To Everyone :3

I put this all here for the sole purpose that you enjoy them.

These made me laugh.

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping. (That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap -- Directions: Use like regular soap. (And that would be?)

On some Swanson frozen dinners -- Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's just a suggestion.)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- Do not turn upside down. (Well ... duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- Product will be hot after heating. (And you thought?)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn't this save me time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication. (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid -- Warning: May cause drowsiness. (I'm taking this because?)

On most brands of Christmas lights -- For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor -- Not to be used for the other use. (Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts -- Warning: contains nuts. (Talk about a news flash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- Instructions : Open packet, eat nuts. (Step 3: say what?)

On a child's Superman costume -- Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

Your car is German. Your vodka is Russian. Your pizza is Italian. Your kebab is Turkish. Your democracy is Greek. Your coffee is Brazilian. Your movies are American. Your tea is Tamil. Your shirt is Indian. Your oil is Saudi Arabian. Your electronics are Chinese. Your numbers Arabic, your letters Latin. And you complain that your neighbor is an immigrant? Pull yourself together. Copy if you’re against racism.

FRIENDS/BEST FRIENDS

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.

BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"

FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.

BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.

FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.

BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"

FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.

BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.

FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.

BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.

FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.

BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run bitch run!"

FRIENDS: Will help you move.

BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.

BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!" we messed up!"

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.

BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.

BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)

BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.

BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!"

FRIENDS: Would read ignore this

BEST FRIENDS: Would re post this

"When life gives you lemons make lemonade then throw it in the face of the person who gave you the lemons until they give you the oranges you originally asked for.

"If you have ever burst out laughing about something in a book, and people look at you weird, copy and paste this on your profile.

"If you have ever pulled on a door that said push, or vise versa, copy and paste this on your profile.

"I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Azmanig huh?

If you have ever stayed up past 2 in the morning reading, copy and paste this on your profile. (More like all night! :D)

If You Live In America, you post this

Why America has some Issues (Yes I live there, but tough. These are clever)

1. Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'

10. Only in America...do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.

7 Reasons Not to Mess with Children (small children)

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honour" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE . God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

54 Things to do at Wal-Mart

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera; & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"
15. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while and then yell loudly "There is no toilet paper in here"
16. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
17. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
18. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
19. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
20. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
21. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
22. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.
23. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10".
24. Play with the automatic doors.
25. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
26. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this crap, anyway?"
27. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.
28. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."
29. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
30. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
31. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
32. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
33.Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
34. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
35. TP as much of the store as possible.
36. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
37. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.
38. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
39. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
40. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
41. Take bets on the battle described above.
42. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
43. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
44. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
45. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
46. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
47. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
48. Two words: "Marco Polo."
49. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
50. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
51. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
52. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
53. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
54. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

A True Boyfriend =

When she walks away from you mad
Follow her

When she stare's at your mouth
Kiss her

When she pushes you or hit's you
Grab her and don't let go

When she start's cussing at you
Kiss her and tell her you love her

When she's quiet
Ask her whats wrong

When she ignores you
Give her your attention

When she pull's away
Pull her back

When you see her at her worst
Tell her she's beautiful

When you see her start crying
Just hold her and don't say a word

When you see her walking
Sneak up and hug her waist from behind

When she's scared
Protect her

When she lay's her head on your shoulder
Tilt her head up and kiss her

When she steal's your favorite hat
Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night

When she tease's you
Tease her back and make her laugh

When she doesn't answer for a long time
Reassure her that everything is okay

When she look's at you with doubt
Back yourself up

When she say's that she like's you
she really does more than you could understand

When she grab's at your hands
Hold her's and play with her fingers

When she bump's into you
bump into her back and make her laugh

When she tells you a secret
keep it safe and untold

When she looks at you in your eyes
don't look away until she does

When she misses you
she's hurting inside

When you break her heart
the pain never really goes away

When she says its over
she still wants you to be hers

When she re-post this bulletin
she wants you to read it -

Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything.-

When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go-

When she says she's okay, don't believe it, talk with her- because 10 years later she'll remember you-

Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her-

Call her before you sleep and after you wake up-

Treat her like she's all that matters to you.-

Tease her and let her tease you back.-

Stay up all night with her when she's sick.-

Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.-

Give her the world.-

Let her wear your clothes.-

When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.-

Let her know she's important.-

Kiss her in the pouring rain.-

When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is;
"Who's ass am I kicking babe?"

If you do post this in the next four minutes the one you love will :
Call you.
Kiss you.
Love you.
Text you.

A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.

As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her.

She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.

The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station.

She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed.

The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won't re post it?

Re post this if you truly believe in God.

PS: God is always there in your heart and loves you no matter what,
and if you stand up 4 him he will stand up for you.

96 percent of teens won't stand up for God. Put this on your page if you're one of the 4 percent who will.

Did you know...

kissing is healthy.

bananas are good for period pain.

it's good to cry.

chicken soup actually makes you feel better.

94 percent of boys would love it if you sent them flowers.

lying is actually unhealthy.

you really only need to apply mascara to your top lashes.

it's actually true, boys DO insult you when they like you.

89 percent of guys want YOU to make the first move.

it's impossible to apply mascara with your mouth closed.

chocolate will make you feel better.

most boys think it's cute when you say the wrong thing.

a good friend never judges.

a good foundation will hide all hickeys... not that you have any.

boys aren't worth your tears.

we all love surprises.

Now... make a wish.

Wish REALLY hard!

WISH WISH WISH WISH

Your wish has just been received.

Copy and Paste this into your profile in the next 15 minutes and...

Your wish will be granted.

Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you like me?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you want me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you cry if I left?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you live for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you do anything for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Choose--me or your life

Boy: My life

The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says...

The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.

The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.

The reason I don't want you is because I need you.

The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.

The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.

The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.

The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.

If you find this incredibly cute and touching, copy and paste it into your profile

A 15 year old girl holds hands with her 1 year old son. People call her a slut, no one knows she was raped at 13.

-People call another Guy fat, No one knows he has a serious disease causing him to be overweight .

-People call an old man ugly, No one knew he had a serious injury to his face while fighting for our country in the war.

Repost this if you are against bullying and stereotyping. We bet 95% of you won't.

IF YOU IGNORE THIS WITHOUT READING IT YOU HAVE NO HEART...BUT IF YOU FIND YOU CANNOT STOP UNTIL YOU REACH THE END THEN YOU MUST HAVE A VERY BIG HEART.

Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school
He told his friends that it was cool
And when he pulled the trigger back
It shot with a great crack
Mummy I was a good girl
I did what I was told
I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold
But mummy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye
I'm sorry mummy I had to go, but mommy please don't cry
When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another
And all because he got the gun from his older brother
Mummy please tell daddy that I love him very much
And please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush
And tell my little sister that she is the only one now
And tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now
And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best
Mummy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest
Mummy tell my teachers I won't show up for class
And never to forget this and please don't let this pass
Mummy why'd it have to be me no one deserves this
Mummy warn the others, mummy I left without a kiss
And mummy tell the doctors I know they really did try
I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry
Mummy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest
But mummy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest
Mummy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack
Mummy listen to me if you would
I wanted to go to college
I wanted to try things that were new
I guess I'm not going with daddy
On that trip to the new zoo
I wanted to get married
I wanted to have a kid
I wanted to be an actress
Mummy I wanted to live
But mummy I must go now
The time is getting late
Mummy tell my Chris
I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date
I love you mummy I always have
I know you know it's true
Mummy all I wanted to say is "mummy I love you"
In memory of the Columbian students that were lost
Please if you would
Pass this around
I'd be happy if you could
Don't smash this on the ground
If you pass this on
Maybe people will cry
Just keep this in heart
For the people that didn't get to say "goodbye"
Now you have two choices
1) repost and show you care
2)ignore it and you have just proven you have a low-down, cold-heart
(Please just copy and paste this on to your site and show that you care)

'At age 8, your dad buys you an ice cream. You thanked him by dripping
it all over his lap.

When you were 9 years old, he paid for piano lessons. You thanked him
by never even bothering to practice.

When you were 10 years old he drove you all day, from soccer to
football to one birthday party after another. You thanked him by
jumping out
of the car and never looking back.

When you were 11 years old, he took you and your friends to
the movies. You thanked him by asking to sit in a different row.

When you were 12 years old, he warned you not to watch
certain TV shows. You thanked him by waiting until he left the house.

When you were 13, he suggested a haircut that was in fashion.
You thanked him by telling him he had no taste.

When you were 14, he paid for a month away at summer camp.
You thanked him by forgetting to write a single letter.

When you were 15, he came home from work, looking for a hug.
You thanked him by having your bedroom door locked.

When you were 16, he taught you how to drive his car. You
thanked him by taking it every chance you could.

When you were 17, he was expecting an important call. You thanked him
by being on the phone all night.

When you were 18, he cried at your high school graduation. You thanked
him by staying out partying until dawn.

When you were 19, he paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus
carried your bags. You thanked him by saying good-bye outside the dorm
so you wouldn't be embarrassed in front of your friends.

When you were 25, he helped to pay for your wedding, and he told you
how deeply he loved you. You thanked him by moving halfway across the
country.

When you were 50, he fell ill and needed you to take care of him . You
thanked him by reading about the burden parents become to their
children.

And then, one day, he quietly died. And everything you never did came
crashing down like thunder on YOUR HEART. If you love your dad, post this on your profile

Thank God I would never ever do this to my father! I love my father and never would I hurt him like this.

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Alice001, HeartOfAgony, VampiressE12B, RosalieHale123, crystalwolfberri, The Sage of Spirits, Shiankumo Bani, The-3-Sueslayers, Phoenix of the Darkness, Agent Liberi, Author of Scifi, Seiren Sekito, Primitiveradiogoddess, MakenshiCrona, K8 Dunn, Welnakia, AngelofFluffiness, xProdigyx

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout, "AMEN!"

5.Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6.In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Marijuana

7.Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'.

9. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11.Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream'I Won! I Won!'

18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner,'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'

20 And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity .

Copy and Paste this To Make People who read bios Smile.

Things to do on an Elevator

1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"

2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.

3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.

4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

5) MEOW occasionally.

6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly

7) SAY -DING at each floor.

8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.

9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."

11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."

14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.

17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"

18) DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"

19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.

21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.

22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.

if you are planning to do all or one of these things then copy and paste it!

Mommy
I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

Mommy
today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.

Month Four

Mommy
my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine
but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven

Mommy
I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .

One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

If you're against abortion, re-post this

Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Jesus had no servents, yet they called him Master...

He had no degree, yet they called him Teacher...

He had no medicine, yet they called him Healer...

He had no army, yet kings feared him...

He won no military battles, yet he conquered the world...

He committed no crime, yet they crucified him...

He was buried in a tomb, yet He still lives today...

Be honored to serve such a leader who loves us.

If you believe in God and Jesus Christ His son...

Then copy and past this on your profile.

If you ignore him, in the Bible, Jesus says...

"If you deny me before man, I will deny you before my father in Heaven...

Why do we ((sleep)) in church, But stay ((awake)) through a 2 hour movie? Why is it so ((hard)) to talk about God, but so ((easy)) to Gossip? Why are we so ((bored)) when we look at a Christian magazine, but find it ((easy)) to read Playboy? Why is it so easy to ((ignore)) a Godly Facebook Wall Post, Yet we ((repost)) the nasty ones? Why are ((churches)) getting smaller, But ((bars and clubs)) are growing? Think about it, are you going to repost this? Are you going to ignore it, cause you think you'll get laughed at? Would You Have Read This if it Said... Read This In Gods Name

Colored

A black man walks into a cafe one early morning and

noticed that he was the only black man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him.

The white man said, "Coloured people are not allowed here."

The black man turned around and stood up.

He then said: "When I was born I was black,"

"When I grew up I was black,"

"When I'm sick I'm black,"

"When I go in the sun I'm black,"

"When I'm cold I'm black,"

"When I die I'll be black."

"But you sir..."

"When you're born you're pink,"

"When you grow up you're white,"

"When you're sick, you're green,"

"When you go in the sun you turn red,"

"When you're cold you turn blue,"

"And when you die you turn purple.

And yet you have the nerve to call me coloured"

The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...

Copy this if you're against racism!

To Every Guy

To every guy that said, "Sex can wait"...
To every guy that said, "You're beautiful"...
To every guy that was never too busy to drive across town to see her...
To every guy that gives her flowers and a card when she is sick or down...
To every guy who has given her flowers just because that's how he rolls...
To every guy that said he would die for her...
To every guy that really would...
To every guy that did what she wanted to die for...
To every guy that cried in front of her...
To every guy that she cried in front of...
To every guy that holds hands with her.
To every guy that kisses her with meaning..
To every guy that hugs her when she's sad...
To every guy that hugs her for no reason at all...
To every guy who would give their jacket up for her...
To every guy that calls to make sure she got home safe...
To every guy that would sit and wait for her for hours just to see her for ten minutes...
To every guy that would give his seat up...
To every guy that just wants to cuddle...
To every guy that reassured her that she was beautiful no matter what...
To every guy who told his secrets to her...
To every guy that showed how much he cared through every word and every breath...
To every guy that thought maybe this could be the one...
To every guy that believed in her dreams...
To every guy that would have done anything so she could achieve them...
To every guy that never laughed at her when she told him her dreams...
To every guy that walked her to her car and opened the door...
To every guy that gave his heart...
To every guy who prays that she is happy even if he's not with her...
_

Not many girls appreciate nice guys anymore. And because of this, there are not many left out there. I guarantee 90% of the men on your page will not repost this because they care more about their image.

- If you are a nice guy, repost this in your journal with the title: "Nice guys STILL finish last";

- If you are a girl that thinks every guy should treat a girl this way, repost this in your journal with the title: "To Every Guy".