"Whatever happened to me in my life, happened to me as a writer of plays. I’d fall in love, or fall in lust. And at the height of my passion, I would think, “So this is how it feels,” and I would tie it up in pretty words. I watched my life as if it were happening to someone else. My son died. And I was hurt, but I watched my hurt, and even relished it, a little, for now I could write a real death, a true loss. My heart was broken by my dark lady, and I wept, in my room, alone; but while I wept, somewhere inside I smiled. For I knew I could take my broken heart and place it on the stage of The Globe, and make the pit cry tears of their own."

William Shakespeare, “The Tempest,” issue #75 of The Sandman (1996), collected in The Wake

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(='.'=) bunny!
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If the opposite of 'pro' is 'con', then what's the opposite of 'progress

When life gives you lemonade make lemons then laugh at the laws of the universe

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

You never truly know someone untill you've seen how they react when their chips get stuck in the vending machine.

Don't take life too seriously; no on gets out alive.

Wine, now cheeper than gas! Drink, don't drive.

If you have ever (almost) taken over the world, but were distracted by something shiny, copy and paste this into your profile

yes I'm aware I'm on this site to much shut up

Favorite sayings:

1. Honesty is the best policy, but Insanity is a better defense.

2. Nobody is perfect. I am nobody. Therefore I am perfect!

3. Someday my Prince will come. He just took a wrong turn, got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions

4. You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!

5. Don't get me mad! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies!

6. Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.

7. Chaos. Panic. Disorder. My work here is done

8. You! Off my planet!

9. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

10. BAD COP! - NO DONUT!!!

11. Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

12. I am a bomb technician - If you see me running try to keep up

13. My mind works like lightning...one brilliant flash and it's gone.

20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Steve Jobs and Bob Hope. now we have: no cash, no jobs and no hope. PLEASE don't let Kevin Bacon die

MORE favorite sayings:

1) Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2) He who laughs last thinks slowest.

3) Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

4) The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.

5) A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

6) The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

7) A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

8) When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of Jury duty.

9) It takes 42 muscles to frown, but just 28 muscles to smile. Though it only takes 4 muscles to reach out and slap someone in the mouth.

10) All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.

11) Tell your voices to SHUT UP...I can't hear mine...

12) Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

13) I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they go by.

14) Don’t mess with me I've got a stick.

15) People are like Slinky's, basically useless, but it's still fun to watch them fall down the stairs.

16) One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

17) Some people are alive because it's illegal to kill them.

18 Microsoft: "You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips."

19) Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!

20) A best friend will help you move the dead body of your ex boyfriend to a ditch on the side of the freeway!!

21) "Stress: The condition brought on by overriding the body's desire to kick someone's ass"

22) "Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED Apparently you told Santa that you have been good this year...he died laughing."

19 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time , Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it " In".

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks , Write "For Smuggling Diamonds".

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy".

8. Don't use any punctuation.

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water when ever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go".

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In the Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it :)