Kelsey: "Hello, I'm an Al Bhed. ...yeah, right. Oh! I have goggles!"
Blaze: "I AM A DUMBASS! I HAIL FROM DUMBASSA! And we are here to steal the souls of all our faithful readers!
Uhm, erm, you didn't hear that, I mean, we are verrrrry nice people!"
Kelsey: "Yeah, email us or contact us. We won't bite...unless we don't like you. THEN we'll bite you."
Blaze: "Well said. As for our writings, Kelsey and I write the most darndest, demented, idiotic, random, and quite honostly, DYSFUNCTIONAL stuff in all of fanfition.net! But, just remember, at least this shit's QUALITY shit! (Yet others argue that shit is still shit.)"
Kelsey: "True, very true. Beware of low-flying references and inside jokes..."
Blaze: "And not only that, if you get pummeled on the back of the head with flying waffles, spatulas, bottles of Canadian Maple Syrup, polish sausage, spoons, sporks, hairpins, TP rolls, dead corpses, goats, Mr. T gold chains, and/or hear strange polka music playing and people dancing the Turkish Mumbo, YES, WE ARE RESPONSIBLE!! And who could FORGET that nausiating BODY ODER from everyone's (non-) FAVORITE ASSMAN, JOHN SCHRADER!! When he's around, things are three times as SMELLY! And, well, his stupidity, arrogance, and 'I'm better than all humans!' attitude of John makes things really crazy, for we all like to gang up on him and point out his BALD SPOT!! That's right, folks, he's only 17, and is ALREADY going bald! And he's fat too! HA HA HA!"
Kelsey: "Hey, don't forget he looks like the buttman from Crayon Shin Chan 2 for the SNES."
Blaze: "He has Hair, Hair, EVERYWHERE! ...EXCEPT ON TOP!! MUAHAHAHAHA!"
Kelsey: "Yep! Let's sing the THEME SONG!"
Blaze: "Uh... WHAT themesong?"
Kelsey: "HAIR, HAIR, EVERYWHERE! THIS IS JOHN'S SONG! LALALALALALA...!"
Blaze: "Okay! "HAIR, HAIR, EVERYWHERE! THIS IS JOHN'S SONG! LALALALALALA...!"
Kelsey: "DANCE DANCE!"
Blaze: (*Does the Tukish Mumbo!*)
Kelsey: "WHOO-HAW!"
Blaze: "HAIR! HAIR! EVERYWHERE!!! YAH-OOO!
Kelsey: "I am a fluent speaker in Al Bhed...not."
Blaze: "I'm a fluent speaker of Cornholiesh!
...sort of."
Kelsey: "Well, better than I can speak Cornholiesh."
Blaze: "Check THIS out in Cornholioesh-- 'Yaahhhh, rikkiiikiikiii yeeeeeeeeee plop plop plop yayayayaya boingoingoing boiyeeahhweeneaseeelenkishi!!"
Kelsey: What does it mean?
Blaze: "It means, 'The Pirates Hideout II is now back in buisness, and you are all invited for spoony-lisious stuff that puts the FUN in DYSFUNCTIONAL!!"
Kelsey: "No, no, it's 'dysfunction.'
But, now for a GREAT MESSAGE IN AL BHED!!"
Blaze: "While Kelsey is translating this, I shall entertain you all by cracking jokes about two faggots, Matt Wagner and Stedt Lee!
Matt Wagner is the most UNHOLY spawn of Jenova! He is like a rotten peach, disgusting fuzzy skin with rotten crap on the inside. In fact, his brain is a compacted coke-can shaped was of CRAP that makes a quarter turn every time he makes a gay, disgusting thought! Well, to say the least, it is spinning FASTER THAN YOU ABOVE-AVERAGE CD-ROM! NONSTOP! And when he takes a dump, he REALLY ISN'T POOPING, but, rather, sucking up ALL the toxic sludge from the sewer system he sits upon, adding it all into himself as his life reserves! Trying to molest little boys, this evil creature is the mortal enemy of John and myself. BEWARE THE WRATH OF FAGNER, KING OF THE FAGS!"
Kelsey: "All done!"
Blaze: "So what does your message say, Haruka?"
Kelsey: "Vilg oui."
Blaze: "So what does that mean?"
Kelsey: "[expletive deleted]"
Blaze: "Now Kelsey will tell us about Stedt Lee!"
Kelsey: "Yes! This is an abomination unleashed upon ALL of the great and respectable Nease High School. His name? Stedt Lee. On several accounts he has grabbed my friend Jesse Long's ass, then proceeded to grab Jesse's dick. Luckily Jesse ran away before any more damage could be done. His pathetic life revolves around Dragon Ball Z and he spends his entire day after school blowing away at his Goku blow doll. Stedt is also the spawn of Jenova - in fact, he and Matt Wagner are related!
Blaze: "I forgot to add that Matt Wagner was first labeled a fag in John's eyes when he tried to rape his friend, Ben, by pulling down Ben's pants. Fortuatly, John was there just in time to send away the evil shitsucking fiend!"
Kelsey: "I have a strange feeling that Stedt and Matt have gay, incestual sex with eachother, as well as their Goku blow doll. What do you think?"
Blaze: "I think so. Very much so.
And Matt brings his wrestling dummy to 'practice' on!"
Kelsey: "Rin has a boner! RUN!!"
Blaze: "AHHHHHHHH!" (*does so*)
*Kelsey hides in a barrel*
*Blaze averts his eyes...*
*stuff happens...*
*Then the house burns down, and TP flies everywhere, as an army of Johnmen take over this bio.*
"I think it's time to go now..."

GOD HATES FIGS