I have sat in the corner and watched your horrid desecration of published characters for far too long. I am now fed up. I can’t take this massive devastation to the English language any longer, and have taken it upon myself to rid the world of the vile and wretched writers that have spawned this outbreak of bad fanfiction. You all shall burn for the terrible writing and amount of clichés that you have unleashed onto the Internet.

“Ok, coming from the person who has NO stories, NO favorite authors, and NO favorite stories, -coughcough-FanfictionEater-coughcough- I'm not surprized that they only leave flames. Don't you people have anything better to do?! You could at least say something positive! It's her first fanfiction and she's writing it FOR FUN. Hence the "FICTION" part.”

Hm. Quote from an ego-stroking friend. Funny thing was, the author was actually kind about the review that I had left her, which wasn’t a “flame” by any means. Anyway, this is a classic combination of some of the replies that I expect to receive, some better typed than others. My response to any of this is as follows:

Just because I have no stories does not mean I am illiterate or that I am not allowed to read. People watch movies and critique them all the time. Same with video games. Same with books. Same with food. Same with music. Most people that do evaluate things do not actually make them. I have every right to tell you if I believe your story is any good or not, just like you have every right to ignore me. This doesn’t mean leaving nasty comments or getting your good friends to insult me. If you want your ego stroked, show it to your friends and not to a writing community.

I’m not a flamer. I give you an evaluation based on my own knowledge of the writing system. I may not be a writer, but my Pet is one. I go for ideas and clichés. She goes for grammar and presentation. It’s a system, not a flame. Thank you.

I hear the excuse, “It’s his/her first fanfiction,” all the time. I suggest to the general public that you write a few fanfictions, actually edit and treat it like a story before posting on the internet to subject yourself to any type of review. I also urge you to not use this as an excuse, seeing as it is, itself, becoming an overly used cliché that tells me you didn’t work to make your story better simply because it’s “your first fanfiction.” I don’t buy that. You’ve written before. You’ve told stories before. Stop treating your fanfiction any different. It’s just another story with characters you like that someone else created.

Fun does not equal Fiction. End of story.

Also, your rudeness doesn’t make me want to “miraculously change my mind.” In fact, I would rather not be turned into a drooling fangirl who knows nothing about the English language (not saying, of course, that everyone on this site is just that, but you people don’t give me many reasons to think otherwise).

On that note, allow me to introduce myself properly. I am the Fanfiction Eater. Pleasure to meet you.

Okay! Since some writers believe I shouldn't review because I have no stories of my own (no matter how incorrect that is), I decided to write one. Yes. Flame it. Criticize it. I don't particularly care. Unlike many writers, I want to improve, and I would love to hear your opinions.

I'll still review the same way in the end.