Hey people, my name is Erica. I am a huge fan of everything vampire and supernatural. I love reading the stories on here, and have fun trying to think of new story ideas.

Books I can't live without:

Vampire Academy

Twilight

House of Night

Night World

Thirst

Vampire Diaries

Secret Circle

Immortals Series

Fallen

Vampire Kisses

Swoon

White Cat

The Forbidden Game

Dark Visions

Eternal

True Blood Series

Strange Angels

Hush Hush

My Oath to Twilight

I promise to remember Bella

Each time I carelessly fall down

And I promise to remember Edward

Whenever I'm out of town

I promise to obey traffic laws

For Charlies sake of course

And I promise to remember Jacob

When my heart fills with remorse

I promise to remember Carlisle

Whenever I am in the emergency room

And I promise to remember Emmett

Everytime there's a huge boom

I promise to to remember Rose

Whenever I see something that holds pure beauty

And I promise to remember Alice

When I'm at a mall and a cute outfit spots me

I promise to remember Nessie

When I see that beautiful bronze hair

And I promise to remember Esme

When someone tells me they care

I promise to remember Jasper

Whenever my stomach isn't curled

And I promise to remember the Volturi

When someone speaks of dominating the world

Yes, I promise to love Twilight

Wherever I may go

So that all may see my obsession

Because I know what the Twilighters know

Here is a list of some of my favourite books/series:

-Vampire Academy series

-Twilight Saga

-Vampire Diaries series

-Thirst series

-Swoon

-Night World series

-House of Night series

Fun things to do in an elevator

1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag,
peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in
there?"

2) STAND silent and motionless in the
corner facing the wall without getting off.

3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt
and strain to yank the doors open, then
act as if you're embarrassed when they
open themselves.

4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake
and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

5) MEOW occasionally.

6) STARE At another passenger for a
while. Then announce in horror: "You're
one of THEM" - and back away slowly

7) SAY -DING at each floor.

8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And
push all the red buttons.

9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone
presses a button.

10) STARE, grinning at another passenger
for a while, then announce: "I have new
socks on."

11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look
around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

12) TRY to make personal calls on the
emergency phone.

13) DRAW a little square on the floor
with chalk and announce to the other
passengers: "This is my personal space."

14) WHEN there's only one other person
in the elevator, tap them on the
shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they
give you a shock. Smile, and go back for
more.

16) ASK if you can push the button for
other people but push the wrong ones.

17) HOLD the doors open and say you're
waiting for your friend. After a while,
let the doors close and say "Hi Greg,
How's your day been?"

18) DROP a pen and wail until someone
reaches to help pick it up, then scream:
"That's mine!"

19) BRING a camera and take pictures of
everyone in the lift.

20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant
and review emergency procedures and
exits with the Passengers.

21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.

22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it

Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the Frisbee getting bigger?" Then I get hit in the face.
"A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking."
"At my lemonade stand I used to give away the first glass for free, and charge five dollars for the refill. It contained the antidote."
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
"To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target."
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor is cute, screw the fruit!
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.
I had a friend once. Then the rope broke and she got away.
I like you. When I rule the world, your death shall be quick and painless.
Isn't it funny that the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'?
When you get caught looking at him, just remember he was looking back.
The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.
I used to care, but I take a pill for that now.
Always forgive your enemies- nothing annoys them so much.
Of course it's in the last place you look for it. Why in heck would you keep looking for it if you already found it.
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
The problem with political jokes is that very often they get elected.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes.
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.
You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.
When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.
There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count.
I'm right 90 percent of the time, so why worry about the other 3?
I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
-Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS
"Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss."
- Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.
- The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
- When there's a will, I want to be in it.
"It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt-then it's hilarious!"
Only crazy people can understand the brilliance of crazy things. If you are crazy and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile!
Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. copy this into your pro if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "where to begin?"
There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE that it's weird. If you agree but you've done this, too, copy this and put it in your profile.
If you kinda think mosquitoes are a little bit cooler now because they suck blood (which makes them kinda like a vampire) copy this into your profile
I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do...
Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.
93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile
If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, post this onto your profile.
If you think Fred should just let Barney have the darn Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile.
If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.
If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, copy this into your profile!
If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile
If you've ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile.
"I'm bringing sexy back..." Copy and paste this into your profile if you never even knew sexy was gone.
If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fan fictions, copy this into your profile
If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile!
If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile. If they are right... copy and paste this into your profile.
If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!
If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile.
If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile.
My best friend is insane, if you agree or if you have an insane friend then copy this to your profile.
If you're one of those people who gets excited when you see just two reviews, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are willing to admit that you are absolutely in love with Edward Cullen, a completely fictional character...copy/paste this into your profile

If you are Team Edward, copy and paste this in your profile.

-if you cant wait for the sixth vampire academy book to come out, put this on your profile

-if you cried like a baby through the last chapters of shadow kiss because you thought Dimitri was dead, post this on your profile

-if you are so angry at the freaking strigoi for turning dimitri and taking him away from rose, post this

If you support the ‘Rose somehow SAVING and NOT KILLING Dimitri’ club, copy this into your profile

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you have ever dreamed or imagined being a vampire, put this in your profile

Weird is good. Strange is bad. Odd is what you call someone who you can't decide what to call them. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, which means weird is good! If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile

If you think being weirdis cooler than being cool. Copy & Paste this into ur profile

I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or pulled the handle on a door that said push, copy this in your profile.

If you have ever fell UP the stairs, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this in your profile.

Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the Frisbee getting bigger?" Then I get hit in the face.
"A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking."
"At my lemonade stand I used to give away the first glass for free, and charge five dollars for the refill. It contained the antidote."
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
"To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target."
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor is cute, screw the fruit! (OMC! Carlisle!)
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.
I had a friend once. Then the rope broke and she got away.
I like you. When I rule the world, your death shall be quick and painless.
Isn't it funny that the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'?
When you get caught looking at him, just remember he was looking back.
The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.

I used to care, but I take a pill for that now.
Always forgive your enemies- nothing annoys them so much.
Of course it's in the last place you look for it. Why in heck would you keep looking for it if you already found it.
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
The problem with political jokes is that very often they get elected.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes.
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.
You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.
When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.
There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count.
I'm right 90 percent of the time, so why worry about the other 3?
I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
-Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS
"Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss."
- Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.
- The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
- When there's a will, I want to be in it.
"It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt-then it's hilarious!"
Only crazy people can understand the brilliance of crazy things. If you are crazy and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile!
Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. copy this into your pro if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "where to begin?"
There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE that it's weird. If you agree but you've done this, too, copy this and put it in your profile.
If you kinda think mosquitoes are a little bit cooler now because they suck blood (which makes them kinda like a vampire) copy this into your profile
I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do...
Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.
93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile
If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, post this onto your profile.
If you think Fred should just let Barney have the darn Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile.
If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.
If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, copy this into your profile!
If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile
If you've ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile.
"I'm bringing sexy back..." Copy and paste this into your profile if you never even knew sexy was gone.
If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fan fictions, copy this into your profile
If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile!
If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile. If they are right... copy and paste this into your profile.
If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!
If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile.
If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile.
My best friend is insane, if you agree or if you have an insane friend then copy this to your profile.
If you're one of those people who gets excited when you see just two reviews, copy and paste this into your profile.

A normal guy would say: “I love you Baby!”
Edward Cullen would say: “You are my life now.”

Normal Guy would say: “I think I am falling for you.”
Edward Cullen would say: “The Lion fell in Love with the Lamb”

Normal Guy would say: “You hair looks like a haystack; go brush it!”
Edward Cullen would say: “Your hair looks like a haystack but I like it.”

A normal guy would pick a random song from a random artist and dedicate it to you.
Edward Cullen would sing you a song he wrote for you while playing the piano.

If you die, a normal guy would find another.
If you die, Edward would kill himself cause life without you isn’t worth living.

As you leave the house, a normal guy would say: “Bye, see ya!”
As you leave the house Edward Cullen would say: “Come back to me, love.”

As you come back to the house, a normal guy would be watching TV and wouldn’t even notice.
As you come back to the house, Edward Cullen would be welcoming you by playing the piano with a song just for you.

A normal guy would wait for you to make him breakfast.
Edward Cullen would make you breakfast everyday.

While you are both out for dinner, a normal guy wouldn’t keep his eyes off the sexy waitress.
Edward Cullen wouldn’t even notice the waitress was a female.

A normal guy, while driving, would keep one hand on the wheel and one hand on the radio.
Edward Cullen, while driving, would keep one hand on the wheel and the other attached to yours.

While far apart in different places, a normal guy would say: “I miss you.”
While far apart in different places, Edward Cullen would say: “It’s like you’ve taken half myself with you”

A normal guy wouldn’t care or notice if you had nightmares.
Edward Cullen would sing until your nightmares went away.
“Do you want me to sing to you? I’ll sing all night if it will keep the bad dreams away.”

A normal guy buys you flowers and chocolates.
Edward Cullen buys you a car.

╔══╦══╦══╗ You have been diagnosed
║╔╗║╔═╣╔╗║ with Obsessive Cullen
║╚╝║╚═╣╚╝║ Disorder put this on your
╚══╩══╩══╝ profile if you have it too.

FRIENDS: Lend you their umbrella
BEST FRIENDS: Take yours and say 'RUN DUDE! RUN!'

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS:Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS:Would be sitting next to you saying "THAT WAS FREAKING' AWESOME!!"

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Won't tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Have you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your crap and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowd's butt that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.
BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Dude drink the rest of that! You know we don't waste!

FRIENDS:Will comfort you when the guy rejects you
BEST FRIENDS:Will go up to him and say 'it's because your gay isn't it?'

FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter
BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this thing!!

If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em.
If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em.
If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em.
If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed.

Death is God's way of saying "You're fired."
Suicide is our way of saying "You can't fire me! I quit!"

I am a girl
Harsh but vulnerable.
Sarcastic but silly.
Stupid but thoughtful.
Thorny but tender.
Funny but serious.
Loud but passive.
Dramatic but bland.
An open book.
Easy to love & easy to hate.
Clutzy but occasionally coordinated.
Independent, but dependent on friends.
An oxymoron
A muddling paradox
An unsolvable contradiction
And totally proud of it.

f only there were a pack of half-naked teenage werewolves running around MY neighborhood...

If you truly believe that there is an Edward Cullen out there somewhere for you (his name doesn't have to be Edward)...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you have ever been so obsessed with Twilight, that whenever you hear thunder, you think of vampires playing baseball...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you have deja vu a lot, copy this into your profile

If you would kill to have wings, post on profile.
If you think the Cullen's should have their own theme music :o) Copy this to your Profile

If you like this copy and paste into your profile: If god gives you lemons... get a new god." :o)

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.
If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.
If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.
If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile.

If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile
If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, post this onto your profile
If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've reread TWILIGHT over four times...copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you've had at least two friends move away from you...copy and paste this onto your profile
If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you and your friend break out into song in a public area put this on your profile
If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile

If your up half the night, post this on your profile.

I SUCK MY OWN BLOOD FROM WOUNDS, so I MUST have a vampire fetish

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I love Vampire Acad

I love Vampire Acade

I love Vampire Academ

I love Vampire Academy

I love Vampire Academ

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I love Vampire Acad

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Ten things to see before you die

1. A vegetarian be eaten by an animal.

2. An emo kid talk about happy bunnies.

3. Homer say something intelligent.

4. Taxes disappear.

5. Voldemort destroy one of his Horcruxes.

6. Michael Jackson be stalked by children.

7. Children take over class and teach teacher in child subjects, such as: armpit farts, skate-boarding, real music, ect.

8. Wrestling people forget their moves.

9. The coyote catch the road runner.

10. The reaction of the teen population if Abercombie was closed and it was illegal to wear their clothing

Boredm Busters

1. Try not to think about penguins.

2. Make prank calls

3. Look up a really hot celb on the web and drool over them

4.Try to find something for your BFF's next birthday.

5. Atempt knitting.

6. Write a list of boredm busters.

7. Listen to Bugy Malone's "My name is Talluah"

8. Look up Norman Bates

9. Email gradma

10. Update your blog.

11. Think how Dimka probably will be saved in Spirit Bound and feel happy.

12. Eat 6 spoons of suger and get hyper... you will find something to do... trust me.

13. Think of something funny your BFF said the otehr day.

14. Think about how cringy the fashion sense was in 1960

15. Drool over Ben Barnes.

16. Get Prince Caspian from your video store and spend 2:27:22 hours drooling over Ben Barnes.

17. Think about that guy in your math class who makes it hard to breathe right.

18. Try to imatate the bitch in your english class.

19. Try to immate Talluah

20. Write your aduiobigriphay about yourself

21. Write an emaressing bio about your BFF

22. Compare you and your BFF to Lissa and Rose.

23. Read the lust charm sence in Vampire Academy.

24. Stare at someone in your house.

25. Stare at your cat.

26. Change clothes.

27. Take a shower.

28. Wonder if I was trying to tell you something in the "Take a shower" idea.

29. Give your pet an interesting new haircut

30. Drop your cat from a high window, see if they land on all fours.

31. Let your dog chase after a car

32. Let him catch it

Emmett's the strongest.
Rosalie's the hottest.
Edward's the fastest.
Bella's the clumsiest
Alice's the quirkiest.

But only Jasper can sit in a corner and STILL make everyone feel jealous

IF YOU ARE TOTALLY TEAM CHRISTIAN, REPOST THIS TO YOUR PROFILE!!

put your ipod or whatever it is on random and fill out this quiz- I did three...

1 how does the world see me? if i were a boy

2 will I have a happy life? closer

3 what do people really think of me? time bomb

4 do people secretly lust after me? butterflies

5 how can I make others happy? one tribe

6 how can I make myself happy? rock that body

7 what should I do in my life? s.e.x.

8 will I ever have children? our song

9 whats some good advice for me? tik tok

10 what do you think my current theme song is? burn it to the ground

11 what does everyone think my current theme song is? boys boys boys

12 what song will play at my funeral? bad romance

13 what type of men/women do you like?just to get high

14 what is my day going to be like? money honey

15 why am I here? breathe

16 what will people remember me for? i know you want me

17 What song will I get stuck in my head tomorrow? teenagers

18 are there people outside waiting to take me away? i dont care

19. What will this year be all about? shakin hands

20 - If you reached the top of Mount Everest, you would scream: the fame

21 - The next time you stand up in front of a group of people, you'll say: jet black cadillac

22 - Your message to the world: ridin solo

23 - Your deepest secret: she got me

24 - Your innermost desire: dragon backpack

25 - Your oldest memory makes you think: rockstar

26 - Somewhere in your wedding vows, you'll include: the new workkout plan

27 - When you wake up in the morning, you mutter: amazing

28 - Right now, your feelings are: dont phunk with my heart

29 - The day you fall in love will be the day that: i belong to you

30 - You scream during sex: time for miracles

31- You’d describe you best friend as: famous last words

32- Your friends describe you as: i dont believe it

33- In an elevator you are most likely to: sugar we're going down

34- Your philophisy in life is: diva

35 - Your farewell message to the readers of this: hotel room service

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear intelligent until you hear them speak.

If I could get a firm grip on reality, I'd choke it.

"This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and extreme violence."

I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away.

The voices in my head tell me that you're all crazy to think that I need therapy.

If you can keep your head while other people are losing theirs, you probably don't fully understand the situation.

My mind works like lightning...one brilliant flash and it's gone.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed

Don't mess with me I've got a stick

I ran with scissors, and lived!

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harde

Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso .

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Smuggling Diamonds"

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Don't use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives,They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner."Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity...Copy and Paste this into your profile!!

ACTUAL PRODUCT LABELS THAT SCARE ME:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together