Some funny sayings and jokes to brighten up everyone’s day:

You might have seen some of these before...

(1) The man says, "I'm gonna make you the happiest woman alive." the woman replies, "I’ll miss you..."

(2) Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And
Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death. AMEN

(3) Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor

Here’s me sayings!

1. If at first you don't succeed, sky diving isn't for you.

2. Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

3. Why are the Force and duct tape the same? Both have a light and dark side and hold the universe together.

4.People say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

5.Why do people say, "You can't have your cake and eat it too"? Why would someone get cake if they can't eat it?

What makes life 100 percent?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100 percent? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants more than 100 percent. How about achieving 103 percent? Here's a little math that might prove helpful.

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

then:

H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98

K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96

but:

A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100

and:
B U L L S H I T
2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103

So, it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will get you close,
attitude will get you there, but bullshit will put you over the top

Freinds and Best Freinds

FRIENDS: Will help me find my way when I'm lost
BEST FRIENDS: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions

FRIENDS: Will help me learn to drive
BEST FRIENDS: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance

FRIENDS: Hide me from the cops
BEST FRIENDS: are probably the reason they're after me in the first place

FRIENDS: let me make an idiot of myself in public
BEST FRIENDS: are up there with me making an idiot out of themselves too

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN! We messed up!"

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Won’t tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when you’re not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: Are only through highschool/college

BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

AND THATS ALL FOR NOW!

P.S. I MIGHT HAVE MORE LATER!

P.P.S. IN OTHER WORDS I"LL BE BACK!

LOL