Update: 1/26/2011

Its official, I have given up on everything to do with Twilight. I have no clue what I was thinking.

The entire fandom (most of it, at least) sickens me now, so I'll most likely never be back.

I have no clue how you got to my profile, since I will be deleting everything to do with what I had here permanently.

Oh well.

Remember: "Live each day as if the Volturi were coming."

Oh, and go check out my beta's stories!! Her penname is kinziewriteslove. She absolutely the most amazing beta ever!!

Welcome to my profile,

Hi,

Hello,

Haai,

Tungjatjeta,

Tél nìdõ,

Salam,

mArHAbAn,

Barev or Parev,

Kaixo,

Grüß Gott,

Aas salamu alaay kum,

Wareng,

Namaskar,

Koali,

Zdravei,

Jum Reap Sour,

Mingalarba,

Sour Sdey,

Olá,

Hola,

Hafa adai,

Mambo,

Tansi,

Shalom

REMEMBER WHEN ...

Getting HIGH meant swinging at a playground?
The worst thing you could get from a boy was cooties?
Mom was your hero
And dad was the boy you were gonna marry?
When your WORST ENEMIES were your siblings
And race issues were about who ran fastest?
When - WAR - was a card game
And life was simple and care free?
Remember when all you wanted to do
WAS GROW UP?

Copy and pasties!!

If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have read the Twilight Saga over 69 times, copy and paste this onto your profile. (...WAY more than that!!)

if you have ever read a 700 page book in one night, because you are so addicted, copy and paste this onto your profile. (I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about)

If you've ever completely forgotten what you were going to say, and then get told "it can't of been very important then." copy and paste this into your profile

when you know it was IMPORTANT, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever tripped up by walking UP the stairs and made a complete fool of yourself, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever wondered what you're like in another dimension, copy and paste this into your profile.

If your completely un-photogenic, even though your not normally that hideous, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever said something, at exactly the same time as someone else, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you keep reading these 'copy and paste this on to your profile' thingies and are starting to question yours and other's sanity, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've only ever fell in love with a fictitious vampire/character, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction, copy this to your profile. (I'm WAY past that stage)

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever done anything incredibly stupid for no apparent reason, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever walked into a room and forgotten what you came for, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think those kids should just give the rabbit the freakin' Trix, copy this into your profile.

If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freakin' Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever touched something cold, and immediately thought of the Cullens copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile

If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are so obsessed with Twilight that it is NOT even funny anymore, copy this into your profile

If you had a choice between human and vampire, and you would choose vampire, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you want to slice out Jacob Black's organs, throw them into a fire, and do a native dance around the fire, for what he did in Eclipse, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are on Team Edward, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you cried, screamed, or threw a fit when Edward left Bella in New Moon, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've started having dreams featuring Twilight characters, copy and paste this onto your profile. (I've already lost count of how many)

If several inanimate objects hate you, paste this onto your profile.

If you ever broke any of your bones, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile. -evil laugh-

If you are crazy enough to have just read through all these, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you love irritating people with these annoying copy and paste things, copy and paste this into your profile.

cool shape, eh?

The below statement is true.
The above statement is false.

Our Edward, Who art in Forks, Hallowed be thy sparkles. Thy Volvo comes, thy will be fast, On Earth as it is in the meadow. Give you this day, our daily blood; Forgive us our heartbeats, As we worship Carlisle for giving you life. Lead us into temptation, Deliver us to you. For thine is the vampire, The music and the hotness, Forever and ever, A-Edward. (I find this beautiful)

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.

If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.

Edward Cullen made every girl want a bloodthirsty vampire instead of a knight in shining armor.

An enemy of my enemy, is my friend.

I had a friend once. Then the rope broke and he got away.

I like you. When I rule the world, your death shall be quick and painless.

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

I didn't fail, the past 10,000 tries just didn't work.

If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.

Don't you dare tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.

When life hands you a lemon, squirt life in the eye and run like fire.

I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

How many roads must a man walk down to admit he's lost?

It’s great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who’s bald.

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand

So many boys, so many reasons to stay alone

I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.

Do you want to know why I'm still on earth? Heaven kicked me out and hell is afraid I'll take over!

A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.

The cops never find it as funny as you do.

Forget a prince with a horse, I want a vampire with a volvo!!

Emmett is the Strongest,
Edward is the fastest,
But Jasper can sit alone in a corner and still make you feel jealous.

Sometimes a road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

MENstrual pain, MENstrual cramps, MENstrual anxiety, MENtal anxiety, MENopause, MENingitis. Notice our problems begin with MEN!!

Psh, screw the Dark Side. So what if they have cookies? Come to the Light Side, we have Edward Cullen!

At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can't.

You have a right to your opinions; I just don't want to hear them.

I'm not easily distracted, I... Hey, is that guy SPARKLING??

Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.

Live forever, or die trying.

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject

If you wish to make a man your enemy, tell him simply, "You are wrong." This method works every time.

Catch a man a fish, and you can sell it to him. Teach a man to fish, and you ruin a wonderful business opportunity.

When life gives you lemons throw them back and demand Edward.

Emmett, when you laugh, I’ll laugh. When you dry sob, I’ll dry sob. But when you get arrested for trying to be the hulk, I’ll laugh and tell Carlisle.

Do that again and I'll give you a papercut RIGHT IN FRONT OF JASPER!

Whoever said money can't buy happiness didn't know where to shop!

If it's sent by ship then it's a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a shipment.

The second mouse gets the cheese.

It's Band GEEK, not Band NERD. If you are going to try to insult me, at least do it right!

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

In my world, pages 73-381 of New Moon don't exist.

If you can't beat them, join them
If you can't join them, sue them,
then rub it in their faces.

God made man, and then said, "I can do better than that," and made woman.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Engineering: 'How will this work?' Science:'Why will this work?' Management: 'When will this work?' Liberal Arts:'Do you want fries with that?'"

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; I'm not sure about the universe.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When you wish upon a star, your dreams can come true. Unless it's really a meteorite hurtling to the earth which will destroy all life. Then you're pretty much hosed no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteor.

There are easier things in life than finding a good man ... nailing Jell-O or ice to a tree, for instance.

Employee: Boss can I have the day off tomorrow?

Boss: So you want a day off. Let's take a look at what
you are asking for:

There are 365 days per year available for work.

There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have
2 days off per week,leaving 261 days available for work.

Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you
have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available.

You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break which
counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available.

With a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up another 46
days, leaving only 22 days available for work.

You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This
leaves you only 20 days per year available for work.

We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available
working time is down to 15 days.

We generously give 14 days vacation per year which
leaves only 1 day available for work, and I'll be surprised if you are going
to take that day off!!

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

A positive attitude may not solve all of your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

Keep smiling- it makes everyone wonder what you’re up too

There's no such thing as a stupid question, until you ask it.

We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do.

Suburbs are areas where they cut down trees and then name the streets after them

If the world gives you lemons, you can make lemonade... or you can make a biologically engineered virulent air-born pathogenic virus that will wipe out the entire population of the planet, which would be a whole lot cooler.

Would you like a cookie? So would I.

If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.

The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

When life gives you lemons, take half and squirt those in the eyes of your enemies, and use the other half to make a refreshing glass of lemonade after all your hard work.

Psychology. Mind over matter. Mind under matter? Does it matter? Never mind.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

I wasn't born yesterday, and neither were you. If you were, congratulations on learning how to read at such a young age.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Anyone who says "Easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried it.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Can't eat pork,

Swine flu

Can't eat chicken,

Bird flu

Can't eat Beef,

Mad cow...

Can't eat eggs,

Salmonella.

Can't eat fish,

heavy metal poisons in their waters.

Can't eat fruits and veggies,

insecticides and herbicides.

Hmmmmmmmmm!!

M

M

M

M

M

M

M

M

M

M

M

I believe that leaves Chocolate and ice cream!!

Remember - - - 'STRESSED'

spelled backwards! is

'DESSERTS'

Lessons Learned in Twilight:

1. You can enjoy the banquet while resisting the wine.
2. The future is not set in stone.
3. Men are crabby when they're hungry.
4. Nothing beats an irritable grizzly bear.
5. True love knows no boundaries.
6. Some people are just danger magnets.
7. Even eternal enemies can work together to save something they love.
8. Forget the fangs - real vampires sparkle!
9. Soul mates exist, even if it takes 100 years to find them.
10. Porshe 911 Turbos make really great bribes.
11. Friendship is like the sun on a cloudy day.
12. Snow just means it's too cold for rain.
13. Family is about more than just blood.
14. What's worth doing is worth over-doing.
15. Losing your temper can be hair-raising.
16. "Vegetarian" has many meanings.
17. Even monsters can hold on to their humanity.
18. There are exceptions to every rule.
19. Always verify bad news before doing something stupid.
20. Hearing voices in your head doesn't necessarily mean you're crazy.
21. Love means being willing to sacrifice your happiness for another's.
22. Cold hands = Warm heart.
23. Not breathing is uncomfortable.
24. Stupid lambs and masochistic lions make quite a pair.
25. Romeo was an idiot.
26. Twilight is the saddest and safest time of day.
27. Extreme sports should not be attempted alone.
28. Life is worth very little without someone to share it with.
29. Space heaters can be very annoying.
30. Love can make even the most miserable places paradise.

║▌│█│║▌║││█║▌│║▌║ ORIGINAL TWILIGHT FAN ®