Hiya! I'm just a random person. MEEP! (literally) I hope you like my story(s)!

sings randomly*

cackles evily*

texts friend*

reads a book*

multitasks*

writes a fanfic*

WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE! READ MY STORY(S)! NOW!

Bio:

Name: Wouldn't you like to know?
Age: I'm still in school. That's all you're getting.
Gender: Female
Location: Hmmm... I could tell you, but what's the fun in that?
Hobbies: reading, writing fanfics, Japanese, watching AMVs
Likes: dragons, nighttime, my friends (sisters- who are not actually my sisters), my twin (who is not actually related to me), Skelanimals, fanfics, music, chibis, weird quotes, anime/manga, pretty much anything supernatural, tigers
Dislikes: hypocrites, people who mess with my friends, arrogant people, MARY-SUES, school, sunlight, daytime, waking up, homework, the cold, getting sick, snow (when it doesn't give me a snow day), any standardized test, spiders, bugs
Favorite anime: Devil May Cry, Inuyasha, Bleach, Naruto, Sengoku Basara, Black Butler, Yu Yu Hakusho
Favorite manga: Blue Exorcist, Nura: Rise of the Yokai Clan, Rosario Vampire
Favorite Non-anime: Unnatural History, Winx Club, Wizards of Waverly Place, Suite Life on Deck, Pair of Kings, H2O
Favorite Non-manga: Inheritance Cycle, Enchanted Ivy, Dark Guardians Series, House of Night Series, Twilight Saga (but only the books; the movies suck), Need/Captivate/Entice, Hex Hall/Demonglass, The Host, Darkest Powers Series, the Heir Trilogy, Divergent (possibly THE best book I have ever read), Daughter of Smoke and Bone, Shatter Me

And to my wonderful readers, from now on (7/25/10), I will not continue my stories unless I get four (4) reviews on the current chapter. By the way, I know how many people read my stories. So, if 90 people read my story, I expect more than 2 reviews. All reviews are welcome. You can give me ideas for my stories, even if it's something as random as having Naruto get hyper from eating cheesepuffs. They can be in any language. I may not be able to read it, but it is still a review. Thank you for listening to my rambling/lecture.

As of current, I need:

0 more review(s) for Yamamoto Academy
0 more review(s) for Zaraki no Apprentice
0 more review(s) for Kitsune and Uchiha
4 more review(s) for Wandering Into Trouble

REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!

ATTENTION READERS

As of current (10/23/10), I'm having a serious writers block on my stories. My muses have fallen ill from lack of inspiration. Your help (in the form of messages and reviews) would be greatly appreciated. I don't want to keep you waiting any longer than necessary for updates. Give me some ideas PLEASE!!

Thank you for reading my stories.

-Goddess of the Chibi Dragon

Original Zanpaku-to

These are zanpaku-to I have made up. You can use them in your stories if you want, just please ask me first and give me credit. Note: Everything may not be grammatically correct. Although I did correct things, hence the changes. I still highly suggest not using the hiragana or kanji for the zanpaku-to.

I. Shinigami: Shikai (soul reaper: first release)

1) Chant, Jijitsutori- jade feathers: heal, ruby feathers: burn, sapphire feathers: freeze, amethyst feathers: poison, citrine feathers: electrocute, pearl feathers: induce sleep, onyx feathers: blades, feather blasts (事実鳥)

2) Stay serene in turmoil, Shirotora- summons storms, storm manipulation (白トラ)

3) Drown the enemy in fear and sorrow, Kagehimaru- enemy is shown their worst memories over and over, a blade forms in their hand and they kill themselves (影緋丸)

4) [Darken] all space and time within your sight, Kagekuro- blade turns to shadows, shadow manipulation (影黒)

5) Pulse, Kaminarinami- blade turns to electricity, electric manipulation (雷波)

6) Flood the world, Ameyoru- black 'rain' falls from the sky, wielder controls the water from the 'rain' (雨夜)

7) Cut and pierce, Kadobari- turns into 2 black knives, knives change form based on users will (角鍼)

8) Shred, Kuraitsukimaru- crescent moon shaped blades form on sword, pointy edges out (暗い月丸)

9) Aim well, Miko no Yumi- sword turns into a yumi, arrows are reiki, effect depends on wielder's will (巫女の弓)

10) Rend skin from bone, Inutsume- sword turns into claws, transfers to any partner at will (犬爪)

11) Drift, Kage no Konoha- user and blade dissolves into leaves (影の葉)

12) Peel away, Hiyake- enemy becomes severely sunburned inside and out when stabbed (日焼け)

13) Scream, Utameishin- instills paranoia in the target using sound waves (歌迷信)

14) Challenge destiny, Shimohitsugi- enemy becomes severely frostbitten inside and out when stabbed (霜ひつぎ)

15) Take a chance, Konnakaado- blades turns into a deck of poker cards (including jokers), card-game based attacks (幸運なカード)

16) Survive, Kamisabaku- blade turns into sand, sand manipulation (神砂漠)

17) Crystallize, Yoruhitama- blade turns to flame-shaped crystal, superheats things to either crystallize or melt (夜火玉)

II. Shinigami: Bankai (soul reaper: final release)

1) Kagami Jijitsutori- 4ft long fan, folds are 7 different colored feathers, powered-up shikai (鏡事実鳥)

2) Tenshikurai Kagekuro- sword disappears, total control of shadows, blending with shadows (天使暗い影黒)

3) Kuroya Kuraitsukimaru- spiked claymore (黒夜暗い月丸)

4) Akahi Inutsume- mini inferno encases wielder, fire blasts/slashes, enemy is turned by direct strikes, retains shikai power (赤火犬爪 )

5) Hairokumo Kaminarinami- swords turns into electricity, lightning armor, total electricity manipulation (灰色雷波)

6) Sorahoshi Shirotora- 2 sets of white claws that emit white energy blasts (空星白トラ)

7) Kuraibari Ameyoru- black ice armor, claws, blades; retains shikai power (暗い鍼雨夜)

8) Tsurugi Kadobari- knives get bigger, retains shikai power (剣角鍼)

9) Sabaku Hiyake- larger-scale, one-shot version of shikai power (砂漠日焼け)

10) Boumei Utameishin- instills great fear in the target using sound waves (亡命歌迷信)

11) Kanrisha Shimohitsugi- creates coffins of ice that trap or kill the target (管理者霜ひつぎ)

12) Kamisabaku Arashitaiyou- creates objects out of sand which are then super-heated to turn them into glass, usually killing the target (神砂漠嵐太陽)

III. Arrancar: Resurrección

1) Strike, Relámpago- lightning manipulation, lightning cero

2) Trick, Zorro- fox magic

3) Bleed, Luna de Sangre- blood attacks, blood cero

4) Steal, Tigresa- steals souls by stabbing

0*0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000*0

For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.)

I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.

I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.

I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.

I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz

I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.

I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.

I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.

I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.

I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.

I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.

I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch/ass-hole.

I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.

I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.

I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.

I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.

I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals

I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.

I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.

I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.

I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.

I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.

I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.

I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.

I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.

I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...

I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore

I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.

I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.

I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.

I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.

I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.

I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.

I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.

I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.

I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.

I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals

I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".

I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!

I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.

I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.

I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.

I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.

I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.

I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.

I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.

I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.

I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.

I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that's how Russians roll.

I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.

I hang out with GAYS, so i must be GAY TOO

I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.

I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited

I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13

I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy

I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy

I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas

I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction

I'm a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude

I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.

I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy.

I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.

I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.

I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.

I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff

I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks

I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7

I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.

I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.

I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.

I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.

I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA

I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect

I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black

I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil

I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.

I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.

I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.

I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.

I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.

I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.

I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.

I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.

I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon

I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.

I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.

I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.

I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.

I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.

I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.

I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.

I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.

I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.

I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.

I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.

I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.

I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy. (sad but true)

I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch/ass-hole.

My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.

I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.

I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.

I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.

I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE.. So I MUST be a whore myself.

I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse

I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist

I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.

I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.

I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.

I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.

I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.

I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.

I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.

I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep

I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.

I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.

I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.

I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.

I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.

I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.

I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.

I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.

I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.

I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!

I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.

I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.

I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE

I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser

I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy

I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.

I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex.

I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins

I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan

I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion

I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.

I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.

I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.

I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.

I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.

I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.

I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.

I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.

I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.

I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED

I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast

I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish

I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.

I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.

I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.

I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.

I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s

I go to Renaissance Fairs, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times

I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.

I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.

I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.

I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.

I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.

I an friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.

I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.

I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist

I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, them burst into tears at one mistake

I DON"T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems

DRAGON PRIDE METER:
100
If You're Proud To Be A Dragon Lover
Stick This On Your Page!

You know you live in 2008 when...

1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.

2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have a screen name or my space

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.

7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.

10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.

11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.

12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile.

If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similar, copy this into your profile

If you have ever wanted to slap someone, but restrained yourself, congratulations, and copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy this to your profile

If you have ever threatened your computer, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are against any kind of abuse, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you talk to yourself and aren't afraid to admit it copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have music in your soul copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever accidentally stabbed yourself or someone else with a pencil copy and paste this in your profile.

If you are against animal cruelty put this in your profile.

If you feel the need to read through someone's profile even when you don't know them, copy and paste this into your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE then it's strange. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing, or a combination of both, copy and paste this into your profile.

If there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it copy this into your profile

If you've ever spelled your name wrong, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension. Copy and paste this in your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If you ever tripped over your own feet, copy this into your profile.

My best friend is insane, if you agree or if you have an insane friend than copy this to your profile.

If you have sudden mood changes out of nowhere copy and paste this into your profile.

There is nothing wrong with any religion, race, sexual orientation, or gender. If you believe in tolerance towards all people, copy and paste this into your profile.

Ninety-five percent of teenagers are concerned about being popular. If you are one of the five percent who aren't, copy this and put it in your profile.

98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile.

People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

92 of teens moved on to rap music. If you're part of the 8 that listens to more tasteful things, put this in your profile.

If you hate obnoxious and snobby people, put this in your profile.

If you love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love chocolate, put this in you your profile.

98 of teenagers have sex, do drugs and drink alchohol. Put this into your profile in you are included in that 2 that doesn't, mainly because you are sitting at home, reading and being a good young child.

If you have ever copied and pasted something into your profile, put this in your profile.

92 percent of the teenage population would die if Abercrombie and Fitch said that it wasn't cool to breathe anymore. Put this in your profile if you're one of the 8 percent that would be laughing your butt off.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this into your profile!

If you've ever fallen UP stairs, copy this on your profile!

If you are against fur coats, clothing, boots, etc, and the people who kill the animals don't use the meat, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever wished you could talk to animals or be an animal, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile.

If you have ever walked into a room then forgot what you were doing, then started walking away and remembered copy this into your profile.

If your profile is longer than the chapters of most of your stories copy and paste this to your profile.

If you think that I'm making you think too much, copy this to your profile.

If you have an annoying younger--or older-- sibling, please copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet (much like Bella Swan:)), copy and paste this into your profile.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

If you have read this copy and paste it into your profile!

If you are an idiot sometimes and PROUD OF IT copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever asked a question with an obvious answer, copy this onto your profile

If you are addicted to vampires and would kill to become one, copy this onto your profile

If you have read past 2 in the morning, copy this onto your profile

Some guy said you can't choose your family. If you think he's dead wrong, put this on your profile.

Friends will gently tell you're not a good singer. Best friends will laugh their heads off, then tell you you suck.

People call me weird. My friends call me a freak. I tell them they're freaks too.

If you don't know your own phone number, put this on your profile.

If you've ever gone on google, typed in 'chuck norris,' and pressed 'i'm feeling lucky,' put this on your profile. If you haven't, go do it now, then put this on your profile.

If you believe the human race will only achieve true peace when aliens attack us, put this on your profile.

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.
Re-post this if you believe homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it

Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school
He told his friends that it was cool
And when he pulled the trigger back
It shot with a great crack
Mummy I was a good girl
I did what I was told
I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold
But mummy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye
I'm sorry mummy I had to go, but mommy please don't cry
When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another
And all because he got the gun from his older brother
Mummy please tell daddy that I love him very much
And please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush
And tell my little sister that she is the only one now
And tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now
And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best
Mummy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest
Mummy tell my teachers I won't show up for class
And never to forget this and please don't let this pass
Mummy why'd it have to be me no one deserves this
Mummy warn the others, mummy I left without a kiss
And mummy tell the doctors I know they really did try
I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry
Mummy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest
But mummy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest
Mummy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack
Mummy listen to me if you would
I wanted to go to college
I wanted to try things that were new
I guess I'm not going with daddy
On that trip to the new zoo
I wanted to get married
I wanted to have a kid
I wanted to be an actress
Mummy I wanted to live
But mummy I must go now
The time is getting late
Mummy tell my Chris
I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date
I love you mummy I always have
I know you know it's true
Mummy all I wanted to say is "mummy I love you"
In memory of the Columbian students that were lost
Please if you would
Pass this around
I'd be happy if you could
Don't smash this on the ground
If you pass this on
Maybe people will cry
Just keep this in heart
For the people that didn't get to say "goodbye"
(Please just copy and paste this on to your site and show that you care)

about six years ago in Indiana Carmen winstead was pushed down a sewer opening by five girls in her school,trying to embarrass her in front of her school during a fire drill.when she didn't submerge,the police were called.They went down and brought up 17-year-old Carmen Winstead's body,with her neck broken from hitting the ladder,then the concrete at the bottom.The girls told everyone she fell.They believed them.

FACT:About two months later,16-year-old David Gregory read this post and didn't re-post it.when he went to take a shower,he heard laughter,started freaking out,and he ran to his computer to re-post it.He said goodnight to his mom and went to sleep,but five hours later,his mom woke up in the middle of the night from a loud noise and David was gone.A few hours later,the police found him in the sewer,with a broken neck and the skin on his face peeled off.

Even google her name-you'll find this to be true.

If you don't re-post this saying "they hurt her" then Carmen will get you,either from a sewer,the toilet,the shower,or when you go to sleep,you'll wake up in the sewer,in the dark,then Carmen will come and kill you. They hurt her...

Stop the Pairing Wars!
By copying and pasting this in your profile, you vow to respect other pairings and the people that like them.
You shalt not insult them, explain why they can't be together, or say that they would rather be with someone else.
You shalt have your opinions but shalt not insult pairings.You shalt avoid them if you hate them.
You shalt keep an open mind about stories even if you despise the pairing.
You shalt paste this in your profile.

"Let's make biscuits, let's make biscuits... LET'S MAKE BISCUITS!" -Gir

"Hi floor! Make me a sandwich!" -Gir

"I have no idea what you just said!" -Gir

"I was the turkey, MEEEE, it was me the whole time... I was the turkey the whole time!" -Gir

"Bye, bye BYE, bye... He's gettin' eaten by a shark." -Gir

"Can I be a mongoose?" -Gir
"No, I was thinking more along the lines of a... dog." -Zim
"Can I ba a mongoose dog?" -Gir
if you love Gir, paste the above dialogue onto your profile.

If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freakin' Trix, copy this into your profile.

If you think the Cocoa Puffs Turkey Bird thing should go to rehab, copy this into your profile

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

If you think that life without computers is useless then copy this to your profile.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation, put it in your profile..

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile.

If you think that writing Fanfic stories is fun then copy this onto your profile!

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile. Let’s start a list of the words: My, who, Say, Hey, Hay, Yea, Pet, Was, How, Ice, form, from, does, and (RWH added from Say-Ice. Yea, I'm that bad)

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile

If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, post this onto your profile.

Did you know...?

Kissing is healthy.

Bananas are good for period pain.

It’s good to cry.

Chicken soup actually makes you feel better.

94 percent of boys would love it if you sent them flowers.

Lying is actually unhealthy.

You really only need to apply mascara to your top lashes.

It’s actually true; boys DO insult you when they like you.

89 percent of guys want YOU to make the first move.

It’s impossible to apply mascara with your mouth closed.

Chocolate will make you feel better.

Most boys think it's cute when you say the wrong thing.

A good friend never judges.

A good foundation will hide all hickeys... not that you have any.

Boys aren't worth your tears.

We all love surprises.

Now... make a wish.

Wish REALLY hard!!

WISH WISH WISH WISH

Your wish has just been recieved.

Copy and Paste this into your profile in the next 15 minutes and...

Your wish will be granted.

This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her when she was still alive. The murder chanted, "Toma Sota balcu," as he buried her. Now that you have read this chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this on your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded. Lucillia

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.

If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have made up a bunch of strange words that you use frequently, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.

If keyboards hate you copy and paste this into your profile!

If you would kill to have wings, post this in your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

Weird is good. Normal is boring. Being so normal its weird is creepy. Being so weird its normal is cool. Warning people that you are a complete freak when you first meet them, that my friends, is called being sqee. Copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are Squee, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever burned any sort of food in the microwave, oven, toaster, or on the stove, copy this into your profile.

If, for no warning, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile.

If you don't watch Laguna Beach or The O.C. or the Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.
one thing to add: what are these shows? I've never heard of them.

If you have over 300 novels in your room and think its odd people gawk at them, copy this to your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever insulted someone so stupid that they didn't get the insult, copy this into your profile

If you have ever wondered what the afterlife is like, copy this into your profile

If you are insanely weird, copy this into your profile.

If you love the darkness, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If your reading fanfics when your suppose to be studying for a major test the next day, and telling your parents your studying, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites, copy this in your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you enjoy copying and pasting these copy and paste thingys, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this is your profile

If someone gave you money for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

If you have ever eaten something none of your friends would try, copy/paste this in your profile.

If you have ever tripped where there is a ‘watch your step’ sign, copy this into your profile.

If random songs just pop into your head at any given moment, from 'I've Been Working On the Railroad', to the Animorph version of the Barney song (I hate you, you hate me, we're an alien family etc. Personally, I like this version better) to your most favorite song ever, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are anti-social sometimes copy this into your profile.

If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you easily finish one novel a day, copy this onto your profile.

If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you can't figure out if these copy and paste things bug you or if you love them, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you know the answer to life, the universe, and everything, copy and paste this to your profile.

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever run into a tree, copy this to your profile!

20 ways to maintain a healthy level of insanity:

1: At lunch time, sit in you car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars; see if they slow down

2: Page yourself over the intercom. Do not disguise your voice.

3: Every time some one asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that

4: Put you garbage can on your desk and label it "IN"

5: Put decaf in the coffee maker (home or work). When everyone gets over their caffeine addiction, switch to espresso

6: In your memo book, on all your checks, put "FOR SMUGGLING DIAMONDS"

7: Finish all your sentences with "In Accordance To The Prophecy"

8: Dont use any punctuation

9: As often as possible, skip instead of walking

10: Order diet water whenever you go out with a serious face

11: Specify that your drive-thru order is "TO GO"

12: Sing along at the opera

13: Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme

14: Put mosquito netting around your work area (or room) and play tropical sounds all day

15: 5 days in advance, tell your friend that you can't go to their party cause you don't 'feel like it'

16: Have friends or coworkers address you by your wrestling name "Rock Bottom"

17: When the cash comes out of the ATM yell, "I WON, I WON"

18: When exiting the zoo, start running toward the parking lot, yelling, "Run for your lives they're loose"

19: Tell your children (or younger siblings) that "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go"

20: And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity is... Copy this and put it on your profile!

If you think that Sasuke from Naruto completely has to have the nick-name 'Chicken Butt Hair Dude', copy this to your profile while laughing your ass off.

If you're a human that thinks humans in general are stupid, copy this onto your profile.

I believe that there is no sane and insane, just those that deny their own insanity and those who embrace it. If you're one of the ones who embrace their insanity and love every waking minute of it, copy and paste this to your profile and add your name to the list: Fan of Fanfics, Goddess of the Chibi Dragon,

Cartoon Network should just bring back the old good shows instead of making new stupid ones. If you agree, copy and paste this to your profile and add your name to the list: Fan of Fanfics, Goddess of the Chibi Dragon,

Copy and Paste this to your profile if you agree they should bring back Toonami.

Put this in your profile if you know someone who is fighting, has survived, or died of cancer

98 percent of internet users don't know the difference between "your" and "you're." If your part of the 2 percent that wants to punch them, put this on your profile.

If you can read this message, you are blessed, because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all:

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.

The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid.

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.

The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amzanig huh?

Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

If you can read that please put it in your profile.

A True Boyfriend:

When she walks away from you mad, follow her

When she stares at your mouth, kiss her

When she pushes you or hits you, grab her and don't let go

When she starts cussing at you, kiss her and tell her you love her

When she's quiet, ask her whats wrong

When she ignores you, give her your attention

When she pulls away, pull her back

When you see her at her worst, tell her she's beautiful

When you see her start crying, just hold her and don't say a word

When you see her walking, sneak up and hug her waist from behind

When she's scared, protect her

When she lays her head on your shoulder, tilt her head up and kiss her

When she steals your favorite hat, let her keep it and sleep with it for a night

When she teases you, tease her back and make her laugh

When she doesn't answer for a long time, reassure her that everything is okay

When she looks at you with doubt, back yourself up

When she says that she likes you, she really does more than you could understand

When she grabs at your hands, hold hers and play with her fingers

When she bumps into you, bump into her back and make her laugh

When she tells you a secret, keep it safe and untold

When she looks at you in your eyes, don't look away until she does

When she misses you, she's hurting inside

When you break her heart, the pain never really goes away

When she says it’s over, she still wants you to be hers

When she reposts this bulletin, she wants you to read it

When she's mad, hug her tight and don't let go

When she says she's ok, don't believe it, talk with her- because 10 years later she'll remember you

When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.

Let her know she's important.

Kiss her in the pouring rain.

When she runs up to you crying, the first thing you say is; "Whose ass am I kicking, babe?"

If you post this in the next four minutes the one you love will:
Call you.
Kiss you.
Love you.
Text you.

Guys post as: "I'd be this boyfriend."
Girls post as: "A true boyfriend " or " what a boyfriend should do"

If you have ever laughed so hard you either choked, hyperventalated, had your sides cramp, or all of the above copy and paste this on your profile.

If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy this to your profile.

You Say Pink
I Say Black
You Say Paris Hilton
I Say Fall Out Boy
You Say Zac Efron
I Say Gerard Butler
You Say Pop
I Say Rock
You Say I'm Weird
I Say Thank You!
PUT THIS ON YOUR PROFILE IF YOU AGREE!

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you think it's stupid that girls are associated with the color pink, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever started to read a chapter in a fanfiction, got side-tracked, and forgot to review and realized it after the author posted another chapter, copy and paste this on your profile.

Racism is wrong and can often times destroy people's self confidence. It's a horrible and cruel way to treat people. To prove that we are all alike, try this simple experiment: Hold your hand up to a light of some kind. You'll see a shadow cast nearby. Now, have someone of a different race hold their hand up too. You'll see, essentially, the same image. Five fingers and a palm. Skin color doesn't matter when you get right down to it. If you are against racism, copy this message into your profile.

If you want to learn Japanese, copy/paste this into your profile.

If you're a girl who's tired of people assuming that just because your a girl you love pink and can't fight to save your life, copy and paste this into your profile.

I prefer solitude over company. Copy and paste this in your profile if you feel the same.

If you believe that preps travel in packs then place this on your profile.

If you have ever slapped your self on the head and/or banged your head on a table for no reason put this on your profile.

If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile

If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites copy this in your profile.

If you have ever stared at a computer screen for hours and hours reading stories that people who have no lives what’s so ever and have enough obsession with something to write a story about it and you are one of those people, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever laughed maniacally, choked and/or gagged from lack of oxygen copy and paste this onto your profile

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile

If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy this to your profile.

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Vampire Scooby, blissfulmeme, AkatsukiReverie,EmoLollipop, Deidara-Kun-Fangirl, KillerLiger3000, moonlit fang, chibi kyuu-chan, Goddess of the Chibi Dragon

If you know who Panic! At the Disco is and know that they are NOT disco...copy this into your profile.

If you have EVER yelled at a TV after getting frustrated at someone who can't hear you, put this on your profile.

If you have ever felt the undenilable urge to slam your head into something, weather it is another person or not copy this into your profile.

Hi, my name is Kazu. I like Writing and I like Athletics. I am running down the road I suddenly tripped over. I come home with a scatch on my knee. My mummy begins to worry. I tell her I am fine. She sighs and says ok. I am at school. When suddenly I fall and hit a tree. I am sent to the sickbay. Then I am sent home. Mummy takes me to the doctors. The doctors tell mummy something. Mummy starts to cry. I tell her it's ok. I'm not going to die. She tells me I am starting. Starting to be slower. I don't know what it means. But I have become sick. I tell mummy it's ok. I will become better. Mummy starts to cry. Do I have cancer? Mummy says no. Then what do I suppose. As a year had past. I struggle to walk. My speech is getting slower. It's hard for me to talk. My friends like to help me. My classmates like to run. But I have to sit down. And watch them have fun. Then one day my teacher. Comes to see mummy.Daddy comes out. And starts to get all snotty. The teacher tells my parents. I can no longer go to school.My motion is too slow. I ask the teacher slowly. I am sorry I am useless. I start to cry and beg her. I want to go to school. The teacher gives a smile. And tells me she is sorry. The school cant really help me. The words were so cruel. The day I had to leave. My friends and classmates cried. The boys upon the windows. Wave to me goodbye. I smile and sit in the car. I am taken to a school. A school with special people. Just like me and you. I start to have some fun. I made a lot of friends. As many years passed again. I talk too slow to understand. I cannot run anymore. And I struggle to even stand. I cannot write in my diary. My motion is too slow. Then one day I am sent. To the hospital again. Now many years have passed. I lie in a warm bed. I cannot move my body. I cannot move again. I talk very slowly. I cannot move my head. My mummy sits there crying. My daddy looks depressed. I ask my mummy sadly. Am I going to die. My mother holds my hand. Yells and starts to cry.

A few more years later.

I have to shut my eyes. I cannot talk or move. I seem to have died.

Copy and Paste this story about Kazu who was diagnosed with a rare uncurable disease, Spinocerebellar Degeneration, in your profile. This disease causes a failure of muscle control in their arms and legs, resulting in a lack of balance and coordination or a disturbance of gait. Support and send the message worldwide.

If you HATE child abusing like me copy and paste this to your profile.

My name is Sarah

I am but three

My eyes are swollen

I cannot see

I must be stupid

I must be bad

What else could have made

My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better

I wish I weren't ugly,

Then maybe my mommy

Would still want to hug me.

I can't speak at all

I can't do a wrong

Or else I'm locked up

All the day long

When I awake I'm all alone

The house is dark

My folks aren't home.

When my mommy does come

I'll try and be nice,

So maybe I'll get just

One whipping tonight

Don't make a sound!

I just heard a car

My daddy is back

From Charlie's Bar.

I hear him curse

My name he calls

I press myself

Against the wall.

I try and hide

From his evil eyes

I'm so afraid now

I'm starting to cry.

He finds me weeping

He shouts ugly words,

He says its my fault

That he suffers at work.

He slaps me and hits me

And yells at me more,

I finally get free

And I run for the door.

He's already locked it

And I start to bawl,

He takes me and throws me

Against the hard wall.

I fall to the floor

With my bones nearly broken,

And my daddy continues

With more bad words spoken.

"I'm sorry!", I scream

But its now much too late

His face has been twisted

Into unimaginable hate.

The hurt and the pain

Again and again

Oh please God, have mercy!

Oh please let it end!

And he finally stops

And heads for the door,

While I lay there motionless

Sprawled on the floor.

My name is Sarah

And I am but three,

Tonight my daddy,

Murdered me.

Child abuse, MAKE IT STOP!

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?

The road to success is always under construction.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement

Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'?

Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.

No I won't go to hell! It has a restraining order against me.

I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

I live in my own little world- but it's ok, they know me there.

The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my super powers.

Oh, I have a photographic memory... it just hasn't developed yet

Sometimes a heart can’t afford to be just friends.

Every girl has something special about her.

God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made women.

Death is God's way of saying you're fired. Suicide is human’s way of saying you can't fire me, I quit.

I hear your silence loud and clear.

Why do today what you could put off till tomorrow?

How can I miss you if you never left?

I'm not with stupid anymore!

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them more.

I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse!

Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't. Weird…

Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls… and poles… and other stuff…

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?

Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?

Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought…

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

Tell the truth and run.

All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.

When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

Education is important; school however, is another matter.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic...

Why do people say, “You can't have your cake and eat it too?” Why would someone get cake if they can't eat it?

When life hand you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make its own dang lemonade.

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

Don't mess with me I've got a stick.

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends.

I ran with scissors, and lived!

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you.

Not all scars fade, not all wounds heal.

A day without sunshine is like... night.

A rabbi, a priest, and a duck walked into a bar. The bartender looked up and said, "What is this? A joke?"

A rejected invention: Instant water! Just add water!

At last! My plans for world domination are complete! MAHAHAHAA? Oh look, something shiny?

People fear the strange and unusual. I am the strange and unusual. FEAR ME!

When other little girls wanted to be ballerinas, I kinda wanted to be a VAMPIRE.

Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 muscles to smile, but only 4 muscles to reach out and slap someone.

It doesn’t matter whether the glass is half empty or half full, just drink it and get it over with.

I'm not afraid of Death. What's he gonna do, kill me?

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why you don't ever see the headline: "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
Why Doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?
Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
Why the man who invests all your money is called a Broker?
Why there isn't mouse flavored cat food?
Who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?
Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box?
Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?

The only reasons I learn other languages is to 1) talk to people OUTSIDE of this country. 2) to insult people in the country who I despise.

Everything in the world evolves to become better and to adapt to their surroundings. Its just a pity that idiots don't get smarter and that they won't die out.

I've been hit by more than one parked car.

Don't regret doing bad things- regret getting caught.

Don't knock on Death's door- ring the doorbell and run away; he hates that.

Mental anxiety, mental breakdown, menstrual cramps, menopause... Did you realize how all our problems begin with MEN!

When being chased by a bear, you don't have to be faster then the bear, you just have to be faster than your friends.

He who laughs last didn't get it.

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

Whatever it is -- I didn't do it!

This is a quantum car. I don't know where I am, but I'm going really fast.

BOMB SQUAD: If you see me running you better catch up!

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother.

You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."

When you’re right, no one remembers, when your wrong, no one forgets

Stupidity killed the cat, curiosity was framed.

People say violence isn't the answer. Well, they're right. Violence is the question. The answer is 'HELL YES'.

This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and extreme violence

Do not argue with an idiot, he will drag you down to his level and beat you with
experience

The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they'll be when you kill
them

Some people say 'if you can't beat them, join them'. I say 'If you can't beat
them, beat them', because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will
have the element of surprise

If at first you don't succeed...go back and reload the gun

Some people are only alive because it's illegal to kill them

Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat

There are few problems that can’t be solved with high explosives

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three

That news traveled faster than heroin through an addicts veins.

"We found a witch! May we burn her?" peasant-Warcraft III

"My favorite color is blue. No, yellllowwww..." Knight-Warcraft III

"Hi. I'm Roy, and I'm a magic addict" "Hi Roy" Blood Mage-Warcraft III

"Hey, Bastards. Knock Knock" Johnson-Halo 2

"What if you miss?" "I won't" Cortana/Cheif-Halo 2

Ass-kissing slave: But, Master Betty, what of the Chosen One?

Betty: Hmm... I'll kill him. I'll kill him dead. Like... like... with a rock, or something. --Kung Pow: Enter the Fist

"Well, Bill, Jenova's clearly evil, and legend says that she already wiped out a race of hippies. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Let's inject her genes into some babies! Hey, you got a kid, doncha? Bring that little guy in here! I'll get the needle!" --Final Fantasy VII Fanchise Player, GameSpot.com

Calvin: "I don't need parents. All I need is a recording saying 'Go play outside'." --Calvin and Hobbes

"My Greyhound is smarter than your Honors Student" --Bumper Sticker

"The Word used for "Hell" in this chapter is "Jigoku" whereas the "Hell" Sesshomaru went to was called "Makai". Sesshomaru goes to a different Hell than everyone else because he's just that Badass." --Editor's Note on Fan-translated Inuyasha Chapter 510

Yami: Bullying people is just wrong! Destroying people's brains with magical powers is a-okay! --Yu-Gi-Oh, Abridged Series

Prince: Everyone always said that I wouldn't be able to find my own ass in a sandstorm. Now, here I am proving them right. --Prince of Persia

Prince: Next time you want your daughter's approval, try buying her a pony. The Apocalipse just doesn't cut it. --Prince of Persia

Barf: I'm a Mog. Half man, half dog! I'm my own best friend! --Spaceballs

Gohan: Come to think of it... I haven't asked my mother if I can compete in the World Martial Arts tournement. Wouldn't that be something... (Imatates Annoucer Guy) Gohan, Son of Goku, will not be competing in the tournement this year because his mommy won't let him! --Dragon Ball Z Episode 190

Sokka: Well... you've pretty much mastered Airbending, and that only took you one hundred and twelve years. I'm sure you can master three more elements by the end of summer. -Avatar: The Last Airbender

Question: How many miles per gallon does Optimus Prime get? Answer: That's a good question. But Optimus Prime doesn't actually run on gasoline. He runs on the blood of non-Christians. Which is actually quite terrifying...

Toph: (catches Gang in her garden) What are you doing here, Twinkletoes?

Aang: How'd you know it was me?

Sokka: Don't answer to 'Twinkletoes'! It's not manly!

Katara: You're the one whose bag matches his belt. --Avatar, Season 2 Episode "The Blind Bandit"

Lin: I can't believe it... when I become the Emperor... I'll slander you in the pages of Xing history as the "Man Who Fed a Shoe to the Emperor"...

Edward: Really? That's great! Edward Elric just carved his name into the history of Xing! – Full Metal Alchemist Vol. 13, Chapter 51

Genesis Copy: (eats Zack's hair)

Zack: What the heck? He just ATE my hair!

Genesis: The Suzie cells that you have within...

Zack: He just ATE my hair!

Genesis: ...that you have within you...

Zack: He just ATE my hair!

Genesis: ... will allow me to grow yet another...

Zack: He just ATE my hair!

Genesis: ... yet another hair...

Zack: He just ATE my...

Genesis: Yes! He ate your hair! Sheesh! How hard is it to get that?!

Zack: (breaks free of Genesis' copy's grips) For the record, I could have done that... at any time!

Genesis: So... you just LET him eat your hair?

Zack: Wait? He ate my hair?

Genesis: YES! HE ATE YOUR HAIR! HE ATE IT! YOUR HAIR HAS BEEN EATTEN! HE PUT YOUR HAIR IN HIS MOUTH, SWALLOWED IT, AND ATE IT! SHEESH! HONESTLY! IT'S NOT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND!! --Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII parody, Episode 15

"The only thing in the world that can hurt Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris... and Kataang. Zutara couldn't even make Richard Simmons wet his pants."

Sue Sylvester: "I'm going to the nearest shelter. I'm going to buy you a kitty cat. I'll let you fall in love with that kitty cat. And then one day, in the dead of night, I'm going to break into your house and punch you in the face!" -Glee

Dane Cook: (Talking about suicide notes) I can't imagine why someone would decide to kill themselves. So, one day, I was curious. In order to get into that frame of mind, I decided to write a suicide note. And you know what I found? When you have a suicide note that's written by a guy who doesn't really want to die, it's not called a suicide note. It's an autobiography! I'm on chapter 57!

Ironman: Eh. I like the attention. You mean to tell me you've never revealed your secret identity before?

Batman: Uh... no.

Superman: Ha! Try every girl you've ever dated!

Batman: What?

Superman: (imitates Batman) Oh, I'm Bruce Wayne and I like you. Let me tell you my big secret!

Batman: Oh, you're one to talk, Mr. Mind-Eraser!

Superman: Oh! Don't even... I will Freeze-Breath your face off!

Batman: No you won't.

Superman: ... You're right, I won't. I love this guy. Up top! (they high-five).

How Ironman Should Have Ended

Namekian Warrior: Stop right there!

Freeza: Oh look! More baby seals!

NW: We're here to stop this senseless slaughter of our people!

Freeza: Ninety-two.

NW: This has gone on for too long! And now, you're going to pay!

Freeza: Three hundred and fifty-five.

NW: We are... we--what are you...?

Freeza: No, go on. Continue. Don't mind me.

NW: And... we are the ones who will stop you!

Freeza: Oh! Wow! Four hundred and nineteen!

NW: That's it! What the hell are you doing?

Freeza: Oh, sorry. It's a little hobby of mine. I hear these heroic speeches so wearily often, so I started making of mental list of how many times I've heard certain lines.

NW: You... you insane bastard!

Freeza: One hundred and ninety.

NW: Yeah, well... uh... We're going to... f your FACE!

Freeza: Oh oh oh, my! Twelve! Dragon Ball Z Abridged Episode 14

Nappa: Vegeta...I'll take a potato chip...and EAT IT! (get another chip) Take a potato chip... and EA-NOM NOM NOM (cough) yummy. (Nappa's Potato Chip)

There is no black or white, only shades of gray.

No one solution applies to all problems.

Every rule has an exception.

Always have a Plan B, and have a Plan C whenever possible.

Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet. Just in case.

The first rule of combat...never say 'Oops' always say 'Ahh...intriguing'..that way you at least appear smart.

Life is like a journey...and if you don't have a bag of chips to snack on along the way, your screwed.

When a girls 'monthly friend' comes over for dinner...just smile and nod and maybe you'll live...maybe.

This place SUCKS! (you: Uh...whys that?) There are NO video games or hockey!! How will I ever survive in this hell hole!? (you: ...Dumbass.)

Dude, you better watch what you say. Robert will beat your head so hard your descendents will feel it 1 million years from now.'Glances at Robert nerbously' I would know...it happens to me alot...'rubs back of his helmet' and lemme tell ya...you'll learn fast.

Dude, you better stop kissing your own ass!..'stops and thinks...' How do you bend that way? Can you teach me!?(Robert slaps for head: "Shut up Tyler.") What? It's amazing that he is a world champion butt kisser! ("Whatever...")

(Sasuke: Where is Kakashi?) Probably having some bonding time with his books... (Sasuke: shudders)

(Looks at crater Robert made) Why do you always do that to people Robert!? It leaves marks! Physically AND mentally! (Robert: Duh...)

MAN!! NO!! I have to go through puberty AGAIN! That was my awkward stage! (Robert: What do you mean 'was'?)Shutup!

I think someone needs a hug. (Robert: Touch me and die...)

The world is a messed up place, and to tell you the truth, I like it that way.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking that you're thinking I'm thinkng because if you think that I think I'm thinking then we've got a problem? (Naruto: ...What?)

When life gives you lemons, make apple juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it. (Robert: That kinda makes sense.) It did?...HOLY SHIT HELL JUST FROZE OVER!!

Dragon Ball Z Abridged Quotes

Krillin: Destructo Disk!

Piccolo: *half dead* Lame...

Nappa: oooooooooh a Frisbee I'm gonna catch it!

Vegeta: No Nappa it's a trick!

Nappa: O_O But Vegeta! Trix are for kiiiiids...

Vegeta: o_0 uh never mind catch it, catch it with your teeth.

Nappa: YAY! like a doggy.

Kid Gohan: I'm going to eviscerate you and use you're gastrointestinal tract as a condom while I fornicate with your skull!

Nappa:...wha?

Kid Gohan: I'M GONNA SKULL FUCK YOU!!! *energy charge* MASENKO!

Nappa: (deflect masenko) Ahhhhhh bitch please.

Nappa: Hay Vegeta?

Vegeta: What is it Nappa?

Nappa: We're in prison Vegeta.

Vegeta: Yes I noticed...

Nappa: Vegeta?

Vegeta: What?

Nappa: Don't drop the soap.

Vegeta: I swear to God Nappa I will ship you.

Nappa: *in space pod* Are we there yet?

Vegeta: No.

Nappa: Are we thre yet?

Vegeta: No.

Nappa: Are we there yet.

Vegeta: NO!

Nappa: Are we there yet?

Vegeta: Yes...

Nappa: *crash into building and roads*...Yaaaaaaaaaay!

Vegeta: Nappa what happened to your armor?

Nappa: I had a HELL of a day Vegete! I killed there battleship...and there whales!

Aquaman: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Vegeta: Looks like it's your turn to teach them a lesson Nappa.

Nappa: Yep right outta Saiyan University!

Vegeta: Hold on You went to college?

Nappa: Yup!

Vegeta: What could someone like you POSSIBLY major in?

Nappa: Child Psychology!

Kid Gohan: Well that sound very interest-

Nappa: WITH A MINOR IN PAIN! *cuts Teinshen's hand*

You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'.

Life is wasted on the living.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money !)

Death is hereditary.

There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.

An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

"I could hate you, but that would take time and energy I don't feel like expending." -Goddess of the Chibi Dragon

"I reject your reality, and substitute my own!" -Adam Savage (MythBusters)

"Oh, I'm sorry, do you have a plan to go along with that grenade?" -Nathan Drake (Uncharted 2)

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind." -Mahatma Ghandi

“Two things are infinite: the universe, and human stupidity- and I’m not sure about the universe.” -Albert Einstein

"Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes." -Mahatma Ghandi

"It don't matter if you're black or white... I'm not gonna spend my life bein' a color." -Michael Jackson (Black or White)

"Any man can handle adversity. If you truly want to test a man's character, give him power." -Abraham Lincoln

"Close only counts in horseshoes, and hand grenades." -Agent Gibbs (NCIS)

"There is little that can withstand a man who can conquer himself." -King Louis XIV

"Society will not be whole until the last king is strangled with the guts of the last priest." -Mary Wollstorecraft

"If you can't dazzle 'em with your brilliance, baffle 'em with your bullshit." -smashbrawlguy's dad

"In an insane world, a sane man is seen as insane." -Craig Andrews

“I’ve got a bullet with your name on it. And I’m gonna’ keep on firing until I figure out which one it is!” Which is why we have full auto.

Wouldn't it be fun to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate? Anon.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and then the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up. Anon.

"We could all take a lesson from crayons: some are sharp, some are beautiful, some have weird names, all are different colors, but they still learn to live in the same box."-Unknown

"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe striving to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning." --Rich Cook

“You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.” - Unknown

“If I had no sense of humor then I would have committed suicide long ago.” - Mahatma
Gandhi

Jesse: (Scottish accent) Screw the universe! --Dude, Where's My Car?

Red Foreman: Bad stuff doesn't happen to you because of bad luck. Bad stuff happens to you because you're a dumbass." --That 70's Show

random dude i copied this from: Ziplock Body Bags! Keep your bodies fresher... longer!

random dude i copied this from: Dear Santa... I can explain...

"I have seen that look in a dog's eyes, that brief look of amazed contempt. And I am basically convinced that dogs think that humans are nuts." --John Steinbeck

FanFiction 101: Rules, Facts, and Lessons for n00bs

1. Always do research before writing a story. Skewed facts can ruin even the most well-written and thought-out story.

2. Don't forget to proofread. No one's going to like your story if they can't read it. Also, bad punctuation and spelling are the mark of a horrible story.

3. Keep things realistic. That means no crazy-powerful OC's who can defeat the normal characters in one blow. (See also: "Gary-Stu"/"Mary-Sue")

4. Sufficient plot development can solve almost anything. You want to kill off a main character? Go ahead. Just make sure you've got plenty of solid reasoning behind it.

5. No flaming. If someone flames you, keep a level head and make sure it's not just constructive criticism. If it is a flame, you should: A) Report it to the administrators, and B) Block the flamer. You don't have to put up with their crap. And by all means, lead by example. These things can snowball really fast.

6. Follow the ratings. There are children here.

7. Don't post a story without intending to finish it (Unless otherwise stated). It's a HUGE disappointment to discover a great story and then realize it's not finished. If you have no choice, at least put "DISCONTINUED" in the summary. Or, delete the story from the FF archives as a last resort.

8. Ask for help. None of the higher-ups here got where they are all by themselves.

9. Don't forget to review. Even if it's just a kind word, it still makes people happy to know that someone is reading their stuff.

10. In your description, NEVER ask people to read your story. Ninety-nine percent of the time, that's a symbol of a desperate n00b who can't write for shit.

11. No OC Gary-Stus or Mary-Sues, AKA 12-to-14-year-olds who put themselves in their stories. You suck and nobody wants to hear about your delusions of grandeur.

0*00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000*0

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don 't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

A simple friend wonders about your romantic history. A real friend could blackmail you with it.
A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book.
A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest. A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps themselves.

FRIENDS/BEST FRIENDS

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.

BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"

FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.

BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.

FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.

BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"

FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.

BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.

FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.

BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.

FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.

BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"

FRIENDS: Will help you move.

BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.

BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!" we messed up!

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

BEST FRIENDS: Won't tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.

BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.

BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)

BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.

BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!

FRIENDS: Would read ignore this.

BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this shit!

She said that she wanted to get high- he took her to the tallest hill in town.
She said that she wanted to stay up all night & drink- he gave her a 12 pack of caffeinated Pepsi & said ‘drink up’
She said that she wanted to shoot herself- he gave her a water gun, put her finger on the trigger & aimed it at her face.
She said that she wanted to cut herself up- he took a Polaroid of her, handed it to her along w. scissors & had her cut it up.
She said that she wanted to see her blood- he took her to get her ears pierced.
She said that she wanted to cry herself to sleep- he had her watch a sad romantic movie before bed.
She said that she wanted to be alone- he gave her a nametag that sad "my name is: ALONE."
She said that she wanted to have someone there to take care of her, always; he asked when he wasn’t.

These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods..

On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. (Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn't that save more time?

On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children. (You mean to tell me we're NOT supposed to put knives into our kids?)

On a string of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (That gives us very limited options...)

On a food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. (but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. (somebody got paid big bucks to write this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands. (Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

On Bath Salts Directions: put in water. (NO WAYYY!)

On Brownie Mix Directions: preheat oven, mix brownie mix eggs, water and oil, bake, eat. (you... you can EAT brownies?!)

Random Facts

A polar bear's skin is black. Its fur is not white, but actually clear.

‘Stewardesses’ is the longest word typed with only the left hand.

(hands up who actually tried this!)

Shakespeare invented the words "assassination" and "bump."

If you keep a goldfish in the dark room, it will eventually turn white.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.

The names of the continents all end with the same letter with which they start.

Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks or

it will digest itself. (YUCK!)

The dot over the letter "i" is called a tittle.

A duck's quack doesn't echo. No one knows why.

On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily!

Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.

There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with orange, purple and silver.

The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin in World War 2 killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.

If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.

(Who was the sadist who discovered this??)

Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.

Sherlock Holmes NEVER said "Elementary, my dear Watson".

The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.

Bats always turn left when exiting a cave!!

Coca-Cola was originally green.

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.

The state with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska

The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28

The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38

The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: 6,400

The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000

The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.

The youngest pope was 11 years old.

The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.

Those San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:

Spades - King David

Hearts - Charlemagne

Clubs -Alexander, the Great

Diamonds - Julius Caesar

Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you like me?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you want me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you cry if I left?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you live for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you do anything for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Choose--me or your life

Boy: My life

The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says...

The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.

The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.

The reason I don't want you is because I need you.

The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.

The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.

The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.

The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life

Girls

are like

apples on trees.

The best ones are

at the top of the tree. The

boys don't want to reach

for the good ones because they

are afraid of falling and getting hurt.

Instead, they just get the rotten apples

from the ground that aren't as good,

but easy. So the apples at the top think

something is wrong with them, when in

reality, they're amazing. They just

have to wait for the right boy to

come along, the one who's

brave enough to

climb all

the way

to the top

of the tree

OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

RIP we shall remember

Random Things To Say To Random People You Pass

Is Dr. Pepper a real doctor? I'm getting suspicious I don't think he's qualified to be a soft drink.

Can you dance?

Self Control.

Hey Mack wanna see my sundial?

Help me someone stold my illegal Drugs.

Hey, how many rings are around Uranus?

Can you hold my weed for me there is a cop coming.

If i hit you would you get mad?

Nice shirt, can i have it?

Finger-traps they are Satan reincarnated into a cardboard tube.

I haven't seen you in forever man. Oh wait I don't know you... I haven't seen you in forever man.

Have you ever contemplated Suicide?

You know i'm one sexy-Beast.

Will you marry me?

If you touch mine I'll touch yours.

Hey i just destroyed that bathroom man.

I'm Out of My Mind.

My idea light bulb just burned out do you know a store that carries them?

Hey, do you wanna see my five dollar man-slong?

All we wanna do is eat your brains.

Hey where is that poison drink I just put down?

FUCK YOU MAN I WANT COOKIES!

So um do you have a sister?

Are you my father?

So um do you have a Brother?

Hey peeing yellow lately?

Need a moment?

Don't look at me in the tone of voice.

Why?

Have you seen a dead kid around here? No? Okay good that means no one will find him.

Be happy that you can't be happy.

Sex is more than fun it is really fun.