HEY! Who are you and why the hell are you reading my profile. Ha! Just kidding. I know that I'm not funny, I just like to annoy people. My name is Jeff and I live in Stoneham, Massachusetts. Let's talk more about me. Fall Out Boy rips all other bands to shreds! I have two younger sisters, so my computer is the only thing that can stop my headaches. That, and reading. All of my fanfics will probably be based on Harry Potter or vampires. I'm totally obsessed with vampires and Harry Potter. I even took a quiz online and it said I was 75 percent obsessed. My friend Isabel is 94 percent obsessed. What can I say? It's my hobby. I may not have many friends (shut up), but I have some of the best. They all say some damn funny stuff. So now I would like to show you some of my friends' hilarious quotes. Okay, they're just kinda funny. Enjoy!

FUNNY QUOTES FROM MY FRIENDS

1. Isabel: I'm gonna marry Rupert Grint.

Kyle: I'm gonna marry Cheetos!

2. Kyle: My spoon's too big!

3. Sarah: Mom! Cow! Hit! AAAH!

4. Isabel: When I wear this hat, I am Captain Jack Sparrow, so get the hell outta my way.

5. Isabel: Jeff, you can be the little midget guy.

6. Sarah: Kyle, what the hell are you doing?

Kyle: I'm a pirana!

7. Casey: MOMMY!

8. Me: I have some awesome friends. Awesome friends, show yourselves!

9. (Miss Maher comes in with a thermos of Cambell's tomato soup.)

Brian: So, Miss Maher, what kind of diet are you on? (Idiot...)

10. Chris: Hey, Tubbs.

Me: Which one? Me or Kenny?

Chris: Oh, yeah. I forgot there was two of you.

11. Me: Chris, you've been playing Zelda Twilight Princess for six hours straight!

Chris: 20 more minutes...

12. Greg: I'm not a racist. I just have very little kindness nor tollorence for people who aren't the same as me...

13. Josh: Hey, Jeff. Is it true that Jews carry around a little bag of gold?

Me: Shut the @&$ up!

14. Me: Ken, where did you get that bag of Chex Mix?

Ken: I dunno. Every day some guy just puts them in the hood of my sweatshirt.

15. Chris: Go away, Jeff. This is a 'No Jew' table. We have pork and other very non-kosher things. Like Mel Gibson!

16. Adam: (Talking about a toy airplane stuck in a tree.) I keep shaking it, but it just won't come!

17. Chris: I like nachos, and yogurt, and pizza. Hey! Hey! Hey!

18. Shayna: What happens if you don't fold a Brooklyn-style pizza?

Me: You die. And you explode and debris fall over the walls and-- PAPER CLIP!

19. Shayna: He is--

Me: Flaming.

Shayna: --mouse.

20. Ashley: Pardon maaay?

21. Connor: Yeah, he's probably at the front door standing there. Then he walks in with a switch-blade and says, "How come nobody told me about this meeting?!"

22. Austin: Take my stuff and I hunt you down with a katana.

23: Me: Aw, damn! I feel like I'm gonna throw up... OOH! Lobster rolls!

24. Chris: But who took the cheesecake? WHO!? I don't know. Do YOU?

25. Rachael: Mommy, why is Daddy a scum-head?

26. TV: ~What's squishy, easy to mold, and fun to hold?~

Adam: Your mom!

27: Me: What in the bloody freaking hell is going on here?! God dammit, I hate god damn KOL radio!!!

28: Me: I do believe it's time we've had a tea party! Except if we go to your house, your mom'll think we're pot-heads like last time.

29: Chris: Oh, Jeff, by the way. I just told Kenny who you like and he wants to have a fight to the death.

30. Casey: What is that?

Me: An iced coffee.

Casey: What is in that?

Me: ...Ice...?

31. Me: I wonder if ants can be pedophiles...

32. Gabby: THERE'S AN ANT ON YOUR CROTCH!!!

33. Connor: AH! Jesse! You're about a useful as the Republic of Chad!

Put this on your profile if you are completely insane.

Put this on your profile if you talk constantly about corn muffins.

Put this on your profile if you can't think of anything else to put on your profile. And now, a word from our sponsers. "Hi-" That's enough for now. Psychopaths mean the world to me. Do you love yourself. Cuz Chris doesn't?

Put this on your profile if you learned how to spell the word 'believe' from a Fall Out Boy song.

BTW, does anybody know of any original fiction sites? If so, please PM me with the site. Thanx.

(Arrow pointing up to the quotes...) I told you my friends were funny. By the way, my friend Isabel's penname is Belestrange. Read her stuff. It's really good. So is cheesecake. I'm hungry. Let's order a pizza. No! You don't deserve a pizza. I do. I'll get one now. I should do my homework. I'm going, but you just read my rant, kay? Kay. Rant begins... NOW! Why does everyone I know think I'm gay. I am not. Why does everyone I know think I'm emo? I am, but why do people assume? Nothing exciting ever happens in Stoneham. Except for Benny the Drunk. He's an old homeless guy that lives behind The Stoneham Theatre. People call him two other things. Benny the Can Man and "Hey-You-Stop-Peeing-On-My-Bushes." The only famous people from Stoneham are Mario Cantone (Sex and the City) and Nancy Kerrigan, the famous ice dancer that was caught cursing at Micky Mouse at Disney World. Yeeeah, Stoneham's full of freaks. That's pretty much all you need to know about me. My SN for AIM is EternityofFOB and my E-mail address is BluWoof@comcast.net. Soooooo...See ya later. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!.. Y-You still here? Well go! I'm having a party and I need to prepare the crullers... Now, where did I put that dough roller...?

MY FAVOURITE SHIPPS!

Draco/Harry

Hermione/Ginny

Ron/Harry

Ron/Hermione

Harry/Ginny

Seamus/Neville

Sirius/Remus

James/Lily

Remus/Tonks

MY LEAST FAVOURITE SHIPPS!

Ron/Lavender (They broke up!)

Voldemort/Anyone

Snape/Male Student

Sirius/Tonks (Incest!)

Remus/Lily

Peter/Lily

Sirius/Lily

Fred/George (Incest-O-Palooza!)

SHIPPS THAT SHOULDN'T BE WRITTEN BUT I STILL FIND THEM SLIGHTLY INTERESTING!

Dumbledore/McGonagall

Snape/Hermione

Blaise/Hermione

Pansy/Ron

Well, now you know how weird and posessed I am. Well, maybe I should go to a psychologist... Or, I could remain absolutely insane and entertain people by making them laugh and feel incredibly uncomfortable at the same time! Yep, I'm going with the second one. So, please read my stories, and don't be a silent reviewer. Thanks. Much love to all of you. Live for today, not the next. No idea what that means, but it still sounds kinda cool, so I'm gonna leave it at that so I don't look like an ass. Well, too late. Peace.