Why "The Shang Kraken," you ask? Once upon a time, I was reading one of those "Kel gets kicked out and goes to Shang" fics, and I thought to myself, "Why isn't there a Shang Kraken?" I'd certainly pity the person who got stuck with that name. Can you imagine? People would always be joking about "going to see the Kraken" and stuff. So that's why I've switched pennames (no more 761622 for me!), not to mention this name should be easier to remember.

I'm more of a reader than a writer, but if you scroll down you'll find a few pitiful attempts at the latterAll the stories posted here are Harry Potter, but I am also a huge Tamora Pierce fan. Personally, I would recommend In the Beginning because it provides a fascinating view of how Hogwarts was born when the four founders were drunk and hiding from pitchfork-wielding peasants. Good times. My semi-epic, Career Advice Again, is not officially dead. I merely lack the motivation and self-discipline to write a new chapter, even though I've outlined the entire story. I'm probably due for my yearly update at this point, which means the entire story should be finished around the time I complete my medical residency (keeping in mind that I've yet to graduate from high school). And so we move onwards...

Top Ten Reasons I'll Refuse to Read a Work of Fanfiction:

10. Poor grammar/spelling- Nobody's perfect of course, but please get a beta or at least proofread your work! And if you misspell proper nouns (Azkaban, Zabini, Raoul, Qasim, Corus), I will not be pleased. D:

9. Refusing to update until you get a certain number of reviews- Seriously? That's so petty. We all love reviews, but if you give that threat, it makes me want to review even less.

8. Non-existent summaries- Even if you're awful at writing summaries, can you at least try to say what characters, ships, and years the story describes? "Suck at summaries, plz read" deserves not to be read, nor does "Read and find out." Also, please refrain from referring to the summary in the summary (the first rule of Fight Club is that you don't talk about Fight Club, right?), and if you use the phrase "follow (insert character's name here)" I may have to throttle you.

7. Deliberately vague summaries. Cut the fluffy language and tell me the gist of the story!

6. Disregard for the era in which the story takes place- I'm sorry, but Tortall does not have electricity. Their currency is not the American dollar. Nobles do not greet each other with a fist bump.

5. Author's notes posted as chapters- And here I was thinking you had updated... and when this crime is coupled with a reinstatement of number nine from this list, I might want to slap you.

4. Mary Sue- She gets mocked for a reason. Hopefully I don't have to explain this further. This includes changing the main (canonical) character's name within the first 10 chapters.

3. Scary/unrealistic pairings- I consider myself very accommodating on this one, but there are some things that should not be written for the sake of my sanity (think Dobby/Winky, Bagman/Hermione, Mundungus/Figg, and/or Kel/Raoul (ewwwww!), all of which I've had the misfortune to stumble upon)

2. Using the opening author's note to rant about a flame or another author- Grow up. Please. Yes, it's upsetting to get a flame, but we, your somewhat loyal readers, are sticking around for your story, not your tangent.

1. Harry Potter in guyliner- That's just creepy.

Favorite Pairings (yes, some are a bit unorthodox, but hopefully not in violation of rule number three from above)

Harry Potter:

Neville/Luna
Hermione/Percy
Hermione/Dean
Hermione/Harry
Harry/Ginny
Ron/Luna
Tonks/Kingsley

Quirrell/Voldemort!

Tamora Pierce:

Alanna/George
Buri/Raoul
Thayet/Jonathon
Kel/Merric
Kel/Neal
Kel/Dom

Save the Windigo-Sylphs and peace out!