Beliefs:

If you can fold a fitted sheet, you're obviously a witch. Friends don't let friends fry bacon naked. Refuses to talk to naked clowns, they're just not funny. When all else fails throat punch them. Clapping revives dead pixies, whistling makes work go smoother, and farting makes everyone in the room look at you. You say kidnapped, I say surprise adoption. The golden rule in my house is... If it's funny your not in trouble. Marsh-mellows would be more fun to eat if they screamed when you bit into them. Some people deserve a high five... to the face... with a cheese grater. Next time you say "women belong in the kitchen" keep in mind that's where all the knives are.

Life's Unanswered Questions:

If Cinderella's shoe fits perfectly, then why did it fall off?? What if the light at the end of the tunnel is just the devil with a flashlight? How does the toaster knows when there is one slice in it? What would you do for a Klondike bar? Wonders if people know when someone calls them "Dude" , it means an infected hair on an elephant's ass? If a word were misspelled in the dictionary, how would we know? If you push a slinky on a down escalator . . . Will it stay in the same spot?? Why do we say "heads up" when we actually mean duck? If a boy broke a girls heart, and the girl breaks the guys x-box, who would cry harder?

Useless Facts:

The average ear of corn has eight hundred kernels arranged in sixteen rows. When you put a sea shell next to your ear it's the sound of blood surging in your veins, not the ocean Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks, otherwise it will digest itself. Earthworms have five hearts. Volleyball is the preferred game at nearly all nudist colony's. An office desk has 400 times more bacteria than a toilet. People with Blue eyes are better able to see in the dark. A snail can sleep for 3 years. Your earlobes line up with your nipples. Iguanas, Koalas and Komodo Dragons all have 2 Penises. The average lead pencil will draw a line 35 miles long and write approximately 50,000 words. Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is the fear of long words. OK is a sideways stick person. Race car spelled backwards is race car. Four is the only number that has the same amount of letters as its actual value. A whale's penis is called a dork. Giraffes can't throw up. A mosquito has 47 teeth. Coca-Cola would be green if coloring werent added to it. You cannot touch your elbow with your tongue. Giraffes have no vocal chords. The word bed actually looks like a bed .

Tip Of The Day:

Don't try to hold in your pee and sneeze at the same time.. Never play leapfrog with a unicorn. There's a thin line between tan and looking like you've been rolled in Doritos. Never sharpen a boomerang. Carrot Tops are GREEN If the grass is greener over the fence, then your neighbor probably has sewage problems.

Favorite Quotes:

"I hope u remembered the finger condoms, wouldnt want finger herpes or anything... i wonder, can u get the clap on ur fingers... that might b wierd. Yeah, i mean try clapping with just ur fingers... its hard yo!" "Why are you laughing if you didnt do it?" "Because whoever did was a frigging GENIUS!" "You must be Summer's Eve's newest product for the larger ladies because you're the biggest douche i've ever seen." M.T.Y, L.T.T - More than yesterday, Less than tomorrow. I less than three you. I Never meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. You're my friend and I love you, but if we are being chased by Zombies, I would so trip your ass. Sometimes I wonder if you're possessed by a retarded ghost. Did you know that when someone annoys you, it takes forty-two muscles to frown, But it only takes four muscles to extend your arm out and smack'em in the head. I still have all my marbles, although they are asymmetrical and roll funny. I'm a little teapot short and stout; here's my handle, here's my...other handle? Oh-no, I'm a sugar bowl! Trying to understand men is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end. The definition of BURNING LOVE- Reaching for the Vaseline in the dark... but grabbing the Vick's instead. *ouch* Whatever it is, I didn't do it. Unless I was supposed to do it, in which case I did it brilliantly.Chill guys, I got this..remember I'm a ninja. I went to an online thesaurus and searched up ninjas. it said, "Ninjas cannot be found." All I can say is well played ninjas, well played indeed.Ur doin a bang up job chief. We the willing, led by the unknowing, doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much, with so little, for so long, now we can do anything with nothing. I dont have O.C.D, i have C.D.O., its like O.C.D only the letters are in alphabetical order, as they should be! A cup of coffee in the morning is the equivalent of being slapped in the face...but with flavor. Bring the pain little bean. "RAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRR" does not mean I love you in dinosaur it means I'm going to eat you.