Put this on your
page if you love
Naruto

You know you live in 2008 when

1. You accidentally enter your password on your microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have a screen name or my space.

4. You would rather look all over the house for the remote rather than just pushing the buttons on the t.v.

6. Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.

7. As you read this list keep nodding and smiling.

8. As you read this list you think of sending it to all your friends.

9. And you were to busy to notice # 5

10. And you scrolled back up to see if their was a # 5

11. Now your laughing at yourself stupidly.

12. Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did.

Ninety-five percent of teenagers are concerned about being popular. If you are one of the five percent who aren't, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you are obsessed with something so much you even scare yourself copy & paste this into your profile

If sometimes your fanfics seem to write themselves, copy this into your profile

If you are the kind of person who gets excited when you get like two reviews, copy this into your profile (definitely)

If you hate those obnoxious preppy people PLEASE copy this in your profile.

If you have ever slapped your self on the head and/or banged your head on a table then put this on your profile.

If you have ever lied to get out of something and then kept up said lie for months/years despite the fact that the time for any sort of repercussions for your actions passed quite a while back then paste this into your profile.

If you are one of the few teens who don't have or want to have a myspace/facebook, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever felt the undeniable urge to slam your head into something, whether it is another person or not copy this into your profile

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you have forgotten what you were going to say right before you say it, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you support the Yaoi/Yuri filter for the story search engine, paste this into your profile!

Murphy's War Law

Friendly fire - isn't.

Recoilless rifles - aren't.

Suppressive fires - won't.

You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.

A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.

If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.

Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.

If at first you don't succeed, call in an air strike.If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.

Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.

Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.

Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.

If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.

The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack.

The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
-when they're ready.
-when you're not.

No OPLAN ever survives initial contact.

There is no such thing as a perfect plan.

Five second fuses always burn three seconds.

There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.

A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.
The Ol' Ranger's addendum: Or else they're trying to suck you into a serious ambush!

The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard.

The easy way is always mined.

Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.

Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire... For this reason, it is not at all uncommon for aircraft carriers to be known as bomb magnets.

Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.

If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.

When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.

Incoming fire has the right of way.

No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.

No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.

If the enemy is within range, so are you.

The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren't.

Things that must work together can't be carried to the field that way.

Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support.

Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather (and especially during both).

Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.

Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able to get out.

Tracers work both ways.

If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get more than your fair share of objectives to take.

When both sides are convinced they're about to lose, they're both right.

Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs.

Military Intelligence is a contradiction.

Fortify your front; you'll get your rear shot up.

Weather ain't neutral.

If you can't remember, the Claymore is pointed toward you.

Air defense motto: shoot 'em down; sort 'em out on the ground. 'Flies high, it dies; low and slow, it'll go.'

The Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue.

Napalm is an area support weapon.

Mines are equal opportunity weapons.

B-52s are the ultimate close support weapon.

Sniper's motto: reach out and touch someone.

Killing for peace is like screwing for virginity.

The one item you need is always in short supply.

Interchangeable parts aren't.

It's not the one with your name on it; it's the one addressed "to whom it may concern" you've got to think about.

When in doubt, empty your magazine.

The side with the simplest uniforms wins.

Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.

If the Platoon Sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.

Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.

The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass.

Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.

Everything always works in your HQ, everything always fails in the Colonel's HQ.

The enemy never watches until you make a mistake.

One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many.

A clean (and dry) set of BDU's is a magnet for mud and rain.

The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.

Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss.

Whenever you are low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn.

The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be repaired.

The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator.

Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill.

If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism (in boot camp).

Air strikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short.

When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down, the most important ones are always illegible.

Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up KIA or WIA.

The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don't know what they want, but they know for certain what they don't want.

To steal information from a person is called plagiarism, to steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.

The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the M60.

The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after that bill is filled by someone else.

When you have sufficient supplies & ammo, the enemy takes 2 weeks to attack, when you are low on supplies & ammo the enemy decides to attack that night.

The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the Medal of Honor.

A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.

Murphy was a grunt.

Beer Math: 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases.

Body count Math: 3 guerrillas plus 1 probable plus 2 pigs equals 37 enemies killed in action.

The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range.

All-weather close air support doesn't work in bad weather.

The combat worth of a unit is inversely proportional to the smartness of its outfit and appearance.

The crucial round is a dud.

Every command which can be misunderstood, will be.

There is no such place as a convenient foxhole.

Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.

If your positions are firmly set and you are prepared to take the enemy assault on, he will bypass you, if your ambush is properly set the enemy won't walk into it, if your flank march is going well the enemy expects you to outflank him.

Density of fire increases proportionally to the curiousness of the target.

Odd objects attract fire - never lurk behind one.

The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered to carry out.

The self-importance of a superior is inversely proportional to his position in the hierarchy (as is his deviousness and mischievousness).

There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.

Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the General is watching.

The enemy never monitors your radio frequency until you broadcast on an unsecured channel.

Whenever you drop your equipment in a fire-fight, your ammo and grenades always fall the farthest away, and your canteen always lands right at your feet.

As soon as you are served hot chow in the field, it rains.

Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.

The seriousness of a wound (in a fire-fight) is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover.

Walking point = sniper bait.

Your bivouac for the night is the spot where you got tired of marching that day.

If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a stupid solution.

No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.

The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.

The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.

The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.

If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.

The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.

If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.

The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.

There is nothing more satisfying that having someone take a shot at you... and miss.

Don't be conspicuous; in the combat zone it draws fire, out of the combat zone it draws sergeants, if they can see you, so can the enemy... All or any of the above combined.

Avoid loud noises, there are few silent killers in a combat zone.

Never screw over a buddy; you'll never know when he could save your life.

Never expect any rations; the only rations that will be on time and won't be short is the ration of shit.

Respect all religions in a combat zone, take no chances on where you may go if killed.

A half filled canteens a beacon for a full loaded enemy weapon.

When in a fire fight, kill as many as you can, the one you miss may not miss tomorrow.

It is a physical impossibility to carry too much ammo.

If you survive an ambush, something's wrong.

If you can see the flashes from the enemies' guns in battle, he can see yours too.

Flashlights, lighters and matches don't just illuminate the surrounding area; they illuminate you too.

Just because you have nearly impenetrable body armor and a hard-ass Kevlar helmet, doesn't mean you don't have exposed areas.

There are few times when the enemy can't hear you: When he's dead, you're dead, or both.
Addendum: When he's not there, when you're not there, or both.

Never cover a dead body with your own in hopes of looking like you're one of the casualties. Even using his cadaver is a stretch to avoid being shot "just in case."

You're only better than your enemy if you kill him first.

Never underestimate the ability of the brass to foul things up.

You have two mortal enemies in combat; the opposing side and your own rear services.

You think the enemy has better artillery support and the enemy thinks yours is better; you're both right.

Three things you will never see in combat; hot chow, hot showers, and an uninterrupted night's sleep.

"Live" and "Hero" are mutually exclusive terms.

Once you are in the fight it is way too late to wonder if this is a good idea.

NEVER get into a fight without more ammunition that the other guy.

Decisions made by someone over your head will seldom be in your best interest.

Sometimes, being good and lucky still is not enough.

If the rear echelon troops are really happy, the front line troops probably do not have what they need.

If you are wearing body armor they will probably miss that part.

Happiness is a belt fed weapon.

Having all your body parts intact and functioning at the end of the day beats the alternative.

If you are allergic to lead it is best to avoid a war zone.

Hot garrison chow is better than hot C-rations which, in turn, are better than cold C-rations, which are better than no food at all. All of these, however, are preferable to cold rice balls even if they do have little pieces of fish in them.

A free fire zone has nothing to do with economics.

Medals are OK, but having your body and all your friends in one piece at the end of the day is better.

Being shot hurts.

Thousands of Veterans earned medals for bravery every day, a few were even awarded.

There is only one rule in war: When you win, you get to make up the rules.

C-4 can make a dull day fun.

There is no such thing as a fair fight -- only ones where you win or lose.

If you win the battle you are entitled to the spoils.

If you lose you don't care.

Nobody cares what you did yesterday or what you are going to do tomorrow, what is important is what you are doing -- NOW -- to solve our problem.

Always make sure someone has a can opener.

Prayer may not help . . . but it can't hurt.

Flying is better than walking, walking is better than running, running is better than crawling. All of these, however, are better than extraction by a Med-Evac even if it is, technically, a form of flying.

If everyone does not come home none of the rest of us can ever fully come home either.

Carrying any weapon that you weren't issued (e.g, an AK) in combat is Not A Good Idea!
-A combat vet will know the sound of an unfamiliar weapon in an instant and will point and shoot.
-Not only that, AKs use green tracers which mean "shoot 'em all and let God sort them out".

As has been noted, "Friendly fire isn't!".

Man Law

1. No wasted beer in the name of humour.

2. It has been made official that under no circumstances should the male have to pay for birth control

3. If your best friend is dumped by a girl it is a 6 month waiting period till she can be touched. If he breaks up with her it’s a 6 day waiting period.

4. If two or more males arrived at a party by a single car, and the driving male is hooking up with a girl, it is the responsibility of the other males to find other ways home. (The exception to this law is if the driver is hooking up with his own girlfriend, the law is then void and the driver still holds full responsibility of driving his friend’s home)

5. Short shorts have been banned… Unless in a participating in a sporting event that demands shorter shorts. Also no real man should be allowed to pop his collar.

6. Every man shall allow one empty urinal of separation in a bathroom with three or more urinals; law is void if there are dividers in between each urinal.

7. If a girl and a guy are not officially dating then it can't be considered cheating. However...if the guy cheats with a girl that is less attractive to the one he is originally interested in then he is either... A) Drunk or B) Dumbass. This then gives the original girl the right to either get mad or laugh at you.

8. No one should ever steal a man's alcohol from that man's cooler...this is the only law that suffers the penalty of death.

9. When bringing condoms to a party it is a man's responsibility to pack two in his pockets and one in his car as a spare in case a friend is in desperate need.

10. No heavy fornication in a friend's bed. Or just wash the sheets.

11. No man shall every use a rolling backpack. If you can't carry the bag then you’re not a man.

12. If another man's fly is down, you didn't see anything and may not make a comment about it.

13. When a man is borrowing a buddies tool or other equipment, if the borrower puts any scratches or brings it back with any noticeable wear, then he is required to do one of the following: If the item costs under 50 bucks, you are required to replace it. If the item costs over 50 bucks, you are required to give him a case of beer, because hey...who wants to spend more than 50 bucks on something that isn't yours.

14. When your friend picks up a hot girl...however the hot girl has an ugly friend...it is only right that you operate as a wing man doing whatever it is you got to do to help your buddy have some time alone with the hot girl. As men we are obligated to sacrifice and pay it forward for each other knowing that the favour will one day be replayed.

15. When calling shotgun, all riders of the car must be outside, and shotgun can only be called when the car is in view. Riders in the car are not allowed to run to shotgun and steal it before the person who called and deserves it arrives there. The driver of the car has no authority to decide on who gets shotgun. If a legitimate confrontation comes up where the rightful owner of the shotgun can not be determined then it will be decided by one round of paper rock scissors (with no shoot). If the two contenders tie 5 times in a row then the rightful owner of the shotgun is to be decided by a UFC cage match in which the first blood drawn decides the rightful owner of shotgun.

Addendum to Man Law No. 15:

If at any point during the process of determining the shotgun rider a hot girl hints that she would like to sit up front the driver has the sole right to declare her the shotgun rider and depending upon the situation may even deny rides to all other passengers. However, if said hot girl is an ex of any passenger they may overrule the driver's decision and make her ride in the back. Additionally, if all passengers happen to be female then revert back to original method of deciding shotgun rider substituting mud wrestling for UFC cage match. The winner then gets either a cold water hose down or shotgun the next ride unless the car is really shitty and the owner doesn’t care about muddy seats.

16. It is PAPER, ROCK, and SCISSORS with no shoot. If you must say shoot, it has to be agreed upon by both men and a witness has to be present and somewhat sober.

17. When toasting with beers you clank with the bottom.

18. You poke it you own it.

19. The head nod is an acceptable way to greet another guy when simply walking past. No words are needed to be said. An upward nod is for friends, a downward nod is for fellow men.

20. If a man is on vacation to a state that does not border his own, or any other country, it is not considered cheating if he so chooses to engage in sexual activity with a girl other than his girlfriend. Although he should be fully aware that his girlfriend may not see eye to eye if she was to ever find out.

21. A man should not masturbate more than 3 times in a day to insure being ready for any unknown or known late night action. Assisting Girls does not count… rule is in exception if male party is in a bet to set a record of number of times in a day.

22. A man shall never wear any article of women's clothing (I.E … Girls Jeans/Pants!) unless they are the loser of such a bet… or if a man is figuratively in a girls pants… (Or any other article of clothing).

23. No man in any circumstance, unless mocking a violator of this law, should pop his collar.

24. A man should never be denied the right to adjust himself or place his hands down his pants under any circumstances.

25. Being a Pirate should be considered a Manly job because pirates get two types of booty.

26. All men must eat meat. A shitload of meat; if not borderline carnivore. For no reason should a man ever be a vegetarian, or eat sick shit like tofu. Also no man should consume any food with the terms "diet", "fat free", or any other healthy suggesting terms for the sake of "watching his weight" or dieting.

27. Every man is required to learn some form of Poker before he dies.

28. If a man ever does something wrong a simple "OOPS", "My Bad", or any variations of cuss words that get the point across will suffice, no need to say "I'm Sorry"

29. No man should ever hook up with his best friend's girl, no matter how hot she is. This is in effect while they are dating or "together." If they are separated refer to Law 3 for the proper way to handle the situation. (Side Advice: Less guilt is involved if she comes on to you.

30. under no circumstance should any one man cockblock another man’s attempt at getting some tang. Let’s just leave that up to the tangs fat friend. Please note that cockblocking will result in a suspension of your Man status and its privileges, and will result in the title Manbitch.

31. Every man should watch sports center at least once a day, though multiple viewings are recommended so that one can hold his own in any debate on sports that may arise that day.

32. Under no circumstances shall any man lay a hand on a female or a child in violence. Spanking of a woman's ass or pulling of the hair is permitted if done on request. Corporal punishment is permitted excluding obvious extremes. Punishment for the attacking male is that if other men see the assault taking place they having the right to take him out back behind a building and show him how to fight with real men. In this situation more than one man may be used in the attacking of said woman beater because he clearly doesn’t mind an unfair fight seeing as he was hitting a lady or a child to begin with. A call to the police is a very last resort and should only be used is said male is over 6' 5" 250lb. or an ufc cage fighter. A kick to the crotch is only called for in cases of rape. If it is merely a guy beating a woman, defenseless child, or elderly people then a legitimate beating is called for, but no shots to the crotch. If it is a case of rape however, multiple shots to the crotch are called for. The punishment must fit the crime and since rape is using that area of the body, it is ok to inflict damage to it.

33. If a woman is present whether family or friend no man under any circumstances shall make their own food or pour their own drinks unless it is a special holiday such as, Mother's day, Birthday's, or St. Patrick's day or if the woman cannot keep up with the pace you want your drink poured. Law is void if significant grilling is involved.

34. No man shall ever watch a soap opera ever! Period! If this law is broken, it will result in the lowering of status from man to Manbitch and the questioning of the liking of opposite gendered relationships.

35. Women can't drive.

36. In the court of Man Law the statement "I was Drunk" will have the same effect as an insanity plea (reduced punishment) in standard court provided the defendant's blood alcohol level exceeds .10.

37. If any male is caught violating a Man Law in serious context, as a form of punishment he should be disowned of his manly name, only to receive the title of "Manbitch" from his peers and colleagues. Forgiveness is pending the severity of the broken law...or a case of beer to all his offended peers as a token of respect to what is manly...and what is not.

38. Any man that is old enough and is not in the army should at least support the troops, even if you don’t agree with the war they are your country men fighting to protect you and you should show them your support

39. No more crushing of empty beer cans or your forehead. Modern, thinner cans make the feat less impressive than with cans of years past.

40. If you take beer to a party the tuck rule is in play when leaving, you may take one beer max, but only if the beer will fit in your pocket.

41. Do not have a conversation at a urinal.

42. A man will not live in his parent’s house past the age of 27 unless they are ill or he is in the war.

43. All men have the right to remain silent when asked by a woman "do you like this". And the right to leave the room.

44. Sex is more important then talking

45. No man under any circumstance shall use lip balm.

46. Grilling, regardless of weather, is always the first choice for cooking.

47. No man shall ever own a dog smaller then a housecat

48. Men will invite other men to Man Law

49. No man shall ever turn down free beer because "it’s not their brand."

50. No man shall be shamed if they are passed out with their shoes off in your place. If the person passes out outside of the house, then they are fair game shoes or not.

51. It is acceptable for a man to publicly situate and/or scratch himself in the region of the gonads. If at a formal conference, then do so discretely. If at a football party, scratch away, just no handshakes.

52. The morning after, if a beer has been left on the table, no matter the temperature, it is acceptable to consume this item with food, such as its counterpart, cold pizza.

53. If you spill a man’s beer, you buy the next round/refill the cup.

54. Nursing a beer is unacceptable. The bottle/can/cup should never reach lukewarm temperature with beer still in it. If you can’t drink it in said time, don’t open it. If you can’t drink it in said time, your man status will be up for review.

55. Always accept beer from a stranger, but only if unopened/capped.

56. It is never a man’s responsibility to empty the trash while drinking. Beer cans may be staked or crushed while the bottles may be thrown into neighbour’s lawn.

57. A man does not have to like another man to drink his beer. Beer is beer.

58. It is acceptable for a man to break man laws, if no other option is humanly possible, in the pursuit of the opposite sex. His actions will be given leeway.

59. The bachelor’s party is exclusively male. (except the entertainment).

60. No man may ever sell a beer to a friend. It’s understood that said friend will repay beer with beer later. Under no circumstance may the replacement beer be of a lesser quality.

61. A man purse is still a purse.

62. No man shall dance for fun unless it’s to increase his chances with a member of the opposite sex.

63. Body paint is only acceptable on a man if it’s on game day and to support his team.

64. No man shall bring a woman to the guy’s night out. This is punishable by verbal abuse for life.

65. If you do not sweat, it’s not a sport. (People sweat during Beer Pong.)

66. If a large snake catches a man off guard and bites, said man is allowed to scream once.

67. No man shall wear a beret unless it’s for his military service.

68. When lifting weights, it is acceptable for a man to wear compression shorts under the regular shorts. No man shall ever wear compression shorts alone.

69. No man shall ever, under and circumstance, share an umbrella with another man.

70. No two men are allowed to enter a revolving door together. Unless it involves a race were the winner receives a combination of the following: beer, food, sex.

71. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want" gets an Xbox. End of story.

72. Keeping beer from other's by hiding it in the fridge is not permissible. Besides, sharing is caring.

73. Wives and girlfriends may not store items other than beer in the garage fridge. It is for beer only.

74. A man may publicly rebuke another man only if the first man has the man law and number memorized. Otherwise the rebuke must be in private. Furthermore, any man who has the man laws memorized will be deemed a "higher" man.

75. In no situation is it acceptable to sit cross-kneed. You either sit with feet-crossed, no cross, or stand.

76. Men are allowed to lick the plate when done but only when alone or with other men.

77. A man should be able to determine a diesel engine by sound alone.

78. While smiling, no man shall stick his tongue between his teeth.

79. It should be understood that while, yes, cheerleading is not a sport, and it is perfectly accepted to watch.

80. If a man is punched, and the hit is rubbed, he is punched again in the same area twice.

81. A man should be able to lucidly explain the rules of one or more of the following sports: Football (not the European kind), Baseball, Lacrosse, or Ice Hockey.

82. The dressing of any pet for any reason is not acceptable...any garment that is not a part of the animal shall not be allowed to be attached to that animal...exceptions are collars, leashes, etc. exception to this rule are monkeys.

83. Under no circumstances shall any man drink wine cooler...ever...unless beer or liquor is completely unattainable. This includes anything (non liquor) fruit flavoured that comes in a bottle.

84. Under no circumstances shall a man ever defer control of the television remote to a female.

85. There are three reasons for which a man is allowed to cry.

1. He is hit in the genitals with anything traveling over 10mph.

2. Your date is using her teeth.

3. Anna Kournikova gets married (female’s identity is subject to change depending on time period Man Law is read).

86. When watching a "catfight" it is perfectly acceptable to choose sides. It is also perfectly acceptable to pray for rippage of clothing.

87. When in a public shower, no man will look below the shoulders. Also, no eye-toeye contact for more than one second is allowed. If eye contact occurs, nod upwards, and look away.

88. No man under any circumstances should have to explain the use of a power tool to another man.

89. Never should man give a woman the credit card. No exceptions.

90. No man should talk on a telephone to a girl longer than he will have sex with her.

91. Every man should smoke at least one premium cigar in his life. Not any swisher sweet crap either. Cohiba, Monte Cristo, CAO.

92. No man shall ever read an instruction manual. If the man does not know how to use the item trial and error shall be used until the correct function is determined.

93. No man shall be held accountable for any promise he makes while drunk unless it was a bet.

94. When questioned by a friend's girlfriend, you need not and should not provide any information as to his whereabouts. You are even permitted to deny his very existence.

95. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 24 hours.

96. A best man's toast may not include any of the following phrases, "down in Tijuana", "one time when we were all piss drunk", or "and this girl had the biggest rack you ever saw".

97. You may exaggerate any anecdote told to your friends by 50% without recrimination, beyond that anyone within earshot is allowed to yell out "bullshit!" (Exception: when trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration is 400%)

98. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another man is 5 minutes. The maximum is 6 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

99. Bitching about the brand of free beverages in your buddy's refrigerator is forbidden. But gripe at will if the temperature is not suitable.

100. A friend must be permitted to borrow anything you own - grill, car, firstborn child - within 12 hr notice. Women or anything considered "lucky" are not applicable in this case.

101. Falling on a grenade for a buddy (agreeing to distract the skanky friend of the hot babe he's trying to score) is your legal duty. But should you get carried away with your good deed and end up getting on the beast, your pal is forbidden to ever speak of it.

102. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean.

103. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (In fact, even remembering your best friend’s birthday is optional)

104. You must offer heartfelt condolences over the death of a girlfriend’s cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.

105. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask whose playing. You should know such things.

106. If your girlfriend asks to set your friend up with her ugly, whiny, loser friend of hers, you must grant permission, but only if you have ample time to warn your friend to prepare his excuse about joining the priesthood.

107. When picking players for sports teams it is permissible to skip over your buddy in favour of better athletes - as long as you don’t let him be the last sorry son of a bitch standing on the sideline.

108. Never join your girlfriend in ragging on a buddy of yours... unless she is withholding sex, pending your response.

109. You cannot rat out a friend who shows up to work or class with a massive hangover, however you may: hide the aspirin, smear his chair with limburger cheese, turn the brightness on his computer way down so he thinks it’s broken, or have him paged every seven minutes.

110. The morning after you and a babe, who was formerly "just a friend", go at it, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to jump on her again before there is a discussion about what a big mistake it was.

111. Everybody is Irish on St. Patrick’s Day. And as such said people must consume alcohol on St. Patrick’s Day. Green and/or gold body paint may be worn, but no glitter.

112. When passing another man in a tight area where contact is possible, hole to hole or pole to pole is only acceptable. If it is pole to pole no eye contact should be made. If any detour from this is spotted by any onlooking men, possible labels such as "Fag" may be deemed necessary. Resulting immediate demotion in man status.

Quotes of Greatness

"That was so bad I think you gave me cancer!" Calculon - Futurama

"Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm." Winston Churchill

"Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much." Oscar Wilde

"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car." Unknown

“I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: ‘Cover for me.’ Number 2: ‘Oh, good idea, Boss!’ Number 3: ‘It was like that when I got here.’” Homer Simpson - The Simpsons

“Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel prize for attempted chemistry? Do they?" Sideshow Bob - The Simpsons

"Duct tape is like the force; it has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together." Carl Zwanzig

"The object of war is not to die for your country, it's to make the other bastard die for his." General George S. Patton

“This job would be great if it wasn’t for the fucking customers” Randal Graves - Clerks

"Guns don't kill people... but they sure help."

“There’s only two men I trust. One of ‘em’s me, the other one’s not you” Cameron Poe - Con Air

"If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?" Scott Adams

"One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures." George W. Bush

"Tickets? Since when did they start charging for the bus? Didn't we used to ride that shit to school every morning for free?" Jay - Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

"That's what the Internet is for! Slandering others anonymously."

"Fighting fair is for people that don't know how to avoid losing correctly."

"I don't drink from the fountain of wisdom, I gargle."

"Did you know that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?"

"I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death. What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch and you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities. You become a little baby, you go back into the womb, spend your last nine months floating... and you finish off as an orgasm." - George Carlin

"A fighter with lesser skill can knock out a man in one punch, but a regular person can make a skilled fighter cry like a girl with a single bullet."

"No technology is worth my dignity. If talking on a wireless headset means I gotta look like Buck Rogers, then I'm not interested. Besides, there's a reason why people hold a phone to their head! It lets people around you know your talking on the phone. So those people know not to waste time talking to you until you finish, which you then indicate, by putting that mothafucka away!" Gin Rummy - The Boondocks (And my thoughts on that stupid fucking bluetooth kick that 85% of this country was on a few years ago)

"If at first you don't succeed, deny that you were really trying in the first place."

"If you get glitter on you prepare to have it on you forever, because glitter is the herpes of craft supplies." Dimitri Martin

"Keep your expectations low. If you expect a kick in the balls, but get a slap in the face, then it's a victory."

"I've got half a mind to kill you, and the other half agrees."

"It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose."

"You never want to be in a fair fight if an unfair fight is an option." Forrest Griffin - Be Ready When The Sh*t Goes Down (A Survival Guide To The Apocalypse)

"Cheating: The Plan B of winners for over 2000 years."

"Right leg: hospital, left leg: cemetery." Mirko "Cro Cop" Filipovic (For those that do not understand you need to go to Youtube)

"The thing you should be thinking about isn't whether or not I can actually kill you with the nail clippers, it should be the fact that whether I can or not is irrelevant. No matter if I can or not, you know full well that I'm going to try, and that more than anything else should scare the hell out of you for more than one reason and answer your question right there." Me - Taken verbatim from my younger brother questioning my sanity after pissing me off in my bedroom post-shower and I took to threatening him with aforementioned grooming device.

"And that's the moral of the story. Some niggas need to go jail! I may be in hell, but at least I ain't in jail, nigga! (laughs maniacally)" Colonel H. Stinkmeaner - The Boondocks

"We are not retreating -- We are advancing in another direction." General Douglas MacArthur

"Bullets... my only weakness. How did you know?" Officer Palumbo - Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle

"Grammar is important. Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse."

"There's a very fine line between not listening and not caring. I like to think that I walk that line every day of my life."

"I don't understand a word you're going on about, but I know exactly what you're saying and I refuse to apologize."

"Nope, no matter how bad things seem, they can't be any better, and they can't be any worse, because that's the way things fucking are, and you better get used to it, Nancy. Quit yer bitching."

"I have a first place ribbon in doing nothing, it's the same color as last place... It's purple."

"Women are like Voltron, the more you hook up the better it gets."

"There's no 'I' in team." "Oh yeah! Well there's no "you" in "team" either! So I guess if I'm not on the team and you're not on the team, then nobody's on the goddamn team. The team sucks!"

Caboose: "Hey Church, ever wonder why we're here?"

Church: "You know, Caboose, I used to not care. I just went along with orders and hoped that everything would work out for me. But after all that has happened, you know what I learned? It's not about hating the guy on the other side because someone told you to. I mean, you should hate someone because they're an asshole, or pervert, or snob, or they're lazy, or arrogant, or an idiot, or a know-it-all. Those are reasons to dislike somebody. You don't hate a person because someone told you to. You have to learn to despise them on a personal level. Not because they're Red, or Blue, but because you know them, and you see them every single day, and you can't stand them because they are a complete and total fucking douchebag."

Caboose: "...I meant why are we up here in the sun when we could be standing down there in the shade."

Church: "Oh. Yeah, okay. Let's go stand in the shade." - Red vs. Blue

"Hey, this is Carl, and yeah, I'm plenty pissed...at God for forsaking Kurt Warner in my time of need when he was a New York football Giant. And now He's working in completely mysterious and retarded ways by letting the Cardinals play in the Super Bowl. Listen, the state of Arizona is only good for one thing: testing A-bombs so the people from the good states don't get hurt. Pittsburgh's gonna be up by 24 before O-Town can say "My country, 'tis of thee," but I'm gonna give all you party bookies some Super Dull XLIII over/unders to keep your guests from killing themselves before halftime:

Number of human interest stories about Larry Fitzgerald's dad during the pregame show—17;
Amount of interest I have in a human interest story about Larry Fitzgerald's dad—0.
Number of Knight Rider promos we get to see during a booth review—87.
Number of times John Madden will somehow work Brett Favre into the conversation and gently stroke his nipple with one of his fat outstretched fingers—9.
Number of strippers Adam "Pacman" Jones slaps playfully during his pregame analysis—2;
Number of strippers Adam "Pacman" Jones slaps not so playfully during his pregame analysis—1;
Number of times Adam "Pacman" Jones slaps Bob Costas for gently asking not to slap a stripper during his pregame analysis—37.
Number of concussions Ben Roethlisberger will suffer during the pregame stretch, "God Bless America", and the coin toss—2.
Number of Jonas Brothers riding a surfboard with a computer-generated porcupine in an effort to raise your awareness of Tostito's brand Garlic and Cinnamon Corn Chips—3.
Number of children Kurt Warner adopts during the second half—2;
Number of children Kurt Warner sacrifices to Jesus during the second half cause he was told to in a dream—3.
Number of times Anquan Boldin kisses his fist and thanks Jesus for blessing him with running a successful 12-yard slant—1.
Number of minutes Jesus actually spends watching the Super Bowl—0.
Number of times Bruce Springsteen sings the acoustic song from the Philadelphia movie about the Vietnam POW with AIDS—0.
Number of times Matt Leinart will say, "I'm goin' to Disneyland"—0;
Number of times Matt Leinart will eventually go to Disneyland because, at some point, he's gonna be that dude runnin' the on/off lever at the Magic Spinnin' Teacups—3... He's gonna get cut from that job too.

Those are the actual Vegas over/unders through a true insider! Now go make some money, dummy, 'cause I'm pissed." Carl - Aqua Teen Hunger Force

"Yep, hand to hand combat is the old school way to kill your enemies. Killing a man with your bare hands says 'We're all equals as men except I'm slightly more equal because I'm still alive and your dead.' Of course dropping a nuke on them from 50 thousand feet is totally acceptable. I mean let's face it, there just not enough time in this world to show everybody the courtesy of a good strangling."

"Shotgun to the face is a great contingency plan! Wanna see how it cures insubordination?" Sarge - Red vs. Blue

"You must not fight too often with one enemy, or you will teach him all your tricks of war." - Napoleon Bonaparte

"Do you know why Americans love guns? And it's got nothing to do with all that phallic mumbo-jumbo, "cocking your gun." No, Hertz, people love guns because America is a land of opportunity where a poor man can become rich and a pussy can become a tough guy if he's got a gun in his hand." Mr. Hammerson - Shoot 'Em Up

"You know what I really hate? What I really hate, is a pussy with a gun in his hand." Mr. Smith - Shoot 'Em Up

"Fruit don't talk... Fruit just listens... and waits." Earlie Cuyler - Squidbillies

"Okay I'm going to be completely serious with you... There's every chance in the world I was drunk when I said that."

"Sarcasm is a body's natural defense against stupid."

"You should never avert your eyes from death, never look away from the lives you have taken. And you should never forget the people that you have killed, because I can assure you they will never forget you." Solf J. Kimblee - Fullmetal Alchemist

"Bed is for sissies, unless you're having sex in which case... yeah, bed is still for sissies." Gregory House - House

"I've run over black cats that were luckier than me."

"Thank God I wore underwear today." Derek Zoolander - Zoolander

"Sometimes I need what only you can provide... your absence." Me

"I'm so miserable without you it's like you're right there with me." Me

"I'm not bi-polar, I'm bi-winning. I win here and I win there." Charlie Sheen

"I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body." Charlie Sheen

"A.A. was written for normal people, people that aren't special. People that don't have tiger blood, you know, Adonis-DNA." Charlie Sheen

"Dying is for fools... amateurs." Charlie Sheen

"C.B.S. picked a fight with a warlock." Charlie Sheen

"If you borrowed my brain for five seconds, you'd be like, 'Dude! I can't handle it, unplug this bastard!' It fires in a way that's maybe not from this, uh... this terrestrial realm." Charlie Sheen

"I'm tired of pretending I'm not special. I'm tired of pretending I'm not a total bitchin' rock star from Mars." Charlie Sheen... and now me.

"If it doesn't hurt you're not doing it right... just like sex." Me

"Experience isn't something you get until right after you need it."

"Wi-wait! Dude, I hear a car!"
"Yeah. The world's full of them; you're going to be hearing alot of them for the rest of your life. If you hear a humpback whale, that's weird, tell me that shit, then I'll stop." -Dane Cook

"You job isn't to jump feet first into hell, It's to make sure it's crowded when you do!" -Halo Reach

"you know what find a dictionary and look for the word idiot you know what you find!", "a picture of me?", "NO!, The defintion of idiot whick you FUCKIN ARE!!!" -???

"people are like slinkies. they may bore you, but they are fun to push down the stairs!"

"When life gives you lemons make lemonade... BUT I WANT ORANGE JUICE!!!!"

"Insanity is the mother of creativity... To bad I use it for cookies"

"CAKE OR DEATH!!?" "I'll have cake" "very well you shal ave cake then" (gives him a cake) "CAKE OR DEATH !!?" "Umm...death please. NO! cake.I mean cake" "No, you said death first!" "But i meant cake!" "Sorry but we're all out of cake!" "well then you've just left me with or death haven't you" "Well we weren't expecting everyone to pick cake now were we!!"

"An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind."
" I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent." -Gandhi

I'm Sorry

I'm sorry
that I bought you roses
to tell you that I like you

I'm sorry
That I was raised with respect
not to sleep with you when you were drunk

I'm sorry
That my body's not ripped enough
to "satisfy" your wants

I'm sorry
that I open your car door,
and pull out your chair like I was raised

I'm sorry
That I'm not cute enough
to be "your guy"

I'm sorry
That I am actually nice;
not a jerk

I'm sorry
I don't have a huge bank account
to buy you expensive things

I'm sorry
I like to spend quality nights at home
cuddling with you, instead of at a club

I'm sorry
I would rather make love to you then just screw you
like some random guy.

I'm sorry
That I am always the one you need to talk to,
but never good enough to date

I'm sorry
That I always held your hair back when you threw up, and didn't get mad at you for puking in my car,
but when we went out you went home with another guy

I'm sorry
That I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere,
but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend

I'm sorry
If I start not being there because it hurts being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new jerk comes around

I'm sorry
If I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work

I'm sorry
that you can't realize.. I've been the one all along.

I'm sorry
If you read this and know somebody like this
but don't care

But most of all

I'm sorry
For not being sorry anymore

I'm sorry
That you can't accept me for who I am

I'm sorry
I can never do anything right, and nothing that I do is good
enough to make it in your world.

I'm sorry
I caught your boyfriend with another girl and told you about it, I thought that was what friends were for...

I'm sorry
That I told you I loved you and actually meant it.

I'm sorry
That I talked to you for nine hours on Thanksgiving when your boyfriend was threatening you instead of spending time with my family.

I'm Sorry
That I cared

I'm sorry
that I listen to you at night talking about how you wish you could have done something different.

Great minds can read this!

This is weird, but interesting! If you can raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed erveylteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!Paste this to your profile if you can read this!

Her name was Auroura
She was only five
This is what happened
When she was alive

Her dad was a drunk
Her mom was an addict
Her parents kept her
Locked in an attic

Her only friend
was a little toy bear
It was old and worn out
And had patches of hair

She always talked to it
When no one's around
She lays there and hugs it
Not a peep of sound

Until her parents
unlock the door
Some more and more pain
She'll have to endure

A bruise on her leg
A scar on her face
Why would she be
In such a horrible place?

But she grabs her bear
And softly crys
She loves her parents
But they want her to die

She sits in the corner
Quiet but thinking,
"God, why? Why is
My life always sinking?"

Such a bad life
For a sad little kid
She'd get beaten and beaten
For anything she did

Then one night
Her mom came home high
The poor child was hit and slapped
As hours went by

Then her mom suddenly
Grabbed for a blade
It was sharp and pointy
One that she made

She thrusted the blade
Right in her chest,
"You deserve to die
You worthless pest!"

The mom walked out
Leaving the girl slowly dying
She grabbed her bear
And again started crying

Police showed up
At the small little house
They quickly barged in
Everything was as quiet as a mouse

One officer slowly
Opened a door
To find the sad little girl
Lying on the floor

It must have been bad
To go through so much harm
But at least she died
With her best friend in her arms

If child abuse makes you sick and you think it's horrible and should be
stopped, put this poem on your profile

-OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

RIP We shall remember you.

I'd be this Boyfriend

Just read this, it will make a difference.

If only everyone could see this and understand it.

When she pushes you or hits you like a dummy cause she thinks shes stronger than you
Grab her and dont let go

When she's quiet
Ask her whats wrong

When she ignores you
Give her your attention

When she pulls away
Pull her back

When you see her at her worst
Tell her she's beautiful

When you see her start crying
Just hold her and don't say a word

When you see her walking
Sneak up and hug her waist from behind

When she's scared
Protect her

When she steals your favorite hoodie
Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night

When she teases you
Tease her back and make her laugh

When she doesn't answer for a long time
reassure her that everything is okay

When she looks at you with doubt
Back yourself up

When she says that she loves you
she really does more than you can understand

When she grabs at your hands
Hold her's and play with her fingers

When she bumps into you;
bump into her back and make her laugh

When she tells you a secret
keep it safe and untold

When she looks at you in your eyes
dont look away until she does

When she says it's over
she still wants you to be hers

When she reposts this bulletin
she wants you to read it

- Stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything

- When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go

- When she says she's okay, don't believe it, talk with her because 10 yrs later she'll remember you

- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her

- Treat her like she's all that matters to you

- Stay up all night with her when she's sick

- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think it's stupid

- Give her the world.

- Let her wear your clothes

- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her

- Let her know she's important.

- Don't talk about other girls around her

- Kiss her in the pouring rain

If you do post this in the next four minutes the one you love will:

Call you
Kiss you
Love you
Text you

Guys post as: "I'd be this Boyfriend.

Girls post as: "A real boyfriend"

and if you do not re-post this within 4 minutes,
you'll have bad luck
with the one you love.

I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going
to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of
the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up,
I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC. " Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and
break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear,
in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something
to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth
and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt
on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA"You'll sit there until all that
spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if
a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told
you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this
world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like
your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY. " There are millions of less
fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16 My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get
home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when
you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing
your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I
know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your
toes, don't come running to me. "

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your
vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do
you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll
understand."

And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll
have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you".

A black man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only black man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him.
The white man said, "Coloured people are not allowed here."
The black man turned around and stood up. He then said:
"When I was born I was black,"
"When I grew up I was black,"
"When I'm sick I'm black,"
"When I go in the sun I'm black,"
"When I'm cold I'm black,"
"When I die I'll be black."
"But you sir..."
"When you're born you're pink,"
"When you grow up you're white,"
"When you're sick, you're green,"
"When you go in the sun you turn red,"
"When you're cold you turn blue,"
"And when you die you turn purple."
"And yet you have the nerve to call me coloured"
The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Copy this onto your site and help stop racism!

A ninja waits until the dead of night, when the enemy sleeps and drops his guard, when his weapons lie forgotten in the stillness of the night, that is the moment for a ninja to strike." Copy and Paste if your a Ninja!

Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school
He told his friends that it was cool
And when he pulled the trigger back
It shot with a great crack
Mummy I was a good girl
I did what I was told
I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold
But mummy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye
I'm sorry mummy I had to go, but mommy please don't cry
When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another
And all because he got the gun from his older brother
Mummy please tell daddy that I love him very much
And please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush
And tell my little sister that she is the only one now
And tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now
And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best
Mummy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest
Mummy tell my teachers I won't show up for class
And never to forget this and please don't let this pass
Mummy why'd it have to be me no one deserves this
Mummy warn the others, mummy I left without a kiss
And mummy tell the doctors I know they really did try
I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry
Mummy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest
But mummy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest
Mummy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack
Mummy listen to me if you would
I wanted to go to college
I wanted to try things that were new
I guess I'm not going with daddy
On that trip to the new zoo
I wanted to get married
I wanted to have a kid
I wanted to be an actress
Mummy I wanted to live
But mummy I must go now
The time is getting late
Mummy tell my Chris
I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date
I love you mummy I always have
I know you know it's true
Mummy all I wanted to say is "mummy I love you"
In memory of the Columbian students that were lost
Please if you would
Pass this around
I'd be happy if you could
Don't smash this on the ground
If you pass this on
Maybe people will cry
Just keep this in heart
For the people that didn't get to say "goodbye"
Now you have two choices
1) repost and show you care
2)ignore it and you have just proven you have a low-down, cold-heart
(Please just copy and paste this on to your site and show that you care)

If you or your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a tree, copy this to your profile!

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile.

If you have ever felt the undeniable urge to slam your head into something, weather it is another person or not copy this into your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites copy this in your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you hate back stabbers, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile

If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile.

If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.

If you are insane, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you would LOVE to know how Naruto's going to end, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

()()
(0.0)
( _ ) Copy the bunny onto your profile to help him achieve world domination. Come join the dark side. (We have candy and baked goods)

() ()
(O O)
(") (")

Copy the cute evil bunny to your profile to help him achieve world domination. Come join the dark side. (we have candies, sweets and cookies) I know You Want to... and so do the bunnies.

() ()
(o o)
(") (")

Copy the cute evil bunny to your profile to help him achieve world domination. Come join the dark side.

() ()
(0 0)
(") (")

Copy the cute evil bunny to your profile to help him achieve world domination. Come join the dark side.

() ()
(Q Q)
(") (")

Copy the cute evil bunny to your profile and help him achieve world domination. So Copy And Paste!!

('.') This is Bunny. Copy and paste bunny
(")_(") into your profile to help him gain world domination!

Beware the bunny!

"90 percent of the world would be in complete chaos and weeping if facebook or twitter crashed down forever. If you are one of the 10 percent that would laughing their asses off, copy this into your profile"