THE TPWABW (THE PEOPLE WHO AREN'T BRAINWASHED) SOCIETY WOULD LIKE TO THANK YOU FOR ALL THE TIME YOU SPENT WRITING FANFICS. PLEASE GO ON WITH YOU DAILY LIVES; BE WARNED WE WILL HUNT DOWN AND NITPICK EVERY MARY-SUE EVER. - Texas

We like to review badly written stories in which people make Mary Sues and just overly horrible stories. Like, bad grammar and shit and all that. And, if we give you a good review, we're either a friend of yours (usually Texas, as she is the actual owner of this account... I have my own) or we actually like your story. Sometimes, I'm on anon. - Sunshine.

About Us: I'm Sunshine, the good cop. Texas and I are best friends. This is her account. She's the bad cop. She's a bit harsher than me. Also, THIS IS HER ACCOUNT, so she puts her own opinions on this page. I happen to be at her house today, so I'm doing this from her account. Again, she and I are two different people, so WE HAVE DIFFERING OPINIONS. Not everything she favorites is shit I like. Just saying.

I apologize if Texas makes grammar or spelling mistakes. I do my best to be a grammar Nazi without being an asshole. She likes being the bad cop. We'll sign our reviews as either "Sunshine", "Texas", or "Texas and Sunshine". - Sunshine.

SHIPPPING I DO NOT LIKE:

Harry potter x Mary Sue

InuYasha x Mary Sue

Tamaki Suoh x Mary Sue

(the list goes on, just think of any boy/Girl and add Mary/Gary sue's just add hate in front )

25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don 't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Hetalia Pledge

I promise... to remember Italy whenever someone mentions pasta; to remember Germany whenever someone says West.

To remember Japan whenever I see an Asian tourist taking pictures; to remember America whenever I see someone eating a Big Mac.

I promise to remember England whenever I watch Doctor Who or Harry Potter; to remember France whenever I see a rose.

To remember China whenever I see Hello Kitty; to remember Russia whenever I see a sun flower.

I promise to remember Lithuania whenever I see a guy being pushed around; to remember Estonia whenever I see a smart guy being pushed around; to remember Latvia whenever I see a scared guy being pushed around.

I promise to remember Belarus whenever I see a girl demanding to marry her older brother; to remember Ukraine whenever I hear and/or see HUGE boobs.

To remember Sweden whenever I pass by an IKEA; to remember Finland whenever I hear someone say 'my wife'.

I promise to remember Spain whenever I see a tomato field; to remember Romano whenever I see a kid pouting and screaming.

To remember Hungary whenever I see a frying pan; to remember Austria whenever I hear someone play the piano.

I promise to remember Prussia whenever I hear someone say AWESOME; to remember Poland whenever I pass a Valley Girl.

To remember Switzerland whenever I see a guy with a gun; to remember Liechtenstein whenever I see a girl wearing a bow in her hair.

I promise to remember Turkey whenever I think about Phantom of the opera; to remember Greece whenever I see a sleeping man with a cat.

To remember Egypt whenever I see a pyramid and or triangle; to remember Canada whenever I see pancakes.

I promise to remember Cuba whenever I see a fat guy eating ice-cream; to remember Sealand whenever I see boat.

To remember Grandpa Rome whenever I see someone way to young to be a grandfather; to remember Germania whenever I see Legolas from LotR.

I promise to remember Holy Roman Empire whenever I see a boy to nervous to confess that he loves someone; and to always remember to be a Hetalia fan!

I was walking around in a store. I saw a cashier hand this little boy his money back saying "I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll." Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?'' The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.'' Then she asked him to stay there for 5 minutes while she went to look around. She left quickly. The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand. Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to. "It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for this Christmas. She was so sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her." I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus will bring it to her after all, and not to worry. But he replied to me sadly. "No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there." His eyes were so sad while saying this. "My sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.'' My heart nearly stopped. The little boy looked up at me and said: "I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall." Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me "I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me." "I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister." Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly. I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. "What if we checked again, just in case you do have enough money?'' "OK" he said "I hope that I have enough." I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money. The little boy said: "Thank you God for giving me enough money!" Then he looked at me and added "I asked yesterday before I slept for God to make sure I have enough money to buy this doll so that mommy can give it to my sister. He heard me!'' "I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.'' "My mommy loves white roses." A few minutes later, the old lady came again and I left with my basket. I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind. Then I remembered a local newspaper article: 2 days ago, which mentioned of a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car, where there was one young lady and a little girl. The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-assisting machine, because the young lady would not be able to recover from the coma. Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the newspaper that the young lady had passed away. I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before burial. She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest. I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed forever. The love that this little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him. Now you have 2 choices:

1) Repost this message. 2) Ignore it as if it never touched you. have a heart

BEST FRIENDS N FRIENDS:

FRIENDS: never ask anything to eat or drink

BEST FRIENDS: Help themselves and is the reason you never have any food

FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. Mrs and grandma and grandpa by there last/first names

BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents MOM and DAD GRAMS AND GRANDPA

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail

BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying DANG we screwed up

FRIENDS: Will pick out a cute chick-flick to watch with you on movie night

BEST FRIENDS: Will pick out "The Ring" for movie night then scare you and herself in the process

FRIENDS: Never seen you cry

BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell anyone else you cry... just laugh about it when your not down anymore

FRIENDS: Meet your boyfriend and say nice to meet you

BEST FRIENDS: Meet your boyfriend and scare the crap out of him by threatening to break every bone in his body if he hurts your best friend

FRIENDS: Will say you can do better

BEST FRIENDS: Will call him and say"you have seven days to live"

FRIENDS: Ask why you're crying

BEST FRIENDS: Already have a shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry

FRIENDS: Will help you move

BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move a dead body

FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall

BEST FRIENDS: continues walking while saying, "Walk much, retard?"

FRIENDS: gives you their umbrella in the rain

BEST FRIENDS: takes yours and says, "RUN, LOSER, RUN!"

FRIENDS: wipes your tears when your rejected

BEST FRIENDS: goes up to him and says, "It's because your gay isn't it?"

FRIENDS: Tell you that you look nice.

BEST FRIENDS: Say your outfit looks like throw up, and then help you find a new one 10 minutes before school starts.

FRIENDS: Say "good luck" when you go get your ears pierced.

BEST FRIENDS: Help pick out your studs, take before&after pictures of your earlobes, and then put up with the unending questions and mirror-staring.

FRIENDS: Roll their eyes when you start rambling yet again about your boyfriend.

BEST FRIENDS: Start gushing with you

FRIENDS: Smile when you get obsessed with something.

BEST FRIENDS: Get obsessed with you.

FRIENDS: Say "see you later!"

BEST FRIENDS: Say "I LUUUUUHHHVVV you! DON'T LEAAVVEE!" and then tackle/hug you.

FRIENDS: Ask you to write down your number

BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial

FRIENDS: Forgive you.

BEST FRIENDS: Hold a fake grudge against you until you let them borrow a hair band

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff and gives it back a few days later

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "my bad .. here's a tissue"

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography about your life

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what everyone else is doing

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowd butts that left you

FRIENDS: Tell jokes with you.

BEST FRIENDS: Have countless inside jokes with you

FRIENDS: Tell you that you're the most annoying thing on earth.

BEST FRIENDS: Say the same thing, except then they laugh and say "I guess that counts for me too!"

FRIENDS: Annoy you.

BEST FRIENDS: Annoy you, but then make you laugh.

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door

BEST FRIENDS: Would walk right in and say,"I'M HOME"

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell

BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell

FRIENDS: Are through high school /college

BEST FRIENDS: Are for life

FRIENDS: comfort you when you fight with your boyfriend

BEST FRIENDS: go over to his house and kick his butt

FRIENDS: tell you to forget it when you say you want to vandalize a guy's house

BEST FRIENDS: the ones getting fined by the police with you

FRIENDS: Think your insane for jumping off a roof onto a trampoline

BEST FRIENDS: Are jumping right after you

FRIENDS: come over every couple of months for a sleepover

BEST FRIENDS: are your weekend boarders

FRIENDS: are offended when you make fun of them

BEST FRIENDS: kick your butt and all's forgiven

FRIENDS: are shy around your boyfriend

BEST FRIENDS: will tease him till he blushes redder than a fire engine

FRIENDS: don't see you if you're sick

BEST FRIENDS: are why you're sitting in bed under a blanket with a thermometer, book, and your phone

FRIENDS: call you retarded for running threw bleachers yelling "IT'S PICKLE TIME!"

BEST FRIENDS: are screaming and running with you

FRIENDS: Will ignore this

BEST FRIENDS: Will love this crap.

I stole this from Nightmare Zane,Who stole it from,

King Cairo, who stole this from JazzyKat, who stole it from Crown-Daydreamer who stole it from Saphiress who stole it from Saciice who stole it from VampireWithTheGoldenEyes who stole it from Black7369, because it is indeed fricken hilarious:

Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts:

1) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.

2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office.

3) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.

4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.

5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar.

6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination.

7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after me lucky charms."

8) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this years Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's taste-less, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.

9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus' "time of the month."

10) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand.

12) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force."

13) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work."

14) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot.

15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it.

16) I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive.

17) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast.

18) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day."

19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways.

20) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor.

21) I will not say the phrase, "Get a Life" to Voldemort.

22) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy.

23) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling.

24) I will stop referring to showering as "Giving Moaning-Myrtle an eye-full."

25) I will not make, "OMGWTF" a spell.

26) It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate.

27) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways.

28) I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor shall I insist that their color's indicate that they're "covered in bees."

29) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.

30) I will not go to class skyclad.

31) I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "Told you I was Hard Core."

32) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.

33) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.

34) I will not start every potion's class by asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as Body Lotion.

35) I will not call the Weasly twins, "bookends."

36) I will not call the Patil twins, "bookends."

37) I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak.

38) There is no such thing as a were-thylacine.

39) I will not give Luna Lovegood Coast-To-Coast AM transcripts.

40) Tricking a school House Elf to strip of its clothing does not make it mine. Yes, even when I yell out "PWND!"

41) I do not weigh the same as a Duck.

42) I do not have a Dalek Patronus.

43) I will not lick Trevor.

44) Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labeled, "Firewhiskey."

45) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween.

46) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself to seriously.

47) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions.

48) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet.

49) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice.

50) I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God.

OTHER THINGS I AM NOT ALLOWED TO DO OR SAY AT HOGWARTS:

"If Death Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade I will not point at the sky and shout TO THE BAT MOBILE!"

"I will not charm a thousand shampoo bottles to follow Snape around, throwing themselves at his head, and then claimed a potted plant told me to do it."

"I will not ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling."

"I will not call Draco Malfoy the amazing...bouncing...Ferret."

"I will not say 'dude, get a life' to the Dark Lord."

"I will not ask Professor Snape why he stole Batman's cape."

"I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my calculus book."

"I will not sing "We're off to see the wizard!" when sent to the headmasters office."

"I will not bring a magic eight ball to Divination."

"If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of the situation and draw a Dark Mark on their arm."

"I am not allowed to make lightsaber sounds with my wand."

"I will not attempt to slide down all the banisters in Hogwarts."

"I will not draw a twirly mustache on the face of the Fat Lady in permanent marker... ... and then proceed to do the same to all the other portraits in the castle."

"I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing."

"I will not follow potions instructions in reverse order just to see what happens."

"I will not tell the first years that running up to Draco Malfoy screaming and hugging him will bring them good luck."

"I will not give Severus Snape lots of hair care products on his birthday."

"I will not change the Slytherin Common room password to 'Gryffindor Rules'"

"I am not allowed to bleach professor Snape's hair."

"Asking people if they want to see my puppy named fluffy, and then leading them to the Forbidden corridor and locking them inside could be deadly and is not allowed. That is why it is forbidden."

"I am not allowed to dye Ron's hair green. . . . Nor Draco's red. . . . Or Harry's blue, Hermione's purple, Dean's yellow, Fred and George's rainbow. . ."

"I'm not allowed to tell Professor Trelawney that I just Saw her death and it was in 2 minutes and 42 seconds."

"Forcing any person/staff/creature in the school to switch gender is not allowed."

"I am not allowed to put unknown ingredients into the lunch goblets to 'See what would happen'."

"I'm bored is not an excuse to charm paper balls to chase Professor Flitwick around the classroom."

"I am not allowed to keep a creature from the Forbidden Forest under my bed, especially if it is much larger than my bed."

"Charming Ron's clothes to run away from him screaming 'RAPE!!' is wrong, no matter how many people laughed when he ran into the Great Hall naked except for a towel."

"Dragons are illegal. The police don't care that you already bought a year's supply of food and it is not refundable. The dragon will be confiscated."

"I am not allowed to use compulsion charms to make the Slytherins sing "It's Okay To Be Gay" in the Great Hall."

"I am not allowed to use unforgivable on any living person. . . No reason is acceptable, even if they annoyed me."

I am not allowed to throw water on lord Voldemort to see if he will melt, that will result in my death and no one will feel sorry for me.

I am to sit at my own house table, every day and every meal . . . no exceptions.

If I call professor Umbridge, professor "UmBitch" I will get detention, even if I am not talking to her directly. She is still my superior and deserve me respect, no matter how stupid she really is.

Filling the entire Great Hall with Jell-O is not allowed, even if it is cherry and nobody doesn't like cherry.

I am not allowed to shrink any of the professors, and selling "pocket-sized Professors" to other children is wrong.

I am not allowed to give twenty different people polyjuice potion with either Fred or George Weasley's hair in it making it so we have 22 identical people running around. . . . I am not supposed to have polyjuice potion to begin with and I am not allowed to use it . . . ever.

Dumbledore is not Santa, telling first years that he is, is rude.

When addressing a teacher I should call them Professor, sir or ma'am . . . Master, mistress, lord, lady, and God are not correct ways to talk to a teacher.

When I ask Harry if I may ride his broom I MUST be talking about his Firebolt, any other interpretation will be considered sexual harassment.

I am not allowed to give miss Norris cat nip and then let her loose in the Great Hall.

If you think the evil kids should stop being selfish with the Trix cereal and just give some to the stinking rabbit, copy this onto your profile

If you have ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you have ever walked into a wall, copy this onto your profile

If you have ever fallen backwards off of a chair, copy this onto your profile

If you have read past 2 in the morning, copy this onto your profile

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile

If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy this to your profile

If you have ever had a thumb war with yourself, copy and paste this into your profile

If you or your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile

If you don't watch Laguna Beach, the O.C., or The Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

"I'm bringing sexy back..." Copy and paste this into your profile if you never even knew sexy was gone.

If you want to fire and/or sue those bloody weather men for giving you false hope so often (for snow days or something)...Copy and paste this to your profile, so we know who to call when we lead an angry mob :)

If you have a true friend, copy this into your profile

If you read peoples profiles, looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy this into your profile

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever thrown something at your television when you saw a character you despised, whether it be a piece of popcorn, a fork, or a chair, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have WAY too much time on your hands and your on fanfiction.net with that time, copy and paste this in your profile.

FAN FICTION: MY ANTI-DRUG. because, who has time for drugs if you're reading and plotting and writing and checking reviews? If this is true for you, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile.

If you believe that preps travel in packs then place this on your profile.

98 of teenagers do drugs, have sex, and drink alcohol...put this in your profile if you like chocolate chip cookies.

If you were insane, crazy, and/or random, before being crazy, insane, and/or random was cool, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you don't have a problem with homosexuals, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever had a random spazz out moment in the middle of class or a quiet room, put this in your profile.

95% of the teenage population would be in a crisis if Miley Cyrus, Justin Beiber, the Jonas Brothers, and Selena Gomez were on top of a 5 story building. Copy and paste this into your profile if you're one of the 5% that would be screaming into a bullhorn, "JUMP, BITCHES, JUMP!!!

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty

uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal

pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a

rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't

mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the

olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer

be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl

mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed

ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling

was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

If you can understand this, post it on your profile.

You Know You're An Author If...
You talk to yourself a lot. (Alot meaning all the time...)

You talk to yourself about talking to yourself.

When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else.

After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow,this stuff is great for sugar highs..."

You live off of sugar and caffeine (the two greatest things ever discovered!)

You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth.

You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.

When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.

You tend to collect Bic Stics off the ground like picking pennies off the ground.

No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.

The letters on your keyboard are wearing off.

Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome.

People think you have A.D.H.D.

You think it'd be cool to have A.D.H.D.

You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.

You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason

Your friends stopped looking at you funny when you laugh for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout, "AMEN!"

5.Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6.In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Marijuana

7.Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'.

9. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11.Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream'I Won! I Won!'

18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner,'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'

20 And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity .

For Inuyasha Fans!!! (Like myself! XD)
Normal people: Don't believe in demons, there's no way they exist.

Inuyasha Fans: Believe in them because they are in human form like Sexy Sesshomaru-sama!

Normal people: Don't believe in time travel.

Inuyasha Fans: Shove those people down the bone eaters well.

Normal people: Throw away a rusty old sword.

Inuyasha Fans: Keep it! It could be Tetsusaiga! (Then Inuyasha'll come and get it)

Normal people: Wouldn't take the risk if it meant endangering themselves.

Inuyasha Fans: Go for it! Inuyasha'll protect us! (Or Sesshomaru if you're a friend of Rin)

Normal people: Don't care about the moon.

Inuyasha Fans: Obsess over the moon. It's Inuyasha's time of the month (Well that sounded wrong :P )

Normal people: Think animal parts on humans are freaky.

Inuyasha Fans: Love animalistic features! Ears for Inuyasha! Tails for Sesshomaru and Koga! Fangs for all and claws for all! And Fox feet for Shippo-chan!

Normal people: Call Inuyasha a childish cartoon.

Inuyasha Fans: Instantly duck and cover as the demons take revenge... then join in. Or Even better, become assassins for those who dare to call it a cartoon!

Normal people: Don't realize what the drop in temperature means.

Inuyasha Fans: Know that Kikyo is lurking about eating souls of innocent women. (Zombie woman! Run for your lives! AHHHH!)

Normal people: Say that money is power.

Inuyasha Fans: Wave the Sacred jewel around and wish for more than that. (Maybe a boy character or two...)

Normal people: Hit the person who just groped them and think they are sick.

Inuyasha Fans: Know that it's only Miroku's incarnation or one of his lectures decendants... (Then hit them anyway)

Normal people: Don't think a boomarang could be a weapon.

Inuyasha Fans: Introduce the non-believers to Sango in a rage.

Normal people: Think long haired boys are girly.

Inuyasha Fans: Wouldn't ever cut a teenager boy's hair if he looked like one of the hotties!

Normal people: Wouldn't know why the wind suddenly blew them over.

Inuyasha Fans: Know it's Kagura having a hissy fit when someone flirts with Sesshomaru.

Normal people: Would suddenly find themselves knocked out when they flirted with Kagome.

Inuyasha Fans: Would know better and would stay away from 'the hanyou's girl' on pain of death and a lot of Inuyasha beatings for being too close to his koishii.

Normal people: Wouldn't copy and past this because they wouldn't know what the hell this was about because they are NORMAL!!

Inuyasha Fans: Would instantly copy and past this to show the world how proud they are to be Inuyasha fans and would recommend it to all their friends! WE LOVE IT!

You say English, we say Japanese

You say cars, we say Nyan Cat

You say Justin Bieber, we say Vocaloid

You say swords, we say Bleach

You say reality, we say anime

You say comics, we say manga

You say countries, we say Hetalia

You say hello, we say konichiwa

You learn Japanese from classes, we learn from shows

You cry if a character dies, we have a rainbow of emotions

You only feel what your favorite person feels, we feel what everyone else is feeling

You crush on pop stars, we crush on anime characters

You think we're crazy, but we think you're just normal

You say souls, we say Soul Eater

You Say Ocean, We Say ONE PIECE

You Say Guild, We say FAIRY TAIL

You Say Ninja,We Say Naruto

You say notebook,We say DeathNote

You say Gay, We say Yaoi

You think we're fangirls/fanboys, but we're all Otakus.

Re-post if you're a Otaku and proud

I got this from Sylveon-bit-me

I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain.BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn't care if people call her weird, who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone: Iheartjake, TeamJacob101, Boysareadrag, The Dawn Is Breaking, secilmis yazar, Holly Marie Fowl, Liris, Meihua68, Jinmay-4-ever, Miss Ginny Weasley, SmartGirlD, JacobBlack'RAWR, Clumzylil'Pixiegrl10908, Glitterb1234, bananafreak97, UnderworldChick, Aduial Rana, littledragoneyes, Elf from Downunder, LotR-HP-PJ, Cupcake155, otakuchamasherlockluvr, Sylveon-bit-me,Angelica Felicity Brice

Ninety-five percent of kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley bored, Gem W, Bara- Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Carzy Billie Joe loving freak, shadow929, The Nerd, brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/ fairy to be, The Gypsy- Pirate Queen, MCR Rocks, Andrew Laplante, MajorDxSFanatic,teh queen of randomness, Xannijn, AnimeOtakuBara, Azulixa, PaigeBlackwood, Lovely Dovely, Crazy-Freaky-Anonymous-Author, otakuchamasherlockluvr, Sylveon-bit-me,Angelica Felicity Brice

93% of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7% who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?"; copy this into your profile, and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Vampire Scooby, Alannaswarrior, SpottedLilly, Alleyanna Cullen, hugs.4.all.the.emo.boyz, roughdiamond5, Random Little, Writer FanofSnicket, MissVioletBaudelaire13, Girl-With-No-Name x, craZharrypotterblondie, Dr. Rae, KoOLkaTMeoW13, Saiyansweetheart, RubytheDragon1999, cariomario123, FanO'theNinja121, otakuchamasherlockluvr, Sylveon-bit-me,Angelica Felicity Brice

A black man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only black man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him.

The white man said, "colored people are not allowed here."

The black man turned around and stood up. He then said:

"When I was born I was black,"

"When I grew up I was black,"

"When I'm sick I'm black,"

"When I go in the sun I'm black,"

"When I'm cold I'm black,"

"When I die I'll be black."

"But you sir..."

"When you're born you're pink,"

"When you grow up you're white,"

"When you're sick, you're green,"

"When you go in the sun you turn red,"

"When you're cold you turn blue,"

"And when you die you turn purple."

"And yet you have the nerve to call me colored"

The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...

Copy this onto your site and help stop racism!

You know you're obsessed with anime and manga when...

1) You see half of the word "potato" and think it's "Naruto".

2) You see a label saying "Black Binder" but you register it as "Black Butler".

3) You run through the pouring rain screaming "JUUUUVIAAA!"

4) You get onto a pirate ship and start looking for Monkey D. Fluffy.

5) You see a pink pearl, and try to activate "Pink Pearl Voice".

6) You see a snowman, and think Ellie has somehow made Plue bigger.

7) You see a rat, and look around for Yuki.

8) You see pasta on your dinner plate, and wonder if Italy will come to visit.

9) You see a mostly symmetrical piece of artwork, and wonder if Death the Kid will appear out of nowhere, declaring that it is off by one millimeter.

10) You see an A on your test, you double check the paper for the word "Special".

11) You hear/see instant coffee and think "COMMONERS COFFEE!!!"

12) You know all the hand signals from Naruto and can make them just as fast as they can.

13) See a skateboard with skulls on the bottom and wonder if if it's Beelzebub in real life.

14) See a stuffed bunny think "Usa-chan

15) you see identical twins and think "Hitachiin Twins"

Copy and paste this onto you're profile!

If you have ever (almost) taken over the world, but were distracted by something shiny, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have your own little world copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.

If you hate homework, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have a tendency to talk to your self, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're okay with laughing at yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever pretended to bend the elements, then copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you actually take the time to read other people's profiles, put this in yours.

If you constantly update your profile, put this in your profile.

If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to slap yourself/someone else, put this on your profile.

If you have ever slapped yourself on the head and/or banged your head on the table and/or hit your head on a shelf for no reason, put this in your profile.

You say Twilight. I say Harry Potter.
You say Vampires. I say Wizards.
You say Renesmee, the Half-Blood vampire. I say Professor Severus Snape, the Half-Blood Prince.
You say Jacob Black. I say Sirius Black.
You say Team Edward. I say Team Weasley.
You say Edward Cullen. I say Cedric Diggory.
You say Bella & Edward. I say Ron & Hermione.
You say Bella. I say Bellatrix.
You say the Volturis. I say the Malfoys.
You say Stephenie Meyer, the joker. I say J. K. Rowling, the Queen.
You say shapeshifters who change when they're pissed. I say werewolves who contort in the moonlight.
You say romance. I say adventure.
You say emo girl who can't fight her own battles. I say feisty ginger who packs a mean punch.
You say Washington. I say Scotland.
You say American. I say British.
You say divorce. I say death by evil leader.
You say Victoria. I say Voldemort.
You say Charlie. I say James.
You say 'Oh my gosh their making the final part into 2 movies'. I say 'Yeah, they're copying a series they can never live up to'.
You say 7 amazing years worth of emo girls and I-had-spicy-tuna vampires. I say 14 PHENOMENAL years worth of suspense, adventure, drama AND humor.

You're in a phase that will blow over in a year or two. I'm in an era that will never not see the light(:

Because Twilight is just a phase...Harry Potter is a way of life

I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.

I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch

I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell

I'm a CHRISTAN, soI MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.

I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.

I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.

I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.

I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so i must be GAY TOO.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST be a WHORE with a BIG BUTT

I'm a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude

I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.

I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.

I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black.
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil.
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.

I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.

I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED.
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish.
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, them burst into tears at one mistake
I DON'T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems

I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.

I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.

I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE.. So I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.

I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.

I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.

I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser.

I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy

I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.

I CHAT, I MUST be having cybersex.

I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins

I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion.
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.

I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.

I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.

I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.

I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.

I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy

I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy

I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas

I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.

Also add your own on here, if you use these add your name to the list and also put which one you put on here. Also PM the person who you got it from so that they can see what you put up and add it to their list, also then get that person to send the new ones to the person they originally got it from

I WEAR glasses so I MUST be a nerd (Crimson Hope)
I think DEATH is a gift so I MUST be suicidal
I have a LEARNING DISABILITY so I MUST be stupid
I'm a TOMBOY so I MUST be Lesbian
I go to a PRIVATE SCHOOL so I MUST BE RICH
I’m a PASSAVICE so I MUST be a wimp
I ACT so I MUST do it to be famous
I have FANTASY WORLDS so I MUST be crazy
I write SAD POETRY so I MUST be emo
I still remember my best friend from PRE-K so I must be obsessive
I DON’T like apple pie so I MUST not be American
I’m Nice to strangers so I MUST be naïve (Crimson Hope)

I say random things/make random noises so I MUST be insane. (Gooooodpie)
I am RICH so I MUST be happy.
I made up my own religion so I MUST have bad beliefs and be evil.
I don't understand about something so I MUST be a retard and uncapable of EVER learning it.
I go to my school's anime club (clan) so I MUST be a psycho, obsessive, fan person with nothing better to do with their life.
I hang out with the unpopulars so I MUST NOT be able to converse with the "cool kids/preps."
I talk to my self a lot so I MUST be psychotic.
I'm not super cheery some days so I MUST be in depression, doing drugs, smoking, and having sex. (Gooooodpie)

I USED to cut, so I MUST be emo. (Summer Snowstorm)
I used to cut, so I must be goth.
I used to cut so I must be sucicidal.
I play Neopets, so I must be immature.
I play pokemon so I must be immature.
I have friends on the Internet, so I must be stupid.
I have friends on the Internet so they must be pedos.
I don't like Twilight, so I must not be a girl.
I'm INTO vampires, so I MUST like Twilight.
I'm atheist in a Catholic/Christan household, so I MUST just be rebelling.
I dress differently, so it must be a phase.
I like anime so I must be a weebo.
I'm a fangirl, so I must be immature and squee a lot.
I support yaoi, so I must hate het and yuri.
I support het so I must hate yaoi and yuri.
I support yuri so I must hate yaoi and het.
I play Kingdom Hearts so I MUST support RikuxSora.
I like YAOI, so I MUST pair up every hot guy I see. (Summer Snowstorm)

I have dyslexia so I MUST not be able to read. (Black Dragon Valkyrie)

I go to Comicon so I MUST be a antisocial nerd (TPWABW)

I read a lot so I MUST be a walking dictionary (TPWABW)

Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door.

There is stupid coming out of your mouth hole again

God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made women.

So many boys, so many reasons to stay alone

I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...I was aiming for your face

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

When you’re down I may not be able to pick you back up, but I promise I’ll be willing to lay down right next to you

I hear your silence loud and clear

"If the heart is one of the strongest muscles, why is it so easy to break?"

"I wish I was eight again, because all had to do was tag me and I was it"

Children in front seats can lead to accidents. Accidents in backseats can lead to children

Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

Why do today what you could put off till tomorrow?

How can I miss you if you never left?

Education is important, school however, is another matter.

There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive

I bet Hitler could do that better than you

Newscasters are the people who tell you "Good evening" and then proceed to tell you why it's not.

I live in my own little world. But that's okay; they know me there.

If you can't convince them, confuse them

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.

Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

If your heart was really broken you'd be dead, so shut up.

You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.

Most teachers promote the three R's; Reading, 'Riting, and 'Rithmetic. Then there are those that promote three S's; Sit down, Shut up, and STOP DRIVING ME CRAZY!!

Don't you dare tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.

I didn't invent sarcasm, but I perfected it

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

If you can't join 'em, bribe 'em.

If you can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em.

If you can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em.

If you can't kill 'em, you're screwed.

Note to self: It is illegal to stab people for being stupid.

Don't upset me, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

Smile. It scares people.

What does not kill me had better run pretty darn fast!

Yeah I'm crazy, it runs in the family. What's your excuse?

There are very few problems that can not be solved using a large amount of explosives

I write for the same reason I breathe; if I didn't I would die

I used to have super powers but my therapist took them away

If it starts actually raining cats and dogs, don't go outside

(the answering machine)

Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you

Hi, this is the refrigerator. John's answering machine is broken but I'll give the message to John. Now just speak very slowly while i write down the message and stick it to myself with these little cute magnets

I'm out of my mind! but feel free to leave me a message

(end answering machine)

My doctor asked if any members of my family suffered from insanity, I replied, no, we all seem to enjoy it

Just remember, everything happens for a reason. So when I smack you upside the head, remember... I had a reason!

Whatever it is, I didn't do it. Unless I was supposed to do it, in which case I did it brilliantly

Bleach and latex gloves: $10... Plastic wrap, trash bags and duct tape: $ 20...Chainsaw: $200

The Horrified look on the cashiers face: PRICELESS!

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it

Instead of a sign that says "Do Not Disturb" I need one that says "Already Disturbed. Proceed With Caution."

I don't know about you, but a highlight of my childhood was talking into the fan to hear my robot voice

I couldn't ask for better friends. I could ask for normal friends, but where's the fun in that?!

My mission is accomplished. I ran down the street, threw skittles at people, said "TASTE THE FRIKKEN RAINBOW!" so it was a good day

I am so talented I can fall up the stairs, trip on flat surfaces, and get hit by a parked car. Aren't I just amazing? :)

sometimes I just want to run up to a stranger on the street and say 'YOU'RE IT!!' and then run away

I wonder if anyone else has road rage when pushing a cart through the aisles at Wal-Mart?

The 12-step chocoholics program: NEVER BE MORE THAN 12 STEPS AWAY FROM CHOCOLATE!

Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas

Sanity? I never had such a useless thing to begin with!

Who ever said that words don't hurt never got hit by a dictionary

Sarcastic?! ME?! Never!

Sometimes I wonder, 'Why is that Frisbee getting bigger?'... then it hits me

Friends ask why you're crying...Best friends already have the shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry

Sarcasm is not a free service I offer...It's a personality trait

I'm smiling. That alone should scare you

Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional

What you're looking for is always in the last place you look..." Well, DUH, smart one! After you find it, you stop looking!"

When life gives you lemons, Throw them back and yell "I want oranges!"

If a turtle is missing its shell is it homeless or naked?

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird

The voices and I took a vote, and you're insane

(On a T-Shirt) Who are you, and why are you reading my shirt?

Normal people worry me.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

People say that I have totally lost it. I wasn't even aware I had it.

My friend text-ed me asking "what does 'idk' mean?" so I said "I don't know" and they said "omg! NO one knows!"

I'm that type of person who walks into chairs and says sorry

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried

"If all your friends were jumping off a cliff would you jump off too?" -- "Nope. BUNGEE!"

When in doubt, push random buttons!

It's okay to talk to inanimate objects, its when they talk back that you should be worried

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a Train stops. On my desk; I have a work station...

When Life gives you lemons squirt them in Life's eyes!!

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door

While lying in bed last night, I looked up at the stars and thought, Where the heck is the ceiling?

Duct tape is like the Force; it's got a dark side and a light side, and it holds the universe together!

When life gives you lemons, eat them, because hey, free lemons!

Silence is Golden; Duct Tape is Silver.

When you feel like getting angry with someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist,
While you were arguing over the glass of water, I drank it.
Sincerely, the Opportunist

If con- is the opposite of pro-, is congress the opposite of progress?

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and laugh as everyone tries to figure out how you did it!

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people

Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss

The road to success is always under construction

Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils

What do you call a dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing

Girls are like phones. They love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

I'm not clumsy. It's just that the floor hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies, and the walls are in the way.

Impossible is just another way to say I'm possible.

Whenever I'm asked to pick a side, I ask which side is the dark side because they have the cookies. When both sides argue over being the dark side, I laugh because the people on both sides know I prefer brownies over cookies.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you limes, make limeade. When life gives you oranges, make lemonade and limeade regardless because orange juice is overrated.

I didn't fall! I attacked the floor and I believe I'm winning.

People say you can't live without love; but I think oxygen is more important.

Who says nothing is impossible!? I've been doing it for years!

the difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has it's limits.

I always dreamed of being a millionaire, just like my uncle! ...He's still dreaming too.

Stop worrying about the world ending today! It's already tomorrow in Australia.

I'm not judging you. I'm just pointing out all your mistakes you're making.

To the guy who made imaginary numbers in math: what were you thinking!?

If you die in an elevator, make aure you push the up button before dying.

I'm not suffering from insanity; I'm enjoying every moment of it!

It's not important to win. It's important to make the other guys lose.

After (M)onday and (T)uesday comes (WTF)!?

If life hands you lemons, say they're yellow oranges. Then sell them for twice as much!

Society: Who is she? She's so weird? Do you see what she's wearing? Where's her Starbucks? Why is she wearing nerd clothes?

Me: I DON"T CARE!!!!!!!!!!!! SOCIETY GO STICK YOUR D*M STARBUCKS UP YOUR A*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN WEAR FANDOM REFRENCES!!!!!!! I CAN WEAR NEON AND SPARKLES!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN WEAR A SWEATER WITH A SHOOTING STAR ON IT!!!!!!!!!!!! A MYSTERION T-SHIRT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A BLUE HAT WITH A READ PUFF BALL ON IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DON"T HAVE TO EAT STARBUCKS AND SALAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF I WANT TO LAY AROUND AND EAT ICE CREAM THEN D*MNIT I"M GONNA EAT ICE CREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GO F*K YOURSELF SOCIETY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DON"T NEED YOUR D*MNED RULES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Society: Did she just?

Me: OH YES I DID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M NOT A PROGRAMMABLE ROBOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I"M A SOUTH PARKER A FALLER AND A BRONY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I ADMIT WHAT EVERYONE ELSE IS TOO AFRAID TOO ADMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DON"T GIVE A SH*T IF I"M DIFFERENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. Ifyou still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

Mommy...Johnny brought a gun to school,

He told his friends that it was cool,

And when he pulled the trigger back,

It shot with a great, huge crack.

Mommy, I was a good girl, I did what I was told,

I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold!

When I went to school that day,

I never said good-bye.

I'm sorry that I had to go, But Mommy, please don't cry.

When Johnny shot the gun, he hit me and another,

And all because Johnny, got the gun from his brother.

Mommy, please tell Daddy; That I love him very much,

And please tell Zack; my boyfriend; That it wasn't just a crush.

And tell my little sister; That she is the only one now,

And tell my dear sweet grandmother; I'll be waiting for her now

And tell my wonderful friends; That they always were the best

Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest

Mommy, tell my teachers; I won't show up for class,

And never to forget this, And please don't let this pass

Mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one, though. deserves this.

But mommy, it's not fair, I left without a kiss.

And Mommy tell the doctors; I know that they really did try

I think I even saw one doctor, trying not to cry.

Mommy, I'm slowly dying, with a bullet in my chest,

But Mommy please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest

When I heard that great, big crack, I ran as fast as I could

please listen to me if you would,

I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new

I guess I'm not going with Daddy, On that trip to the new zoo

I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid,

I wanted to be an actress, I really wanted to live.

But Mommy I must go now, The time is getting late,

Mommy, tell my Zack, I'm sorry to cancel the date.

I love you Mommy, I always have, I know you know its true

And Mommy all I need to say is, "Mommy, I love you"

So, Please if you would,
Don't smash this on the ground.

If you pass this on,

Maybe people will cry and remember how blessed they truly are,

Just keep this in your heart,

For the people who didn't get to say "Good-bye".

Now you have 2 choices,

1) Pass this on, and show people you care, repost as
"Try Not To Cry"

2) Don't send it, and you have just proven how
cold-hearted you really are...

Its ok to cry.

Stories I've finished:

Cuts, Blood, and life: For Doctor who

She picked up the blade and sighed about to drag it across to be free from the pain and grief. "Are you Shure your ready for this" a voice in the back of her head said. She glared at herself for having doubts she simply reminded herself that her life was the price of freedom. Marie jumped when she heard a heavy British accent from behind her."Is it worth it?"

CRACK,CRACK,CRACK THIS STORY IS ON CRACK: For Harry Potter

Harry was hiding in the bathroom, trying to find out what the heck was happening