Some funny sayings because, let's be honest, that's the best part of a profile. Who cares about the author? Certainly not me

"If you're going to kick the tiger in the ass be prepared to deal with it's teeth."- Tom Clancy

"I've been there, done that, bought the t-shirt."-my daddy

"Don't judge a person until you've walked a mile in their shoes. Then judge them. Because then you are a mile away. And you have their shoes."-it was on a t-shirt a Hot Topic

"Pain fades, wounds heal, and chicks dig the scars, but honor and pride are eternal."?

"Growing old is inevitible. Growing up is optional."-from another profile

"If you start a fire for a man, he'll be warm for a night. If you SET a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life."-from another profile

"The Following Statement is True:
The previous statement is false" -from another profile

"Sanity is a one trick pony - all you have is rational thought. But when you're good and loony, the sky's the limit!" - from another profile

"Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense." ?

"When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear." -Mark Twain

"Do not condemn the judgment of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong." ?

"No great genius is without an a mixture of madness." -Aristotle

"The creative person is both more primitive and more cultivated, more destructive, a lot madder and a lot saner, than the average person." -Frank Barron

"A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation." ?

"No one is a virgin, life screws us all." - My friend James says that

"What's the use of happiness? It can't buy money." ?

"There is no 'I' in team, so 'I''m not in you're team."-I say that. I made it up too. I hate sports and teamwork. They blow like a twenty dollar whore

"If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?" ?

"The most important thing to succeed in show business is sincerity. And if you can fake that, you've got it made." - George Burns

"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines" ?

Anything that Stewy off of 'Family Guy' says.

"Bow before my infinite sarcasm!"-that's me again.

Stewey: Hey, you. I'll trade you my signed ball for your signed bat.
they trade
stewey takes bat and hits kid over the head with it then steals back the ball
Stewey: now what did you learn?

"I don't suffer from insanity...I enjoy every minute of it."

"Yea! Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I shall fear no evil for I am the biggest mother fucker in the valley!" -from the profile or yoisie/ambereyes

"How important do you have to be for it to be considered assination and not just murder?" -me

"Now we're in the 2000s. We lost the morals but we kept the weed." -brian of Family Guy

Bryan: I feel so American.
Tim: Why, did you shoot someone?

Andy: Is there an Irish term for hangover?
Bryan: Considering you're Irish, I'd think you'd know, but my best guess would be "morning".

Andy: A chick walks by, you wish you could sex her, but you stand by the wall like a friggin' poindexter
Bryan: Worst. Rap. Ever. I didn't even know sex was a verb.
Andy: I had sex. Isn't it a verb?
Bryan: No, that would be a miracle.

Tim: I'm afraid I'm going to say something random and sound really stupid.
Bryan: Just be like me, say stupid things all the time and it will never sound random.

Andy: I knew this one guy who as 45 and we were hella good friends. I was like 11.
Bryan: You didn't meet him in the bathroom did you?

Random Chick from Canada: hey
Bryan: Hello, what do you need?
RCFC: nothin just sayin hey
Bryan: Okay, then I'm just gonna ask if you've ever jacked a guy off with your feet.
RCFC: wat? no
Bryan: Would you ever do it?
RCFC: No
Bryan: Would you do it if I asked you to?
RCFC: No
Bryan: Would you do it if I had a gun to your head?
RCFC: I guess
Bryan: SCORE!
Blocked
(That's how you get rid of random idiots from out of the US who IM you).

Bryan: I'm ready for this upcoming school year.
Tim: It probably won't be much different from last year.
Bryan: That's why you have to take a shotgun to school and MAKE it different.

Bryan: Why the hell are those small candies people give you for halloween called fun-size?
Bryan: They're not fun at all.
Bryan: I mean, think about it, if my penis was small, would it be "fun-size"?

Bryan: Christ it was hot today.
Andy: Yeah, I was sweating like a pedophile in a playground.

Bryan: I drove by the fire department the other day, and they had a big public awareness sign that read, "Are your house numbers visible?" I thought, "Who the hell cares? How about you just stop at the house that's on fire!"

Bryan: I gotta go. There's a dude next to me and he's watching me type, which is sort of starting to creep me out. Yes dude next to me, I mean you.

Bryan: Being alone sucks...I want to stab someone in the eye, but alas, no one is there.

Bryan: Once a computer beat me at chess.
Bryan: But it was no match for me at kickboxing.
Bryan: Take that computer.

Bryan: I've figured it out. If you ever get mugged by someone, just say, "Take it easy man, all I got is a 16 bill", then knee him in the sack when he tries to figure out what the hell you just said.

Bryan: I'm going to become rich and famous when I invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet.

Tim: I like my coffee the way I like my blacks.
Bryan: Dead?
Bryan: In the Field?
Bryan: In jail?
Bryan: Stealing?
Bryan: Covered in blood?
Bryan: 5 a piece?
Bryan: Stupid?
Tim: ...
Tim: BLACK YOU RACIST BASTARD! I LIKE MY COFFEE BLACK!

Bryan: Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm going to kill your first-born with a rake.

Tim: I was taking a box of kleenex downstairs to the computer since I have a cold, and I passed my mom on the way there and she just gave me this look...I've never felt so dirty in my life.

Tim: You penetrate my mouth
Tim: The in-and-outs are furious.
Bryan: ...
Tim: Sometimes a hair gets stuck in my teeth.
Tim: You always leave that white tasty liquid in my mouth.
Tim: Good ol' toothbrush.
Bryan: Yeah, sure. Toothbrush.
Tim: What? Get your mind out of the gutter.
Bryan: You're not fooling anyone.
Bryan: We both know you don't brush your teeth.

Tim: You probably don't even know what ADD stands for.
Bryan: Attention Deficit LET'S GO RIDE BIKES!

Bryan: YOU SUCK DICK
Bryan: I mean...what's up.
Tim: A common typo.
Bryan: The keys are like right next to each other.

Tim: My bagle bites tray has ten bagles.
Tim: Usually there are only nine.
Tim: THEIR LOSS!
Bryan: Wow, what a find.
Bryan: The gods have truly smiled upon you.

Bryan: Let's commit a terrorist act.
Tim: On what country?
Bryan: How about Egypt, they don't do anything.
Tim: Okay.
Bryan: We'll hijack all their camels.
Tim: Camels of mass destruction...sounds good.
Bryan: And we'll crash them into their straw shacks.

Andy: Y'know what I don't get?
Bryan: Laid?

Andy: Want to hear a depressing love story?
Bryan: You broke your hand?

Bryan: I'm going to make a castle out of all the soda cans around my computer desk.
Bryan: I'll declare myself king of this desk, and rule it with an iron fist.
Bryan: All the ants will have to pay taxes.
Tim: Wow, you have a lot of time on your hand.
Bryan: You mean my iron fist.

Bryan: Probably because oaijmk
Bryan: CRAP
Bryan: I fell out of my chair.

Tim: 65 peolpe killed in Canada by guns last year
Tim: 63 in UK
Tim: 64 in Australia
Tim: 11,456 in USA
Bryan: We win!

Tim: My little nephew's cat ran away yesterday.
Tim: I said it went to kitty land, and he wants to know where kitty land is.
Tim: So I brought up my browser and typed in www.kittyland.com.
Tim: Then I closed it as fast as humanly possible.
Favorite Shows:

Bryan: Cripes. ANYTHING is sexual innuendo nowadays.
Bryan: "I had a glass of milk." "WHOA GOOD JOB, HOW WAS SHE?"
Bryan: "No. I mean, I poured milk into a glass and drank it." "You sure did!"

This was in an IRC chat-
Bryan:oh man
Bryan: I was opening a coke, right
- Beefpile (~mbeefpile@cloaked.wi.rr.com) has joined
Bryan: and it exploded
Bryan: ALMOST all over my keyboard and pants
Bryan: but I got it away just in time
- Beefpile has quit (sick fers)
Tim: Heh

Bryan: The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?

Tim: Hey, you know what sucks?
Bryan: Vaccuums.
Tim: Hey, you know what sucks in a metaphorical sense?
Bryan: Black holes
Tim: Hey, you know what just isn't cool?
Bryan: lava?

Tim: Our frigde is outside because we got our kitchen tiled
Tim: It's in a puddle of water.
Tim: Thats bad, right?
Tim: I shouldn't step in the water around the frigde, right?
Tim: It's plugged in.
Bryan: Water doesnt conduct electricity.
Bryan: It's an urban myth.
Bryan: Go dance in the puddle.

Bryan: There needs to be a real life search function.
Bryan: I can't find my shoes.

Bryan: I hate that Simpsons Episode where Apu's wife has octuplets, and then that other family has quintuplets (or whatever the word for 9 kids at once is).
Bryan: I mean Jesus Christ, it's a vagina, not a clown car.

Andy: wtf is an acronym?

Bryan: So this guy walks into a bar with a monkey.
2 minutes pass
Tim: And?
Bryan: I forget the rest of the joke, but your mom's a whore.

Andy: I swear to God I'm like the only optimist left on this planet.

Bryan: I hate errors that won't go away.
Tim: You hate kids too huh?

me: hey, if I had a million dollars, I would like buy you an ostrige or something
megan: ostridge or whatever
megan: LOL
megan: ostrich?
me: I dunno
me: man gimme a break
me: no speak englise
me: fine, I'd like buy you a bed or something
megan: whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat
megan: i want my ostrich
me: lol
megan: imma come up to you in 20 years
megan: with big hips and big boobs
megan: and babehs
megan: and ask for my ostrich

IF I HAVE OFFENDED ANYONE IN ANYWAY, MY ETERNAL APPOLIGIES!

Udated: January 29, 2005

Hey. I've erased all of my stories. They sucked. Face it. I'm sick of having them on there and I've been meaning to get rid of them for forever. They are in insult to fanfiction. I will not have crap like mine on the same websites as such wonderful writers as Rozefire and others. I am planning to rewrite every one of my stories and repost them in better condition. But, that may not happen for a long time. At least not until summer. Sorry to all my fans who actually liked my stuff.