My name is Ketchup and I am 77 years old. I was born on an asteroid adrift near Pluto. I've spent most of my life in space, enjoying the sights and avoiding the Hotdog Leviathans. Over three thousand years ago my people were drawn into a bloody, galaxy-wide conflict with the Mustardian Cabal, due to their acidic tempers and the fact that the Order of Relish could no longer keep them in check.

Although life is a daily struggle of constantly trying to squeeze the Mustardian Cabal out of Ketchup space without making too much of a mess, I have finally decided to act upon my cousins' advice. My fellow warriors in the Cutlery often tell me I have the appearance of a Condiment but the soul of a Poet. And so I have decided to share my wisdom and fictional recipes with the galaxy.

Tis my own privilege to bring you many awesome works of fiction that will whet the appetite and spice up your intellectual pantry delving. Although I have never been to Earth, and I have never met a human...I feel confident enough in my understanding of them to portray them accurately. After all, we've both been in war. We both know that War never changes. And we both bleed red.

Please enjoy, and compliment what I offer for your consumption. It is a light in these dark days...and beware the Mustardian Cabal!! They never pass a tongue by without razing it the ground, burning it to ash. They are the enemy of all that is right, just, and meat.

(Image copyright goes to Zatransis on Deviantart...check out their stuff! :) )