tehb.cepa
 Hi, I don't think that I'm that great of a writer but i really enjoy writing so am hoping to get some practice and some feedback! I am not easily hurt so feel free to flame me *hides behind Captain America's shield* All advise is welcome! P.S.-I'm the worst speler evar!!! I love to read, take pictures and swim. my profile pic. is one I took and for now is my favorite if my favorite changes which it probably will I'm soooo changeable! It is a weakness with me. But to be fair to myself, it is my only weakness. Favorite TV shows(not in order,sort of): Sherlock, Arrow, Lie to Me, Death Note, Doctor Who, White Collar, Life, MacGyver, Knight Rider, and so many more. Favorite Movies Series: Bourne, Fast and Furious, Mission Impossible, and so many more. Favorite Books: Almost EVERY book I have ever read. For ALL people who support your country's troops: you stay up for 16 hours. we stay up for days on end. you take a warm shower to help you wake up. we go a week without running water. you complain of a 'headache' and call in sick. we get shot at as others are hit and we keep moving forward. you talk about your buddies that aren't with you. we know we may never see any of ours again. you complain about how hot it is. we wear our heavy gear, not daring to take off our helmet to wipe our forehead. you get mad at your waiter for getting your order wrong. we dont get to eat today. your mad that class got held over 5 minutes. we're told we will be held over an extra 2 months. you roll your eyes when your baby cires. he gets a letter with pictures of his new baby and wonders if they'll ever meet copy and paste this if you support your country's (or any country's) troops. YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF... You talk to yourself a lot. (Alot meaning all the time...) You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. (ie 'Why do I constantly ask my self random things?') When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. (ie 'Have you ever noticed that deliver could mean someone's liver?') After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow,this stuff is great for sugar highs...' You live off of sugar and caffeine (the two greatest things ever discovered!) You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth. You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random. When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it. You argue with your own OCs. Some characters interact with you. You argue with the charaters. No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper. The letters on your keyboard are wearing off. And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101. REASONS TO JOIN THE DARK SIDE (If you wish to join add this list to your profile) 1. We have cookies (last I checked there was hot chocolate too) 2. You get a cool dark cape that covers your whole body! (Hm, mine is in the wash, borrow yours) 3. You get a really cool crazy laugh! Practice with me, people: MWAHAHAHAHA *cough* *cough* 4. You get to walk out of shadows mysteriously and freak out the good guys! (BOW BEFORE ME BATMAN!!!!!) 5. One word: UNDERLINGS! Someone to get things for you when you're too lazy to do them yourself... Now that's the life! (I thought little sisters got me my things. She's terrible at though, so can you be my underling?) 6. Money, Money, Money : Ever notice that we are usually much richer than the good guys? 7. WORLD DOMINATION! THE BEST reason! Month one Mommy I am only 8 inches long but I have all my organs. I love the sound of your voice. Every time I hear it I wave my arms and legs. The sound of your heart beat is my favorite lullaby. Month Two Mommy today I learned how to suck my thumb. If you could see me you could definitely tell that I am a baby. I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though. It is so nice and warm in here. Month Three You know what Mommy I'm a boy! I hope that makes you happy. I always want you to be happy. I don't like it when you cry. You sound so sad. It makes me sad too and I cry with you even though you can't hear me. Month Four Mommy my hair is starting to grow. It is very short and fine but I will have a lot of it. I spend a lot of my time exercising. I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes and stretch my arms and legs. I am becoming quite good at it too. Month Five You went to the doctor today. Mommy, he lied to you. He said that I'm not a baby. I am a baby Mommy, your baby. I think and feel. Mommy, what's abortion? Month Six I can hear that doctor again. I don't like him. He seems cold and heartless. Something is intruding my home. The doctor called it a needle. Mommy what is it? It burns! Please make him stop! I can't get away from it! Mommy! HELP me! Month Seven Mommy Why didn't you want me Mommy? Every Abortion Is Just . . . One more heart that was stopped. Two more eyes that will never see. Two more hands that will never touch. Two more legs that will never run. One more mouth that will never speak. If you're against abortion, re-post this The one who smiles the most is the one who's the most broken. Sad Poem: My name is Chris. I am three, My eyes are swollen I cannot see, I must be stupid I must be bad, What else could have made My daddy so mad? I wish I were better I wish I weren't ugly, Then maybe my mommy Would still want to hug me. I can't do a wrong I can't speak at all Or else im locked up All day long. When im awake im all alone The house is dark My folks aren't home When my mommy does come home I'll try andbe nice, So maybe i'll just get One whipping tonight. I just heard a car My daddy is back From Charlie's bar. I hear him curse My name is called I press myself Against the wall I try to hide From his evil eyes I'm so afraid now I'm starting to cry He finds me weeping Calls me ugly words, He says its my fault He suffers at work. He slaps and hits me And yells at me more, I finally get free And run to the door He's already locked it And i start to bawl, He takes me and throws me Against the hard wall I fall to the floor With my bones nearly broken, And my daddy continues With more bad words spoken, "I'm sorry!", I scream But its now much to late His face has been twisted Into a unimaginable shape The hurt and the pain Again and again O please God, have mercy! O please let it end! And he finally stops And heads for the door While i lay there motionless Sprawled on the floor My name is Chris I am three, Tonight my daddy Murdered me. IF YOU ARE AGAINST CHILD ABUSE, COPY THAT POEM INTO YOUR PROFILE!! If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy this into your profile. If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile. If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are obsessed with fan fiction copy this into your profile I'm bored...if your bored put this in your profile If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile. My best friend is insane, if you agree or if you have an insane friend then copy this to your profile. If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile If you have copy and pasted more than ten things in your profile, post this in your profile. If Fanfiction to you is what Facebook is to other people, copy this to your profile. If you are obsessed with something considered childish for someone your age, copy this into your profile. (Like anime, manga, video games, etc...you get the point. ) Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss. Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS Silence is golden, but duct tape is SILVER. (YAY!) If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile! If you get obsessed over things, then look back and realize how stupid some of them were, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you've ever threatened a computer or video game console, copy and paste this into your profile. If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer. Put this on your profile if you've ever had a fangirl moment If you have a tendency to talk to yourself post this in your profile. If you go to an your own little world to escape the bad things in life, even for a moment, copy and paste this on your profile. If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile. If one by one, the penguins steal your sanity, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever looked at random peoples profiles just to get these stupid things, copy this on to your profile If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile. If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile. If you have written a fanfic, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are getting tired of this extremely long profile, copy and paste this in your profile. If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile. These are some really funny things that you do to a pizza guy when you're ordering/paying. 1. While you are you are making an order, randomly start pressing the numbers on the phone and tell the guy to stop doing it. 2. Make up a credit card name and ask if they accept it. 3. Ask for a Big Mac, French fries and a Large Coke. 4. Finish the order with: "Remember, this conversation never happened". 5. Tell him you’ve got another pizza delivery on the other line and you’re buying from the one who offers the lowest price. 6. Just give him your address and say "Surprise me". Then hang up. 7. Answer his questions with other questions. 8. Spell the ingredients. 9. Stutter every time you say something with the letter "P" 10. Ask him if they have pizza. 11. Say "Hello" and act as if he called you. 12. Make your order being very decided and secure, then when he asks you if you would like a drink with the pizza, act as if you were confused. 13. Change your accent every 5 seconds. 14. Ask for 56 pepperoni slices followed by an equation. 15. If he repeats the order to make sure, say "Ok, it’s 17.90, please proceed to the next window to pick up your order". 16. Explain him that you want to rent a Pizza. 17. Ask if you can keep the box. When he answers yes, make a huge sigh of relief. 18. Ask him if they exploit child labor. 19. Tell him to make sure that your pizza is dead. 20. Imitate the voice of the guy taking the order. 21. Eliminate the verbs of everything you say. 22. Tell him that there’s a surprise party at yours and that you would appreciate if the delivery boy could hide behind the couch until the celebrated one comes in to surprise him/her. 23. Ask if you could see the menu 24. Warn them that they have no idea of what they are dealing with by supplying this order. 25. Ask him which ingredient is better for a meal with a specific type of wine. 26. Burp and then tell your dog that he should be ashamed. 27. Ask only for one slice. 28. Psychoanalyze the guy taking the order. 29. Complain about the service. Call again two hours later saying that you were drunk and that you are sorry about what you said. 30. Tell the guy taking the order to tell the one in charge to tell the supervisor that he’s fired. 31. Randomly start swearing to someone who is apparently next to you. 32. Stop speaking every 10 seconds and start playing an instrument. 33. Tell a secret code to the guy taking the order and tell him to memorize it for orders you’ll make in the future. 34. Ask for mushrooms as the first ingredient, then before you hang up, say "no mushrooms please". Then hang up before he can say anything. 35. When he repeats the order, correct him changing an ingredient, then correct him again, and again. The third time ask him if it’s his first day working there. 36. Breath really loudly. 37. Ask him how many whales/dolphins had to die to make that pizza. 38. Avoid using the word "PIZZA" by any means. If the guy taking the order says it, hang up saying "Please, don’t use that word". 39. Make the order during a car chase on TV. When there are gunshots, yell "Aaarghhh" 40. If the guy taking the order doesn’t take any of the previous jokes, ask him if there’s any other who would take them. Things I am not to do at Hogwarts 1) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball 2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office 3) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter 4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show you the pointy hat trick 5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar 6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination 7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after my lucky charms" 8) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this years Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's taste-less, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy. 9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus' "time of the month" 10) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand 11) I am not allowed to give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals 12) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force" 14) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot 15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it 16) I will not lock the Slytherin's and Gryffindor's in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive 17) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast 18) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day" 19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways 20) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor 21) I will not say the phrase, "Get a Life" to Voldemort 22) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy 23) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling 26) It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate 27) I will not steal Gryffindor sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways 28) I will not poke Hufflepuff's with spoons, nor shall I insist that their color's indicate that they're "covered in bee's" 29) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge 32) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm 33) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers 34) I will not start every potion's class by asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as Body Lotion 35) I will not call the Weasly twins, "bookends" 36) I will not call the Patil twins, "bookends" 37) I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak 45) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween 46) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself to seriously 47) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions 48) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet 49) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice 50) I will not attack my fellow classmates 51) I will not make an impossible riddle for people to give an answer to enter the Ravenclaw area 52) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work." 53) I will stop referring to showering as "Giving Moaning-Myrtle an eye-full." 54) I will not make, "OMGWTF" a spell. 55) I will not go to class skyclad. 56) I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "Told you I was Hard Core." 57) There is no such thing as a were-thylacine. 58) I will not give Luna Lovegood Coast-To-Coast AM transcripts. 59) Tricking a school House Elf to strip of it's clothing does not make it mine. Yes, even when I yell out "PWND!" 60) I do not weigh the same as a Duck. 61) I do not have a Dalek Patronus. 62) I will not lick Trevor. 63) Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labeled, "Firewhiskey." 64) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween. 65) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet. 66) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice. 67) I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God. If you think tish should be a list of things to do copy and paste in your profile. In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods: On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. On a bag of Fritos! ...You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (I don't know about you, but I don't have X-ray vision :/) On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (Which would be...?) On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (What?! I LOVE eating frozen dinners!) On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (...DARN IT!!) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (Are you sure about that? I thought it would be cold after heating! You learn something everyday, I suppose) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't that be much quicker?) On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (Oh! I had no idea sleep aids could do that!) On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (Gah. I was planning to use them in space!) On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (OH NO!!) On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (That idea never even occurred to me!) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (EAT nuts? Really? No way!) On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (Okay!) On a package of pasta after the cooking insturctions:"Put on fork and eat." (But...I was gonna kill someone with this! Are you telling me I actually have to EAT it?) Now that you've smiled at least once, Copy and Paste this onto your profile I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! tahts so cool! If you could read that put it in your profile! Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school At age 8, your dad bought you an ice cream. You thanked him by dripping it all over his lap. When you were 11 years old, he took you and your friends to the movies. You thanked him by asking to sit in a different row. When you were 12 years old, he warned you not to watch certain TV shows. You thanked him by waiting until he left the house. When you were 13, he suggested a haircut that was in fashion. You thanked him by telling him he had no taste. When you were 14, he paid for a month away at summer camp. You thanked him by forgetting to write a single letter. When you were 15, he came home from work, looking for a hug. You thanked him by having your bedroom door locked. When you were 17, he was expecting an important call. You thanked him by being on the phone all night. When you were 18, he cried at your high school graduation. You thanked him by staying out partying until dawn. And then, one day, he quietly died. And everything you never did came crashing down like thunder on your heart. If you love your dad, post this on your profile. |
