Step right up ladies and gentlemen! Come, gather round and witness a truly grusome sight! Yes, in exchange for a dose of bravery--and a nominal fee--you too can see the rare and strange fanfiction author! Hurry, hurry, hurry!

Welcome brave souls. Well, we picked this one up in the jungles of suburbia. Yes, those deep and mysterious mazes of pavement and soccer fields. A group of intrepid explorers happened on this one, and brought her back to civilization so we may better study this wonder of nature.

See how she writhes in agony, trying to catch the word on the tip of her tongue. It's a natural behavior for this species, along with flights of fancy, obsession and delusions of grandeur. Watch how she creates her very own world, and then expects others to care. What a hapless creature!

See her teeth, worn down by snack foods and stained by artificial coloring. Notice the pallor of the skin from lack of exposure to sunlight (for these are a naturally reclusive species) and the sunken in eyes from late-night drafting sessions.

We feed her a healthy diet of greens, and lots of fried chicken--her kind like that. We also keep a swing in for recreation, but the creature seemed disinterested in the swing so we tossed a laptop in there and it seems we've hit on the creature's main mode of diversion. She's normally peaceful, content to simply stare at the object for hours at a time, laughing occasionally. However, every now and then the creature becomes violent and nearly throws the device against the walls of her cage.

Every now and then she makes an uttering that is vaguely human, or scribbles something that almost seems like our own language. However, her attempts are paltry imitations at best and her scribblings primitive at best.

These fanfiction authors are known to gather in packs, circling around a community laptop and making strange, half-lucid conversation. No one has been able to translate this language, or decipher their strange calls. We think it may consist of snippets of our language, but shortened and warped beyond recognition, but this is only a guess.

So what is this fine specimen? Is she a missing link in evolution? Poke her between the bars and watch as she utters something sounding-like "a pox on you and your descendents."

Yes, this is truly a majestic and noble creature, misunderstood and strange. On the sides you can use the dispensers to buy cookies to hand-feed the creature. Come now, she does not bite.

Every now and then she pokes away at that laptop, sometimes finishing a long sheet of scribbling that we assume are long requests for food or perhaps just the outcome of amusement on the keyboard. Monkeys and typewriters, folks. Anyway, we take these sheets and post them, for she may be trying to communicate a greater mystery to all of us, or perhaps just playing with letters.

Please do not mistake these scrawls for literature, for they are merely the attempt to mirror us, based only in the primitive knowledge of symbols. Yes, this creature is at most barely human, and any potential for a story is slim at best.

But please, ladies and gentlemen, feel free to entertain yourself with the art of this creature.