There's always a part of me that thinks that these profiles are the most important part of my life. That part of me always wins out for the first ten seconds- ten seconds of staring at a computer screen, thinking, "Oh my god, what if I mess it up?".

And then I realize that I'll probably put more effort into this thing that nobody will read, and I get incredibly lazy.

So I'm just going to talk. What's up? How's it been? Pretty Fly? Having nice weather?

Brilliant. Now, we can get down to business. I have something incredibly important to say. It's important in the same way the difference between hipster-nerds and real-life-always-been-picked-on-nerds is important. That is to say, incredibly important.

You better listen up, because I have never, ever, ever told anyone else this. I've never even come close to telling anyone else. It's just that important. Honestly, I can't believe I'm telling you this- you're complete internet strangers. But I guess I've committed, so here goes:

I've always preferred white milk to chocolate.