Hey people... not much to say, yeah... I absolutely love reptiles, and tuataras. Um, I'm really hyperactive, and I kinda sorta have issues (nothing that can't be resolved).

To the right is the eye of a raven, and it's mine. Yes, that means I am part-raven and I am proud of it.

Beware, the eye sees all... whoops, got rid of the eye.

Let's see...

First, this profile is WAY too long. Feel free to skip it, or just read everything and die because you laughed too hard and couldn't breathe, or you turn emo cuz' of some emotional stuff, and some other life-threatening, life-crippling, anything that starts with life-, you get the picture. (don't blame me if that happens, I warned you) No matter what, it's still too long.

Anyway, I get writer's block... a lot. Don't expect updates too often. Yes, I know that my chapters are very short, but if I can't get something done within 30 minutes, it just gets sloppy and just plain bad. Better to have lots of short chapters than fewer longer ones. If you REALLY want my chapters to be longer, feel free to spam me about it, but in the mean time, I'll just keep em' short.

Also, my parents have forbidden me to go onto this website. Therefore, I have to work on my fanfictions after eleven o' clock each night. Though I can edit them in study hall at school, I don't consider my writing to be that good, and it is also of degraded quality because I work at a late hour.

If I don't get your reviews immediately, it's because my computer is a piece of junk, and I need a new one, but my parents won't buy one for me.

As well, please don't bother me about writing my stories, it'll only make them take longer to write. I'll get em' done, and if I don't I'll tell you guys.

Ok, so, my...

-Name: Tuatuara... Alright, fine, Matthew.

-Birthday: August 13th

-State: Illinois

-City: Chicago

-Address: Hell no!

-Longetude/Latitiude: Haha, very funny.

I am fictionally part raven, dragon, Jinchuuriki, voxyn, Sith, and coyote.

In reality I am part samurai (by heritage), ninja (partially by choice, but mainy by heritage), and American (by the fact that I live in America).

Okay, let me get this straight: I AM NOT EMO!! I just seem like one. Yes, I wear black clothing, and like stuff that emo's like, but there is one BIG difference:

Emo's like hurting themselves

I, on the other hand, like hurting other people, namely, the people who call me emo, and the emo's who try to "convert" me.

I'll be putting some notes in this section every week or so... or maybe not...

01/01/08 -- YAYZ!! NEW YEARS!!

01/02/08 -- Holy Crap! House is taking over my head! ... Not that that's a bad thing, but yeah...

01/06/08 -- Shit, school is dragging me back into its clutches, NOOOO!!

01/07/08 -- Crap, I'm within school's clutches yet again... eh, whatever, at least me and my friends get to break da rules again. And I get to bitch about something again. Yay, I'll be able to be a smart-ass again, just like my teacher said I was

02/07/08 -- Well, you bitches didn't give me enough votes. I'm working on chapter four as fast as I can, but third quarter started, so I've now got 3 hours of homework a night. Wish me luck.

04/22/08 -- Well, I got another fanfiction out, didn't I? Yeah, I know, it has no reviews, because every person on this freakin' planet is turning emo! Now all they want is heartbreak stories and romance stories, because laughing makes them implode (real fact here people, and emo at my school laughed, and had a stroke exactly 3.7 minutes later. Then, when he woke up in the hospital, he had a seizure, and then his stomach ruptured... the guy is still in the hospital people, with a condition "undiagnosed" by the doctors)(he currently stuffers from allergy to painkiller)(anyway, back to the topic at hand)! No one enjoys a good laugh anymore!

Quotes by me and others:

Some of these are kinda stupid, others though, are awesome. Enjoy.

"Energizer Bunny, think about it." - Anonymous Perverted Emo @ my school.

"Okay, on your balls, cock high, frothy, and NOW you play on the piano that you just broke." - Stephen Fry

"Oh, listen to me, you antipodean fleck of bum fluff! Every day I take this from you! But you know, this is so stupid! The hair is adorable, I don't deny that. The figure is svelt. But please, SHOW ME THE WORKING!!" - Dr. Gregory House (Hugh Laurie) - House (season 2)

"Touch me again and I will rip out your intestines and strangle you to death with them!" - Me (I have say this a lot sigh)

"If you don't stop stalking me, I will kill every member of your immediate family." - Me (I also have to say this a lot. sigh Problem is, that anyone who is a stalker never cares about their family. sigh)

"Messing with people is fun. Messing with your parents is awesome. Getting a detention just so you can mess with the vice principal is so wicked, you can just go kill yourself. " - Me (I've been know to do this on occasion)

"At the age of thirteen, we are no longer juvenile delinquents, at thirteen, we become ADOLESCENT delinquents." - Me (I gave this one to EvilSarcasm too)

"If Math is mathematical, and quizzes are quizical, what are tests?" - Me (same as before)

"Friends are God's way of apologizing to us for our families" - EvilSarcasm217

"Death is God's way of saying you're fired. Suicide is humans way of saying you can't fire me, I quit." - EvilSarcasm217

"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them more" - EvilSarcasm217

"And when we blow ourselves up, I'll be safe in my padded room and warm in my pretty white jacket." - EdwardAddict (This describes me pretty well, and aparently it does so for EvilSarcasm) (I'm beggining to wonder if we're all related, hmm...)

This is probably one of my favorite quotes ever (watch the language):

"I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no fucking way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating student as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that shit up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, 'Oh shit, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you ass." - CrimsonScarz

You know you live in 2007 when...

1.) You accidently enter your password on a microwave.

2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years.

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have a screenname or myspace.

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV.

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.

7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5 isn't there.

10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.

11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.

12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did

If people mistake you for a vampire (cough cough or you are one cough cough)...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.

Ninety-eight percent of teenagers have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the two percent who hasn't, copy this and paste it in your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

92 percent of American teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch/American Eagle told them it was uncool to breathe. If you are one of the 8 percent who would stand there and laugh, copy this into your profile.

If you hear voices of the characters from your favorite tv show in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, which makes weird good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy & paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen off a chair backwards, copy this into your profile.

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever tripped up the stairs, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over air, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the frick'n trix, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever been poked and made a noise resembling that of a constipated animal, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

Put this in your profile if you know someone who is fighting, has survived, or died of cancer.

AV is Addicted to Vampires

ADHD is Automatic Death by Hyperness Disorder

If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever stayed up for over 40 hours continuously just because you frickin' could, copy this into your profile.

If you think the Co-co Puff Turkey Bird thing should go to rehab, copy this into your profile.

If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freakin' Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile.

98 of teenagers do drugs, have sex, and drink alcohol...put this in your profile if you like bagels.

If you think the semi-colon is completely usless, stupid, annoying and plotting to destroy the English language as we know it, put this in your pro!

If u think rock paper scissors solves everything then put this in ur pro! If you've ever tripped where there is a WATCH YOUR STEP SIGN copy this into your profile.

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If keyboards hate you copy and paste this into your profile!

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?" Put this on your profile.

If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, post this onto your profile

The electric chair was invented by a dentist. If you are scared now more than ever of dentists by learning this fact, put this on your profile.

Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who don't give a damn, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list.

If you have ever heard of National Talk like a Pirate Day (May 26th) copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever imagined yourself killing off a fictional character so that you could steal his/her fictional girl/boyfriend, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If you've ever been standing straight up and suddenly fell down for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it copy this into your profile.

If you are anti-social sometimes copy this into your profile.

If you ever felt like killing someone (or more than one person) because they wouldn't leave you alone when you told them not to distract you because you were busy copy this into your profile.

If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination or mass murder, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think everyone's out of their mind, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If someone actually thinks that you are evil and/or plotting their death, copy and paste this into your profile. if you already know this, look at the copy and paste thing above.

Learn to sleep with your eyes open. He He He He.

Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile.

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig, huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt! Tahts so cool! If you could read that put it in your profile

Just so ya know, I pasted most of this stuff because someone told me to. Not to mention it's so damn funny. If you're one of my friends, looking at the Favorite Stories section, you probably may be wondering why there are so many M-rated stories. Well, I don't get em' for the M-rated scenes, more rather the other aspects of them. They're quite touching, even to a psychopathic freak like me who practically strangles his friends to death every day. Wow, I really hit an emotional spot right now. I think I'll just go read some romance novel to get in touch with my inner-self. Or maybe I'll just go play on my Wii... I think I'll go for the latter, or maybe I should go find someone with a good, high-priced bounty on their head... I can't decide.

I am working on the fourth chapter of Heist, my Naruto fanfiction.

I am working on the second "episode" of A Bit of Uzumaki and Uchiha.

I will be coming out with a few new fanfictions, two of them called Cooking with the Matrix, and Padawan Days. Yes, I know they aren't Naruto, but I like other things besides the Number-One-Hyperactive-Ninja.

Kill the Freaks! Not us freaks, but the other freaks, like joemoesiuxyooals (what I don't get is why this stupid website won't allow me post anything "questionable" on my account,while there's over a hundred thousand NC17-rated fanfictions on this damned website! otherwise, I would actually say the "questionable" word up there)

Beware the Raven

Tuatuara, AKA: Embighten, AKA: The Raven King, AKA: Tako, AKA: Matthew