Words of Wisdom and Quotes (not all of them are mine, so I don't take credit for those which are not):

-Do not argue with an idiot, he will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

-Some people are only alive because it's illegal to kill them

-Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat

-There are few problems that can’t be solved with high explosives

-Be patient. Waiting allows the development of humility.

-Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good?

-Nothing makes us so lonely as our own secrets.

-Don't let fear rule your life since F.E.A.R. stands for False.Evidence.Appearing.Real. Either that or it stands for First.Encounter.Assault.Recon.

-Asking for patience is asking for more problems...

-Living in denial is living a lie.

-A weak opponent in the past can become a dangerous one in the future.

-Time is a great teacher, unfortunately it kills all of its pupils.

-A man with nothing to lose is capable of anything

-When you curse someone, you dig your own grave.

-Because our entire universe is made up of consciousness, we never really experience the universe directly we just experience our consciousness of the universe, our perception of it, so right, our only universe is perception.

-When outnumbered, don't think of it as outnumbered, think of it as a wide target selection.

-Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you’re up to.

-Silence is the most pleasing sound, so shut up.

-Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

-Learn to recognize when speed is not important. Race when being first is important; move at your own pace at all other times. It is not necessary to always strike the first blow, to provide the first solution, or to reach a goal before anyone else does. In fact, it is sometimes vital to strike the last blow, to give the final answer, or to arrive after everyone else.

-War does not determine who is right only who is left.

-Heroes come and go, but the stories never change, the battle between good and evil will rage on for millenniums to come, yet through out all time there is one thing that has never changed, evil never dies, and heroes never surrender!

-One who does not sacrifice anything cannot achieve anything.

-You laugh because I'm different, I laugh because you're all the same!

-I don't hit people, I only Hi-5 their faces!

One Hundred Laws of Anime:

Disclaimer: I did not originally compile nor do I own this. All credit belongs to the rightful owner/s.

1. Law of Metaphysical Irregularity
The normal laws of physics do not apply.

2. Law of Differentiated Gravitation
Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborn, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.

3. Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics
In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.

4. Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion
In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.

5. Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion
The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.

6. Law of Temporal Variability
Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something 'cool' or 'impressive'. Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.

7. First Law of Temporal Mortality
'Good Guys' and 'Bad Guys' both die in one of two ways. Either so quick they don't even see it coming, OR it's a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down.

8. Second Law of Temporal Mortality
It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical damage. Even when the 'Bad Guys' are killed so quickly they didn't even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.

9. Law of Dramatic Emphasis
Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still-frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).

10, Law of Dramatic Multiplicity
Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a 'Good Guy' kicks the 'Bad Guy' in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.

11. Law of Inherent Combustability
Everything explodes. Everything.
First Corollary - Anything that explodes bulges first.
Second Corollary - Large cities are the most explosive substances known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".

12. Law of Phlogistatic Emission
Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.

13. Law of Energetic Emission
There is alway an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy 'bulge') before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustability.

14. Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude
The destructive potential of a weapon is inversly proportional to its size.
First Corollary - Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also know as the A-Ko phenomenon.

15. Law of Inexhaustability
No one EVER runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.

16. Law of Inverse Accuracy
The accuracy of a 'Good Guy' when operating any form of fire-arm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the 'Bad Guys' when operating fire-arms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect)
Example: A 'Good Guy' in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of 'Bad Guys' firing on a 'Good Guy' standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss.
First Corollary - The more 'Bad Guys' there are, the less likely they will hit anyone or do any real damage.
Second Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is faced with insurmountable odds, the 'Bad Guys' line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape.
Third Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated 'Good Guy Area', usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the 'Good Guy' from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvres.

17. Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability
Minmei is a bimbo.

18. Law of Hemoglobin Capacity
The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.

19. Law of Demonic Consistency
Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown (but black is not unknown), and can only be hurt by bladed weapons.

20. Law of Militaristic Unreliability
Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war-machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.

21. Law of Tactical Unreliability
Tactical geniuses aren't...

22. Law of Inconsequential Undetectability
People never notice the little things... Like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.

23. Law of Juvenile Intellectuality
Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice as annoying.

24. Law of Americanthropomorphism
Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny 'Bad Guy' or a big stupid 'Good Guy'.
First Corollary - The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line Effect.)
Second Corollary - The only people who are more stupid than the American translators are the American editors and censors.

25. Law of Mandibular Proportionality
The size of a person's mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.

26. Law of Feline Mutation
Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
a) be female
b) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation
c)and wear as little clothing as possible, if any.

27. Law of Conservation of Firepower
Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used only as a last resort.

28. Law of Technological User-Benevolence
The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.

29. Law of Melee Luminescence
Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for 'good guys' and red for 'bad guys'. This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.

30. Law of Non-anthropomorphic Antagonism
All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.

31. Law of Follicular Chroma Variability
Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.

32. Law of Follicular Permanence
Hair in anime is pretty much indestructable, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone's hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!

33. Law of Topological Aerodynamics, First Law of Anime Aero-Dynamics
ANY shape, no matter how convoluted or odd-looking, is automatically aerodynamic.

34. Law of Probable Attire
Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines.
--Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off the afore-mentioned female's clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene).
--Whenever there is a headwind, a Male characters will invariably wear a long cloak which doesn't hamper movement and billows out dramatically behind him.
First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability) - All anime characters are resistant to extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.
Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability) - Bikinis render the wearer invulnerable to any form of damage.

35. Law of Musical Omnipotence
Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc.) is automatically capable of doing much more "simple" things like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on... especially if they have never attempted these things before.

36. Law of Quitupular Aggultination
Also called "The Five-man Rule," when "Good Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are:
a) The Hero/Leader
b) His girlfriend
c) His Best Friend/Rival
d) A Hulking Brute
e) A Dwarf/Kid
Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:
--Extreme Coolness
--Amazing Intelligence
--Incredible Irritation

37. Law of Extradimensional Capacitance
All anime females have an extra-dimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment's notice.
First Corollary (The Hammer Rule) - The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, which can be used with unerring accuracy on any male who deserves it. Other common items include costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.

38. Law of Hydrostatic Emission
Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed, embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.

39. Law of Inverse Attraction
Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get.
First Corollary Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real world...

40. Law of Nasal Sanguination
When sexually aroused, males in Anime don't get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one's sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don't get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.

41. Law of Xylolaceration
Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.

42. Law of Juvenile Omnipotence
Always send a boy to do a man's job. He'll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.

43. Law of Quadrotriscadecophobia
There is no Law #43.

44. Law of Nominative Clamovocation
The likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced.

45. Law of Uninterrupted Metamorphosis
Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they've seen it before, any 'Bad Guys' witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.

46. Law of Flimsy Incognition
Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relative.

47. Law of Mandibular Combustible Emission
All anime characters seem to have some unknown chemical on their breath that reacts VERY violently with extremely hot or spicy food. This chemical may also be responsible for the phenomenon of fire behind the eyes and from the mouth when a character (usually a female) is really angry.

48. Law of Electrical and Combustible Survivalism
If you get electrocuted or burned, YOU WILL SURVIVE!! Though your entire body will be scorched, seconds later,your skin won’t have a trace of damage (Also known as the "Pikachu Effect").
First Corollary When a magical bad guy/Alien/monster fires off a flame, wind, or ice attack, the resulting effect is only enough for the hero(es)/heroine(s) to be standing in the "Walking Against the Wind" stance, with his/her eyes shut and letting out a pathetic "Aaaaagh!", and yet they are never harmed. This may be in part to laws 32, 34 and sometimes 44.

49. Law of Female Wrath
If a male character insults a female character, he will get a mallet, shotgun, or tank blast, or if she is a character that can perform
magical feats, a fireball or whatever, to the head, body or whatever (Also known as the "Lina Inverse/Gourry Factor") This is because he always deserves it, and will help him to cope in today’s society.

50. Law of Artistic Perversion
Most (not all) Anime artists are perverts and are under the impression that girls are willing to tear off their clothes, or wear VERY small, revealing outfits at the drop of a pin (or pen for that matter). Unfortunately, most Hentai fans are under the same impression.

51. Law of Uninterrupted Nominative Clamovocation
This law is a mixture of Laws 44 and 45. Regardless of how long or involved the Spell or projectile attack is, and the likelihood of success and damage done by the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced, or how many times they’ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys" witnessing a hero/heroine quoting the incantations for an extremely powerful attack are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it. (Also known as the "Dragon Slave Phenomenon")

52. Law of Telepathic Obliviousness
Most of the time, some Anime characters (usually males) will think personal (Like that he/she has sabotaged something), or perverted thoughts, while near some other character, WHO’S TELEPATHIC!! The reasons for this are:
1) They forgot that the person is telepathic.
2) They just don’t give a damn. The reasons the telepathic person doesn’t react are:
a) They’re preoccupied with doing something else.
b) They’d rather keep the fact to themselves that they are Telepathic.
c) They just don’t give a damn.

53. Law of Chromatic Diversity
Air can be any color of the viewable spectrum.

54. Law of Old Man Comic Relief
Comic relief comes in the form of a short, bald, wise-mouthed dirty old man or alien. Or the combination of any two of those traits.
First Corollary If old man is present, and is acting too horny, stupid, etc., there will invariably be an old woman to whap him over the head with a frying pan or something.

55. Law of the Wise Old Man Little old Japanese men always know how it ends andwithhold the ending from anyone, especially the hero. This includes special/powerful weapons, ancient relics, and people who know everything.

56. Law of Omnipotent Unreliability Any "Bad Guy" with Omnipotent powers/weapons will never use those powers/weapons against the "Good Guy" until it is too late.
First Corollary- All "Bad Guys" suffer from Antagonistic Boasting Syndrome which require all "Bad Guys" to threaten with or exemplify their prowess and not use it against the "Good Guy".
Second Corollary- No "Bad Guy" may use any new, secret, or superior military device without one of the following events occurring:
a) The control device being broken. The control device being taken by the "Good Guy".
c) The control device is in fact not the real device at all and was just "fooled" by the "Good Guy".
d) The "Bad Guy" has already lost and cannot use the device.

57. Law of Minimum Corneal Volume
Eyeballs may make up no less than one sixth of the face’s total surface area. More so if the case is a blonde woman.

58. Law of Electrical Charges in Hair
Hair attracts electricity in abundance, resulting in two outcomes:
a) A positive charge will result in the spikes-flying-everywhere-behind-me look.
b) A negative charge will result in the hair-cascading-down-to-the-waist-in-a-single-sheet look.

59. Law of Ammunition Accuracy
When there are multiple types of ammunition available (paintballs, speaker pods), non-lethal rounds will always be more accurate when compared to "standard" or lethal shots. (Macross Plus for paintballs, Macross 7 for speaker pods)

60. Law of Active Female Attraction
In a comedy series, a male character’s attractiveness to women is inversely proportional to how active they pursue them. (Tenchi, Ranma, and Makoto OVA have a seemingly endless supply of willing girlfriends despite their lack of romantic skill while Happosai, Ataru, and Carrot couldn't get a date despite or because of their constant attempts.)

61. Law of Sweat Pore Variability
When a person is embarrassed, caught in an awkward situation, or otherwise humiliated, all sweat pores on the body contract, except for ones on the forehead. These pores expand to such a degree that a single drop could fill a Big Gulp from 7-11.

62. The Law of Inverse Training Time
A person who has been training for 3 years is never as good as someone who has been training for one month.

63. Law of Needs to Few and Many
The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the few... of even the one.

64. Law of Bad Humor
Whenever someone says something that is intended to be funny, whether actually funny or not, the rest of the characters (even animals) fall to the ground with their feet in the air. Sweat sometimes accompanies the fall. (The sound of a cow mooing usually accompanies the joke as well.)

65. Law of Extreme Anger
Whenever a female character gets mad, such as seeing the male character with another girl, she becomes extremely strong (despite her usually
helpless look) so that she can lift a 1000 ton object to hurt the guy. She can sometimes perform other punishments that are just as cruel such as punching the guy’s face so hard that it changes shape. (see law #49)

66. Law of Differentiated Gravitation
First Corollary- If the airborne entity exceeds an altitude equal or greater than two times the height of the entity, gravity is decreased by an inverse coefficient relative to the upward momentum and mass/weight (if within at least 500 km of any gravity source) of the entity "jumping".
Second Corollary- The amount of Newtonian "opposite force" (in accordance to normal downward velocity; "Earth gravity" speed is equal to 32ft/sec/sec) is also inversely proportional to the "actual" speed of the airborne entity. In all actuality, an entity that appears to be flying towards a solid concrete parking lot from space will actually land, producing an opposite force of approximately 1.73 lb. of pressure. Unless this particular entity is a "Bad Guy". Then the law exhibits a mysterious exponentially proportional Newtonian opposite force, thusly increasing this variable by a factor equal to the inverse-gravity potential.

67. Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension
In any situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases, the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient must be increased by a proportional amount to compensate. In any situation where this does not happen, the "Bad Guy" inevitably comes out on top. However, this usually leads to a further rise in the Ambient Dramatic tension, which will always be offset by an exponential increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient.

68. Law of Coercive Vehicular Control
No matter how complex or well defined the control system, a character controlling a vehicle of any sort always does so through
means of undetectable subconscious psychokinesis.
First Corollary- Characters can perform actions with their vehicles which clearly defy normal physics (see Laws of Metaphysical Irregularity and Constant Thrust). The velocity, attitude and traction of the vehicle appear to be adjusted at will, with the degree of absolute control being proportional to the complexity and lethality of the manoeuvre.
Second Corollary- It is effectively impossible to remove characters from or disrupt the passage of their vehicles without the character’s consent. This does not always apply to "Bad Guy" characters, or "Good Guy" characters in situations where
the Ambient Dramatic Tension could increase in accordance with the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension.

69. Amendment to the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension
In any situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases without a corresponding increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient, not only does the "Bad Guy" usually come out on top, but also his Smugness Factor increases in proportion to the rise in Ambient Dramatic Tension.

70. Law of The Rushing Background Effect
Whenever something dramatic occurs, a survival instinct engages, thus rendering all incoming stimulus that is not directly and immediately to the dramatic situation at hand a meaningless blur. This is often referred to as "The Rushing Background Effect". Due to the increase in brain activity and adrenaline levels in the bloodstream, the scene is often played out in slow motion.

71. Law of Interdimensional Hammers
Whenever a female character witnesses a male character of her preference performing any sort of questionable act (i.e. Looking at
another girl or anything she might consider as perverted) she can reach into an interdimensional realm (usually behind her back) and withdraw a huge Anime Mallet of Doom with which to whack the said male over the head with. (see Laws # 37, 49, and 65)

72. Law of Instant Band-Aids
Whenever a character is injured (usually in a head shot, maybe from a mallet whack) Band-Aids will always instantly appear on the
wounded individual (and always in pairs, set in a cross fashion). These bandages will then, most likely, disappear by the character’s next scene.

73. Law of Universal Edge Defense
Any projectile attack, from a blast of magic to a hail of bullets, can be easily defended against by holding a suitably cool-looking
sword or other bladed weapon between the attacker and defender, usually so that the edge cuts into the incoming attack(s), causing both halves to go flying harmlessly past the defender. Observed most often in fantasy and martial arts anime.

74. Law of Intractable Sanity
There is no such thing as insanity in anime. When faced with horrifying supernatural forces that would drive most men mad, anime
characters will either:
a) Die quickly (but in accordance with all other laws e.g., slowdown and exposition),
Get possessed by them, especially if they are beautiful girls or men in a position to ravish beautiful girls, or
c) Kill them, wipe the blood off their blades, and walk on whistling.

75. Law of Celestial Body Control
At a dramatically correct moment, a hero can summon a sun/moon/halo/amazing background to appear behind him/her to cause a dramatic silhouette.

76. Law of Aura of Forgetfulness
Any hero who wishes his/her identity to remain a secret will invariably succeed regardless of disguise because everyone around him/her will forget everything. Otherwise, how does Sailor Moon keep her disguise?

77. Law of Cool Hair Factor
The hair of a hero will always coalesce into thick strands that drape his face into a dramatic fashion, regardless of wind, the elements, etc. (see Laws 32 & 48)

78. Law of Inverse Coping
Any single event will happen to the ONE character LEAST capable of dealing with it.

79. Law of Martial Arts Training Invulnerability
The Myth that certain martial arts will enable you to become so strong, that you can stop a nuclear warhead with
your bare palm. Unfortunately, for most otaku, they found the hard way that it just doesn’t work in real life...

80. Law of Stereotype Captain characteristics-
If a captain of any type of ship is male, he will invariably wear a big captain’s cap, a long overcoat, and have a
shaggy beard and moustache (pipe optional), and be a great tactician. If the captainis female, however, she will invariably be young, well endowed, and ditzy as a pole (horny father optional). Yet, she too will be a great tactician.

81. Law of Shades/Coolness Factor
Shades can make you instantly cool, even if you’re normally a klutz.

82. Law of Hentai Plot
The proper response to any change in the plotline of a Hentai anime is to start having sex.

83 Law of Understatement
Anything that is deemed too impossible will become possible.
First Corollary- Any "Bad Guy" stating "T-that’s impossible!" whenever the hero is accomplishing some new feat/move/projectile will find out too late that he is wrong and will invariably be toasted.

84. Law of Dormant Powers
Anytime a hero is somehow outpowered and/or outclassed by the villain, he will invariably release powers/new moves he never knew he could
accomplish... but his old teacher did!

85. Law of Style Coefficient
In a situation where a Good guy may be in dire straits, he will become stronger, smarter and more cool in a matter of seconds. (see Laws #67, 69, and 84)

86. Law of Bad Guy Smugness Factor
Whenever the villain actually succeeds in beating the hero, they will begin to gloat uncontrollably, because they’ve never won against the "Good Guy" (because they’re Eeeviiil!!). They usually get so cocky, they tie the hero to a conveyor belt leading to his doom and leave to get a snack.
Usually this results in:
a) The hero escaping.
b) Clean-up for the underlings.
c) The villain getting toasted.

87. Law of Tableware Nonexistence
There IS no spoon.

88. Law of Goofy Turn-Ons
In Hentai, ordinary , pedestrian objects sometimes have the magical power of either inducing orgasm or arousal. Some include warm water,
rolling on a smooth tabletop, wind, mild electrocution, the character towelling themselves after a bath/shower, and very cold objects... like bottles of 7-up.

89. Law of Penile Variance
All Anime men in Hentai have a ridiculously large penis (lengths of 8, 9, 10 and 11 inches are most common). Some even have ones the size of telephone poles, despite the blood loss that would accompany it...

90. Law of Hentai Female Characteristics
All Hentai women have the following characteristics:
1) Very sensitive and/or very large breasts with large nipples.
2) Very tight and/or sensitive vaginas.

91. Law of Vaginal Variance
Hentai Anime women can take penis lengths of 8" and up... completely... despite the fact that they might have a tight and/or sensitive vagina.

92. Law of Hero Identification
All heroes are introduced by way of appearance while someone talking about their (in)famous-ness, or by way of a voice-over of them introducing themselves.

93. Law of Cute Mascots
Any anime either Shojo or Shonen has GOT to have at least one cute, furry little mascot by penalty of death!
First Corollary- If it is a Shonen Anime, the hero will be accompanied by a dog, cat or any kind of animal, real or fake, that would be found with a hero of the male persuasion. Any animal that would be associated with girls that is following him around is there because:
1) It’s his girlfriend’s.
2) It is following him, despite his insistence not to do so.
3) Chicks will dig him more.
Second Corollary- If it is a Shojo Anime, the heroine will be accompanied by a cat, cute lil’ mouse, or some disgustingly cute monster, or any kind of animal, real or fake, that would be found with a hero of the female persuasion. Any animal that would be associated with guys that is following her around is there because:
1) It’s her boyfriend’s.
2) It is following her, despite her insistence not to do so.
3) It makes her look cool.

94. Law of The Force
Most Anime heroes are blessed with a unique sort of ability that enables bad things to happen to those that deserve it or makes things like
bullets or debris totally miss them (Also referred to as "Dumb Luck"), even though they are mostly unaware of it. Those who have this ability include Vash the Stampede, Captain Justy Ueki Tylor, and Jar Jar Binks.

95. Law of Naughty Tentacles All Anime Tentacles are VERY horny and will rape any human female, regardless of age ("She’s 18! No! Really, she is! I’m not lying!...")
First Corollary- Even when raped or molested by tentacles, Hentai Anime girls eventually get into it & begin squealing in ecstasy. NO one knows WHY this is, but some theorize there may be some kind of chemical that is secreted through the skin of the tentacle.
Second Corollary- Women who are impregnated by a tentacle creature never experience morning sickness, and also find it to be intensely pleasurable (Also known as the Goofy Meter Redline Effect).
Third Corollary- Similarly, the resulting... offspring of tentacle/human relations is immediately sexually active, often impregnating its own mother again.

96. Law of Cat-Fighting
Two females with a grudge can and will go at each other,
sometimes ripping off clothes. Sometimes it escalates so much, that property damage begins to occur.
First Corollary- A running fight can be so destructive, you can follow it from a distance just by watching for the smoke. (Also known as the "A-ko/B-ko Thing")

97. Law of Healing
Most anime heroes have a Wolverine-like healing factor that enables them to regenerate from a massive wound or broken bone within minutes. Being immortal sometimes helps. (Also known as the "Priss Effect".)

98. Law of Stereotype Crew Characteristics
All ships, either waterborne or spaceborne, have the following crew members:
1) The captain
2) His Lieutenant
3) Various female technical staff
4) A hotshot pilot
5) A cute little girl/twins (either stowaways or not)
6) The Doctor
7) The Doctor’s assistant (either a spy or not)
Weighted among the crew are various quirks which include:
1) Extreme coolness/luck
2) Amazing Intelligence
3) Incredible irritation
4) Extreme cuteness
5) Irresponsible drunkenness
6) Homophobicness
7) Emotionless (Idiots.)

99. Law of Sparkliness
Whenever a character of the main character’s interest appears, flowers, sparkles, or abstract circles of pastel colors appear around said character, or both. Roses with exaggerated thorns appear when it is dangerous love. No one knows why this is, though most have a theory: Anime characters are freaks! At least, Marker Apenname seems to think so...

100. Law of Anime Events
Much like wrestling, anything and everything can happen.

You know you're obsessed with Naruto when you:

-Dye your hair blonde and try to walk up a tree.

-Live by a strict diet of only ramen.

-Call your semester exam a chuunin exam.

-Roll your eyes back in your head and shout "byakugan".

-Copy every thing a person does and claim it's your bloodline.

-Stay up all night waiting for the release of the next manga chapter.

-Start adding the words chan and kun on the end of your friends names.

-Paste a piece of paper that says "Icha Icha paradise" on the front of adult books.

-Jump off a cliff and attempt to use Kuchiyose No Jutsu to summon the toad boss.

-Keep all your money in a frog shaped wallet..

-Stick your hand in a electric box and scream "chidori" as you pass out.

-Join a website and use one of the names in the anime as your username.

-Start to call your teachers Sensei.

-Claim you're going to kill your best friend so you can have a better Sharigan.

-Sit in your local book store and read the manga all day.

-Spend your week searching down Naruto sites.

-Graduate high school and proclaim yourself as an Anbu.

-Cry at the flash back scenes of Sasuke's family.

-List Anbu as current occupation on a job application.

-Can spout out a random character quote on command.

-Wake up in the middle of the night and scream "Itachi why?!".

-Eat all day and all night, and then try to roll into a ball and run someone down.

-Get bit by a snake and decide stabbing the wound is a good idea.

-Decide that if you can't hit a tree 1500 times then you'll jump rope 2000.

-Call the teachers you hate Kabuto and sound ninjas and the teacher you hate the most Orochimaru (in your head or outloud)

-Call your principal the Hokage or the Kazekage or some other random Kage person

-Decide to call your moral code your "nindo" (ninja way).

A poem about Abortion...

Month one

Mommy
I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

Mommy
today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.

Month Four

Mommy
my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine
but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven

Mommy
I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .

One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

If you are against abortion, repost this in your profile.

Her name was Auroura
She was only five
This is what happened
When she was alive

Her dad was a drunk
Her mom was an addict
Her parents kept her
Locked in an attic

Her only friend
was a little toy bear
It was old and worn out
And had patches of hair

She always talked to it
When no one's around
She lays there and hugs it
Not a peep of sound

Until her parents
unlock the door
Some more and more pain
She'll have to endure

A bruise on her leg
A scar on her face
Why would she be
In such a horrible place?

But she grabs her bear
And softly crys
She loves her parents
But they want her to die

She sits in the corner
Quiet but thinking,
"God, why? Why is
My life always sinking?"

Such a bad life
For a sad little kid
She'd get beaten and beaten
For anything she did

Then one night
Her mom came home high
The poor child was hit and slapped
As hours went by

Then her mom suddenly
Grabbed for a blade
It was sharp and pointy
One that she made

She thrusted the blade
Right in her chest,
"You deserve to die
You worthless pest!"

The mom walked out
Leaving the girl slowly dying
She grabbed her bear
And again started crying

Police showed up
At the small little house
They quickly barged in
Everything was as quiet as a mouse

One officer slowly
Opened a door
To find the sad little girl
Lying on the floor

It must have been bad
To go through so much harm
But at least she died
With her best friend in her arms

If child abuse makes you sick and you think it's horrible and should be stopped, put this poem on your profile.

My name is Tiffany

I am three,

My eyes are swollen

I cannot see,

I must be stupid

I must be bad,

What else could have made

My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better

I wish I weren’t ugly,

Then maybe my mommy

Would still want to hug me.

I can’t do a wrong

I can’t speak at all

Or else im locked up

All day long.

When im awake im all alone

The house is dark

My folks aren’t home

When my mommy does come home

I'll try and be nice,

So maybe ill just get

One whipping tonight.

I just heard a car

My daddy is back

From Charlie’s bar.

I hear him curse

My name is called

I press myself

Against the wall

I try to hide

From his evil eyes

I’m so afraid now

I’m starting to cry

He finds me weeping

Calls me ugly words,

He says its my fault

He suffers at work.

He slaps and hits me

And yells at me more,

I finally get free

And run to the door

He’s already locked it

And i start to bawl,

He takes me and throws me

Against the hard wall

I fall to the floor

With my bones nearly broken,

And my daddy continues

With more bad words spoken,

"I’m sorry!", I scream

But its now much to late

His face has been twisted

Into a unimaginable shape

The hurt and the pain

Again and again

O please God, have mercy!

O please let it end!

And he finally stops

And heads for the door

While i lay there motionless

Brawled on the floor

My name is tiffany

I am three,

Tonight my daddy

Murdered me

And you can help

Sickens me top the soul,

And if you read this

and don’t pass it on

I pray for your forgiveness

Because you would have to be

One heartless person

To not be effected

By this Poem

And because you are effected,

Do something about it!

So all i ask you to do

Is pass this on!

IF YOU ARE AGAINST CHILD ABUSE

The difference between True and Fake friends!!

Fake friends: Never ask for food.
True friends: Are the reasons you have no food.
Fake friends: Call your parents Mr/Mrs
True friends: Call your parents DAD/MOM
Fake friends: Have never seen you cry.
True friends: Will cry with you
Fake friends: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
True friends: Will keep your stuff so long they forget its your's.
Fake friends: Know only a few things about you.
True friends: Could write a book about you, with direct quotes from you.
Fake friends: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
True friends: Will kill everyone in the crowd that left you.
fake friends: Would knock on your front door.
True friends: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME!"
Fake friends: Are for a while.
True friends: Are for life.
Fake friends: Will talk crap to the person who talks crap about you.
True friends: Will knock them right on there butts
Fake friends: Will read this.
True friends: Will steal this

21 THINGS TO DO AT A SUPERMARKET:

1.Get 24 boxes of deodorant and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,"'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
5. Go up to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, go into the fetal position and scream.."NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "Go, Pikachu, go!"
17. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to pick it up, then scream: "THAT'S MINE!!"
18. Challenge people to duels in the back aisles with wrapping paper tubes.
19. Have a conversation with yourself loud enough so that people in the other aisles can hear you.
20. Throw things over one aisle into another one.
21. Mark out price tags with a sharpie/permanent marker.

4 ways to be KICKED out of a supermarket:
HILARIOUS !!

#1: If you can, write "I see dead people..." on the typewriters.
#2: Unwrap all the chocolate bars saying,"I've got to find that golden ticket.."
#3: Put a Dora The Explorer doll in the middle of the store and if someone tries to pick it up, jump out and say,"SWIPER NO SWIPING!"
#4: Throw Skittles at people and shout, "Taste the Rainbow!!!!"

9 things to do in an elevator:

1. STARE at a person for awhile. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly.
2. SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And then push all the buttons.
3. ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
4. HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
5. STARE, grinning at a random person for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
6. SAY -DING at each floor.
7. MAKE explosion noises when someone presses a button.
8. SWAT at flies that don't exist.
9. CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.

100 Things to do if bored during class

1. Devise a secret code with your friends then hand in the homework in that code
2. Continually ask questions so that the professor can’t give homework
3. Answer the teacher’s questions in slow motion
4. Answer questions only with one word
5. Scream random words without anybody noticing it’s you
6. Continuously yawn until everyone is yawning
7. Ask your professor personal questions
8. Every time the professor finishes talking clap
9. Eat paper
10. Talk very fast
11. Call the professor “Mom” or “Dad”
12. Count your hair
13. Talk with an accent
14. Answer questions in a different language
15. Fake spasms
16. Pretend to have a vision like in That's So Raven.
17. Draw cartoon characters of your classmates or of the professors
18. Quote Terminator
19. Write out plans on how to conquer the world
20. Pretend to Choke
21. Pretend to be drunk
22. Tap your feet on the ground loudly
23. Raise your hand for every question your teacher asks you but answer “Oh, I forgot”
24. Pretend to slip
25. Wink at the teacher
26. Wink at random people
27. Keep nodding at the teacher
28. Smile the whole lesson
29. When the teacher enters the room give a low bow
30. Pretend to sleep and snore loudly
31. Take off your shoes and socks
32. Ask your teacher where the potions room is
33. Ask the teacher where he/she is
34. Fake Fart Sounds
35. Ask the teacher for his/her phone number
36. Spill your pencil case/box on the floor
37. Pretend to be sick
38. Pretend to have photographic memory
39. Fake flashbacks
40. Tell people “I’m Pregnant”
41. Ask out the teacher
42. Sit on the teacher's seat and when he enters the room say "This is my seat"
43. Ask your teacher if he/she is a vampire
44. Sing your favourite song
45. Twitter the whole lesson
46. Pretend to be Indian
47. Write a love note to the teacher
48. Talk to yourself
49. Snort Eraser dust
50. When the teacher enters the room Scream “next”
51. When the Teacher enters the room ask for a refund
52. On your assignments write very small or extremely big
53. Act like a nerd
54. Pull a “Michael Jackson” and paint yourself white
55. Put some red ink on a ruler, then slash your wrists with it so people think you cut yourself
56. Talk in slang
57. Get into a fight with yourself
58. Pretend you are a gangster
59. Pretend you are high
60. Bring a bag of flour to school and on your desk make lines of flour and attempt to snort them
61. Once the teacher enters the room get the whole class to sing the national anthem
62. Act high
63. Stare at one object in the classroom for one lesson
64. Rate the teacher
65. Ask your teacher what 'chakra' is.
66. Touch a Plug and pretend to get electrocuted
67. When the teacher is counting (Math), recite random numbers.
68. Talk the same time as the teacher does, just as he/she says it.
69. Make odd animal noises
70. When the teacher enters the room scream "AGHHH!!"
71. Write down everything the teacher says while repeating what they say
72. Laugh Stupidly for no reason
73. Act as if you were blind
74. Sit on the floor and beg for money
75. Put Porn/Horror books on the teacher's table.
76. Lick your stationary seductively while staring at a person
77. Begin Cussing at your self
78. Talk in gangster rap
79. Challenge your teacher to a rap battle
80. Pretend to chew gum
81. Point out the window and say “LOOK EVERYBODY SPIDERMAN” once every one looks say “oh too late he’s gone now”
82. Write a love note and leave it on the chair when you change period
83. Play air guitar
84. Ask the teacher what's happening in an anime (Naruto, Bleach, One Piece, Vampire Knight, etc.)
85. Say random facts about people
86. Go up to someone you have never talked to before then tell them “I have this problem for years now I can’t take it anymore”
87. Narrate your life
88. Beat box
89. Whistle at random things
90. Count random things
91. Pass notes to people you have no interest in
92. Ask personal details about people you would never have talked to
93. Play your favorite song in your head
94. Think of what the teacher’s life was like
95. Rhyme the last words of everybody’s sentences
96. Do stuff in slow mo, such as entering the room, sitting in your chair, finding stuff in your bag, answering the teacher, etc.
97. Search in your bag/binder for things you don’t have
98. Attempt to Find Nemo
99. Use photoshop and put your teacher's head on some random animal's body (Elephant, Hippopotamus, Spider, etc.), print out the picture, then leave the picture at your teacher's desk before he/she come into the room.
100. Ask the teacher personal questions

now for semohtnig itnresitng...

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal
pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a
rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer
be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl
mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling
was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

If you could read that, then that's awesome!!

WAYS TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'In.'
5. When in a crowded elevator, fake hacking and coughing. Then count how many people get off on the very next stop.
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write 'For smuggling diamonds.'
7. Finish all your sentences with 'In accordance with the prophecy.'
8. Tell your children (or someone) over dinner, 'Due to the economy, we're going to have to let one of you go.'
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is 'To go.'
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Go to a poetry recital and ask 'Why don't the poems rhyme?'
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your co-workers address your by your wrestling name.
17. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream 'I won!! I won!!'
18. When leaving the zoo, starting running towards the parking lot yelling 'Run for your lives, they're loose!'

The Ten Commandments of Reviewing - created by FictionReader98 and Zoneshifter D
1) Thou shalt point out the parts you enjoy
2) Thou shalt point out the parts you disliked, if any.
3) Thou shalt point out the parts you utterly hated and explain why
4) Thou shalt write with good grammar!!
5) Thou shalt not give annonymous reviews, for the authors might want to reply to thine criticism!
6) Thou shalt not flame
7) Thou shalt write a four sentence paragraph minimum!
8) Thou shalt use constructive criticism!
9) Thou shalt review as much as possible, not merely once!
10) Thou shalt voice thine expectations.

7 Ways to Scare your roommates

7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon..."

6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.

5) Tell your roommate, "I've got an important message for you." Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, "Oh, yeah, I remember!" Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.

4) While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.

3) Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, "Hey, where the heck is my sandwich?" Complain loudly that you are hungry.

2) Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn't you be going somewhere?"

1) Talk back to your Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I want to watch them suffer."

A short story about racism.

A black man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only black man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him.
The white man said, "Coloured people are not allowed here."
The black man turned around and stood up. He then said:
"When I was born I was black,"
"When I grew up I was black,"
"When I'm sick I'm black,"
"When I go in the sun I'm black,"
"When I'm cold I'm black,"
"When I die I'll be black."
"But you sir..."
"When you're born you're pink,"
"When you grow up you're white,"
"When you're sick, you're green,"
"When you go in the sun you turn red,"
"When you're cold you turn blue,"
"And when you die you turn purple."
"And yet you have the nerve to call me coloured"
The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...

Don't support racism!

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere)
On a hair straightener: "Do not use in water." (Yes, because I always straighten my hair when I'm taking a bath.)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity copy and paste this into your profile! XD