1. Fluent in French, intermittently.
I'm really good at words like moi and très,
which seem to take care of just about everything a boy needs.
A few unkind people have pointed out
that this does not make me exactly fluent,
but I say, well, that's lucky because if
I spoke perfect fluent French no one would like me,
and no one likes a perfect boy, do they?

2. Tolerant.
If a boy is wearing last season's BFS shirts,
I won't immediately rule him out as a friend.
I mean, you never know if a super-duper-nice person is lurking in a past-it T-shirt.
(Some boys are so ruthless they won't speak to a
boy unless he's in next season's shirts,
which is really asking a lot.)

3. Common sense.
I really am fluent in it.
You've got to recognize it when a day
is a total waste of hair styling.

4. Punctual.
I am up every morning at 07:30 AM and not a minute earlier.

5. Thrifty.
You can be frugal even if you have expensive tastes.
Please don't tell a soul, because, you know, some boys get so jealous,
but I hardly pay for a thing I wear.
You see, fashion designers love giving clothes away.
Sometimes I wonder if fashion designers, who I consider to be geniuses,
are actually thickos, like lots of mean people are always saying they are.
Isn't giving something away for nothing when
you could sell it for something a bit stupid?
But there is something really, really clever about this
particular form of stupidity because
fashion designer-type people all seem
to own at least four expensively decorated homes
(St. Barths, Aspen, Biarritz, Paris),
whereas all the clever people with regular jobs selling
things for money only seem to own about one barely decorated house each.
So I maintain that fashion designers are geniuses because
it takes a genius to make money by giving things away.

6. I'm a bit prissy and naive,
and I wont settle for less than a picture perfect life.