Hi! My name is Danni and I love fanfiction about Twilight!

FEMALE COMEBACKS!!
pick up line comebacks, add to it

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

Man: Your eyes they're amazing.
Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.

FRIEND:Lend you their umbrella
BEST FRIEND:Take yours and say 'RUN BITCH RUN!'

FRIEND: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIEND:Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIEND:Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs.
BEST FRIEND:Call your parents DAD and MUM.

FRIEND:Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIEND:Would be sitting next to you saying "THAT WAS FRICKING AWSOME! WE ARE SO DOING THAT AGAIN NEXT WEEKEND!"

FRIEND:Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIEND:Won’t tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when you’re not down anymore.

FRIEND:Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS:Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIEND:Loses your crap and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIEND:Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIEND:Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIEND:Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIEND:Will kick the whole crowds butt that left you

FRIEND:Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIEND:Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIEND:You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIEND:Already knows not to tell.

FRIEND:Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIEND:Are for life.

FRIEND:Will comfort you when the guy rejects you
BEST FRIEND:Will go up to him and say 'its because your gay isn't it?'

FRIEND: Would say she's your friend forever
BEST FRIEND: Will scream 'I Love You Bitch!' down the corridor not caring if people thought you were lesbians

FRIEND: Will help me find my way when I'm lost
BEST FRIEND: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me the wrong directions

FRIEND: Will go to a concert with you
BEST FRIEND: Will help you kidnap the band

FRIEND: Will help me learn to drive
BEST FRIEND: Will help me roll the car into the lake to collect the insurance.

FRIEND: Ask me for my number
BEST FRIEND: Will ask me for her number

FRIEND: Hide me from the cops
BEST FRIEND: is probably the reason I'm hiding in the first place

FRIEND: Will help me when I fall down
BEST FRIEND: Will laugh because she's the one who tripped me up.

FRIEND: Will look after my pets whilst I'm on holiday
BEST FRIEND: Won't let me go on holiday

FRIEND: Let me make a fool out of myself in public
BEST FRIEND: Is there with me making a fool out of herself too

FRIEND: Fade away
BEST FRIEND: Are for life!

FRIEND: Will ignore everything above
BEST FRIEND: Will be reposting this crap!!

24 Things I owe to my Mother

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you two are going to kill each other, at least do it outside. I just finished cleaning!"

2. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week."

3. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

4. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you aren't coming to the store with me!"

5. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.

6. My mother taught IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

7. My mother taught me about THE SCIENCE OF OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

8. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

9. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

10. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"Your room looks like a tornado went through there!"

11. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate!"

12. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it too!"

13. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

14. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children around the world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

15. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home!"

16. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You're going to get it when we get home!"

17. My mother taught me about MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze that way!"

18. My mother taught me about ESP.
"Put your sweater on! Don't you think I know when you're cold?"

19. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When the lawnmower cuts off you toes, don't come crying to me!"

20. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

21. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

22. My mother taught me about MY ROOTS.
"Shut that door! Do you think you were raised in a barn?"

23. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you're my age, you'll understand."

24. My mother taught me JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!