So close yet so far... a bright summer day and everyone were practicing at the pool and having fun in the water but haru seems to be lost in his own thoughts. he was just blankly staring at the water as he suddenly he felt a hand on his left shoulder, "hey haru ready for the practice?" it was makoto as he asked haru with a smile on his face haru simply nodded and they began to swim. After their pratice ended rei,nagisa,makoto and haru all were on their way to head home. haru was quiet for the whole time as he didnt feel like saying anying.everyone was seem to talk and enjoy a lot but haru remain quiet its not that he dont have anything to say but he felt like no one was going to listen to him. makoto noticed and asked "whats wrong haru? you seem to be lost in your own thoughts" "its nothing" haru answered as he was not ready for any question, he just wanted to be alone. -at haru's place- haru was cooking dinner for himself and yes its his favourite mackerel. he severed the mackerel on plate and took first bite but then something unexpected happen, haru was not seem to enjoy the food, 'it taste awful' he thought. So he just left the plate on the table and turned off the light and went to sleep but he was not being able to sleep. he toss and turn again and again he just not seem to go to sleep. time pass as it was mid night and our haru was still awake his eyes wide open thinking about every single thing he fucked up in his life. he remembered everytime he and rin got into fights, his family left him like this, the pressure he have to face everytime he goes in an tournament. haru just wanted to cry but the tears just wont come out of his eyes. it was morning and haru woke up it was quiet surprising that he couldnt sleep till midnight yet he still woke up early. 'ugh...school today' it was obvious he wanted to skip school but had nothing to do at home so he decided to go.After taking a shower he packed his bag and head to school,he didnt maked his breakfast and simply opened the door as makoto was waiting for him outside "good morning haru" "morning" After that the boys head straight to school,it was dead silent as none of them has started any conversation yet. Makoto knew there was something different about haru now but he didnt took it seriously. they entered in the classroom, "good morning haru chan and mako chan~" "good moring you both" said nagisa and rei , makoto replied with a good morning as well but haru remained quiet he was just feeling bored. class started and haru preety much didnt payed attention at all. it was now lunch time and all the four of them went to rooftop to eat lunch "haru-chan where's your lunch?"asked nagisa, "i forgot bring it and drop the chan already" they all tried to give haruka their lunch so that he wont be hungry but haru rejected to eat any of their lunch " its fine i am not hungry"he said. After a few minutes of sitting and chatting haru found himself under water he felt great as the water touched his soft skin he was under water watching as the sunlight fall on the surface of water 'its beautiful' thought but then he started notice that someone was calling him, "haru!" haru opened his eyes and saw all his friends worried "what happened?" haru asked "you were sitting quietly and the next we saw you were sleeping, are you okay??" said makoto as he was worried about his best friend. "Im fine"haru said "i just didnt get enough sleep last night"he said as he stood up walked out. everyone had a worried look on their faces. haru went straight home.he noticed the fact that he was sleeping more in the day than night. he opened the fridge and found some apples he took one and eat it he wasnt feeling very hungry.he then layed on his bed his body felt so tired even tho he didnt did any work, he could feel his body tearing apart he didnt understand why this was happening.he was feeling irratated and angry on everything. the sleep which was in his eyes a while ago now was gone he just wants to cry and scream and let it all out but the tears didnt seem to agree, he wants to cry but he is unable to do it. Meanwhile everyone was confused to see that haruka is not there for the practice "its wierd haruka senpai always shows on time.."said rei "maybe he's sleeping like he said that he didnt get any sleep last night" answered makoto "yeah maybe..." While on the other hand haru was laying on his bed blankly staring at the ceiling. "whats wrong with me...?" he's eyes were filling with tears now (anime logic) "whats..happening to...me why cant i act like..human for once..?" tears was running down from his eyes he didnt knew what the hell was wrong with him but he was unable to controll his tears now..."everyone would be thinking about such a lazy pig i am" he said to himself while pulling his hair he just wants to feel different he want to feel anything that is different...anything...anything, he felt...pain. he felt pain as he pulled his hair and it was unexpected that haru wants more of pain he wants to feel more pain "i-i deserve p-pain" he got out of his bed and found a knife on the dinning table...he picked up the knife with a shaking hand he could feel his heart pumping out of his chest, his heart beat were getting faster and faster as he bring the knife close to his left wrist. and without thinking twice he put beautiful bright red cut on his left wrist...that cut seems beautiful to haru as he watched the blood driping down. "it f-felt great.." his voice shaking. he put the knife in the sink and washed his cut so that the blood wouldnt drip anymore. it was painful yet it felt great to him. to cover the cut he wore a long sleeve shirt he wanted more of pain but didnt put another cut he took the cut as his punishment for being worthless and he want...more of this punishment