Competitive figure skater Bella Swan meets NHL hockey player Edward Cullen. Bella's Olympic dreams are crushed by injury. Can he help her find the strength to take the ice again? Will they find love and friendship in the meantime? A/H, M, E/B

Bella Swan moves to Los Angeles to write screenplays with her two best friends, after publishing her first book, New Moon. Life changes meeting famous actor Edward Cullen. What are the Odds of Making it work? Two Successful careers, exes, distance, and paparazzi. Edward is split into two distinct characters, Edward Cullen (Actor) and Anthony Masen (Of New Moon) AH AU ExB Lemons!

Bella Swan lived an ordinary life in New York city. She worked part-time at a club while writing her fourth novel. One night at work, Bella unintentionally gets involved in mafia business. Life for Bella gets very interesting when she catches the notice of rich CEO and Mob boss Edward Cullen. Mobward. ExB. Love, crime, humour and drama included.

Bella Swan had her heart broken by her ex, but now, years later she is happy with her new boyfriend, Edward. Unfortunately, her ex and the woman he cheated on her with happen to be her new loves family. When the past comes back to haunt her... Drama, angst, romance, crime, love, hurt & comfort added with the mafia leads to one hell of a story to tell. Mobward E/B C/E R/E J/A

Just in time for Halloween, not my best. Esme & her three daughters live in a small town and are very happy. Bella foresees something coming to her family, or someone, for each of them. The ladies are unaware and unprepared for what is coming for thier famiy

***BEING EDITED*** Sequel to Bridging Three Worlds."Do you remember the first time we met," Bella asked mories flooded back to me as I followed her.Who caused these memories to return?Who put the spell on Edward?This is Maribella's story told from by her or is it.

Edward leaves Bella during new moon after making love and not willing to change her. But what happens when she is attacked & Edward thinks she is dead. When they reunite what surprises does Bella have in store for him.Lemons Galore/Canon/MA/Humor/some ooc

She is different. She is magic. And her life is unbelievably beyond normal - it's supernormal. Featuring: M-rating for language and violence, magic rituals, strange creatures, stranger deaths, some citrus, realistic character development, and a super slow burn.

Earthquakes so rarely occur in the Pacific Northwest that the phenomenon causes the members of the Quileute tribe to investigate. They never would have expected to find her. She is stubborn, wild, and fiercely independent, and she willfully goes against everything they try to teach her. Especially when it comes to staying away from vampires. * Winner 1st Place TFN Best Leech Fic

"Is the big triangle you and the small one your son?" Bella asked, pointing at Edward's tattoo; surprised she'd caught it, he nodded. "I like it, but it's missing something, don't you think?" Edward cocked his head to the side. "Missing something?" "A little color. For my taste, at least. Just like you," Bella smiled kindly. "You could do with a little color in your life." B/E AH

This story was adopted from Fire1... Bella always knew she was different, even though her parents never let on that she was. Her move to Forks answers a lot of questions for her..

She is brilliant and beautiful, and well respected at a very young age in her field, but she is all alone. No family. No friends outside of work. He is alone by choice, punishing himself for the sins of his past, but he has family to give him strength. Will a chance encounter, and a daily trip out of her way lead her to the family and place of belonging she so craves? AH/AU MA

Dying was easy, all you had to do was wait until it consumes you. Loving was natural, like breathing, love was a natural part of everyone. Living was the hardest thing to do - especially if you were required to live with out someone you loved. Bella Swan loses her virginity to her father at the young age of 15. Now 17, her life becomes a web of lies and secrets but can she really

The murder of ruling vampire lord Aro means only one thing; The Awakening of King Carlisle and his heir apparent, Prince Edward the vampire prince from their entombment. A war is imminent but can Bella face the mate she left behind and learn to forgive him for a lifelong betrayal and love him again? Will the war against the wolves end any hope of the couple reuniting?

We rose from the ashes of their man-made disaster and became stronger, drawing our strength from where we've been and what we've seen. This is our world now, and they can't take it from us. AH, ExB

What if your soul lived in another and theirs lived in you? How would it affect your life until you meet? How would it change your life once you meet; "You are my soul without you I don't exist".

Bella has always known she was different. She was born in the 24th century when much turmoil plagues the world. She has always known what made her so different from her friends and that she had to keep it a secret. What happens when tragedy strikes and she finds herself moving in with her godfather in Forks, Washington, where she meets Edward and his family?

Geeky Edward Cullen is dumped by his high school sweetheart...alone...in a parking lot...with an engagement ring in his pocket. To avoid looking pathetic at his parents' New Years celebration, he enlists the help of his beautiful, and mysterious friend Bella to pose as his girlfriend. Hilarity ensues.

Bella's childhood spent with her mother has left her shy, socially isolated and scared of her own shadow. Her life is turned upside down when she is sent to live with the Dad and brother that she never knew she had. Can she overcome her past?

Bella is a 500 year old vampire. She's the Bella we love, the only difference is she gifted far beyond any other vampire in existence. The Volturi either want her to join them or dead. Bella's been on the run for many years until she finds herself in the small town of Forks with a family of Vampire's. Will she reveal herself to the Cullen's? Will the Volturi finally find her?

AU Twilight Jasper wants Bella, but we shouldn't always get what we want, right?

They're equals, strengthening each other, would it be too much to ask if they could live a quiet existence? Apparently it is, the sequel to Twilesque. Follow them into the supernatural world's trials and tribulations. AU, mating connection story.

It started with a Tequila Sunrise and a drunken text to her ex, Jacob. Then came two pink lines on a plastic stick. Now, she's trapped with her stuck up boss in an elevator. He has an outrageous proposal that will solve her need for cash and his need for human contact. She could have never guuessed where this elevator ride would take her. Canon couples eventually NOW COMPLETE

Edward & Bella are divorced. She's a renown reporter; he runs the broadcasting company she works for. He tries to keep her from story that endanger; she rushes head on towards them. Now she & Alice are missing what is going to be done to find them? What will happen if & when they are found? Journey of discovery & rediscovery for both sides. Will happiness prevail at the end?

Set after NM. Another he leaves, shes pregnant story? Maybe. Bella fights to get her life back. This is a story about Bella's new life. A life after Edward. What happens when she has to deal with more than she bargained for? Give it a chance.

Drop dead gorgeous boy genius, neurological resident at UDub Medical Ctr & momma's boy, Dr. Edward Cullen has relied on two constants: a well-planned life & the wisdom of 80s pop icon Rick Astley's songs. But when a certain brown eyed girl complicates tho

NM-AU. Edward is gone and Bella learns about a family secret and herself. Rated M for language, violence and adult content. Only read if over 18.

Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda version of the events that took place at the end New Moon & all of Eclipse. I will be going canon where I can, but I won't be stupid about it. Things are going to change. This what it should have been. I will be leaning more towards action and away from drama. No worries, the split would be somewhere around 65/35. ***UPDATING Old chapters as of 7/2/2019***

A suggestion for a change of description from one of my reviewers: "A divergence in the Cullen family history makes an early intervention into Bella's life necessary both for the happiness of the Cullen clan and Bella's wellbeing."

*Sequel* Must read Broken Doll first to understand mythology and plot progression. Bella rises from the ashes as the Golden Eyed Queen after her victory over the Volturi to find her journey to complete her destiny has only just begun. AU Supernatural

Bella has the gift of second sight. After a tragic accident, her world collides with Edward's. She is expecting him, but he is not ready for her. *** A/U Mostly Canon pairings. Vampire/Human/Wolfpack *INDIE NOMINEE *Now complete!

Sequel to Swan Lakes Ranch. The Cullens are on the ranch and ready to help out. Bella comes to terms with her husband's death, can she find a cure for her broken heart in Edward? Will Edward's past haunt him? Will their relationship be ripped apart before it has a chance to grow? AH B/E M Romance/Drama

With Arizia in ruins, King Charles gives his daughter's hand to the prince of his country's biggest foe, Englasia, to unite the two countries under Englasia's flag and save his people. Crown Prince Edward of Englasia accepts, expecting an ignorant woman from a hated and fallen nation whose life he can make miserable while continuing his rakish ways. He wasn't prepared for Isabella.

This is a story of a tough as nails, Bella, who can bring a mob boss, Edward, to his knees, but in all the right ways. What happens when these two strong personalities collide in more than one way? Content edited version will post on ffn, non-content edited versions will post on twcs and ficpad. AH/Rated M, completely out of character.

(It all started with a Tweet on 01/11/2014.) Bella's had enough of being a zombie and her handsy "friend" Jacob. She leaves town, and the memories, to head for sunnier, vampire-free climes. No destination, no plan, just a desire to go. Who'd have thought she'd run into our favorite Major in Louisiana? (no slash. No Charlotte.) PBJ. Adult content.

An unexpected event throws Bella into the hands of the Chicago mob. Can Bella accept the path her new life is taking? And how will Edward come to terms with the idea that he is responsible for Bella's safety? AH

The bond between human Bella and vampire Edward is rare in mated vampire couples. Both fiercely possessive of each other, their connection grows and they learn more about it as they unknowingly head toward a frightening sequence of connected events. Is their connection strong enough to withstand it? Or will they crumble? It all depends on a choice that begins their story.

A glimpse, a snapshot, a frame, an image...this is how they come. Some a blur, some crystal clear; like a Polaroid. She told me not to interfere, to live life, and love my family. And I do...most of the time.

2nd Adventure from Seeking My White Witch. Our families battle to save many species from the insanity of others wanting total control. Will enemies become allies to stop the madness? Who will win and who will loose? Where is the true threat? Which species

On Hiatus . A Tattward and Bella story. Bella is a single mom who has won the lottery and moved away from her home town. She meets the Gang and fun times ensue. Mostly Fluff. Characters belong to S. Meyer, storyline belongs to me.

Bella wants to escape her small-town life and live her dreams in New York. What happens when a man almost twice her age makes her an offer she can't refuse? AH/M

When Jake leaves him older brother Edward and his girlfriend Bella alone together he had no idea things would heat up between the pair. Please R&R!

19 yr old orphan Bella Swan comes across a group of homeless individuals and in a Random Act of kindness finds the love and family she has been missing her entire life.

*ON INDEFINITE HIATUS* ONGOING RE-WRITE. Bella is committed to someone already, but she seems unsatisfied... good thing someone is there to sate her unfulfilled needs. OOC, AH, All human. *Lemons*

Bella is a single mother of three. Her life has been full of ups and downs and now meets the man of her dreams, Dr. Edward Cullen, while on a trip for business and self renewal. Will her secret destroy everything? Rated MA!

This is an Edward/Bella love story told from Edward's point of view. It is also a love story of the passions in life that bring two people together and the love of a city. Takes place in Charleston, SC. AH/Normal Couples/Rated M for content.

Traded like livestock, treated like trash, all by her own aunt and uncle. When she's put up as collateral, does Bella find what she's always needed in a man from the underworld? BxE Mafia AH/AU OOC Rated M just in case OS or continue? tell me what u thin

A hardworking seamtress leaves her home of Portsmouth, England to try her fortune as an indentured servant in the colonies.

A few weeks after their honeymoon Bella starts noticing some changes to her body. How will Edward react? Will everything run smoothly? A less traumatic Breaking Dawn. ExB lots of family fluff. More new family moments. M for later chapters. In progress.

Bella is pushed into this new world in the wake of her mother's death. She must leave behind what she knows and start a new. Can she survive in the world of the young, hot, rich, and famous? Claws will come out. All Human, Cannon. On temp. hiatus 7/12/13

Bella is a Half-Vampire and a Spirit tamer, She and her brothers grew up hearing about the Cullens. What happens when she meets them finally? Expecially, what is she hiding? be patient with first few chapters!E&B. READ and REVIEW!

Bella is sixteen, and has moved to Forks. She's exactly like her mother in more ways than looks and disorders. Bella has a creature after her very life and soul, and it's up to Edward Cullen and his family to save Bella, who happens to be Edward's soul mate.

Bella Swan is 35, successful, rich and she knows what she doesn't want in her life: a husband and a family. Can her family introduce her to the one man who could change her mind? Rated M for strong language and the occasional lemon.

Bella receives a gift of the Twilight Series from her ancestor who mysteriously disappeared over 300 years ago. Her choices are to move to Forks or run in the opposite direction. What is a girl to do?

A famous voice teacher. A mysterious piano prodigy. Backstabbing classmates. Music school is competitive, and aspiring singer Bella Swan is determined to succeed. Hard work she can handle, but who expected music school to be dangerous? A story in 3 acts

Prequel to "Little Red" and "99 Problems". There are first times for everything. The first kiss. The first make out session. The first time Bella and Jasper have sex, he doesn't even take his coat off.

She loses him almost as soon as she finds him... but things aren't always what they seem. Will Bella follow her heart down the rabbit hole? AU-ish.

Bella moves to Forks to live with her dad expecting a normal small town life. She soon realizes that she is mate to a vampire and her destiny lies in the vampire world.

Sequel to the story There Will Be Blood. Two years have passed. Bella and Edward are safe on their island but will the dark underworld of crime pull them back in? Rated M for language, lemons, dark scenes, and violence.

Bella Swan - a psychic in the 24th century - becomes a pawn in her father's political games with no way out. But could her newly arranged marriage to a Prince of an alien planet be the cure to her loneliness? OOC. Lemons and possible violence.

Sequel to PWF - Bella and her green eyed barman were 'Playing with fire' the first three years of their love. Now it would seem the wealth and success they have achieved may have attracted some unwanted attention from old and new enemies alike. AH R&R

Bella is the cohost on a morning show, Edward is the CEO of his family company,he finds his self extremely attracted to her. Unexpected events keep them near each other. How long can they resist the inevitable? Better summary inside fanfic has word limit

The Cullens, Hales and Swans are the oldest and most respected families in the small island town of Forks. What happens when the rest of the town discovers a secret they've kept hidden for centuries, threatening everything they've worked to build? AH/AU

Their paths have lead Bella and Edward in very different directions since that fateful day in the forest. Bella has come into her own. Edward has been searching for her in vain. Will they be able to find each other again? Even if they do, can they deal with the challenges that those paths have created for them and will continue to create? Originally posted on Twilighted

Bella lives her life in fear of being hurt again; focusing on her career instead and turns her back on her family. Edward lives his life for his daughter, but he's still alone. Both realize, through each other, that where there is love… there is life.

Edward and Bella embark on their journey to Forever and Bella realizes her want to hang on to Jacob is hurting Edward. She wises up and cuts Jacob loose.

Scotland, 1152. He had never given his heart to someone. Not after his parents died right in front of him when he was only a child. Being forced by the king of his country to marry, he decides to fight the attraction to his bride. ExB

Bella is a 27 year old widow whose late husband has given her a task to help her live and hopefully find love again. Edward is a 40 year old CEO who has learned the hard way that women are gold diggers. Can he look past his misconceptions to find love?

“He was my rock, steady and unyielding through anything bad.” Bella tries to balance being a working Master's student with deteriorating health, a traumatic past, and an unexpected man. Continuation of one-shot. Canon pairings, AH. FULL SUMMARY INSIDE!

When a stalker gets too close to rockstar Izzy Dwyer, she makes a choice that brings her back to her hometown and leads her on a journey full of new love and friendships.

Edward and Bella have been reunited and are building a new life together. But with the changed family dynamic, and a new threat on the horizon, things are not going to be easy. Sequel to I'm Only Sleeping.

3rd in the Gravity Series. Carlisle brings a client to Gravity for protection, but there is more to this famous female singer than meets the eye. Bella, Edward, and crew not only will have to keep her safe but figure out who is threatening her. AH/Sequel

Bella has an amazing life as a teacher in paradise. She's doing all the things she loves: teaching, playing music, and Edward? Tattoos, and Choppers, and LEMONS! Oh, my! AH, OOC, LANGUAGE

Edward is a ruler in need of an heir. Isabella Swan comes from fruitful stock. A marriage made in heaven, right? Well...not quite yet. Sometimes duty brings an unexpected gift. Rated M for future lemons.

Edward and his dragon, Volterra, believe that Volterra's mate is lost, gone either in death or time. Bella, a servant, discovers and makes a connection with Kathea, a long dead dragon, who asks for help with her daughter. 3RD PLACE WINNER in OUAT Contest

Bella Swan is in for the shock of her life when Edward Cullen comes back into her life 7 years after graduation. Can the scars from her past be healed by the reclusive musician or will she shut him out like everyone else since the accident 4 years ago.

The Cullens thought Edward would never grow up, but marriage to a determined human girl,& a trip to Brazil, alter him forever.On his honeymoon,Edward finds more than love,friendship, self-acceptance,& an ability to lead.He embraces a future.

A twisted Twilight. An all vampire love story. She turned her face toward me, her black eyes pleading with mine. "I can't be saved. I've taken too much. I am no longer Bella. I have become something evil."

When Bella Swan, a 23 year old cellist studying music at Julliard meets Edward Cullen, a Hollywood movie star, their lives will be forever changed as they struggle to make their relationship work against the greatest of odds. A/H

This story contains mature themes and is not for minors, and takes place after Eclipse in place of Breaking Dawn. Leading up to their wedding see how Edward & Bella's bodies merge as their souls already have, see how their love blossoms and blooms.

Edward has immersed himself in the Cannabean way to ward off the hurt of a life-changing experience; but an unexpected betrothal teaches him how little he knows about life. There is no abuse in this story.

A plan to keep Edward & Bella apart ends in unthinkable violence leaving Bella & Charlie battling for their lives and Edward for his soul. When the fallout threatens to destroy not only them but the Pack as well, an unlikely Shaman may be their only hope.

Based on the Harleyward in my author note for ch 27 of A Stable Romance. Bella meets Edward, and his Harley, after a concert. Will she just get a ride on the Harley, or much more than that? No longer just a one shot due to demand. LEMONS GALORE!

How does Carlisle control a coven full of strong willed males? This is a exploration into coven dynamics. Includes scenes of sexual dominance. A collection of ONE SHOTS in this genre. CARLISLE/EDWARD/JASPER/EMMETT SLASH & some Bella. All canon couples ;o

Bella wants Jasper, Jasper wants Bella. This is the result when they're left alone together. M for lemons! Enjoy!

She doesn't want to, but the flesh is so weak. How do you ask forgiveness for sins you haven't yet committed? Written for the Friday Free for All on Twilighted. O/S, Mature

After finding an abandoned child on the streets of Seattle, Bella Swan raises him for five years as her own. What happens to their life when his biological family is found? AU/AH

The Cullen Retreat was recruiting for a new psychiatrist, and Bella found herself accepting the job. The benefactors were quite a mystery, and the most intriguing was the youngest, most irritable son, Edward. AH/ANgst/Mystery/Lemons!

What if Bella already knew about vampires before she came to Forks, what if she'd already met the Volturi, but wasn't allowed to tell anyone? And most importantly, what if she had her own gift?

New student Bella Swan needs to break out of her shy exterior and her guidance counselor has the answer: tutoring. And Bella is too new to know she shouldn’t want to tutor Edward Cullen.

E&B strangers who lie to each other to spend an amazing sex filled week together, but their real lives are more connected than imaginable and not everyone likes that. E&B AH/AU. Story full TTS characters, love, lust, lemons, and laughs. Gets suspenseful.

Bella is a first yr medical intern who was raised by her brother Emmett and his friends after their parents died when she was 16. When a night in the ER turns dangerous can her boys, now members of the best SWAT team in Chicago save her? Lang/Lem/complete

Edward and Bella are happily married and living in Seattle with their daughter, Claire. But their lives have changed dramatically in the last year. Can they handle the pressure of fame and demanding jobs? Sequel to Defying Gravity

Bella is successful and strong and has everything she thinks she wants in life. A chance meeting with a mysterious Edward one night, potentially changes everything she thought she knew and wanted. AU/AH/Slightly OOC. Rated M for language and lemons.

Edward and Bella are engaged to be married. It is not a marriage of love, it is a betrothal. But can their relationship blossom in to love or are they destined to hate each other?

An All Human parody of Midnight Sun. AH, AU and consequently OOC. No blood lust - just uncontrollable human lust. Smut filled fun . . .

Taking place in 17th century Europe, Princess Isabella faces her fate as her arranged marriage to promiscuous Prince Edward, future King of England. As she resists the inevitable, is she actually running away from the future she always wanted? AH/OC/Lem

When Bella meets Edward,he is instantly hers...but not fully. Edward is already taken but it doesn't keep him from his desire to keep Bella for himself. All is revealed and their love is damaged, but he fights to get it back. All Human, Lemons ensue!

What if a Vampire Singer was not about bloodlust instead its involuntary, unpreventable and irrevesable form of true love. What would you do if you waited a century to find it? What would you do to keep it? AU reg.pair 1st fan fic. rewriting has begun.

Bella is a teacher in a private school. Edward is a pediatric oncologist. Both have a passion for children. What will happen when these children see the attraction between the two?... Full summary inside... OOC/AH/AU...

Life on earth is doomed and depends on one fragile human girl,Bella Swan.Unbeknown to her, with the help of the protectors, she'll come face to face with her destiny and save the world as we know it.Rated M for Lemons Feat. Dirty Edward and starts dark.AU

Bella Swan moves to Chicago with her son and Jacob Black. She then meets Edward Cullen and falls in love. But someone doesn't want Bella and Edward to be together...

Esme was sitting at home bored and with nothing to do when suddenly Edward stormed in and darted to his room,tormented by his sexual desire and frustration.Esme goes to comfort him.What will happen?

An alt past for Bella. A stronger Bella comes to Forks but she wants to keep some things to herself. Who shaped her? What secret does she bring to Forks?

One night while the family is hunting,a highly frustrated Bella stops by the kitchen for a midnight refreshment to quench her thirst. Little does she know that another one of her cravings is about to get taken care of as well.1shot.Rated M for a reason.

Sequel to My Mistakes were Made for You. Edward and Bella were set to enjoy their happily ever after but fate had other plans. What will happen when a blast from the past shakes the foundations of their relationship? AU/AH/Canon pairings

Boundaries are tested and limits are pushed & ultimately broken. How will Edward & Bella endure their journey of sexual awakening under the burden of desire, guilt and ultimately love. Will their love prevail? Rated M for Graphic Sexual Content

Bella's marriage to Jacob is on the rocks. It's 9 years after Edward left her in the forest. She wanders into the forest, back to the place her pain began and finds her world tipped on it's axis buried in simple human lies. Alternate Universe

Lemon - Rated R18 - its alice's birthday and its her party she can cry if she wants to... but how can Charlie help? sucky summary i know but check it out

The FIRST in the Angel series. This is my version of New Moon and beyond if Edward didn't return for 2 years. Jacob is NOT the sweet boy everyone thinks he is. What kind of Bella did Edward come back to? How does she react? AU/OOC-somewhat...Future LEMONS! Rated M for a reason. R&R!

Bella has taken a break from love... Edward is tired of flings and wants his next relationship to be last. What happens when he sees her and he gets a feeling that's she's the one. OCC, AU/AH, Cannon pairings

Race car driver Edward Cullen has wrecked his car again. In desperate need of sponsors his team take on a brilliant engineer, Bella Swan. Besides trying to win the Sprint Cup, Edward finds himself racing for Bella's heart. Editing in process.

Bella is four years old when she is found by the Cullens. She grows up with them and they soon discover she is special.

An EXB love story with a twist. What if Bella was already a vampire when she moved to Forks and came across the Cullens? Will Edward and Bella's relationship survive when someone from her past reemerges? Rated M for later Chapters. Loaded w/ angsty love

Bella Swan is not a vampire, werewolf, or witch. She’s “something other.” Vamps/Werewolves included. Canon Pairings. Nominated for Indie TwiFic award!

Bella discovers a truth about the 'mythical' world long before leaving Phoenix. Seeking out her friends, she finds herself in Forks and surrounded by creatures that shouldn't exist. A retelling of Twilight filled with Magic and staring a powerful Bella.

The epilogue to 'How Long is Forever' and 'Highly Inappropriate'. Some sexual content and swearing, but not too bad. Edward and Bella are busy with their growing family, but not to busy for love, right?

First fic!Please give it a shot!Twi/Supnatural Xover.Edward left like in New Moon but she was pregnant by him.She also found out some things from Charlie about her past that are unexpected.Not good at summaries but give it a chance. M-lang & pos lem

The tension has gotten the best of Edward. Someone knows the best way to relieve it. That same someone already knows the outcome. R&R!: My entry for the "Love Through Lemons" contest. All Vamp, of course!: **Much Love**

Um. Hi. I don’t really know how to say this, but I have your kids with me, and I was thinking maybe you would like them back. So yeah… call me.

All Sir Edward ever wanted was peace. After his paranoid King exiles him, he begins to think he will never find it. So what happens when a beautiful peasant gives him refuge? Slight OOC. Rated for ch. 28, 32, 42, & 58.

Well here I am, standing in front of my Grandmother. One who I never knew existed and who has come to give me huge news about my destiny and all. Well as my grandmother stops talking all I can say is wholly shi...And you thought your family was messed up.