather, read my typed-up words) scroll down and read my fascinating stories.

i have e-A.D.D. oh look, an e-squirrel! see, i told you. i go way off-topic sometimes.

if you ever have an interesting conversation with me, eventually, you'll be laughing your big fat ass off at the japanese guy who talks about metaphysics on the discovery channel.

(WHAT THE FUCK ARE METAPHYSICS?) (don't wikipedia it, you'll feel retarded.)

gawd, i hate writing about myself. okay, okay. you wanna hear something random? sure you do.

I asked out 92 people at my school out. 34 were guys. i got 91 No's. One yes. i have a lover. or so i think.

Apparently forever isn't forever.

that phrase is for the heartbroken: gladly, i'm not..yet.

i won't be updating much, since i'm working on this really beautiful love story.

i'll give you guys a summary right now, if you want.

sure you do, right? :

two people are really good friends.

(one guy, one girl)

the guy is secretly in love with her. passionately in love.

the girl falls in love with someone else and gets married

the guy, devastated, depressed, heartbroken commits suicide.

he leaves everything he ever had to the girl.

getting all his stuff, she gets his diary as well

she reads through it and finds out how he felt for her.

called 'the forlorn words of a deceased lover'

About Your Sexy Author

Well, maybe I'm gonna start using proper capitalization. hmm. never mind. XD

proper capitalization is good for good impressions, not free expression. (LOL! i thought in like 5 and a half seconds)

Rawr. well, i'm a hopeless romantic...that likes explosions.

if you think that is awkward, i think so too.

there are a few people who tried to get me to start writing.

first of all, emoTWiLiGHT, the one and only. (rawr. you know you love her!)

uh...that staple thing on Microsoft Word. yeah, i know, huh?

that book that's somewhere in my nightstand. i don't know how it's inspiring, but it is.

that, and my all time favorite author (or poet)...drumroll robert frost

rawr. anyone heard of dramatic irony? i'm gonna use that a lot.

despite my traditional twiligh-y-ness, i am against JxRN. yeah.

jacob and rene don't work for me. as you'll read in mah first story. :

it's all about JxA. yeah. please, please don't mind my teedeedee-ness. or e-teedeedee-ness. i'm not really a teedeedee.

XD don't take me seriously unless i'm wearing my MonsterTagChain. (WHICH HAS ABOUT...64 ON THERE)

i work on my stories at school, so expect crappiness. bleh.

Okay, this time we're serious. About Your Sexy Author

Name: Dan XXXXX(well, at least you know my last name is five letters)

Height: if you compare an ant to an oak leaf, that would be similar to comparing me to something big.

MySpace: www.myspace.com/dannyformaple

Meebo: xkilljoix

Occupation: MultiBillionaire with absolutely nothing to do. Oh, and pathological liar.

Taste in Music: Rise Against, Trading Yesterday, Age of Information, Snow Patrol, Skillet, Flyleaf, Story of the Year, Metallica, Something Corporate, Alter Bridge, The Killers,
Linkin Park, Maroon 5, Panic! at the Disco, Boys Like Girls, Cobra Starship, Relient K, Scars on Broadway. there's a lot more, but i really don't feel like checking the artists on my iPod right now.

Phone: a sexy Nokia. rawr.

Books: EVERYTHING. but most recently, the Twilight series. i can't stand most classics, but some work. robert frost is my poet. as you've read earlier, i'm a hopeless romantic, so..well, i read romances if you haven't figured out. i can't stand plays. well, the scripts, anyway.

Television: i hardly watch TV, but when i do, it's all about SCRUBS. and house. and bones. and fringe. oh, we can't forget the colbert report, can we? generally, anything interesting on Fox and Comedy Central. i watch VH1 occasionally, but only when the reality shows have gone to sleep. that was retodded.

well, RAWR. if you wanna know anything else, PM me, Myspace me, call me, (only if you know me IRL, which in that case, what's the point of asking?) or do what normal people do, Meebo me.

Favorite Stuff...and stuff

Word(s) of the Week: Nihilistic - thinking that life is retarded in general. if God is perfect, why create imperfect models of yourself?

UnFavorite people: bleh. the TA i have to be with. anyone that is (remotely, directly, fill-in-the-negative-adjective) e/b/aumsworld. (Please, go die for the rest of humanity)

Song of the Week: We Intertwined. by the Hush Sound from Like Vines album.

Book of the Week: Lamb: the Gospel According to Christ's Best Friend, Biff by Christopher Moore.

Person of the week: Shayla Lambert. my freaking lurver. (she won't hold my hand though : )

Gadget of the Day: my phone for surviving a drop in the toilet (HOORAY FOR NOKIA)

Quote(s) of the Day: "I'm gonna kick your butt so far into next week, it'll take a team of surgeons to get Wednesday out of your ass." ~said by Jody in You Suck: A Love Story by Chris Moore.

Movie of the Month: Wanted (love it. absolutely love it)

Game of the day: FORCE UNLEASHED .

QUOTES! you know you love 'em!

(thanks much to nikatil.deviantart.com) (CHECK HER OUT. i dun't think she knows me though. oh well)

10 Ways to Annoy... Jacob Black

10. Never use english around him. Instead, bark.

9. Call him a space heater.

8. Tell him that dogs make good pets, not partners.

7. Ask if he RSVPed to B&E's wedding yet?.

6. Inform him that real men sparkle.

5. Walk up to him and say you've imprinted on him. Ask him for his paw in marriage. (LOL. my favorite one)

4. Tell him that his body temperature might be 108, you don't find him hot.

3. Inquire as to how Leah is... and if he dreams about Sam the way she dreams about Bella.

2. Ask him if he likes to do things. Doggy style.

The number ONE way to piss off my favorite Twilight character?

1. Make him a flip calendar counting off how many days Bella stays a human.

(Next would be thanks to emoT, as i will call her. Thanks for having awesome poop on your profile : hope you don't mind your conscience stealing it)

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying "Woo that was fun!"

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when you're not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial. ( i only have...19 people on my speed dial. my phonebook consists of 98 people)

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your crap and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue." (HEY. sobs give me that freakin' tissue) :p according to hannah.

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds arse that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME." (i've done that before)

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through highschool/college. (manwhores that steal your lovers!) according to me
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.
BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Betch drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!"(i think i heard my dad's friend said that...)

FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter
BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this crappppp!! (YES. DO IT NOW. even if i don't know you :P )

If you've ever had a laughing fit for no reason copy and paste this in to your profile.

If you've ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy and paste this in to your profile

If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile

If you ever tripped over your own feet, copy this into your profile

If you've ever threatened your computer, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.

Much thanks to above authors, deviantartists, and Shayla. for being a lover and keeping me awake.

Quotes that I did. Sort of. Well, I didn't steal them, at any point.

"He's fcking persistent, you know?" ~as said by Wesley in Wanted

"Guess what?" / "What?" / "I love you"/ "Thank you" ~the last four lines of my phone conversation with Shayla.

"He's a womanizing pile of sht" as said by Meryl from MetalGearSolid:GunsOfThePatriots.

"Believe the next three words I say, no matter what they are. I.Love.You" ~What I planNED to say to Shayla. Before she broke up with me.

"Will somebody please get me my shoe?" ~What Atrina said right after she tossed her left Converse. At my freakin' nose.

"21:05 iJake wolfkitten:-imagines can of air freshener...in a thong" ~What I said about Febreeze on Twilighters Chat. Dani is my friend. She quoted me.

"OY! NO DUMBFUCKS IN THE SERMON!" ~as said by Levi who is called Biff in Lamb:the gospels according to Christ's childhood pal, Biff.

"OH MY GOD! IT'S A RETARDED FLYING MONKEY" ~what i said, while pointing at an ice cream truck.

"What if Christ learned kung fu?" ~inspiration behind Lamb (see above) by Christopher Moore.

"This is me taking back control of my life. What the f-ck have you done lately?" ~wesley's last line. ZOMG I LOVE IT.

'Oh f-ck" ~morgan freeman right before he got shot in the forehead.

"oh my fucking god, is that dan?" ~aaron from elementary right after he saw me at the movies.

"DUDE! WHAT THE F-CK DID YOU DO THAT F-CKING THING? WHAT THE F-CK IS THAT?" ~me spazzing out over andrew's fracked up Baker.

Also to vampoodle on Twilighters (aka poodlewoodlelover on FF. READREVIEWSPREAD.)

OH! can't forget my new awesomistic bluray player. (I SWEAR DARTH VADER STABBED MY TV.)

oh...someone tell emoTWiLiGHT i FREAKING LURV HER.

One more note. I won't be posting much because my fellow TA is the World's Biggest Buttwipe.

I'll post occasionally. Thanks to all those people that i DON'T know for reviewing, spreading, and reading:

wonder if emoT told them...hm...anyways...

anyone know what icarus wings are?