i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs cpoy and psate it in yuor pofrile.

The Yaoi Pandemic

This pandemic of an issue regards the majority of fan fiction nowadays (especially yaoi, and before you contradict me - statistically speaking - seeing as there is a lot more yaoi fanfics in circulation than non-yaoi fanfics, it would be actually more of a factual statement than a biased opinion to state this, this being similar to the concept presented by the black/white basketball fouling gimmick: where one might claim it isn’t fair that in something, let’s say the NBA, blacks are called on fouls a lot more than whites, when in reality most of the NBA is made up of blacks, therefore making it almost impossible for it to be considered an unfair bias) has reached an all-time high, and even I - whom happens to be very tolerant in regards to Fanfic quality - has seen enough of it.

And since yaoi is the topic at hand, I will explain my personal problem with yaoi fanfics in general. To make things short, I will explain my reasoning using what I call the O.I.L. pattern within yaoi fanfics: Overwhelming, Imbecilic, and Low-quality.

Overwhelming: Whenever I begin my daily portion of Fanfic reading and jotting down ideas for revamping for use in fanfics, and this no joke or exaggeration, I now have to literally keep a paper bag near my person due to the overwhelming number of yaoi fanfics that appear whenever I look up fanfics. It doesn’t matter whether I use browsing or use the search option, for every straight or no-pairing story I find, it’s surrounded by at least five to seven yaoi fanfics.

I’m a guy, and while I am tolerant, I am still a guy, and I tend to get squeamish upon seeing or imagining certain things, like that chooming-green troll on Sesame Street who lives in a garbage can, those spandex-wearing (and don’t deny it’s spandex cause it’s furry or whatever, I know how to recognize it from experience! coughRockLeecoughMaitoGaicough I cannot be fooled!) nuthouse-escapee siblings with their living blue vacuum cleaner of doom, that Nazi-genocidal purple dinosaur that intends on cross-breeding the Children of the Corn with the kids whom grow up to be unstoppable serial killers like Jason and Michael.

And another thing I get squeamish around is seeing all those yaoi fanfics, it’s only one or two steps short of a door with the sign that says, ‘Ultimate Gay Orgy Pile of Mansex Inside!’, and just imagining that would make me sick (I’m nearly ready to throw up just mentioning it here!), and sadly when you think about it… that’s what sites like Fanfiction.net or Ficwad.com are becoming… giant gay orgies with only a door bearing a horrible vomit-inducing warning label printed on them, except we do worse: by covering the concepts of ideas like gay-to-gay or man/man pairings, or male/male pairings, with words like yaoi, slash, shonen-ai, or BL. And how many people actually know what these words would hint to when first observed?

I guarantee nine out of ten first timers or rookie Fanfic readers will have no idea what they are finding, ignoring the words they can’t understand for those they can like: uber, super, god, awesome, Chuck Norris (…ok, I made that last part up, go figure), and then when they open the proverbial Pandora’s Box, how will you answer to the parents of children (or in some rare cases, the parents themselves) whom have been actually traumatized by what they have read?

In regards to this, I’d like to have some amount of justice done and have the yaoi and non-yaoi separated into two sections, which would have the little kids that sneak onto these sites become perverted rather than traumatized, which no matter what you say is regardless the lesser of two evils. But that is probably a pipe dream at best, which brings me to my next point…

Imbecilic: I die a little inside every time I read a story description involving insensible crap that defies each and every sense of logic known to modern man. And none woes me so as the sheer stupidity in many of the concepts of yaoi fanfics, which I am starting to believe might be the actual key to brining about world peace: by revealing something that almost any sensible human being, whether they be nutcase or Einstein, can find a common hatred of.

Doing things like changing what a character’s skill-set, origins, appearance, or even personality is what makes Fanfiction the awe-inspiring creative works of endless imagination that never cease to amaze readers such as I. However, some people have taken that to mean that they can modify things beyond what is normally done, and while at first it does seem rather amusing to entertain such ideas as changing a character’s sexual orientation, these people have not learned the same virtue that all the others have learned: restraint.

This lack of restraint starts off with changing one or two characters of the same gender to become romantically and sexually interested in one another, but then it becomes two, then three, then four, and eventually you reach the point where almost every single male or female character in a fanfic is paired with someone of the same gender.

As if this wasn’t enough, these same people continued to show no restraint, going so far as to start making multiple same-sex pairings between characters, and then it continues until we have things like male-harems with nothing but males… a female’s male harem is one thing, a male’s male harem is another.

We come to the point where these people trade logic for more yaoi bullcrap, forgetting ideas like plot development, character development, relationships, tensions between characters, and most importantly: the concept of sexual reproduction, where a male and a female are required to do something where the female is impregnated and carries around a developing baby until they give birth, the single most important process that would not allow any story (hell, our own world) to even exist. Where does that fall in an entirely same-sex relationship world. The answer: male pregnancy, or mpreg, the single most disgusting and unholy concept created by the yaoi fangirl…

The quote: "There is heresy, and then there is heresy." best describes the indescribable concept that makes me deny being the same species as these others whom support and possibly believe in the idea of male pregnancy. I’m not talking about asexual reproduction, like what Zilla from the incorrectly named 1998 Tristar Godzilla movie had been able to do (and even that weirded me out, it was as foreign a concept to me as the idea of a hot supermodel bursting into my house, punching everyone there besides me in the face, and then demanding to be fed breakfast, while giving me a lap dance), I’m talking about one male, with male reproductive body parts, impregnating another male, with male reproductive body parts. To that, I say: BLASPHEMY!!

I mean, seriously, I could make an entire book ranting on the sheer moronic concept of male pregnancy. Seriously, who was the genius that invented this concept, no really… I’m literally so close to diving off the deep end, grabbing an AK-47 from God knows where, tracking down this Frankenstein-loving mad doctor of Satanic abominations, and pumping that son of a bitch with lead to the point that the authorities will only be able to identify him or her by their teeth.

It’s so… retarded, a concept such as this, that it wouldn’t matter whether you were: a Christian bloodhound preaching about anti-abortion and banning gay marriage, an insane terrorist shouting about Allah and ‘Death to the Infidels!’, a gun-crazy gangster hanging with his hood and talking about white oppression, a Neo-Nazi screaming ’Hail Hitler!’ and supporting anti-Semitism, a drugged-out hippie smoking a joint and fighting against ’the Man’, a fickle scientist informing the public about global warming and denying Pluto it’s rightful position (I mean, Pluto’s already suffered as much as most of our celebrities from the Paparazzi, can’t you give little Pluto even one break?!), or a pissed-off Godzilla going out on destruction binges and box-office movie screenings; if you asked any and all of them about what they thought about male pregnancy, I swear on whatever you do or don’t believe in ,that their reactions would go somewhere along the lines of… "What in the name of God/Allah/Tupac/Hitler/Peace/Science/Toho is WRONG WITH YOU?!"

Going around the scientific viewpoint, a male cannot be impregnated because they do not have the necessary reproductive parts, in this case: a vagina, a uterus, fallopian tubes, and ovaries with eggs ready to be fertilized. Once you add those to a man, hey, guess what?! It’s not a man anymore, it’s technically a true-complete hermaphrodite, which surprisingly would be more than capable of reproducing by asexual means by themselves, negating the need for another male partner.

If this became the case with all guys, then other women and men would be knocked out of the equation entirely, and we’d all become hermaphroditic beings like Jabba the Hut (yes, he is in fact technically a hermaphrodite, I know because I always do my research before even thinking of ranting). And yet, most yaoi writers choose to ignore this, explaining things by saying something like, ‘it’s magic!’, or. ‘it’s a miracle!’, or something pointless to simply excuse the writer from needing to explain an impossible concept.

Why do you think society rarely recognizes the idea of male pregnancy, and when it does it is usually done in some form of parody? Simple: because no matter what you do, anyone with the ability to distinguish themselves from another of their species when looking into a mirror will find the idea laughable at best and insane at worst, because it’s just that: a universally insane concept. In all honesty, at least the virgin conception of Jesus within Mary is actually more plausibly feasible (if you somehow explain the conception is the result of some bizarre ancient form of artificial insemination) because Mary is a WOMAN, she has the parts needed to conceive, carry, and birth a child! Men don’t!

I truly wonder if the zealous support of yaoi and male pregnancy by those fangirls of yaoi is just the yaoi fangirl’s cry for help in her hatred and loathing of her being a female, and being expected to have to take the responsibility of being a woman and having to carry the burden of motherhood and childbirth, while men just have to knock them up, and then they can vanish without any warning, leaving the woman to suffer as a single mom, or from their fear of rape, and then being pregnant with a child whose father had basically made them a bastard child.

It has to be something, because otherwise I truly believe that there might be an exception to the idea of genocide, because if these writers, both men and women included, realize all of this and choose to ignore this, or even worse and they don’t recognize it, we might have to either eradicate or neuter all of them so as to preserve the stability of the human gene pool, and prevent it from contamination and thus lead us all to being rabid fan boys and fan girls whom have devolved into nothing more than modern cavemen (and my apologies to any modern cavemen who might take offense to this, I apologize on behalf of myself and all of the ads made by Geico, regardless of whether or not you save money of your car insurance by switching to them…)

Low-quality: Despite all of these grievances, the most irritating, disgusting, and infuriating issue with most yaoi fanfiction is the pathetically low quality and effort put into them. On those rare occasions that I stomached my pride (and my lunch) with enough willpower to be able to read a yaoi fanfic, in the hopes of finding some actually interesting story ideas or concepts hidden beneath all of the nightmarish male-on-male action, only to find the horrifying truth that beneath all that crap is only more crap, and the story is nothing more than an excuse for a yaoi fangirl to giggle as they see their favorite bishounen male characters disregarding everything they’ve done, worked for, and believe in, just to drop their clothes and have friggin butt-sex with each other.

The rampant overabundance of yaoi fanfics is hard to stomach, and the mind-melting terrors like male pregnancy is enough to give anyone the chills, but when this is combined with almost no visible written effort in anything besides male to male lemons within a story, that’s where I draw the line. A story that exists solely for smut or a one-nighter should be labeled as such, but these yaoi fangirls would instead rather label their piece of craps they call stories with incredibly attractive story descriptions, in the hopes of traumatizing unsuspecting readers with their mediocre interactions and graphic descriptive brain-aneurism-inducing images that takes years of spending money on hookers and shrinks to correct.

Whenever I hear some crazy girl randomly shouting, ‘Sasunaru forever!’, I cringe for so many reasons, and there are too many to count. It’s gotten to the point that I believe people like anime creators are actually afraid now to make any new animes, for fear of their shows becoming nothing more than another large facet of the yaoi universe. Anime’s like Naruto, Bleach, Inuyasha, books like Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Twilight, and T.V. shows like House M.D., Angel, and even Supernatural, are all undergoing ‘Yaoification.

It’s gotten to the point that writers like I are afraid to make any new series of anything with more than one male character, because the yaoi fangirls will overrun it and drag it into the mud with themselves, making an idea like sharing tea with people like Freddy Kreuger and the girl from The Ring seem much more pleasant.’ I mean, the series Neon Genesis Evangelion, having relatively few characters, and a great majority being pretty attractive women, and yet a clear majority of fictional works based off the series contain almost exclusively yaoi with total ignorance to the female characters (I mean, in Evangelion Shinji is surrounded by girls like Asuka and Rei, and has boner-inducing women like Misato and Ritsuko seeing them every day, and yet yaoi fangirls seem to focus more on the two friends that seem extremely perverted but ‘of course’ are "in truth" closet gays, and one guy whom he met for only the last portion of the series, and yet every yaoi fangirls believes them to be true soul mates, I‘ve seen 1000 women harems like blackmage7536’s True Power, that made a hell of a lot more sense than many of the Shinji/Kaowru stories I‘ve seen or heard of).

Believe me, I have personally nothing against homosexuality itself, I do not go around stoning homosexuals or going around town burning rainbow flags (I have much better things to do, like stoning yaoi fangirls and burning yaoi-ship banners), it’s just that I’ve grown so utterly tired of all of this, I feel like a war veteran whom fully experienced in vivid detail the true horrors brought forth by World War II (and I’m betting most would rather go through the war a second time rather than sift through this slash garbage that I encounter every day, I know I would). I’m not making any comparisons to some of the greater issues coming forth in the past, but to sum everything up, I’ll say this: "The blacks underwent slavery. The whites underwent religious wars and persecutions. The Jews underwent the Holocaust. And we are now undergoing the Yaoi Pandemic."

If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever dreamed or wished that a anime character was real copy and paste this in your profile.

If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

-95 percent of people are concerned with being popular. If you are part of the five percent who couldn't care less, copy this to your profile.