Dreams feel real while we're in them. It's only when we wake up that we realize something was actually strange...

From the desk of Doctor Kaminari:
Welcome to my bio! Mind all the plot bunnies as you walk in.
Best wishes,
The Doctor - Bringing you the unexpected since 2004!

About Me:

Where I live: I rotate homes regularly to avoid the authorities. However, if you really must know, I spend most of my time in England...

Books I like: The Fry Chronicles, all Eoin Colfer books (Artemis Fowl!), Darren Shan books, the Inheritance Cycle, Lord of the Rings, Sherlock Holmes, Watchmen, a whole bunch of other stuff I've forgotten...

Movies I like: Inception, The Dark Knight, Batman Begins, the Prestige, Anchorman, the Lord of the Rings films, the Bourne trilogy, Casino Royale, Shawshank Redemption, V for Vendetta, Hot Fuzz, and many more...

TV Shows I like: Sherlock, Doctor Who! (The Christmas Special was amazing! Now to wait 'til Spring...), House, The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes (with Jeremy Brett, the definitive Holmes), Spooks (or MI-5 in America), Torchwood, Top Gear, the Simpsons, Family Guy...

Stuff I like: Tennis, squash, books, movies, TV, games, tasty food, a good night's sleep, my currently non-existent violin, my sonic screwdriver, but most of all: reviews!!

Stuff I don't like: Most vegetables (one word: onions), doing work (uni work...), uncomfortable shoes, the dark...

Recent Comments:

Happy new year everyone! I hope the first day of 2011 was less anti-climatic for you than it was for me...

I just thought I'd take this opportunity to thank Vivian Verbose for all her brilliant and tireless efforts to make my stories so much more than what I could've achieved on my own (and introducing me to the wonderful music of Sara Bareilles). She's decided to move on from FanFiction, and so will no longer be my beta. [sniff] Ah well, people move on, I guess. Thank you, K. For everything.

A Drifter Phenomenon Update:

Not much to report, I'm afraid. Struggling to write at the moment.

While I go about trying get pen to paper, I've decided to pique the interest of any wonderful readers still following my story with a couple of teasers. So, in no particular order:

- Qwan and Grub accidentally trash a Dublin apartment
- Holly discovers Star Trek
- More of Artemis Senior's dubious past is revealed
- A single Latin word throws well-laid plans into chaos
- Artemis travels to Hong Kong to see a man who simply cannot speak to him

Interest piqued? I hope so.

I've made an account on FictionPress: http://www.fictionpress.com/u/498849/ I haven't actually done anything yet though, so there's not much point visiting... However, I have a couple of things planned once I'm done with my current fics, which may be never. Watch this space!

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or pulled the handle on a door that said push copy this into your profile.

If you've ever threatened your computer, copy and paste this into your profile.

If at least once a week, someone misspells or mispronounces your first and/or last name...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

98 percent of teenagers have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent that hasn't, put this in your bio.

92 percent of teenagers would die if Abercombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breath. Copy this into your profile if you'd be part of the 8 percent laughing your arse off.

If you have a very wide range of interests, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think rock-paper-scissors solves everything, put this in your profile!

If someone has ever said something to you that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile.

~ Nothing to report ~

Stories:

Artemis Fowl and the Drifter Phenomenon (On hiatus) - Book 2 of my Fallen Acorn Trilogy, which is shaping up to be quite an exciting story - if all goes well, the reveal should come as quite a shock. Takes place several weeks after TTP, and also contains some spoilers for AoT. R&R-ing will be much appreciated.

Consequences - (Complete!) Post TTP, this is based around Artemis and Holly's thoughts, and when the two finally have a moment together. This my first series of songfics, so please be nice! The third and final part has been uploaded - rejoice! As far as I'm concerned, this fic is complete, although if you have any ideas on how to continue it then please feel free to tell me in a review.

Artemis Fowl and the Ark of Triumph - (Complete!) Book 1 of my Fallen Acorn Trilogy. This takes place between books 5 and 6, and so contains spoilers for TLC. For a full summary, check out the first chapter! Oh, and please R&R! Despite its many faults I am very proud of this one - it's a fully crafted and complete story, something that I didn't think I could create when I first started out.

Fartemit Owl - (On hiatus) I've begun, albeit tentatively, to look over this again. I might replace some chapters, making them longer, and then start getting some new stuff in. One day, I will finish this story... Don't give up on me yet, chain-link-fence!

Kurda Smahlt, The Vampire Prince - (On hiatus) The next chapter's about the Vampire Fort and Steve's fight with Gannen. I'm starting to drift off from Kurda, so I'll try and bring it back into line when I finally update... Unfortunately, since I've pretty much lost interest in this series, the prospects of this story aren't looking good...

Always Growing Back - (Complete!) My very first fic, and to be honest, it isn't very good. It's about Cormac Limbs and how he came to be, and I quite liked it at the time, although it was very short, and reaction for it was timid. Anyway, I think KSVP is probably a much better Darren Shan fic (although incomplete), so head over there if you're interested.

Stories in Planning (for those who can get past the utter ridiculousness of me putting this up):

The Pre-Game Talk - A Sherlock fic which addresses what I thought was a disappointing part in an otherwise brilliant series: Jim Moriarty.
- Planned release date: N/A

Exceptional - An AF/House crossover. No more details will be revealed, as I'm pretty excited about this one.
- Planned release date: N/A

Book 3 of the Fallen Acorn Trilogy - There is a working title, but I'm not going to reveal it as of yet. Sequel to The Drifter Phenomenon, and will be an absolute EPIC. Hopefully.
- Planned release date: N/A

Quotes:

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? (Who watches the watchmen?)- Juvenal, Satires, VI, 347

The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown.
The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "save us!"...
And I'll look down and whisper, "no".
- Rorschach

Happy Harry the bartender: Ruh. Ror. Ror. Rorschach! Har, har, how ya doin' fella?
Rorschach: I'm fine, Happy Harry. Yourself?
Happy Harry: Fine! I'm fuh, I'm fine! And I'm, and I'm, and I'm glad you're fine too! And uh, and uh... Oh god. Please don't kill anybody.

Dr. Malcom Long: Hello, Rorschach. How are you today?
Rorshach: In prison. Yourself?

- Watchmen (the film was pretty awesome)

Why So Serious?

How about a magic trick? (slams a pencil into the table) ... I'll make this pencil disappear! (slams thug's head into pencil) Ta-daa! It's... it's gone.

I'm like a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it, you know? I just... do things!

I believe... that whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you... stranger.

You know, madness is a lot like gravity. All you need is a little push...

Let's wind the clock back a year. A year ago, these cops and lawyers wouldn't have dared to cross any of you... I mean, what happened? Did your balls just drop off? Hmm?

This city deserves a better class of criminal... And I'm gonna give it to 'em!

There's no going back. You've changed things... Forever.

Y'see to them, you're just a freak... Like me!

Joker: You won't kill me because of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness. And I won't kill you because... you're just too much fun! I think you and I are destined to do this forever.
Batman: You'll be in a padded cell forever.
Joker: Maybe we could share one!

Gordon: Where is he? (referring to Dent)
Joker: What's the time?
Gordon: What does time matter?
Joker: Depending on the time, he may be in one spot, or in several.

You know what I noticed? Nobody panics when things go "according to plan"... even if the plan is horrifying. If tomorrow I told the press that, like, a gang-banger will get shot, or a truck load of soldiers will be blown up, nobody panics, because "it's all part of the plan." But when I say that one little old mayor will die... (voice rises hysterically) THEN EVERYONE LOSES THEIR MINDS!

- The Joker, The Dark Knight

If I win, I'm a prodigy. If I lose then I'm mad. That's the way history is written.

I never tell anybody exactly how clever I am. They would be too scared.

Believe me, he is not here. If he were, there would be a lot of screaming.

- Artemis Fowl II

Right, enough talk. I think it's time Mister Vassikin was introduced to my friend, Mister Fist.

Sirens. We need to get out of this area, Artemis, before I'm forced to cause an international incident.

- Butler

Hey, Mulch, if you listen really hard you can just about make out the sound of nobody giving a hoot.

A CD. How quaint. We have these in museums.

- Captain Holly Short

(to Artemis) No. This is not the commander. This is Foaly, the centaur. Is this the kidnapping lowlife human?

I'm right there with you, darlin'. Unless you step on a landmine, in which case I'm way back in the Operations Room.

A cloak of invisibility? This is a highly sensitive piece of field equipment. What does he think? Some warlock pulled it out of his armpit?

- Foaly the Centaur

(to Foaly) Captain Short's life is in danger, so push the button before I climb that tower and push it with your face!

Looks like the gang's all here. And guess what. I don't like gangs.

- Julius Root

Everybody lies.

Hope is for sissies.

Our bodies break down, sometimes when we're 90, sometimes before we're even born, but it always happens and there's never any dignity in it. I don't care if you can walk, see, wipe your own ass. It's always ugly - always! We can live with dignity - we can't die with it.

Like I always say, there's no "I" in "team". There is a "me", though, if you jumble it up.

Cameron: Dr. House doesn't like dealing with patients.
Foreman: Isn't treating patients why we became doctors?
House: No, treating illnesses is why we became doctors. Treating patients is what makes most doctors miserable.

Cameron: Men should grow up.
House: Yeah, and dogs should stop licking themselves. It's not going to happen.

No, there is not a thin line between love and hate. There is, in fact, a Great Wall of China with armed sentries posted every twenty feet between love and hate.

House: As long as you're trying to be good, you can do whatever you want.
Wilson: And as long as you're not trying, you can say whatever you want.
House: So between us, we can do anything. We can rule the world!

Chase: How would you feel if I interfered in your personal life?
House: I'd hate it. That's why I cleverly have no personal life.

Cuddy: Dr. House! We need you here.
House: Sorry, lotta sick people. I might catch something.

You know how they say, "you can't live without love"? Well, oxygen is even more important.

Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?

What makes a guy start drooling? Chase, were you wearing your short shorts?

House: We're going to cure her.
Cameron: We're going to cure death?
House: (like a mad scientist) Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha! (normal voice) Doubt it.

When guys have brain/crotch problems, it's usually the result of using one too much and the other too little.

Cameron: His wife arranged it for an anniversary present. And if you ask me, if two people really trust each other, a threesome once every seven years might actually help a marriage.
(Everyone looks stunned.)
House: Okay, I say we stop the DDX and discuss that comment.

Did you know that relative to its size, the barnacle has the largest penis of any animal?

Wilson: Can this wait five minutes?
House: Is she dying?
Wilson: Yes.
House: Before the end of this consult?
Wilson: They could build monuments to your self-centeredness.

Gotta go—building full of sick people. If I can hurry, maybe I can avoid them.

House: He did however get hit with a bullet. Just mentioning.
Cameron: He was shot?
House: No, somebody threw it at him.

Cameron: Foreman is black.
House: What?! How long have you been sitting on this information?

Rodney Foreman: My son says you're a manipulative bastard.
House: It's just a pet name. I call him "Dr. Bling".

Cuddy: Pay attention to me!
House: Sorry, that would make it harder to ignore you.

Wilson: Your real fear is me having a good relationship
House: Yes, it keeps me up at night. That and the Loch Ness Monster, global warming, evolution, other fictional concepts.

Foreman: You hide drugs in a lupus textbook?
House: It's never lupus.

- Dr. Gregory House, House (he throws down some mad wisdom, yo)

There's one thing you never put in a trap if you're smart. If you value your continued existence. If you have any plans about seeing tomorrow, there's one thing you never, ever put in a trap. Me.

Amelia: What is it? What's wrong with you?
The Doctor: What's wrong with me? It's not my fault. Why can't you give me any decent food? You're Scottish, fry something.

The Doctor: You know when grown ups tell you everything's going be fine, but you think that they're probably lying to you to make you feel better?
Amelia: (rolls eyes) Yes.
The Doctor: (beat) Everything's going be fine.

Twenty minutes to save the world and I've got a post office. And it's shut!

And the final score is: no TARDIS, no screwdriver, two minutes to spare. Who da man?! (Everyone looks at him) Okay, that's... I’m never saying that again. Fine.

Hello. I'm the Doctor. Basically... Run.

Amy: I thought... Well, I started to think you were just a madman with a box.
The Doctor: Amy Pond, there's something you better understand about me, 'cause it's important and one day your life may depend on it: I am definitely a madman with a box!

It's a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezzes are cool.

- The Eleventh Doctor, Doctor Who

When you run with the Doctor, it feels like it will never end. But, however hard you try, you can't run forever. Everybody knows that everybody dies, and nobody knows it like the Doctor. But I do think that all the skies of all the worlds might just turn dark if he ever, for one moment, accepts it.

- Professor River Song, Doctor Who

Vale, Decem. Honore res quare, usquequaqurum memorium. Vale, Decem.

The Doctor: I've been alone ever since. But not anymore. Don't you see? All we've got is each other.
The Master: Are you asking me out on a date?

The Master: Laser screwdriver. Who'd have sonic?

Martha: You step on a butterfly, you change the human race.
The Doctor: Then don't step on any butterflies. What do you have against butterflies?

The Face of Boe: Doctor—
The Doctor: Yeah, hold on. Not now.
The Face of Boe: I give you my last.
The Doctor: Hame, look after him! Don't you go dying on me, you big Face.

This is my Timey-Wimey detector. Goes ding when there's stuff. Also, it can boil an egg at thirty paces. Whether you want it to or not, actually. I've learned to away from hens. It's not pretty when they blow.

The Doctor: Almost every species in the universe has an irrational fear of the dark. But they're wrong. 'Cause it's not irrational. It's Vashta Nerada.
Donna: What's Vashta Nerada?
The Doctor: It's what's in the dark. It's what's always in the dark.

- The Tenth Doctor, Doctor Who

Cobb: I'm in control.
Arthur: I'd hate to see out of control.

Arthur: We'd have to buy out the entire cabin and the first class flight attendant.
Saito: I... bought the airline.
[stunned silence]
Saito: It seemed neater.

[Arthur is unsuccessfully trying to take out a sub con]
Eames: You mustn't be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling. [pulls out a grenade launcher]

Ariadne: What's happening?
Arthur: The subconscious is looking for the dreamer. Me. Quick, give me a kiss.
[Ariadne kisses him, then looks around]
Ariadne: They're still looking at us.
Arthur: Yeah, it was worth a shot.

- Inception

Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

- Douglas Adams (lol)