Hey, My name is Laura, you all an refer to me as L, please and thank you!

I got account for mainly for Twilight, Harry Potter, and anything else I find interesting.

Ohkay, if you like my stuff, you will definately love Neko Warrior's... Umbrella. I'm BETAing for it, so you know its gotta be good.b

Alright, So a little about me: uhm... nah actually. If anyone asks I will tell you, and maybe if I get absurdly popular on here, then I will talk about it... Until then, I am too lazy. Instead, let me post random ideas for fics here, and if you see one you love, you can badger me until I write it.

Duress- Doc murmured the words as she slipped away... "You are the noblest, purest creature I have ever met. The universe will be a darker place without you." I looked at the man beside me, and his look echoed mine. The universe wouldn't exsist for either of us if she was gone. We grasped our blades, and saved her life. The Host Short-fic. The period between Wanda's sacrifice and when she opens her eyes, told by our favorite boy, Ian O'Shea.

Forever Locked- It was kind of ironic that Mr. Cross was the one to ruin this odd little family that we had, seeing as he was the head of "Rest Assured." But when he went he crossed the line when Ruby went to get Nate, and ran from police, I'd been resting anything but assured. I my life was ruled by hate, and as I stood between two men, so similar, but so different, I know theirs must've been to. -One Shot of Lock and Key, by Sarah Dessen. M for violence, depiction of rape (not overly graphic, but still) and character death.

Crack'd- One writer. One CrackFic. One girl will have the courage to take on it all. When all the cliches, characters, and crazy happenings of today's most popular teen fiction and franchises combine, all hell will break loose. Put the reading glasses on extra tight, loves, its gonna be a bumpy ride.

The Warmth of Death, The Chill of Life- How the Cullen's face death, and grow strong enough to endure vampire life. A series of One shots, continuation of my original oneshot of the same name about Esme. See that for example.

Alright, guys- here is everything to do with my fics, including links, kinks, and playlists. Everything after this is copypastable drivel, entertaining to read, but not necessary, really.

My Lovely Betas:

If You Want Me Forever: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/884574/Neko_Warrior

Rain Will Make the Flowers Grow: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1511226/nerdosaurus93

If You Want Me Forever's Playlist-

1. You're Beautiful- James Blunt

2. Map of the Problematique- Muse

3. I Don't Want to Miss a Thing- Aerosmith

4. Cable Car- The Fray

5. Tiny Dancer- Elton John

6. Lullabye (Goodnight My Angel)- Billy Joel

7. And So It Goes- Billy Joel

LINKS!

Rain Will Make the Flowers Grow

Bella's Date Outfit from Chapter 10:

Bella's Uniform:

If You Want Me Forever:

Jasper's Miata:

I, TheDutchessL, do solemnly swear to review all fictions I read, regardless of the number of reveiws, it's age, or anything else. Copy and Paste this into your profile page to join the Revolution.

I recently took out that "bold the ones that fit you/stereotypes suck" thing. I'm sure y'all have seen it around. The thing is, I didnt want my prof. to be super long, and just include cool/important stuff. But guys, stereotypes DO suck.

…In Remembrance to Severus Snape….

….A Slytherin who died like a Gryffindor…

...without all the red and gold crap.

…In Remembrance to Fred Weasley…

…Who fought bravely to the very end….

…And whose jokes will forever brighten his other half…

…And will loyally await his soul mate and brother…

… with many jokes…

...he's got forever to think of them, right?

…In Remembrance to Dobby…

…Who was more free and full of love…

...than any elf, and most humans.

….In Remembrance to Remus J. Lupin….

...the last real Marauderer...

…who was not just a wonderful father…

….a incredible husband and brave hero…

...as well as a freakin' awesome werewolf.

….In Remembrance to Nymphadora Tonks…

…who died for ‘the greater good’…

...and would probably hex me for calling her Nymphadora.

…In Remembrance of Alastor ‘Mad-Eye’ Moody….

…who’s motto ‘constant vigilance’ kept him alive…

...and scared the crap out of some kids too.

…In Remembrance of Tom Marvelo Riddle a.k.a. Voldemort….

…who was pretty cool, and cute when he was younger…

…but who got his ass thoroughly kicked in the end

…In Remembrance of Albus Dumbledore…

…whose past and wisdom confused us…

…whose seeming betrayal shocked us…

…but actually who turned out to be an okay guy in the end...

...despite the whole 'almost killing Harry' thing.

In Remembrance to Bellatrix Lestrange…

… because it’s was awesome how Molly slapped her with that Avada Kedavra!

She deserved everything she got and more.

…In Remembrance of Colin Creevey…

…who we really didn’t know too well…

…but took a lot of pictures and died fighting in a war…

…so he must’ve done something good…

…besides stalking Harry.

…In Remembrance of Hedwig…

...Harry actual first friend…

...who lived and died soaring.

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole!

95 percent of teens are bringing sexy back. Copy and paste this into your profile if you are one of the 5 percent who think it never left.

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, LiveForInsanity, Billvy, Sheena Is A Punk Rocker, TheDutchessL.

The Ten Commandments

as told unto his prophet B. Cavis (Disclaimer: Not mine.)

In the beginning, there was canon. And God saw that the canon was lame, and God said “This canon is lame.”

The Lord took a handful of clay from all corners of the Earth and created a figure and imbued it with imagination and skill and knowledge of html code. And the Lord called this figure “Fanfiction author” and blew the breath of life into it that it might live and be able to squee.

And the Lord saw that the creation was good and the Lord said “This author is good.”

The Lord took the author up onto the mountain and spoke unto him, saying “You are a fic author, and you are My creation. These are My commandments. Follow them or flames shall reign down upon you and fill your email accounts.”

And the author was much afraid, and said unto the Lord “…okay…”

And these were the commandments the Lord lay down for the author, ten in number. And the number of the commandments was ten, and they numbered ten. There were ten commandments.

Thou Shalt Write

The Lord spoke unto the author and said “Lo, the canon is bad, for the writers have become corrupted and revel in wickedness. They stretch UST on for years, they hurt and horribly abuse the characters, and lo, this does not please Me. Mac should giveth up on Harm and buy a vibrator, and Mulder and Scully will never have onscreen sex. And lo, this does not please Me. You were created to fix it, and fix it you shall. Canon shall not limit you, and you shall not be limited by canon.”

And the fic author rejoiced, for he thought canon was sucky, and he was a Mac/Webb shipper.

Thou Shalt Join Together

“Look,” said the Lord, “for I have created for you the Con. It is a tool of great power and you shall use it for good to meet up with fellow authors and you shall spread goodness and eat pie. For pie is good. Much love to the pie.”

And the author said “But Lord, forgive me, I am poor and have no moneys. I can not afford a Con. Though you are right, pie is good. I like cherry.”

And the Lord said “Pumpkin is better.” And the Lord thought for a time and declared “Then thou shalt join Yahoo!groups and use Live Journals and start dialogues about ten second scenes that last for many days and many nights. For there is strength in numbers, and the oldest among you shall govern wisely when you all heard together like sheep.”

And the author rejoiced, and there was pie.

Thou Shalt Be Wary of OC’s

“There is a great evil lurking plaguing the land,” saideth the Lord. “Known as an Original Character. Thou shalt not write them if thou art a bad author. For Original Characters can be too perfect and too clean and too sweet, and this displeases Me, for this is not the nature of a true character.”

And the author said “O Lord, how will I know if I am able to write an OC?”

And the Lord said unto the author “You shall know for if you are not ready, I will send unto you many replies with bad grammar and lines of “11!!11!!” and then I shall smote you and there shall be no more pie.”

And the author was much afraid, and the Original Characters because a right earned by few alone, as was decreed.

Thou Shalt Kill Mary Sues”

The Lord proclaimed “Thou shalt not suffer a Mary Sue to thrive among you, for they are an abomination.” And the author was forbidden by the Lord to create characters with too many powers, abilities, and skills, oddly colored hair of abnormal length, and names that consist of meteorological terms. And the Lord decreed it so, for it was an abomination, and it was so ordered.

And the author asked “O Lord, is this not very much like your last commandment?”

And the Lord said “Coveting thy neighbor’s wife and adultery are similar as well, and I have the lightening bolts. Does thou wisheth to become dirt at the four corners of the Earth again? For I can make it happen, bucko.”

And the author shut up, for God had the power to turn him into dirt, and he was afraid.

Thou Shalt Write Crossovers

The Lord spoke unto the author saying “There will come a day when you shall wonder what Teal’c would look like hugging a My Little Pony, and you shall indulge in that curiosity, for it is good in the eyes of the Lord.”

And the author was much incensed with the Lord and said “I’ll never wonder that!”

And the Lord smote him, and replaced him with another author, who looked down unto the smoking remnants of her predecessor and was much more agreeable when presented with the idea. “I shall wonder that, O great and powerful God.”

And the Lord was happy, because He had always wanted to watch Daniel talk with Merry Weather pony, and had not been hugged enough in His youth.

Thou Shalt Not Become Fan Girls

The new author spoke unto the Lord and asked “And what if I am to become overcome with joy and geekiness and turn to darkness?”

And the Lord said “Then thou art a fan girl, and a tool of evil.”

And the author pouted.

“However,” the Lord said “I shall give unto you the ability to squee, so that your fan girlishness shall be seen and forgiven by all as endearing. For you shalt turn insane over new Harry Potter books and season finales, and this is forgivable for I still can not believe she had Lupin and Tonks get together, omg.”

And the author rejoiced, and squeeing became prominent throughout the land.

Thou Shalt Try New Pairings

The Lord said unto the author “Canon is bad and so are the pairings it presents. For this reason, you shall have OTPs, and they shall become your most treasured of possessions, and you shall create icons and stories that revel in their greatness.”

And the author said “But what if I like the major pairing on the show, o great and fierce God who smote the guy before me?”

“You will not like them for long, for the show writers will make them corrupt and irritating after season three, and lo, you shall look unto an OTP for salvation.” And the Lord was happy for He had come up with a way to validate His shipping of Krychek/Mulder, and the author was happy for she had not been turned into dirt.

And there was much rejoicing.

Thou Shalt Not Write Self-Insertion Fics

And the author presented a work to the Lord featuring herself frolicking with the characters of Battlestar Galactica, and the Lord was much incensed with the work.

“This is an evil,” He said unto the author. “And it is an abomination unto Mine eyes.”

“But I get to play with clones,” the author replied. “And there are My Little Ponies. Does this not please you, my Lord?”

And God was pissed and said “No, biotch, it doesn’t.” And he explained unto the author that self-insertion stories were a great plight upon the world, and that Self-Insertion Fics, not tobacco, were the actual cause of cancer.

And the author was saddened, and smoked a cigarette to soothe her nerves.

Thou Shalt Write Smut

The Lord spoke unto the author and said unto her “There is much fun that can be had with boy parts and girl parts when used together. Your OTPs will never be shown having sex. Sam and Jack will never be shown beating each other with sausages, and Weir will never bend over and let Sheppard pull out her butt plug. And this displeases me.”

And the

Lord thought about it for a moment and said “Yes. Thou shall write smut. For sex pleases Me.”

“Sex pleases us all,” the author agreed, and it was decreed that sex was pleasing, and lo, it was so.

Thou Shalt Send Feedback

And the Lord commanded to the author on top of the mountain that she would write to those who had done good to express her appreciation. And the author asked the Lord “What if I have no time?”

And the Lord said “Then you will get leprosy.”

And the author was much bummed out about this, for she liked her legs, and agreed. And feedback became prominent, and the land flourished under the rules the Lord had given.

FIN

Section Dedicated Strictly to my Team Jasperness. Do not read and complain to me later, I. Do. Not. Care. I Do not have to defend myself to you!

If you are absolutly in love with Stephanie Meyers Fictional Character Jasper, Copy and Paste this into your Profile.

If you are a member of the unofficial Jasper Whitlock Hale Fangirl Club, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think Jasper is an emo vampire (really HOT emo vampire)...copy and paste this onto your profile.

Repost if you think Edward and Jake can jump in a hole and die, and Jasper can have Bella.

JASPER'S PRAYER:
Our Jasper,
Who art from Texas.
Hallowed be thy golden lockes.
Thy instincts art true, as you control our emotions.
You art intelligent, as you read in your study.
Give us, this day, serenity, for you can;
Forgive us, our humanity and blood,
As we know it causes much pain.
Lead us, not, into temptation,
For you have shown us that life is difficult.
For thine art wonderous,
As thy once was the youngest Major,
Before Maria ruined your career.
A- Jasper

FIN