Umm... hello I'm TheDaughterofHera, I am a girl but my parent bizarrely call me Bob. Do not ask why they call me that they just do. I have no Idea of what I'm supposed to do on here. So I'm just gonna tell you some things about me.

I'm an animal lover, I have this thing where they just kinda really like me. They are always coming to my house, once a couple turkeys came into my back yard and stayed there for a few days. Then another time a horse randomly came trotting down the street and chased my sister. She claims that it was looking for me.

I really love reading. Actually I've read so many books that I don't remember even a third of them, but these weird lines from books keep popping into my head :D. Some of the only books I do remember I just keep rereading them because if I bother to remember them then they are good books.

I also love music. All kinds of music, not country though :C. Country is kinda weird. O-well I don't really care.

I'm an artist and I really want to put my drawings on my computer, but I don't have a scanner -_-. Does any one know where I can get one.

Any way I only have a few friends. But seance I doubt that they want me to put there names up on the internet with out there permission I'll just use there crazy, weird, kinda stupid nick names.

My first is my Imōto (little sister) not literally but she really like a little sister to me,

The second is my dear friend Russia, then theirs Japan, and Germany, and me my country is Italy, do you know what that means that means PASTAAAAAAAAAA!

THAT is what that means.

If you have seen Hetalia you understand.

But the only one of us that LOOKS even remotely like our country is Germany, she has blond hair and blue eyes, even though she dies it blond.

My Russia and Japan both have red hair, Russia has blue eyes, and Japan has these really pretty what I describe as lion-cub eyes.

I look nothing like Italy, I have brown hair, and blue eyes, and honestly, I act more like what the Hetalia Fan-base has named snapped Italy.

It's funny because, My Russia looks like a female Scotland, My Japan looks more like a very quiet red headed female Italy (that is the only way I can describe her), and I the Italy of the group looks kinda like a female America with dark hair, but I act more like a witching Britain.

My Russia does act like Russia in the show, often with a cry of VODKAAAAAAAA! at random times, she also participates in the more, mystical, arts such as myself, I mostly practice palmistry, even though I have done a few self Tarot readings, she carries a deck of Gothic Tarot cards on her, and often does a reading for you if you ask.

My Germany if you sit by her to long with mud or something on your shoes, she will just suddenly start cleaning them, she is crazy tall to.

My Japan is quiet just like the real Japan, but she isn't emotionally stifled like real Japan.

Now it is time for the most amazing thing ever and quite a few of you those who read this and well my stories of course,

Warning some of these are very deep others adult or funny, Viewer discretion is advised

I now present the List of Lists

Questions:

Do you think that when they ask the Queen for ID she just whips out a dollar coin?

Why don't we ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

What color does a smurf turn if you choke it?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

What happens if you get scared half to death... twice?

Why are they called "apartments" when they're stuck together?

When a clock is hungry does it go back for seconds?

If flying is so safe why do they call the airport "the terminal"?

Why do we have noses that run and feet that smell?

Quotes!

I do it because I can, I can because I want to, I want to because you said I couldn't :P

You cant expect people to look eye to eye with you if you are looking down at them.

Never tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon.

What's this thing you call "normal"? Is it contagious? OMG! Don't touch me! I might catch your "normal"!

For the millionth time! I can't go to Hell, they have a restraining order against me!

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?

Some see the glass half full, some see it half empty. Me? I just want to know who the hell is drinking my damn soda.

People are like slinkies, basically useless; and yet it's so amusing to watch them fall down the stairs.

Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.

Don't mess with me I've got a stick.

If you are a cereal killer, GET THE HECK AWAY FROM MY CHEERIOS!

Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!

You're just jealous because we act retarded in public and people still love us!

Be a loser! Because being cool is soo overrated!

I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

If at first you don't succeed, Then skydiving isn't for you!

Evening news is where they say, "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it's not.

Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

If it wasn't for physics and law enforcement I'd be unstoppable.

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problem.

You don't have to be faster than the bear; you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.

Slinky Escalator = Endless fun!

You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor's cute, screw the fruit!

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

No Trespassers! Violators will be shot, survivors will be shot again.

Don't thank me for insulting you, it was a pleasure.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people

Sometimes I Wonder, "Why is that frisbee getting bigger?" and then it hits me!

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.

Where negotiation and diplomacy fail, high explosives substitute nicely.

I didn't say it was your fault, I just said I was going to blame you!

We're not retreating! We're advancing in a different direction!

Arguing with yourself is normal. It's when you argue with yourself and you LOSE that it's weird.

One way to figure out how things work, push all the buttons!

Skill is successfully walking a tightrope over Niagara Falls. Intelligence is not trying.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: The quick and the dead.

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them.

No Trespassers! Violators will be shot, survivors will be shot again.

BRB, my fish just drowned.

I am getting sick and tired of slitting the throats of the people who say I'm a violent psychopath!

OMG! The rain's wet!

My thermometer is sick! Get the thermometer…oh wait…

I called your boyfriend gay, and then he hit me with his purse!

You think you're all that and a bag of chips. Well I'm all that and a bag of skittles. So taste my rainbow, bitch.

Beware the flying donkey, falling from the sky. You can choose the way you live my friend but not the way you die!

Don't aggravate me, I'm running out of places to put the bodies.

Never knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run! Death hates that.

I did not hit you, I just high-fived your face.

Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue.

Sarcasm. It's easier than actually having to deal with stupid people.

I like you. When I rule the world, your death shall be quick and painless.

Heaven doesn't want me and hell is afraid I'll take over.

He gave her twelve roses. Eleven were real and one was fake. He said I'll love you till the last one dies.

Normal people make good pets.

Weird (But True/Funny) Quotes...

Never suffer from insanity, enjoy every minute of it.

Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.

Real girls aren't perfect, perfect girls aren't real. You want a perfect girl? Go buy a Barbie.

I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not.

She's my best friend. Break her heart and I'll break your face.

Say to a boy: Yes, I hit like a girl. You could too if you hit a bit harder.

I'm the type of girl that manages to plan a whole world domination in History class.

I'm the type of girl who will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened a year ago.

It's us versus the world...we attack at dawn!

Real friends don't let you do stupid things... alone.

Don't you think 'Politics' is funny? I mean: 'Poli' in Latin means 'many' and 'tics' means 'bloodsucking creatures'

It takes 47 muscles to frown, 13 to smile and absolutely none to sit there with a dumb look on your face.

Revenge, like pizza, is best served cold.

Mother's Teaching

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY. "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my personal favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

12 things you shouldn't say to a police officer

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. 't you the guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

5. Are You Andy or Barney?

6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

8. I pay your salary!

9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around.. That's how far ahead of me they are.

12. When the Officer says "Gee Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

GO WOMAN!!! boy girl

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you be willing to stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together.
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together.

Man: Your eyes are really amazing.
Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.

Here is 30 things to do in an exam if you know your going to fail it anyway: Though not recommended...

1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!"

2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.

4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.

6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.

7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.

8. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.

9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.

10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.

11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.

12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.

13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Fuck this!" and walk out triumphantly. (if someone actually does this please tell me)

14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink.)

15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).

16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.

17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.

18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.

19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.

20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.

21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.

22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.

23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.

24. Masturbate.

25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"

26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!

27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.

28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"

29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.

30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.

Stuff to do on an elevator that WILL help your image, as in, your CRAZY image

1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside, and ask, "Got enough air in there?"

2. Stand silent and motionless in one corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to open the doors, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open by themselves.

4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask them all to call you Admiral.

5. Meow occasionally.

6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

7. Say "DING!" at every floor.

8. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.

9. Make explosion noises whenever someone else pushes a button.

10. Stare grinning at another person for a while, then say, "I have new socks on."

11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"

12. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

13. Draw a little square with chalk on the floor then say to the other passengers, "This is my personal space."

14. When there's only one other person on the elevator, tap them on the shoulder then pretend it wasn't you.

15. As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional and have a group hug with the other passengers. Tell them that you will never forget them.

16. Ask if you can push the buttons for other people, but push the wrong ones.

17. Hold the doors open and say that you're waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi, Greg. How's your day been?"

18. Drop a pen and wait until someone bends to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

19. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

20. Pretend that you're a flight attendant, and review emergency exits with the other passengers.

21. Swat at flies that don't exist.

22. Yell, "Group hug!", then enforce it.

23. Make race car noises when someone gets on or off.

24. Congratulate all for being in the same lift as you.

25. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"

26. Walk in with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

27. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!", then whistle innocently.

28. Let your cell phone ring-don't answer it.

29. Walk into the lift and say, "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."

30. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when others don't.

31. Ask people which floor they want, then say, "Is that your final answer?"

32. Also in your bellboy act, ask people what floor they want. Whenever they answer, give them a glare and say, "You should be ashamed of yourself!"

33. Ask loudly, "Did you feel that?"

34. Tell different people that you can see their aura.

35. When the door closes, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."

36. Announce in a demonic voice, "I must find a more suitable host body."

37. Dress up in a long black cloak with a hood, stare at everyone, and in a deep voice announce: "It is time..."

38. Say your Majesty when anybody gets on.

39. Introduce yourself as Lord Voldemort.

40. Ask people which floor they want and why, and then announce that you're going to the floor with Olympus on it because you didn't steal any lightening.

41. Hang Ethan Hunt style from the ceiling of the elevator and speak ominously when someone enters "Helloooooooo."

42. - Still hanging from the ceiling, drop onto whoever comes in.

43. Try to make up and sing lyrics for the boring elevator music.

44. Try to start a My-Briefcase-is-better-than-yours contest.

45. Hold a ring and say, "My precious."

46. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

47. Stop at every floor, run off the elevator, then run back on.

48. Make farm animal noises.

49. Start talking to the wall.

50. Carry a stuffed animal with you and talk to it.

51. Carry a small object and start petting it while saying "My precious." in a demonic voice then laugh like a maniac.

52. Rip your clothes and stumble on to the elevator and tell them that you just escaped from the mental ward and then laugh like a maniac.

53. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, no, not now, bleeped motion sickness!"

54. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go 'plink' at the bottom.

55. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

Things I am NOT allowed to do at Hogwarts: Slytherin Muggle Born, and proud of it!

1) I will not sing "We're Off to See the Wizard" when sent to the Headmaster's office.

2) First years are not allowed to be fed to Fluffy.

3) I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals.

4) I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his "time of the month."

5) When a class-mate falls asleep, I shall not take advantage of the fact and draw a Dark Mark on his arm.

6) It's not necessary for me to yell "BURN!" every time Snape takes house points from Gryffindor.

7) I will not scare the Arithmacy students with my Calculus book.

8) Its not necessary for me to yell "Bam!" every time I apparate.

9) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music when wandering the halls.

10) "To conquer the earth with flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice.

11) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand.

12) I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs.

13) I will not slip Malfoy a Love Potion in his morning goblet of Pumpkin Juice.

14) I will not say the phrase "Dude, get a life" to Voldemort.

15) Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera.

16) I will not refer to the Accio charm as "the Force."

17) I will not put Muggle fairytale book in the History section at the library.

18) I will not send Snape a bottle of shampoo for Christmas.

19) I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "I told you I was hardcore."

20) House elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.

21) I am not allowed to poke Hufflepuffs with spoons.

22) Inventing potions behind Snape's back and with the company of your clumsy best friend is bound to spell 'disaster.'

23) I will not ask the Weasley Twins to cause a diversion.

24) I will not plot with the Weasley Twins unless I want our dear school to explode.

25) Calling Umbridge 'Dumbitch' in class is a bad idea.

26) I am not allowed to sneak into Professor Snape's private chambers to watch him sing "I Will Survive in the mirror," as it is disturbing.

27) I am not allowed to steal Professor Flitwick's wand, hold it over my head and laugh as he tries to reach it.

28) I will not replace Madam Pomfrey's Skele-Gro with pumpkin juice.

29) - I will not replace Professor Snape's pumpkin juice with Skele-Gro.

30) I will not impersonate the Swedish Chef in Potions class.

31) The next time that I see Rita Skeeter, I am not to threaten her with a can of Raid.

32) I will not subvert the lock on the fourth-floor girls' bathroom and sell its location to first-years as "The Chamber of Secrets"

33) When applying for a post at the Ministry of Magic after graduation, I should not cite "Fred and George Weasley" as my greatest influence at Hogwarts.

34) -Putting down "Lord Voldemort" is probably not best either.

35) Hogsmeade village is not "a wretched hive of scum and villainy."

36) I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I prophesied her death.

37) - I will also not tell Professor Trelawney that I had a vision of her killing the Dark Lord.

38) Sending rings to the nine senior faculty at Yuletide, with the return address "Voldemort", is not funny.

39) Insisting that the school acquire computers and network the buildings is a pointless request as they claim that a quill and parchment is sufficient.

40) Calling the Ghost-busters is a cruel joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists.

41) I may not have a private army.

42) I must not substitute chocolate-flavored laxative for Professor Lupin's prescription-strength chocolate.

43) -Nor am I to in any way substitute, alter, hide, or otherwise tamper, with Professor Dumbledore's candy.

44) I am not the wicked witch of the west.

45) - I will not refer to Professor Umbridge as such either.

46.) I will not melt if water is poured over me.

47.) - Neither will Professor Umbridge.

48) Thestrals do not resemble my little sister's toys known as 'My Little Pony'.

49.) I shouldn't use Photo-shop to create incriminating photos of my house prefects or tutors.

50.) I will not enchant the Golden Snitch to fly up the nearest fan's nose.

51.) I do not know the Avada Kedavra curse, and pretending I do to people who annoy me is not funny, no matter how much they injure themselves diving for cover.

52.) I will not test my Potions assignments by spiking Snape's drink with them.

53.) - Especially not all of them at once.

54) The four Houses are not the Morons, the Borons, the Smarts, and the Junior Death Eaters.

55) I will not use the Marauder's Map for stalking purposes.

56) I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paint-balling.

57) I am not allowed to claim to know 'how to defeat Dumbledore.'

58) - The answer is 'poison the damn Lemon Drops.'

59) I will not create a betting pool on that Voldemort is Harry Potter's father.

60) Professor Snape's proper given name is not Princess Silvermoon Fairywing Glimmer McSparkles.

61) I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort.

62) Despite my personal beliefs, Quidditch would not be improved by the introduction of muggle firearms.

63) - Though they are doubtless more athletic, battle-axes are not acceptable either.

64) I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.

65) I will not play the Imperial March theme for Professor Snape.

66) - However, when Lucius Malfoy visits, I may play it.

67) If I insist on carrying out my plans of producing "Riddle-de-dee: "The Voldemort Musical", I will do so under a nom-de-plume.

68) I should not refer to Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle, collectively as "Team Rocket."

69) I will not yell "Hey look It's Lord Voldemort!" at Hogsmeade.

70) I am not a 'ninja sent here by Lord Voldemort to destroy Harry Potter' and should stop shouting this at meal times.

71) I will not tease Voldemort about the time he needed his pink flowery teddy bear to comfort him when he had that bad bad nightmare about Harry unless I want to die young (or for a dare).

72) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work."

73) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot.

74) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it.

75) I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive.

76) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day."

77) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling.

78) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways.

79) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween.

80) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knights Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions.

81) I am not allowed to begin each Herbology class by singing the theme song to “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes.”

82) I will not call Professor McGonagall “McGoogle”.

83) I will not sing the entire Multiplication Rocks series during Arithmacy exams.

84) There is no such thing as the chamber of Double Secret Probation.

85) My name is not “the Dark Lord Happy-Pants,” and I am not allowed to sign my papers as such.

86) Bringing fortune cookies to divination class does not count for extra credit.

87) I will not douse Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak with lemon juice to see if he will become visible while wearing it and standing by the fire in the common room.

88) I will not tell first years they should build a tree house in the Whomping Willow.

89) I will not teach the house elves to impersonate Jar Jar Binks.

90) I will not give Gryffindors pixie sticks.

91) I am not allowed to refer to Susan Bones, Hannah Abbot, and Justin Finch-Fletchley, as Blossom, Buttercup, and Bubbles.

92) A time turner is not a flux capacitator. I should therefore not try to install it in a muggle car.

93) I shall not refer to DADA professors as canaries in a coal mine.

94) When fighting death-eaters in the annual June good vs. evil fight I will not lift my wand skyward and shout “There can only be ONE!”

95) A wand is for magic only, it is not for picking noses, playing snooker, or playing drums no matter how bored I become.

96) It is generally accepted that cats and dragons can not interbreed and I should not attempt to disprove this theory no matter how wicked the results would be.

97) 42 is not the answer to every question on the O.W.L.S.

98) I am allowed to have a cat, rat, toad, or an owl. I am not allowed to have reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or piranha.

99) No matter how good an Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.

100) Predicting that there will be a new DADA teacher next year does not mean I am a seer.

Funny ex quotes

I accidentally bumped into my ex today...With my car...at 60mph...on purpose.

Just remember: any bitch before me was a mistake and any bitch after me is a downgrade.

You're my ex. That means I no longer owe you any answers. Don't worry about who I'm with now. It's not you.

Today is national animal day. Please take a moment to remember your ex.

I thought of you today. I saw a cockroach and you crossed my mind. I stepped on it.

That awkward moment when your ex likes your new relationship status on facebook.

Going back to your ex is like reading a book you have already read. The outcome will always be the same.

It really bothers me when I hear a guy or girl say, I'll never have anyone better than my ex. They're the best I've ever known. Newsflash: That person's an ex for a reason. If they're so great, then maybe you should be with them. But to all the hopeful guys and girls out there, don't sell yourself short. It may not be tomorrow or the next day, but one day you will find that person who is the best for you. Don't settle on what could've been. Get excited about what will happen next.

Seeing your ex with someone uglier than you. Awesome.

My ex? We're not friends, we're not enemies. We're just strangers with some memories.

Never get jealous when you see your ex with someone else because our parents taught us to give our used toys to the less fortunate.

That awkward moment when you change your facebook status to 'single' and your ex likes it.

Taking your ex back is like going to a yard sale and buying back your own crap!

You're not ready for your next if you're still trying to impress your ex.

If you're Happy and you know it thank your ex!

Your lies? You told that. Your bullshit? Won't take that. Your stories? I've heard that. Your excuses? Save that. You're my ex, just face that.

Ever looked back at your ex and asked yourself was I drunk the entire relationship?

When your ex says, 'You will never find anyone like me.' Reply with, 'That's the point!'

Getting back with an ex is pretty much like taking a shower and putting your dirty underwear back on.

Everybody knows somebody who's Facebook relationship status should be 'Still banging my ex.'

Sleeping with an ex is like masturbation. You know you're f*cking yourself but you do it anyway.

If your not over your EX then don't move on Cause you playing with someone else feelings!

Every time I hear a song that reminds me of my ex I have a strong erg to punch the radio.

When your ex asks if you can still be friends right after a break up, it's like having a kidnapper tell you to keep in touch.

Dear Ex ; you are the reason why I know I deserve so much better.

My ex boyfriends Facebook status said 'Suicidal and standing on the edge.' ...So I poked him.

Don't cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse.

I've been right here for you I'll continue to be I just doubt you'll be able to see with all your line of hoes in the way...

It seems like my ex only breaks hearts at every turn. He can't make me jealous anymore, he can't have me back like before, when will he learn? I only ever wanted my heart to be loved in return.

My EX had one very annoying habit. Breathing!

He has proved without a doubt that he doesn't need me. And if it is the last thing I ever do, I am going to prove to him, without a doubt, that I don't need him either.

Ex boyfriends, are like an old pair of shoes. You know that you don't need them anymore but you don't have the heart to get totally rid of them.

X's and O's for my ex's and hoes.

THE WORLDS FUNNIEST WAYS TO BREAK UP boy girl

Baby, please don't do this. You have no idea how important you are to me.

I gave you way to many chances. I'm done.

I'll do anything.

Forget it alright? We're octagon.

LOLOL I meant OVER. That was funny but I'm still breaking up with you.

Dear ,
I think we should break up. I would tell you why, but I am having a tough time describing my feelings. So I drew a picture of me riding a giraffe, instead,
No longer your's _.

w

So if you see a note and at the end of every sentence, there is a Desu, then it is most likely me.