Hm . . . Not quite sure what to write here . . . so I'mma just put a bunch of my favorite quotes instead~

No one dies a virgin, because by the time our life comes to an end, the world has screwed us all. ~ Me

I know a guy. Or at least, I think it's a guy... ~ Me

I have ADOLS: Attention De- OH LOOK, SHINEY! ~ Me

Of course people who have near death experiences see a bright white light. It's the paramedics shining a pen light in their eyes! ~ Me

Life goes on. At least until 2012. ~ Justin Yellowhorse

Come out from behind that laser proof glass or we'll shoot you with our lasers! ~ Futurama

Did you know that over six million kids in the United States are over weight? And did you also know that, if all of them were to jump up and down at the same time, they might be able to lose a bit of fricken weight. ~ Unknown comedian

What Americans pay for groceries in a week could feed a third world country for a year. I don't know about you people, but I feel we are being over charged for our groceries. ~ Unknown comedian

Have you noticed that sex is always better in a hotel? Why is that? Is it because it's with a hooker? ~ Unknown comedian

One day I was at a party and someone asked me what my girlfriend does. I told him, "Anything but anal." I'm kidding! She loves it. ~ Unknown comedian

I believe that when life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. Then you should find someone who's life has given them vodka, and have a party! ~ Ron White

I'm sorry, you can't sit here. I'm saving these seats for my imaginary friend Harry and his eight fairy wives. ~How Not To Be Popular

We are all weird, the world itself is weird. One day we meet someone who's weirdness is compatible with our own, and we fall into mutual weirdness. This is what we call love. ~ Dr. Seuss

Do unto others as you would have them do to you. . . said the rapist. ~ Bo Burnham

Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones . . . or masturbate in the daytime. ~ Bo Burnham

For fifteen cents a day, you can feed an African. They eat pennies. ~ Bo Burnham

Old people's skin sags because it is being drawn towards the underworld. ~ Bo Burnham

Quotes from the Internet are not always accurate. ~ Abraham Lincoln

May those who love us love us,
and those who do not love us,
may God turn their hearts,
and if He cannot turn their hearts
may He turn their ankles
that we may know them by their limping.
~Irish Prayer

A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted. ~Author Unknown

A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn't. ~Author Unknown

After all, what is your host's purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi. ~P.J. O'Rourke

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. ~Elayne Boosler

It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. ~Author Unknown

Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad. ~P.D. East

There's no such thing as fun for the whole family. ~Jerry Seinfeld

And on the eighth day God said, "Okay, Murphy, you're in charge!" ~Author Unknown

When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football. ~Author Unknown

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. ~Author Unknown

Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself. ~Rita Mae Brown

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. ~Jack Handey

There are truths of which I have an inkling, but of most I have only a penciling. ~Robert Brault

Can we actually "know" the universe? My God, it's hard enough finding your way around in Chinatown. ~Woody Allen

All my life I've wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought. ~Robert Brault

Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you. ~Colin Sautar

If you cannot answer a man's argument, all it not lost; you can still call him vile names. ~Elbert Hubbard

Protect me from knowing what I don't need to know. Protect me from even knowing that there are things to know that I don't know. Protect me from knowing that I decided not to know about the things that I decided not to know about. Amen. ~Douglas Adams

Lord, lord, lord. Protect me from the consequences of the above prayer. ~Douglas Adams

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them. ~Unknown Author

Some people are like Slinky’s. Pretty much useless but make you smile when you push them down the stairs. ~Unknown Author