Girl Comebacks!

Man: Where have you been all my life?

Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?

Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?

Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?

Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?

Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?

Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?

Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.

Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the ends of the world for you.

Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.

Woman: If I could see you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put u and i together.

Woman: Really? I'd put f and u together.

Man: Your eyes, they're amazing.

Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.

Man: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?

Woman: About as much as when you got kicked out of Hell.

Man: Your name must be Daisy, because I have the incredible urge to plant you right here!

Woman: Really? I have the incredible urge to plant my foot up your @$$.

Man: Can I borrow your phone? I have to call God and tell him one of his angels is missing!

Woman: Can I borrow yours? I have to report that the mental hospital is missing one of its patients.

Man: I think I can make you very happy.

Woman: Why? Are you leaving?

Girls, copy and paste this on your profile!

Otakus Unite

You say English, we say Japanese

You say cars, we say Nyan Cat

You say Justin Bieber, we say Vocaloid

You say swords, we say Bleach

You say reality, we say anime

You say comics, we say manga

You say countries, we say Hetalia

You say hello, we say kon’nichiwa

You learn Japanese from classes, we learn from shows

You cry if a character dies, we have a rainbow of emotions

You only feel what your favorite person feels, we feel what everyone else is feeling

You crush on pop stars, we crush on anime characters

You think we're crazy, but we think you're just normal

You say souls, we say Soul Eater

You Say Ocean, We Say ONE PIECE

You Say Guild, We say FAIRY TAIL

You Say Ninja, We Say Naruto

You say Family, We say Vongola

You say notebook, We say Death Note

You say rabbits, we say Flying Mint Bunny

You think we're fangirls/fanboys, but we're all Otakus.

Re-post if you're a Otaku and proud!

Friends VS Bestfriends

FRIENDS: Will help me find my way when I'm lost

BEST FRIENDS: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions.

FRIENDS: Will help me learn to drive.

BEST FRIENDS: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance.

FRIENDS: Will watch my pets when I go away.

BEST FRIENDS: Won't let me go away.

FRIENDS: Will help me up when I fall down.

BEST FRIENDS: Will point and laugh because she tripped me.

FRIENDS: Will go to a concert with me.

BEST FRIENDS: Will kidnap the band with me.

FRIENDS: Ask me for my number.

BEST FRIENDS: Ask me for her number.

FRIENDS: Hide me from the cops.

BEST FRIENDS: Are probably the reason they're after me in the first place.

FRIENDS: Will pass you a soda.

BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.

FRIENDS: Let me make an idiot of myself in public.

BEST FRIENDS: Are up there with me making an idiot out of themselves too.

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why I have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mister and Misses, Grandma by Grandma and Grandpa by Grandpa.

BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM, Grandma, GRANNY and Grandpa, GRAMPS.

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN! We messed up!" OR "LET'S DO IT AGAIN NEXT WEEK!"

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

BEST FRIENDS: Won't tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when you’re not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.

BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story.

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowd’s ass that left you.

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.

BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.

BEST FRIENDS: Already have the shovel to bury the body of the person that made you cry.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school and college to be your drinking buddies.

BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.

BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say "Girl, drink the rest of that! You know we don't waste!"

FRIENDS: Would try you get your stuff signed by your favourite hero.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be a villain for a day to get all of you stuff signed

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.

BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and runs.

FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.

BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb bass?"

FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.

BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.

FRIENDS: Will help you move.

BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter.

BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this stuff!

Birthday Game

Pick the month you were born on... (bold what ya are!)

1(Jan) - I shot
2 (Feb) -I ran shirtless with
3 (Mar) - I stabbed
4 (Apr) - I killed
5 (May) - I slapped
6 (June)-I robbed
7 (July) -I kissed
8 (Aug) -I smoked with
9 (Sept) - I needed
10 (Oct) - i hugged
11 (Nov) - I ran naked with
12 (Dec) - I banged

Pick the date (number) you were born on...

01 - a rock star
02 - my boyfriend
03 -a hobo
04 - a homeless guy
05 - the one that i love
06 -the trojan man
07 - the cookie monster
08 - a sexy girl
09 - a bowl of cereal
10 - a mop
11 - a tooth brush
12 - a hobo
13 -a dog
14 - a drunk
15 - a crack head
16 - a cat
17 - a bag of weed
18 - the kool-aid man
19 - an Easter egg
20 - tori the snowman
21 - a hottie
22 - my crush
23 -yo momma
24 - a Mexican
25 - a teletubby
26 - a condom
27 - a gangsta
28 - Paris Hilton
29 - Barney the Dinosaur
30 - my ex boyfriend
31 -my lover

Pick your favorite color

White - because im sexy like that
Black - because I love weed
Pink - because I smoke crack
Turquoise- because im good in bed
brown- because i like to snort cocaine
Polka Dots - because I hate my life
Purple - because im gay
Grey - because i have AMAZING boobs
Other - because im retarded
Green -because that bum stole my taco
Orange - because i still love him
Red- because the gummy bears made me
blue - because i like shoelaces
Tye dye- because Im a fucking scuba diver
graphic- because I am crazy like that
none- because i have a killer six pack!!

Ok so I stabbed yo momma because the gummy bears made me. (Yeah, that sounds about right...)

22 Things to do on an Elevator

1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"

2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.

3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.

4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

5) MEOW occasionally.

6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly

7) SAY -DING at each floor.

8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.

9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."

11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."

14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.

17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"

18) DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"

19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.

21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.

22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.

if you are planning to do all or one of these things then copy and paste it

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout, "AMEN!"

5.Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6.In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Marijuana

7.Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'.

9. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11.Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream'I Won! I Won!'

18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner,'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'

20 And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity .

Copy and Paste this To Make People who read bios Smile

Fun Quotes!

Sarcasm is my automatic response to stupidity.

When Life gives you lemons, turn them into apples and leave people wondering how the heck you did it!

When Life gives you lemons, squirt them in Life's eye and demand candy.

I didn't trip. I was just testing gravity... It still works.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Heaven doesn’t want me, and Hell’s afraid I’ll take over.

Yes, I hit like a girl. You could too if you hit just a little bit harder.

I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

Forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them more!

Never take Life seriously; no one gets out alive anyway!

Don't knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run. He hates that.

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it!

It takes 42 muscles to frown and only four to punch the person square in the face.

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

When life gives you skittles, chuck them at people's faces and say, "Taste the freakin rainbow!"

Don't worry about the world ending today, it's already tomorrow in Australia

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

Last night, I was lying on my bed, staring up at the stars and wondering 'Where the heck is my roof?'

It's always the last place you look...of course it is, why the heck would I keep looking after I found it?

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed

A stranger will stab you in the back, a friend will stab you in the front, a boyfriend will stab you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

"Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss."

I didn't loose my brain, I sold it on Ebay! *smiles happily*

I'm not afraid of Death. What's it gonna do, Kill me?

You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder!

God made Adam. Then said "I can do better." Then he made Eve.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Life isn't passing me by; it's trying to run me over.

If you ever feel that humanity is still primitive; remember, we're no longer predicting the future using potatoes.