So, my last profile was rather... blunt. In my defense, I did make it at like three in the morning, and I get bluntly honest when I get that tired (I know, I should have gone to bed, but I was on a roll!).

Gender: Female

Disclaimer:I own nothing, and have no money, so you would get nothing out of a lawsuit.

So, about my writing...

I have one story because from past experience, I can't write two fanfics at once (I go crazy, I write half a chapter, then scream at the computer and delete it).

Also, sometimes I go for two to three weeks(or longer, much longer) without writing, have no fear! I am merely battling Writerus Blockus and balancing real life with my Original Book that I'm writing as well!

To amuse anyone actually reading my profile, enjoy this little tidbit:

And now we turn to The Three Little Pigs, by John Branyan, Transcribed by Duroflo

'In time past though not along ago, there lived pigs, in stature little, in number three. Who, being of an age both entitled and inspired to seek their fortune, did set about to do, thusly. When they had traveled a distance, pig numbered first spake, saying,'

'"Hearken, brethren, and heed this tempestuous realm. Tarry we long from hearth and home we shall fair, I fear, not well."'

'And so, being collectively agreed but individually impelled, the diminutive swine set about each to erect for himself an abode. Pig numbered One did construct his house from straw. Pig numbered Two did likewise, though rather, not from straw, but instead from sticks. Meanwhile, unique in his imaginings, pig numbered Three did erectus his domicile stalwart and garish a structure made from brick, entirely.'

'Soon, there happened along, as is frequently the scenario in classic tale of protagonist pig or red hooded child, a wolf. Carnivorous nature in full season, he called out the straw ensconced swine, saying,'

'"Pray thee, little pig, grant me entrance."'

'But pig One recalled with sage foreboding that he is mad who trusts in the tameness of a belly pinched wolf and responded immediately,'

'"Nay, it shall not be, not by wit or whiskered jowl!"'

'Prepared for this most expected response, the wolf replied immediately,'

'"Then steel thyself, little pig. Forthwith shall I endeavor by means both huffing and puffing to dismantle yon flaxen fortress."'

'Whereupon there issued from the wolf an exhale of gale proportions that quickly rendered straw hovel to dregs and dross and carried aloft piglet and shattered quarters both. Exposed now to claw and fang, pig One made haste, wolf in pursuit, to the stick festooned sanctum of peccary secondary. Causing Pig Two to cry out in dismay,'

'"Well, this knocks my knickers! The marshaling of feral wolf to my door step is nowhere among those endeavors both amenable or congenial.'"

'"A thousand pardons," Squealed one. "T'would seem the beast’s baleful breath has purged me of home and sound judgment alike."'

'The mighty maelstrom of the wolf’s exhale splattered second swine’s shack and shortened his sanctimonious scolding simultaneously.'

'"Lo and behold," Squealed Two. "stand we now among wooden wreckage, tremulous and vulnerable, with nary a strategy for escaping the canine devourer looming in deadly proximity.'"

'"Strategy?" Squealed One. "While 'tis noble to contemplate tactical particularities, pressed as we are with the time restraint forbidding detailed strategic analysis conversations, I would urge we run!"'

'Whether by their own fleet footed competence or the wolf's windless attitude, the diminutive swine arrived at their ultimate kindred neighbor's inexpugnable brick ingress unscathed. Upon the third pig's door with urgent hooves they pounded, calling out,'

'"Unbar this entrance and with haste we beseech thee."'

'The third pig hailed from the American colonies, and possessing a vocabulary substantially less robust than his impromptu visitors replied,'

'"Say what?"'

'"Seek we sanctuary." They implored, on the verge of hysteria. "Lest we fall forthwith to the ravenous appetency of yonder approaching carnivore!"'

'Still confounded by their importunate words, pig three did render ajar his portal. Whereupon one and two spilled through and collapsed beyond the threshold, innervated.'

'"So ya’ll just wanted to come in? Ya coulda said that.'"

'The sinister hiss of the wolf could be heard outside.'

'"Pray thee, pigs, grant me entrance."'

'"The wolf!” Said One and Two.'

'"Wolf?” Said Three. “What d’you suppose he wants?"'

'"He seeks to gain purchase within, indeed he would occupy this very alcove were he but afforded the most meager of opportunities!"'

'"Right, I’m just gonna go ask him what he wants.'"

'"Under no circumstances!" Squealed Two, flinging self bodily against the portal. "There is not to be gained accosting external opponents save our own immediate demise!"'

'"What did you say about my Momma?"'

'House and occupants were again engulfed in a malevolent blast of wolfish wind. The foundations shook. The frame rattled. And 'lo, to the astonished eyes of piglet and encroaching scoundrel alike stood the third pig's lodging undaunted.'

'Aghast, and dismayed, pig Two queried of Three,'

'"How does against such relentless and torrential onslaught this domicile endure?"'

'Pig Three, puffed out chest, tapped a hoof to the hearth and responded,'

'"It's American made."'