![]() HEYO MY NAME IS JAKE IM DUDE AND YA... IM DA BOSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHIPS I LIKE: PERCABETH, IPARING, THALIA/NICO, FRAZEL, LEYNA, JASPER, HARRY/ GINNY, RON/HERMIONE, SCOTT/ALLISON, STILES/ERICA SHIPS I HATE: PRACHEL ( I DESPISE YOU IF U DARE LIKE THEM TOGETHER), PERLIA ( THALIA'S COOL BUT JUST NO DUDE), PICO (HAHA...THT SOUNDS FUNNY...SAY IT PPPPIIIICCOO :P), PERCY/ LUKE ( THERES A REASON WHEN U PUT THEIR NAMES TOGETHER IT SPELLS PUKE), ANNABETH/LUKE (JUST NO...NO WORDS NEEDED...SAME THING WITH PRACHEL),DRACO/HARRY ( DUDE THT'S NOT MEANT TOO BE...HARRY/GINNY!!!!) YA... I LIKE NINJAS I LIKE READING I LIKE SPORTS I LIKE DISNEY MOVIES (DONT JUDGE ME, YOU KNOW YOU DO TOO) I LIKE SOUP I LIKE FOOD FAVORITE CAR : LAMBORGHINI FERRUCIO CONCEPT [LOOK IT UP IT'S SO AWESOME] FAVORITE COLOR: GREEN OR BLUE...OR RED...OR SILVER...OR GOLD I CAN'T DECIDE FAVORITE BOOK: ALL OF THEM FROM PJO [ BOO YAH!!] AND LEGEND BY MARIE LU FAVORITE MOVIE: HUNGER GAMES FAVORITE TV SHOW: MODERN FAMILY... IT'S SO AWESOME FAVORITE WORD: AWESOME [FOR SOME REASON... I USE IT... A LOT...] FAVORITE MUSIC: ANYTHING REALLY AS LONG AS IT'S POP OR RAP AND SOMETIMES I LIKE COUNTRY FAVORITE AUTHOR: RICK RIORDAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [WONDER Y I LIKE HIM...] SOMETHING I WOULD FIND INCREDIBLY AWESOME: BEING PERCY AND ANNABETH'S SON OR BEING THE SON OF POSIEDON [OR ZEUS] Repost this if you truly believe in God. NORMAL PEOPLE: rely on their local weatherman for the weather forecast NORMAL PEOPLE: say OMG! NORMAL PEOPLE: go to a psychiatrist to tell their feelings NORMAL PEOPLE: say shut up or i'll tell on you! NORMAL PEOPLE: think that vampires are all like Dracula NORMAL PEOPLE: when being chased yell HELP ME SOMEBODY! NORMAL PEOPLE: get nervous/scared during thunderstorms NORMAL PEOPLE: would choose somewhere sunny to go for vacation NORMAL PEOPLE:dont have this on there profile FAKE VS. REAL FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for food. To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity 1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. 2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice. 3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that. 4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout, "AMEN!" 5.Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso. 6. bark at passing cars. 7.Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'. 9. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get. 10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 11.Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'. 12. Sing Along At The Opera. 14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day. 15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache. 17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream'I Won! I Won!' 18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!' 19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner,'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.' 20 And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity . Copy and Paste this To Make People who read bios Smile. If you don't have a boyfriend, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile! If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this on your profile I agree when people say girls rule now and 4ever. Copy & paste this in your profile if you agree If you wish you could meet all your favorite celabrities, copy and past this on your profile 98 percent of teens have tried smoking pot. If you are one of the 2 percent that hasn't, copy this onto your profile. If you've ever pulled on a door that said push, or vise versa, copy and paste this into you profile. If you hate those obnoxious preppy people PLEASE copy this in your profile If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile. 92 percent of American teens would die if Abercombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing your @ off. (Heck YEAH!) If you think the kids should just give the rabbit his dang cereal, copy this, and put it in your profile. Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile! Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile. If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile If you have ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation, copy and paste this in your profile. If you have ever fallen upstairs, copy and paste this in your profile. If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking If you have ever tripped over air copy and paste this into your profileIf you think iPods were gifts from the gods copy and paste this onto your profile If you have ever tripped over air copy and paste this into your profile Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts: 1) I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss 2) Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda 3) I will not give Hagrid Pokémon cards and convince him they're real animals 4) I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin Quidditch matches 5) When Death Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout "To the Batmoblie, Robin!" 6) Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is simply coincidental 7) I will not refer to the Weasley Twins as "bookends" 8) I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book. 9) I will not hold my wand in the air before I casting spells shouting "I got the power!" 10) I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs. 11) I will not slip Malfoy a Love Potion in his morning goblet of Pumpkin Juice. 12) Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera. 13) I will not call Dumbledore "Santa Claus!" during the Christmas Holidays. 14) I will not put Muggle fairy book in the History section at the library. 15) I will not send Snape a bottle of shampoo for Christmas. 16) I am not allowed to tell Hufflepuffs there is no Santa Clause. 17) I am not allowed to refer to myself as the New Dark Lord. 18) I am not allowed to sneak into Professor Snape's private chambers to watch him sing I Will Survive in the mirror, as it is disturbing. 19) I am not allowed to steal Professor Flitwicks wand, hold it over my head and laugh as he tries to reach it. 20)I will not replace Madam Pomfrey's Skele-Gro with pumpkin juice. 21) I will not replace Professor Snape's pumpkin juice with Skele-Gro. 22) I will not impersonate the Swedish Chef in Potions class. 23) The next time that I see Rita Skeeter, I am not to threaten her with a can of Raid. 24.) I will not subvert the lock on the fourth-floor girls' bathroom and sell its location to first-years as "The Chamber of Secrets". 25) When applying for a post at the Ministry of Magic after graduation, I should not cite "Fred and George Weasley" as my greatest influence at Hogwarts. 26) Putting down "Lord Voldemort" is probably not best either. 27) A Muggle "vacuum cleaner" is not acceptable Quidditch equipment, even if it has been enchanted to fly. 28) Hogsmeade village is not "a wretched hive of scum and villainy. “ 29) I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I prophesied her death. 30) I will also not tell Professor Trelawney that I had a vision of her killing the Dark Lord. 40.) Sending rings to the nine senior faculty at Yuletide, with the return address "Voldemort", is not funny. 41) Insisting that the school acquire computers and network the buildings is a pointless request as they claim that a quill and parchment is sufficient. 42) Calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists. 43) I may not have a private army. 44) I must not substitute chocolate-flavoured laxative for Professor Lupin's prescription-strength chocolate. 45) Nor am I to in any way substitute, alter, hide, or otherwise tamper with Professor Dumbledore's candy. 46) I am not the wicked witch of the west. 47) -I will not refer to Professor Umbridge as such either. 48) I will not melt if water is poured over me. 49) -Neither will Professor Umbridge. 50) I shouldn't use Photoshop to create incriminating photos of my house prefects or tutors. 51) I will not enchant the Golden Snitch to fly up the nearest fan's nose. 52) I do not know the Avada Kedavra curse, and pretending I do to people who annoy me is not funny, no matter how much they injure themselves diving for cover. 53) I will not test my Potions assignments by spiking Snape's drink with them. 54) - Especially not all of them at once. 55) I will not try to hock off my old piercings as "priceless Muggle artifacts." 56) I will not claim my X-Files tapes are "Auror Training Videos." 57) Professor Snape definitely does not have pointed ears, and under no circumstances is he to be addressed as 'Spock'. 58) I am not able to see the Grim Reaper, nor am I to claim that he is standing by the Headmaster, tapping an hourglass and looking at him impatiently. Or, for that matter, Harry Potter. 59) When being interrogated by a member of staff, I am not to wave my hand and announce 'These are not the droids you are looking for'. 60) Thestrals do not resemble the Muggle toys known as 'My Little Pony'. 61) The four Houses are not the Morons, the Borons, the Smarts and the Junior Death Eaters. 62) Despite my personal beliefs, Quidditch would not be improved by the introduction of Muggle firearms. 63) Though they are doubtless more athletic, battle-axes are not acceptable either. 64) I will not claim there is a prequel to Hogwarts, A History that explains about Bilbo Baggins. 65) I will not use the Marauder's Map for stalking purposes. 66) I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing. 67) I am not allowed to ask Professor Dumbledore if the size of his beard is 'compensating for something'. 68) I will not create a betting pool that Voldemort is Harry Potter's father. 69) Headmaster Dumbledore is of no relation to Willy Wonka. 70) Professor Snape's proper given name is not Princess Silvermoon Fairywing GlimmerMcSparkles. 71) Harry Potter and Ron Weasley are not the magical equivalent of "Batman and Robin". 72) I will not play the Imperial March theme for Professor Snape. 73) However, when Lucius Malfoy visits, I may play it. 74) If I insist on carrying out my plans of producing "Riddle-de-dee: The Voldemort Musical", I will do so under a nom-de-plume. 75) I will not attempt to recruit the title character to play himself. Even if he looks good in tap shoes. 76) I should not refer to Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle collectively as "Team Rocket" either. 77) I am not allowed to discuss my theory that Voldemort is actually the second cousin of Sauron. 78) I am not a 'ninja sent here by Lord Voldemort to destroy Harry Potter' and should stop shouting this at meal times. 79) It’s not tasteful to approach Cho wearing a shirt that says "All The Good Looking Ones Die Young" with a picture of Cedric Diggory on it. 80) I will not yell "Hey look! It’s Lord Voldemort!" at Hogsmeade 81) I will not tease Voldemort about the time he needed his pink flowery teddy bear to comfort him when he had that bad, bad nightmare about Harry 82) I will not charm a poster of Britney Spears on Draco's wall 83) I am not allowed to begin each Herbology class by singing the theme song to “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes.” 84) I will not call Professor McGonagall “McGoogles”. 85) I will not sing the entire Multiplication Rocks series during Arithmancy exams. 86) There is no such thing as the chamber of Double Secret Probation. 87) My name is not “the Dark Lord Happy-Pants” I am not allowed to sign my papers as such. 88) Bringing fortune cookies to divination class does not count for extra credit. 89) I will not douse Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak with lemon juice to see if he will become visible while wearing it and standing by the fire in the common room. 90) I will not tell first years they should build a tree house in the Whomping Willow. 91) I will not teach the house elves to impersonate Jar Jar Binks. 92) I will not give Gryffindors pixie sticks. 93) I am not allowed to refer to Susan Bones, Hannah Abbot, and Justin Finch-Fletchley as Blossom, Buttercup, and Bubbles. 94) A time turner is not a flux capacitator I should therefore not try to install it in a Muggle car. 95) I shall not refer to DADA professors as canaries in a coal mine. 96) When fighting Death Eaters in the annual June good vs. evil fight I will not lift my wand skyward and shout “There can only be ONE”. 97) A wand is for magic only, it is not for picking noses, playing snooker, or playing drums no matter how bored I become. 98) It is generally accepted that cats and dragons cannot interbreed and I should not attempt to disprove this theory no matter how wicked the results would be. 99) 42 is not the answer to every question on the O.W.L.S. 100) I am allowed to have a cat, rat, toad, or an owl. I am not allowed to have reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or piranha. 101) No matter how good an Australian accent I can do I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class. 102) I will not refer to the Defense against the Dark arts professor as Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak. 103) Dumbledore is not Gandalf, and the Triforce is not hidden in Hogwarts. 104) Do not confuse Aragorn, Eragon and Aragog. Ever. 105) I may not introduce Nagini to Indiana Jones. 106) Challenging Ron to a slug-eating contest is just mean. 107) Under no circumstances am I allowed to refer to Voldemort as "Baldy". 108) Even if he is. 109) I am not allowed to tell the first years to have a staring contest with the Basilisk. 110) I am prohibited from sprinkling glitter on Draco Malfoy, dying his hair, and call him Edward. 111) I am not allowed sell Mrs. O'Leary to Hagrid. 112) I will not give Professor Lupin a collar as a Christmas or birthday present. 113) Saying "I think I 'taw a puddytat!" every time I see Professor McGonagall is most certainly NOT allowed. 114) Offering Voldemort a colonial-era powdered wig (complete with ponytail) will not amuse him and I am not allowed to do so, even if he needs a new hair do. 115) I am not allowed to paint the school neon pink as the only person it will amuse is Professor Umbridge. 116) I must not introduce Voldemort to a psychiatrist as it is likely to result in him having a temper tantrum. 117) I am not allowed to introduce the Cullens to Professor Lupin. 118) I am not allowed to tease Professor Lupin about his 'time of the month'. 119) I shall not play match-maker for Voldemort on Valentine's Day because it will only make him cry when no one will go out with him because of his lack of hair. 120) I am not allowed to be a match-maker for Shelob and Aragog either. 121) I will not arrange a battle to the death between nine Hungarian Horntails and the Nazgul. 122) I will not scream, "HIS NAME IS EDWARD!" any time I hear the words Cedric Diggory. 123) I will not ask the centaurs if they know where Chiron is because I have found a demigod. 124) I will not shout at dinner times that Darth Sideous is Voldemort's uncle, even if they do look alike. 125) I shall not try to persuade everyone that Percy Weasley's true name is Percy Jackson and he slays monsters with a pen for a living. 126) I will not sing 'I'm a Survivour' after the Battle of Hogwarts. 127) No matter how fun it looks, I will not stand on a table and do the Macarena at the Yule Ball. 128) Professor Lupin is not the magical equivlant of Wolverine and I am not allowed to address him as such. 129) Even if I'm bored, I am not allowed to ask Snape what is the mysterious ticking noise. 130) I will not dye Harry's hair pink or give him brown contacts, just because I am sick of black-haired, green-eyed heroes. 131) Whether they owe me money or not, I am not allowed to sneak into Fred and George's dorm at the dead of night to die their hair blond, spike it unreasonably high, then call them John and Edward in the morning. 132) I will not send Voldemort white robes for Christmas and claim he changed his name to, "Voldy the White." 133) And when he wears them, I am not allowed to run around Hogsmeade screaming, "Ahhh! It's an albino dementor!" 134) It is not tasteful to send Professor McGonagall a scratching post for Christmas. 135) Bringing a magic eight ball to Divination class will only get Professor Trelawney annoyed at your, "Lack of Inner Eye." 136) To which I am not allowed to reply. 137) I will not refer to the Accio charm as 'The Force'. 138) Nor am I allowed to have lightsaber fights with my wand and make whoosing noises. 139) "Because they both need to wash their hair," is not proof Professor Snape and Aragorn are related. 140) There is also no proof that Gimli and Flitwick are related and I am stop asking Flitwick if he's been swimming with any hairy women lately. 141) Singing 'Hungry Like The Wolf' in Professor Lupin's class is not a way to get extra credit. 142) I am not allowed to write on the wall in the Gryffindor Common Room, "I know where you live" or "I stole all your underwear!" 143) I am not allowed to replace the Bludgers with peas, tomatoes, plums or anything that is not a Bludger. 144) Portable swamps are not funny. 145) And I will not set off the above in Snape's sleeping quarters. 146) Or in the Slytherin's bathrooms. 147) In fact, I am not allowed to even buy portable swamps. 148) Harry Potter is not a Son of Poseidon and saying this everytime I see him will only result in him filing a restraining order against me. 149) My patronus is not a Nazgul. 150) Neither is my animagus form. 151) "To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice. 152) It still is not appropiate, even if I have subsituted the flying monkeys with gummy bears. 153) I will not levitate everywhere in a big pink bubble. 154) My professors have neither the time, nor the inclination to hear about what I did with six boxes of Sugar Quills. 155) No part of the school uniform is edible. 156) Nor am I allowed to make any part of the school uniform edible. 157) I will not try to take house points from the first years for "being too goddamned short". 158) Especially as I am in no position of authority and Dumbledore would have to be heavily drugged before he would ever make me a prefect. 159) I am not allowed to wear singing holiday-themed ties and claim that they are officially part of my uniform. Especially not during June. 160) Luna Lovegood does not have pointed ears, nor is she to be addressed as 'Galadriel'. 161) Lucius Malfoy also does not have pointed ears, nor is he to be addressed as 'Haldir'. 162) I am not the reincarnation of Merlin. 163)I am not allowed to Accio the clothing of any person while they are wearing it. 164) I am to attend astronomy class and should stop yelling that aliens will abduct me if I do. 165) Hogwarts does not require a karaoke machine. 166) No matter how much I would enjoy watching Harry sing, "Saturday Night." 167) "Defying my will" is not a crime worthy of life in Azkaban, and I should not tell that to the first-years. 168) I will not speak to Professor Snape with a Transylvanian accent. 169) Nor am I to ask if he is Carlisle Cullen's evil, unfortunate-looking twin. 170) I will not start a rumor saying that Professor Snape sings "I'm too sexy for my robes" while showering. Or for that matter doing any other activity. 171) Enchanting the Sorting Hat to sort new students into the House of Martok, or any other Klingon house is forbidden. 172) Voldemort does not wish to appear as the 'before' for a line of cosmetics. And no, he does not care how much money I make from it. 173) The Slytherin prefect is named Draco Malfoy, not "Rocky Horror". 174) Transfiguring Draco Malfoy's uniform into a gold thong is also inappropriate. 175) I will not attempt to determine whether Malfoy is a natural blond. 176) I will not sprend rumors that Legolas Greenleaf is his second cousin either. 177) Luna Lovegood is NOT always on "physicidelic mushrooms" and I should stop implying that she is. 178) The same goes for Professor Trelawney. 179) I will not get a tattoo of a smiley face on my arm and claim that it is the new Dark Mark. 180) When signing to all of these rules, I am not allowed to write in red ink and say that the Cullens lent me some grizzly bear blood. 181) I will not set my robes on fire to get out of potions. 182) I should not be a sports' commentator for Ron and Hermione's arguments. 183) Hogwarts does not need a "This many days since Harry has almost died," sign If your friends are always telling you to shut up, but you don't, copy and paste this onto your profile. If your friends are considering torturing you to shut up about a fictional character, copy and paste this onto your profile A True Story A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away. As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely. The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 percent of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 percent of the people that read this won’t repost it 25 Things that my mother taught me: 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why." 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me." 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." 7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about." 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper." 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?" 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it." 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!" 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!" 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do." 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home." 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!" 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way." 19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?" 20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT."If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father." 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?" 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand." 25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!" Ladies, things to say to men with bad pick up lines! Man: Where have you been all my life? Woman: Hiding from you. Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore. Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine. Man: So, what do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a female impersonator. Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Woman: All trespassers will be shot. Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilized. Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today. Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. Woman: But would you stay there? Man : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing. Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together Man: Your eyes, they're amazing. Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing. Man: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Woman: Did it hurt when you were dropped on your head repeatedly as a baby? Man: Can I borrow your phone? I have to call God and tell him one of his angels is missing! Woman: Can I borrow yours? I have to report that the mental hospital is missing one of its patients. Six truths in life 1. You cannot stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same time: a physical impossibility 2. All idiots, after reading this will try it 3. And discover that it's a lie 4. You are smiling now because you are an idiot. 5. You will soon post this on your profile for another idiot to see. 6. There is still a stupid smile on your face. I sincerely apologize about this but I am an idiot and i needed company =) If you count as an idiot, post this onto your profile! Take Time To Read Each Sentence This is this cat This is is cat This is how cat This is to cat This is keep cat This is an cat This is idiot cat This is busy cat This is for cat This is forty cat This is seconds cat Now read the THIRD word of every line Friends and Best Friends: FRIENDS: Lend you their umbrella BEST FRIENDS: Take yours and say 'RUN BITCH RUN!' FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink. BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food. FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa. BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS! FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail. BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying "THAT WAS FRICKING AWSOME" FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry. BEST FRIENDS: Won’t tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore. FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number. BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial. FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back BEST FRIENDS: Loses your crap and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue." FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you. BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story... FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds butt that left you FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door. BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME." FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone. BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell. FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies) BEST FRIENDS: Are for life. FRIENDS: Will comfort you when the guy rejects you BEST FRIENDS: Will go up to him and say 'it’s because your gay isn't it?' FRIENDS: Help you find your prince. BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you. FRIENDS: TAKE THE LIMO WITH U! BEST FRIENDS: TAKE THE BUS WITH U WHEN THE LIMO BREAKS DOWN FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this!! ALZHEIMERS' EYE TEST Count every "F" in the following text: FINISHED FILES ARE THE HOW MANY? THERE ARE 6 - no joke. The reasoning behind this is the brain cannot process 'OF' (Seriously -.-") Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is a genius. At age 8, your dad buys you an ice cream. You thanked him by dripping it all over his lap. When you were 9 years old, he paid for piano lessons. You thanked him by never even bothering to practice. When you were 10 years old he drove you all day, from soccer to football to one birthday party after another. You thanked him by jumping out of the car and never looking back. When you were 11 years old, he took you and your friends to the movies. You thanked him by asking to sit in a different row. When you were 12 years old, he warned you not to watch certain TV shows. You thanked him by waiting until he left the house. When you were 13, he suggested a haircut that was in fashion. You thanked him by telling him he had no taste. When you were 14, he paid for a month away at summer camp. You thanked him by forgetting to write a single letter. When you were 15, he came home from work, looking for a hug. You thanked him by having your bedroom door locked. When you were 16, he taught you how to drive his car. You thanked him by taking it every chance you could. When you were 17, he was expecting an important call. You thanked him by being on the phone all night. When you were 18, he cried at your high school graduation. You thanked him by staying out partying until dawn. When you were 19, he paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus carried your bags. You thanked him by saying good-bye outside the dorm so you wouldn't be embarrassed in front of your friends. When you were 25, he helped to pay for your wedding, and he told you how deeply he loved you. You thanked him by moving halfway across the country. When you were 50, he fell ill and needed you to take care of him . You thanked him by reading about the burden parents become to their children. And then, one day, he quietly died. And everything you never did came crashing down like thunder on YOUR HEART. The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, when I grew up I was BLACK, when I'm sick I'm BLACK, when I go into the sun I'm BLACK, when I'm cold I'm BLACK, when I die I'll be Black. But you sir, when you're born you're PINK, when you grow up you're WHITE, when you're sick, you're GREEN, when you go in the sun you turn RED, when you're cold you turn BLUE and when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored? Post this on your profile if you hate racism. Being weird is like being normal, only better. I'm not clumsy, the floor just hates me. Boys are like lava lamps: fun to watch but not too bright. [I RESENT THAT!!] It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile, and only 4 to reach out and slap someone. Silence is golden . . . duct tape is silver. [I LIKE SILVER...] When life gives you lemons . . . make grape juice, and watch the world wonder how you did it. (OR) squirt 'em in peoples' eyes! Be insane- well behaved people never made history. AMEN] Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled ' Gentlemen Only..Ladies Forbidden'..and thus the word GOLF entered into the English Language. [HAHA] You: 1. Put your iTunes or iPod on shuffle. 2. For each question press the next button to get your answer. 3. You have to write down the song name for your answer, no matter how weird it sounds. 1.WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO? DRINK WITH ME!!!!!! 2. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? Smooth criminal!!! 3. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN? Wanted??? 4.WHAT IS 22? Where everybody know your name 5. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND? Want you back???? 6.WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE PERSON YOU LIKE? All that I'm living for???? 7.WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? Castle on a cloud by Les Miserables. 8.WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP? Broken??? (C'MON!!!!) 9. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Skinny love 10.WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU? Disappear!!!!! (OKAY, NOW THIS HAS CROSSED THE LINE) 11.WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING? Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne (hmmmmn, interesting) 12. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? Tonight (this is a happy song!!!!! what is that suppose to me?] 13.WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST? Sally's song 14. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET? Bring it back 15. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS? Shut up!!!! [YA MIKE SHUT UP!!!...HOPE MIKE DOESN'T SEE THIS...] 16. WHAT IS THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN? Everybody's fool 17. HOW WILL YOU DIE? Earth song 18. WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU WILL REGRET? Missing 19. WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH? As long as you love me??? 20. WHAT MAKES YOU CRY? Taking over me 21.WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED? Secret door? 22. WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST? BAD! 23.DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU? Before the Dawn [????] 24. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE? My last breath 25. WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW? Lies 26: What are you going to post this as? You 20 Q's (Paste this into your profile if you are an PJatO Fan) Q2: Which PJatO Character Would You Date? Q3: Which PJatO Character Is Your Best Friend? Q4: Which PJatO Character Do You Hate? Q5: Your Favorite PJatO book? Q6: Your Favorite PJatO Character? Q7: Favorite God or Goddess? Q8: Percy walks up to you, what do you do? Q9: You just got 2 tickets to go see a concert, who do you take with you? Q10: You accidentally got stranded on a deserted island . . . who got stranded with you? Q11: Hermes asked you to help him repopulate Olympus . . . what is your answer to this disturbing question? Q12: Favorite PJatO Pairing? Q13: You and the Big Three are on Olympus . . . . ???? Q14: If you could spend your Friday Nights doing something, what would it be? Q15: Favorite PJatO Quote? Q16: Favorite Percy Moment? Q17: Favorite Nico Moment? Q18: Favorite god or goddess Moment? Q19: Favorite Grover Moment? Q20: Favorite Random Moment? WHAT AM I? PUNK GUY SIDE, GIRL SIDE [WHERE WE TEST MY AWESOME MANLINESS!!] Girl side: |
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