About Me:
I am the grand Gigolo Von Spicypants and this is where I post my explicit stories. If you're looking for an update, expect a clustered schedule with a little bit of something, followed by a lot of nothing. I’ve also started posting my fics on Fur Affinity (DJ_Kiddy_C.) so you can find me there too. Something I’d really like to get done is have someone draw art based on the fics I write, but sadly, I don’t have enough money to commission anyone to do so.

Request Rules:
Rules are subject to change when and if my abilities improve. Expect a long wait before I deliver, but if it takes longer than six months, your next pizza is free.

If you’re reading this message, I’m not currently taking requests because I already have a hell of a lot to do. I’m currently working on developing a backlog of updates to last me a short while. When I finish a decent amount, I’ll get back to posting, but until then, be patient.

Rules for Pokémon requests in general:

1. No gay. I’ll do straight and lesbian (inb4 “like your mom”) but I won’t do gay yet. Maybe in the future I will.
2. A little size difference is okay, but when it gets to wailord-on-skitty proportions, there’s a problem.
3. No fish-like pokémon. Avian and serpentine pokémon are okay. Insects are unlikely, but not impossible.
4. I will not write about of any of the main characters form the television show. They’re all idiots and I hate them.
5. Don’t ask me to do a human/human pairing. Call me crazy, but human/pokémon and pokémon/pokémon pairings are easier and much more fun to do.

Rules for requests for Playing With Your Food:

1. Pairings should consist of a predator species and a member of the species they would prey on. (i.e.: Liepard (cat) prey on Rattata (mice)) (Also: polar bears don’t eat penguins, so please stop asking for a beartic/prinplup pairing.)
2. No repeat appearances. I want to experiment with as many different pokémon as possible.
3. No repeat themes. (i.e.: I’ve done cat/mouse, so I won’t do it again.)
4. No fish, at least for now. Birds and serpents are okay. Insects are unlikely but not impossible.
5. Pairings must be straight.
6. No legendary pokémon yet. I’m saving those for a future project.
7. No Vore. I know there is a predator/prey theme, but that will automatically disqualify your request.

FAQ:

What kind of music do you listen to while writing, if any?

I listen to indie and alternative, mostly, but I’ll listen to anything from Florence the Machine to The Beatles to Muse to Soul Coughing.

What is your policy on grammar in stories?

I will admit straight up to being a Grammar Nazi, but I’ll excuse some minor mistakes per story depending on what I’ve come to expect from the author’s earlier works if I’ve read them. “There, their, they’re” or “your, you’re” mix-ups piss me off to no end, whereas “its, it’s” gets a once-per-fic pass. Capitalization is also a pet peeve, especially when someone capitalizes the name of the pokémon’s species when it isn’t being used as its name. I know it sounds harsh, but is it really that hard to use the spellcheck feature before posting?

How long does it take you to write a fic?

That’s a hard question to answer. A lot of times I start writing one fic before I switch over to another and then another and so on. I have a ton of incomplete fics on my laptop right now just waiting to get finished and I often jump from one to another about five times in one sitting. The amount of work I get done before each jump varies, so I could get one done anywhere from one day to a few months.

Why don’t you write gay lemons?

I just don’t want to. I mean, come on, most of the site is already gay lemons. If you ask me, there’s too much of that already. Lesbian fics, however, are too few and far between, so I write those instead. Who knows, maybe someday I will try my hand at writing a gay fic, but that won’t be for a long time.

What is your policy on trolls and flames?

Don’t. If you do, I’ll most likely ignore you.

Do you have any upcoming plans regarding non-Pokémon fics?

I had a couple story ideas for Cave Story and Warriors, but I haven't gotten far with them. I still hold out hope that I will one day get around to finishing them.

How do you get that little thing over the “e” in pokémon?

Ctrl'e. I typed “pokémon” like that once, added it to my computer’s dictionary, and then set AutoCorrect to change “pokemon” into “pokémon” whenever I typed it in Word. Arguably the best thing I’ve ever accomplished using a computer.

What pokémon body type do you prefer?

Depends on the position I’m in with the pokémon. If it’s missionary, then I’m all about quadrupeds, but if we’re doing it cowgirl-style, then bipedal or avian pokémon. Doggy-style could go either way. Wait, you meant writing about them, not having sex with them? In that case, I don’t really have a preference, but if I had to pick, I’d say bipedal pokémon but more the ones with the body shape of a floatzel or a typhlosion rather than that of a lucario or a gardevoir.

What do you have against the Pokémon television show’s main characters?

Ash is an idiot who needs the pokédex to tell him what pokémon he’s looking at even if he’s seen it five times before, Iris is an annoying bitch who hypocritically berates everyone on being “such a little kid” while she’s is about as mature as a teething infant, and Cilan won’t shut up about being a connoisseur and uses food-related phrases like it was some kind of gay variation of Tourette’s Syndrome. Don’t get me wrong, I like the show, I just hate the main characters.

Do you like waffles?

Yes. I’m not a fan of pancakes, but I think French toast is the shit.