joyamalfoy
 Author has written 1 story for Harry Potter. Hey so i love harry potter so most of my storys will be Dance in the snow Aurora: Faith: Aimee: Alice: http://www.flickr.com/photos/54017568@N04/5018460149/lightbox/ Rose's drawings: um yeah so If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile. If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile. If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile. If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile. (we are not insane... we are schitzophrenic) If you or your best friend is insane copy and paste this onto your profile. Ninety-eight percent of teenagers have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the two percent who hasn't, copy this and paste it in your profile. If you are obsessed with fan fiction copy this into your profile If you have ever fallen off a chair backwards, copy this into your profile If you have ever tripped up the stairs, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever tripped over air, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this into your profile If you ever felt like just running somewhere, copy this into your profile. If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile. If there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it copy this into your profile If you are anti-social sometimes copy this into your profile If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever wondered what you're like in a parallel universe, put this on your profile. If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similar, put this in your profile. 92 percent of American teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy and paste this into your profile if you would be part of the 8 percent still alive. (wait... who??) Just because we eat animals for food, doesn't mean we can cut them up for clothing! If you are against fur coats, clothing, boots, etc., copy this into your profile. If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you becasue of the effects, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this onto your profile. If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer. If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile. Put this in your profile if you didn't know the Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star had the same tune. Dorks are cool. Dorks are smart. Dorks will one day rule the universe. If you're a Dork and proud of it, copy this into your profile. If you love werewolves, copy this into your profile. There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile. I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do... If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters...copy and paste this onto your profile. If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile. If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in you're profile. If you have a bunch of FF ideas and beginnings stashed away somewhere, but you’re to lazy/embarassed to put them out there... copy and paste. If you hate it when you’re typing and instead of spelling ‘the’ you spell ‘teh’ -but you refuse to slow down, copy and paste. 25 reasons i owe my mother 1) My mother taught me to appreciate a good job done (If your going to kill each other go outside, I just cleaned up) 2)My mother taught me Religion (You better pray that comes out of the carpet) 3)My mother taught me about time travel (If you don't straighten up, I'll knock you into next week) 4)My mother taught me logic (Because I said so, that's why) 5)My mother taught me more logic ( If you fall out of that swing and break your next you can't come to the store with me) 6)My mother taught me foresight (Make sure you wear clean underwear in case your in an accident.) 7)My mother taught me irony (keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about) 8)My mother taught me about the science of osmosis (shut your mouth and eat your supper) 9)My mother taught me about the weather (that room of yours looks like a tornado went through it) 10)My mother taught me about contortionism (Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck) 11)My mother taught me about stamina (You will sit there until all that spinach is gone0 12)My mother taught me about hypocrisy (If I've told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate) 13)My mother taught me about the circle of life (I brought you into this world and I can take you out) 14)My mother taught me about behavior modification (stop acting like your father) 15)My mother taught me about envy (there are millions of children in the world who don't have great parents like you do) 16)My mother taught me about anticipation (Just wait until we get home) 17)My mother taught me medical science (If you don't stop crossing your eyes their going to freeze that way) 18)My mother taught me about receiving (Your going to get it when we get home) 19)My mother taught me about Esp (put your sweater on, don't you think I know when your cold) 20)My mother taught me about humor (when that lawnmower cuts off your toes don't come crying to me) 21)My mother taught me genetics (Your just like your father) 22)My mother taught me how to grow up (If you don't eat your vegetables you'll never grow up) 23)My mother taught me about my roots (Shut the door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?) 24)My mother taught me about wisdom( when you get to be my age you'll understand) 25)and my favorite: My mother taught me about justice (One day you'll have kids and I hope they're just like you) The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you. "When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it." "Real girls aren't perfect, perfect girls aren't real." Oops, I appear to have fallen on your lips. Note to Self: Normal is just a setting on washing machines. Why are the Force and duct tape the same?-Both have a light and dark side and hold the universe together. Somebody needs a Happy Meal. When life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS! News from the file marked "DUH" Do not use an axe to kill a fly on your friends' head. Regular lions say ROAARR Angry lions say BLARGAROARIMMAEATYOU Sad lions say roooaaar. Mountain lions say: OMGEDWARDCULLENRUN!! Girls Girl: Do I ever cross your mind? Boy: No Girl: Do you like me? Boy: No Girl: Do you want me? Boy: No Girl: Would you cry if I left? Boy: No Girl: Would you live for me? Boy: No Girl: Would you do anything for me? Boy: No Girl: Choose--me or your life Boy: My life The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says... The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind. The reason why I don't like you is because I love you. The reason I don't want you is because I need you. The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left. The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you. The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you. The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life - Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them. (So true, so true..:) - Kids are the future. Be afraid. Be very afraid. Mental Hospital Phone Menu Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital! If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call. If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway. If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696. If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you. If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever. If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up. You're a 90's kid if: You can finish this 'ice ice _' 92 percent of teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it wasn't cool to breathe. Put this in your profile if you would be part of the 8 percent laughing your arse off. 98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile. Even when you can't see Him, GOD is there! If you believe in GOD put this in your profile. If you have ever stopped to look at something in the middle of a busy street copy and paste this into your profile If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile. .•.•) .•) Ninety-five percent of teenagers are concerned about being popular. If you are one of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list: Queen S of Randomness 016, Queen B of Randomness 016, AnimieKittyCaffe, The Gypsy Pirate Queen, That Bloody Demon, The Astrology Nerd, Shadow929, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Yavie Aelienel, Hyperactively Bored, Spymaster E, Shanny-Boo, Gem W, Brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/fairy to be, Bara-Minomoto, Em Quagmire, Buffy The Mary-Sue Slayer, Random Little Writer, SamanthaFantasyFan, Crash923, Silver Wind Kitsue, Wings of Water- SKYE, 2ndsly, Insane Winged Girl, Faxness-Fan48, imaginarylullabyes,cutieismynam, T-H-E OANA, reimihara21, mistriss of darkness If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile. If you easily finish one novel a day, copy this onto your profile. If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile. If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Black'n'red'Butterfly, Enrica, twilightgirl1918, Just A Little Bit Dramatic, Pirates OWNS you, Cripsee, I'll have some stupid cliche, Insane Winged Girl, Faxness-Fan48, imaginarylullabyes,cutieismynam, T-H-E OANA, reimihara21, mistriss of darkness If you've had at least two friends move away from you...copy and paste this onto your profile. If at least once a week, someone misspells or mispronounces your last name wrong...copy and paste this onto your profile. If you've ever pushed on a door that said pull (or Vice Versa) copy this into your profile If you've ever gone into a laughing fit for no reason, copy this onto your profile If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile If you have ever fallen off a chair backwards, copy this into your profile If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile. If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile. If you hate those obnoxious preppy people PLEASE copy this in your profile. (Like, oh my God. I like totally broke a nail!...I mean LIKE stop talking LIKE that!) If you have ever stopped to look at something in the middle of a busy street copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile. If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer. I, mistriss of darkness, do solemnly swear to review all the fics I read, regardless of the number of reviews, I have joined the review revolution. A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away. As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely. The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t repost it? Repost this if you truly believe in God. PS: God is always there in your heart and loves you no matter what, If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile. If you agree that rum is for drinking, not burning, copy and paste this into your profile. If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile. For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you just what you find so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob-fest, then start singing and dancing when your favorite song plays. Crazy is when you do or say a totally random thing, like "do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or start having a thumbwar with yourself (i find that i am a very tough opponent). So if you're crazy, copy this onto your profile. Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique,so weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile! 93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile. If you hear the voices of your RPG characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile. If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile! If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile. If you have a tendency to talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile. There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile. (I don't own I got this from Jeff Hardy Fan31.) A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle Girl: Slow down, I'm scared! Guy: No, this is fun. Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared. Guy: Then tell me you love me. Girl: I love you, now slow down! Guy: Now give me a big hug. She gives him a big hug Guy:Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me. In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she would live even if he died. Copy this onto your profile if you would do the same thing for someone you love. This is a story about a little girl that was abused. If you care at all, copy and paste this into your profile: My name is Sarah child abuse, MAKE IT STOP! Take Time To Read Each Sentence This is this cat This is is cat This is how cat This is to cat This is keep cat This is a cat This is retard cat This is busy cat This is for cat This is forty cat This is seconds cat Now read the THIRD word of ever line If you can read this message, you are blessed because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all: I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! tahts so cool! 20 things to do at Walmart 1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking. 2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms. 4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away. 6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department. 8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, 9. Look right into the security camera; & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose. 10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are. 11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. 12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels. 13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, 14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. 15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here! 16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "go, pikachu, go!" 17. Challenge people to duels in the back aisles with wrapping paper tubes. 18. Have a conversation with yourself loud enough so that people in the other aisles can hear you. 19. Throw things over one aisle into another one. 20. Mark out price tags with a sharpie 26 THINGS TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR 1.When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you. 2.Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more. 3.Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones. 4.Call the Psychic Hot line from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on. 5.Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?" 6.Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!" 7.Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator. 8.Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an appointment. 9.Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play. 10.Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking. 11.Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers. 12.Ask, "Did you feel that?" 13.Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally. 14.When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!" 15.Swat at flies that don't exist. 16.Tell people that you can see their aura. 17.Call out, "Group Hug!"and then enforce it. 18.Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!" 19.Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?" 20.Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off. 21.Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly. 22.Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers. 23.Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope. 24.Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button. 25.Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on". 26.Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is MY personal space!" Things that Professor Snape is no longer allowed to do at Hogwarts: 1. Not allowed to sing “Black Powder and Alcohol” to the students. Especially not allowed to substitute ingredients that will result in napalm and methamphetamine instead. 2. Crucifying toads. Bad idea. 3. Not allowed to collect blood and/or hair samples from students or staff for potion-making. This includes Mrs. Norris. 4. Not allowed to train Hagrid’s pets into attacking Gryffindors. 5. May not call any members of the Ministry of Magic untrustworthy, corrupt slime. Not even Fudge. Ok, especially not Fudge. 6. Even if I still have the receipt for the last bribe I gave him from Lucius. 7. Must never tease Trelawney about what she puts in her incense. 8. May not sell any Weasley into slavery. 9. Gozer does not live in my supply cabinet. You’d be surprised what does, though. 10. The Forbidden Forest is not full of yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell first-years that it is. 11. I cannot trade McGonagall to the Death-Eaters for McNair, Avery, and a DE to be named later. 12. “Poppy” is Madam Pomfrey’s nickname, and not what she dispenses. 13. May not conduct psychological experiments on staff members or students. 14. I should not confess to crimes that took place before I was born. 15. While under Veritaserum. 16. 'To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys" is a bad long-term goal to give Lord Voldemort. Or Dumbledore, for that matter. 17. Rodents are not entitled to burial with full military honors, even if they are "casualties of war". Not even Pettigrew. 18. Not allowed to add 'In accordance with the prophesy' to the end of answers I give to a question Dumbledore asks me. Only Trelawney gets to do that. 19. Not allowed to purchase anyone's soul on school time. 20. Must wash my hair even if it tampers with my 'Sampson like powers'. 21. Must not taunt the Hufflepuffs. 22. Not allowed to appeal to mankind's baser instincts in Death-Eater recruiting posters. God only knows why. 23. Not allowed to put up Death-Eater recruiting posters on school property, not even in the Slytherin Common Room. 24. May not make posters depicting the leadership failings of my chain(s) of command. Neither Dumbledore nor Voldemort have any sense of humor that way. 25. It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, no longer applies to Professor Snape. 26. There are no evil clowns living under my bed. 27. Except Peeves. 28. Nerve gas is not funny, not even at a Dark Revel. 29. Must not tell any Death-Eater that I am smarter than they are, especially if it's true. 30. Visiting Irish wizards are not after 'Me frosted lucky charms'. Now Flitwick, on the other hand, has a right to be worried. 31. Potions Class should not end in tragedy. 32. I may not produce or perform in “Hogwarts: The Full Monty”. Nor may I encourage any student or staff to do so. 33. Not even Madam Hooch. 34. May not use Harry Potter as a body shield if Voldemort invades the school. 35. May no longer decorate the Great Hall for any function. 36. May not give Professor Sprout any plant named “Audrey”. 37. May not feed Longbottom to “Audrey”. 38. May not bring Moaning Myrtle as my date to the Yule Ball. 39. May not put banned substances on the Gryffindor Quidditch brooms just before a match (see attached list). 40. May not encourage Fred or George Weasley to boobytrap the Sorting Hat. 41. May not bring Longbottom to any Death-Eater function in the hopes he will ‘fix’ Voldemort’s latest potion. 42. Even if the resulting explosion will leave a smoking crater a quarter-mile in diameter, thus resolving at least two of my major problems. 43. May not send a charmed rubber rat across the floor of the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom in hopes that Lupin will chase it. 44. Or send Sirius Black a flea collar in Extra Large. Though he could use it. “Dances with wolves, sleeps with fleas”. 45. When asked to give a few words at a ceremony or staff meeting, ‘Romper Bomper Stomper Boo' is probably not appropriate. Besides, that’s Dumbledore’s job. "It is not in good remembrance of a friend for a friend to remember the way they died but it is nothing but heaven to remember how they lived and loved." Quotes Edward Cullen: I should go back there and rip those guys' heads off. Isabella Swan: Did you follow me? Top Ten Signs Your Kid is a Wizard 10. When he enters a room there is a burst of purple smoke Top Ten Signs the Actor Playing Harry Potter is Too Old
Top Ten Names for Ron, Harry, Ginny, Luna, Neville and Hermione 10. Black's Avengers Narcissa Malfoy's Top Ten Disgustingly Cute Names for Draco 10. Ickle-Drakey-Wakey 1. "What did I ever do to y...oh, never mind." 2. "Oh, ha ha, you got me!! Am I on Punk'd? Where's the camera guy, huh? Where!?" 3. "Wow, you're even dumber than you look, and that's saying something. What kind of idiot tells their victim what they're about to do?! I'm ready for you now!!" Prepare yourself by getting into various Matrix positions, beckon him with one finger 4. "And she's all 'F.Y.I., he's so into me and not you.' and I'm all 'Yeah, right, whatever.' Oh, I'm sorry! Did you say something?" 5. "Why do you have to be so mean?!" produce fake tears and throw a tantrum 6. "Uh, I'm not here right now. Please leave a message after the beep. BEEEP!!" take off running 7. cackle with laughter "You sound like a girl! Hey honey, come listen to this guy talk!" 8. "My dear snake-man, I must say your manners are quite poor. I have just the thing!" put on record and sing along 'Please - say - please - and - thank you for saying thank you!' 9. "Are you a joke? Clearly you're a joke!" 10. "I'm sensing some self-confidence problems. I hear they have an excellent psychiatric ward at St. Mungo's...and while you're there, maybe you could have them do something about your nose." 11. "Oh yeah, and you've told Harry that how many times now? I'm soooooo scared!" You Say Pink I Say Black Edward Cullen Sexier than you since 1901 Jasper Hale Smoother than you since 1843 Bella Swan Lucker than you will ever be. Rosalie Hale Prettier than you since 1915 Alice Cullen Quirkier than you since 1901 Emmett Cullen Stronger than you since 1915 1. Write the name of a person of the opposite sex. 2. Which is your favorite color out of red, black, blue, and green, yellow? 3. Your first initial? 4. Your month of birth? 5. Which color do you like more, black or white? 6. Name of a person of the same sex as yours. 7. Your favorite number? 8. Do you like California or Florida more? 9. Do you like the lake or the ocean more? 10. Write down a wish (a realistic one). Are you done? If so, scroll down (Don’t cheat--) THE ANSWERS 1. You are completely in love with this person. 2. If you choose: Red: You are alert and your life is full of love. Black: You are conservative and aggressive. Green: Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back. Blue: You are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the ones you love. Yellow: You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are down. 3. If you’re initial is: A-K: You have a lot of love and friendships in your life. L-R: You try to enjoy life to the maximum and your love life is soon to blossom. S-Z: You like to help others and your future love life looks very good. 4. If you were born in: Jan.-Mar.: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you fall in love with someone totally unexpected. Apr.-June: You will have a strong love relationship that will not last long but the memories will last forever. July-Sept.: You will have a great year and will experience a major life changing experience for the good. Oct.-Dec.: Your love life will not be too great, but eventually you will find your soul mate. 5. If you choose... Black: Your life will take on a different direction; it will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change. White: You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do anything for you, but you may not realize it. 6. This person is your best friend. 7. This is how many close friends you have in a lifetime. 8. If you choose... 9. If you choose... 10. This wish will come true only if you RE-POST THIS BULLETIN in one hour and it will come true before your next birthday! The Difference Between Friends and BEST Friends FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince. FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda. FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month. FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink. FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa. FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry. FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number. FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back. FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you. FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door. FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone. FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies) FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough. Good Friend VS Best Friend A good friend helps you up when you fall down. A best friend laughs and trips you again. Or sits on you back and forces you to stay down... A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?" A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will prank call him and whisper, "You will die in seven days..." A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much?" A good friend picks up your papers in the hallways at school when you drop them. A best friend stands there and laughs while you scramble to pick them up. A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run bitch, run!" A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies. A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be sitting next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!" A good friend will help me find my way when I'm lost. A best friend will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions. A good friend will help me learn to drive. A best friend will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance. A good friend will watch my pets when I go away. A best friend won't let me go away without them. A good friend will go to a concert with me. A best friend will kidnap the band with me. A good friend hides me from the cops. A best friend is probably the reason they are after me in the first place. A good friend lets me make an idiot of myself in public. A best friend is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too. This or That? Twilight or New Moon? New Moon New Moon or Eclipse? New Moon Eclipse or Twilight Eclipse Are you more excited about Twilight Graphic Novel or Midnight Sun? Twilight Graphic Novel since MS isn't happening for awhile. Midnight Sun or the New Moon Movie? New Moon Movie. The New Moon Movie or Twilight Graphic Novel? New Moon Movie. Who do you want to see Bella with most: Edward or Jacob? Edward Who do you like more: Bella or Edward? Edward Bella or Jacob? Jacob Bella or Alice? Alice Alice or Jacob? Alice Rosalie or Alice? Alice Jasper or Alice? both Jasper or Edward? Jasper Carlisle or Esme? Carlisle Emmett or Jasper? Emmett Emmett or Jacob? both Bella or Rosalie? Rosalie Esme or Charlie? Esme Charlie or Carlisle? Carlisle Charlie or Billy? Billy Jacob or Sam? Jacob Sam or Quil? Quil Quil or Embry? Embry Who's the better villain: James or Victoria? Victoria. Werewolves or Vampires? I run with both. Bella or Alice Alice Emmett or Jasper Emmett Edward or Jacob Jacob Twilight or Breaking Dawn Breaking Dawn Esme or Emily Esme Rosalie or Tanya Rosalie Mike or Edward Edward Tyler or Eric Tyler Eric or Mike Mike Team Jacob or Team Edward Team Edward Porsche or Volvo Volvo '55 Chevy or Volvo Volvo Werewolves or Vampires both Movie or Book Book Bella and Edward or Bella and Jacob Bella and Edward Bella's Lullaby or Esme's Favorite Esme's Favorite Twilight Oath Ten things to see before you die: 1. A vegetarian be eaten by an animal. 2. An emo kid talk about happy bunnies.( I have seen this well he may not be emo but he looks like it!) 3. Homer say something intelligent. 4. Taxes disappear. 5. Voldemort destroy one of his Horcruxes. 6. Michael Jackson be stalked by children. RIP Michael Jackson 7. Children take over class and teach teacher in child subjects, such as: armpit farts, skate-boarding, real music, ect. 8. Wrestling people forget their moves. 9. The coyote catch the road runner. This has happened! 10. The reaction of the teen population if Abercombie was closed and it was illegal to wear their clothing. (Whats acermobie??) Lessons Learned in Twilight: 1. You can enjoy the banquet while resisting the wine. Find a guy whos calls you beautiful instead of hot, Who calls you back when you hang up on him, Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead, Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats, Who holds your hand in public and in front of his friends and family. Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he loves you and how lucky he is to have you. If you think that describes Edward Cullen, copy it into your profile! What a Boyfriend SHOULD do: When she walks away from you mad When she stares at your mouth When she pushes you or hits you When she starts cussing at you When she's quiet When she ignores you When she pulls away When you see her at her worst When you see her start crying When you see her walking When she's scared When she lays her head on your shoulder When she steals your favorite hat When she teases you When she doesn't answer for a long time When she looks at you with doubt When she says that she likes you When she grabs at your hands When she bumps into you When she tells you a secret When she looks at you in your eyes When she misses you When you break her heart When she says its over When she repost this bulletin Stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything.- When she says she's ok don't believe it, talk with her- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her- Treat her like she's all that matters to you.- Tease her and let her tease you back.- Stay up all night with her when she's sick.- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.- Give her the world.- Let her wear your clothes.- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.- Let her know she's important.- Kiss her in the pouring rain.- When she runs up to you crying, the first thing you say is; If you do post this in the next four minutes the one you love will : Guys post as: "I'd be this boyfriend." Girl: What's wrong? Boy: I like her so much... Girl: Talk to her!! Boy: I don't know. she won't ever like me. Girl: Don't say that. You're amazing. Boy: I just want her to know how I feel. Girl: Then tell her Boy: She won't like me... Girl: How do you know that? Boy: I cant just tell. Girl: Well just tell her. Boy: What should I say? Girl: Tell her how much you like her! Boy: I tell her that daily. Girl: What do you mean? Boy: I'm alway's with her. I love her. Girl: I know how you feel. I have the same problem. But he'll never lie me... Boy: Wait. who do you like? Girl: Oh some boy. Boy: Oh. she won't like me either. Girl: She does. Boy: how do you know? Girl: Because who wouldn't like you? Boy: you. Girl: You're right. I don't like you, I love you. Boy: I love you too. Girl: so are you gonna talk to her? Boy: I just did. Things not to do at hogwarts! (well...not unless you have Harry's invisability cloak and the Marauders' Map or you are Fred and/or George) 1. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class. 2. Growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is not an extra credit project for Herbology. 3. “I’ve heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood’s name” is not a challenge. 4. The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball. 5. I will not use Umbridge’s quill to write “I told you I was hardcore”. 6. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw a Dark Mark on their arm. 7. House elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers. 8. Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year’s Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is tasteless, tacky, and not a clever money-making concept. 9. I will not start every Potions class by asking Professor Snape if today’s project is suitable for use as a sexual lubricant. 10. Adding the name “Bueller” to Professor Binns’ roster is not funny. 11. “Springtime for Voldemort” is not an acceptable suggestion for the class play. 12. Seamus Finnegan is not “after me Lucky Charms”. 13. I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class. 14. I will not tell Ron and Hermione to “Get a room” whenever they start to fight. 15. I am not a tribble Animagus. 16. I am allowed to have a toad, rat, cat, or owl. I am not allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or piranha. 17. I do not weigh the same as a duck no matter what that Muggle movie says. 18. Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar. 19. I will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of -1 is. 20. There is no such thing as an Invisibility Thong. 21. Asking “How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?” and walking away is only funny the first time. 22. It is a bad idea to tell Professor Snape he takes himself too seriously. 23. It is a bad idea to tell Professor McGonagall she takes herself too seriously. 24. Sir Cadogan is not one of the knights who say “NI”. 25. I will stop asking when we will learn to make “Love Potion Number Nine”. 26. I will not greet Professor McGonagall with “What’s new, pussycat?” 27. There is not now, nor has there ever been, a fifth House at Hogwarts, and I am not a member of that house, nor am I it’s founder. 28. I am not allowed to order the kitchen house-elves to spit into all the food to “enhance the flavor”. 29. The proper way to report to my Teacher is “Yes, Sir” not “You can’t prove a thing!” 30. I am not allowed to add pictures of teachers I don’t like to Wanted Deatheater posters. 31. There is no house made of candy in the forbidden Forest and it’s wrong to say so to first years. 32. I shall not add “according to the prophecy” at the end of my sentences to raise my Divination grade. 33. I am not to ask Aragog how things with the wife are. Especially if his wife is Shelob. 34. “To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys” is not an appropriate career choice. Not even if I am a witch. 35. I will not call my wand “an elegant weapon from a more civilized age”. 36. It’s just cruel to tell Nearly Headless Nick that he’d forget his head if it wasn’t attached. 37. The four houses are not the Morons, the Barons, the Smartasses, and the Junior Death Eaters. 38. My headmasters name is Albus Dumbledore, not “Gandalf”. 39. I will not teach the house-elves to impersonate Jar Jar Binks. 40. Yelling “to infinity and beyond” was only funny the first time I took off on my broom. 41. I will refrain from calling Harry and Ron “Frodo and Sam” and the Weasley twins “Merry and Pippin”. 42. Telling Draco Malfoy to “Make like a ferret and bounce” is always a bad idea. 43. Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is coincidental. 44. No matter how creepy and abandoned some of the towers are, I will not find Johnny Depp with scissors for hands in any of them. 45. I will stop sneaking out at night to look for Ents in the Forbidden Forest. 46. I am not allowed to flood the Chamber of Secrets, install an organ, wear half a mask and sing Andrew Lloyd Webber. 47. I will not tickle a sleeping dragon “just to see what happens”. 48. When being questioned by a member of the staff, I am not to wave my hand and announce “These aren’t the droids you are looking for”. 49. I will not sweep the Gryffindor common room with Harry Potter’s Firebolt. 50. I will not start singing and dancing in the middle of a class and blame that someone put the Imperious Curse on me. 51. I will not refer to the Accio Charm as “The Force”. 52. I will stop telling tree-huggers to go visit the Whomping Willow. 53. Loudly repeating “Voldemort Voldemort Voldemort” is not a good way to get the classroom quiet. 54. I must not sing “I’m off to see the wizard” every time I am sent to the headmasters office. 55. I must not throw Hermione’s copy of Hogwarts: A History out the window and then claim that it wanted freedom. 56. I will not tell Professor Trelawny that my teacup says she’s lying. 57. I must not convince first years that the new password to Gryffindor tower is “Petrificus Totalus” and must be recited with their wands pointed at themselves. 58. I will not jump up, yelling “VOLDEMORT, RUN!” in the middle of a Order of the Phoenix or DA meeting. 59. I will not tell Snape he needs to go to his “Happy place”. 60. I am not allowed to make lightsaber sounds with my wand. 61. I must not claim my X-Files tapes are “Auror Training Videos”. 62. Bringing fortune cookies to Divination class does not count for extra credit. 63. I will not set Ravenclaw house on the task of calculating the exact value of pi. 64. However tempting it may be, I will not send Voldemort a Christmas card telling him how much we all love him, even through these difficult times. 65. I will not point out to the house-elves how much sushi could be made of the giant squid. 66. I will not dress like Neville’s grandmother when going to the Halloween Party in Snape’s class. 67. I will not give Voldemort a toupee to hide his baldness. 68. I will not steal veritaserum from Snape’s store and add some to the teachers’ morning tea. 69. When asked a question by a teacher I will not point out that the answer is protected by a fidelius charm and I am not the secret-keeper. 70. Do not jump out at Mad-Eye Moody for a joke. 71. The phrase “Good dragon, nice dragon, please don’t kill me,” doesn’t work. 72. I must not point to the Dark Mark in the sky and shout “To the Batmobile, Robin!” 73. Making a fake journal and leaving it in Ginny’s dormitory is not funny. 74. I must not point at Voldemort and say “I taught him everything he knows.” 75. I will not tell Umbridge “Voldemort says, ‘Hi,’” every time I see her. 76. I should not tell Cho Chang Cedric came to me in a dream and wanted me to tell her something, but I woke up before he did. 77. I must not intentionally mispronounce Cho’s name as “Ho”. 78. I should not tell Umbridge that I have a kitten named “Fluffy” she would like to meet. But I will anyway. 79. I will not pay Professor Flitwick to run around yelling “Help, they’re after me lucky charms!” 80. I must not convince Cedric to wear a red shirt on the last task of the Triwizard Tournament. 81. My name is not “Dark Lord Happy Pants” and I will not sign my papers as such. 82. I will not follow my Potions instructions backwards “just for the heck of it”. 83. I should never ask Harry if his “Scar Senses” are tingling. 84. I must not lock all of the Gryffindor and Slytherin in a room and see which house comes out alive. 85. I will not call the Dark Lord “Tommy-boy”. 86. As Stan Stunpike learned, impersonating a death eater doesn’t “get you chicks”. 87. I will not crush up booger flavored jelly beans and put them in Draco’s pumpkin juice…after this time. 88. I will NOT bleach Lucius Malfoy’s Deatheater robes. 89. I must not fill Umbridge’s room with flies and then tell the headmaster “She was looking a little deprived, flies are what toads eat right?” 90. I must not call Potions “Home-Economics” in front of Professor Snape. 91. Telling Lockheart that there’s something in between his teeth will NOT get you out of DADA. 92. Do not ask Snape how to make a love potion! 93. I will not enchant a scarecrow and suit of armor to skip through the halls singing, “We’re Off to See the Wizard”. 94. I will not hit on Hermione while Ron is in the same room. 95. Ron Weasley does NOT know Kim Possible. 96. I will not say, “What’s the sitch?” into the Order’s two-way mirrors. 97. I will not ask Snape who dumped him and made him so cranky. 98. A hug is not all Snape needs. 99. I will not splash water in Professor McGonagall’s face, expecting her to melt. 100. I am not allowed to set a troll loose because I think it needs some fresh air. 101. I can not call Professor Snape “the Sheriff of Noghtingham”. 102. I will not tell students that can’t see Thestrals that they are about to attack us. 103. Harry’s resemblance to Davy Croccet is purely coincidental. 104. Dropping a bucket of water on Snape’s head was only funny the first time…and the second…and third. But the forth time! No way. 105. I am not to sing “That’s So Raven” when passing Ravenclaws in the corridors. 106. I must not grind with my broomstick. (Tony Hawk style!) 107. I will not tell Hermione that the Hogwarts library has burned in a fire. 108. I must not tell Bellatrix that Voldemort got married. 109. I am not allowed to run my hands through Snape’s hair. 110. I must not tell Umbridge that some centaurs have invited her to a party. 111. I shall not tell Snape, “There is a thing called shampoo in the world.” 112. I must not yell “She-who-must-not-be-named is coming!” every time Umbidge walks down the hall. 113. I shall not say, “I heard that if you hug Voldemort he won’t kill you,” to the first years. 114. Professor McGonagall likes her milk in a glass, not a saucer. 115. Saying, “Here puss, puss, puss, puss, puss,” is not the best way to get McGonagalls attention during class. 116. Wolf whistling at Lupin when he walks by is not funny. 117. I must not bewitch the door to Professor Snape’s office so that it will only open if he says, “Business in front; party in the back!” 118. Convincing Peeves to go into suits of armor and say, “I am your father” isn’t funny. 119. Telling Slytherin first years that to enter their common room they must point their wands strait up and say, “Morsmordre” is just plain mean. 120. I will not bewitch Umbridge’s hand to take her special quill and write: “I am a pompous, ugly toad” 10,000 times. At least, that’s what I’ll tell her. In fact, make it 100,000! 121. When I see Professor Umbridge, I will not say, “There you are, Trevor. Neville has been looking all over for you.” 122. Dementors don’t like it when you walk up to them and ask if they are the Ghost of Christmas-Yet-To-Come. 123. When someone pulls Godric Gryffindor’s sword out of the Sorting Hat, I will not say, “You have acquired the Master Sword.” 124. Saying, “Accio brooms” while first years are having flying lessons isn’t nice. 125. I am not to ask, “Voldemort: boxers or briefs?” 126. I am not allowed to say, “Accio Hermione’s panties!” 127. Mad-Eye Moody’s moto is “constant vigilance” not “custard pudding”. 128. I must not moon Professor Lupin. Even if his nickname is “Moony”. 129. I will not stick Bill Weasley’s hair to the ceiling with a permanent-sticking charm. 130. The resurrection stone is not materia. 131. Voldemort’s nickname is NOT “Filthy Half-Blood”. 132. “Rub-on aphrodisiac” is not one of the twelve uses of dragon’s blood. 133. i will not buy professer snape head n shoulders shampoo for christmas. 134. i will not skip down the hallway singing, "we're off to see the wizard!" whenever i'm sent to the headmasters office. 135. i will not tell Cedric he dies only to turn into a sparkling, emo vampire in a few years 136. i will not ask Lucius Malfoy why him and his friends let everyone call them 'vultures' If you have wasted precious hours of your life reading this random crap that gets you a few giggles well... YOU'RE JUST LIKE ME! 'Never Argue With A Woman' One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent. Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am.What are you doing?' 'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?'). 'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her. 'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.' 'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.' 'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman. 'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden. "That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment." 'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left. MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. What A Boyfriend Should Do/Remember: When she walks away from you mad, follow her When she stare's at your mouth, Kiss her When she pushes you or hit's you, Grab her and don't let go When she start's cussing at you, Kiss her and tell her you love her When she's quiet, Ask her what's wrong When she ignores you, Give her your attention When she pull's away, Pull her back When you see her at her worst, Tell her she's beautiful When you see her start crying, Just hold her and don't say a word When you see her walking, Sneak up and hug her waist from behind When she's scared, Protect her When she lay's her head on your shoulder, Tilt her head up and kiss her When she steal's your favorite hat, Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night When she tease's you, Tease her back and make her laugh When she doesnt answer for a long time, reassure her that everything is okay When she look's at you with doubt, Back yourself up When she say's that she like's you, she really does more than you could understand When she grab's at your hands, Hold her's and play with her fingers When she bump's into you, bump into her back and make her laugh When she tell's you a secret, keep it safe and untold When she looks at you in your eyes, don't look away until she does When she misses you, she's hurting inside When you break her heart, the pain never really goes away When she says its over, she still wants you to be hers When she repost this bulletin, she wants you to read it Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything. When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go When she says she's ok don't believe it, talk with her- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her Call her before you sleep and after you wake up Treat her like she's all that matters to you. Tease her and let her tease you back Stay up all night with her when she's sick Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid Give her the world Let her wear your clothes When she's bored and sad, hang out with her Let her know she's important Kiss her in the pouring rain When she runs up to you crying, the first thing you say is; If you liked it copy and paste on your profile =D NORMAL PEOPLE: rely on their local weatherman for the weather forecast NORMAL PEOPLE: go to a psychiatrist to tell their feelings NORMAL PEOPLE: get nervous/scared during thunderstorms You know you're obsessed with Twilight if... You've read Twilight, New Moon,Eclipse and Breaking Dawn at least 5 times each! You check on this site 5 times (or more) a day to see if there's any new Twilight news. You think your best friend's crazy for not reading Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse and/or Breaking Dawn You break up with your boyfriend because he doesn't glitter in the sun like Edward.. When your best friend's mom drives fast and you scream, "OMG! You drive fast! You're a vampire and you didn't TELL me?" A Funny, Very True Story Edward Cullen Related I boy in my class saw my doodling I Love E.A.M.C and he said, "Oh, Lisa loves someone!" I just smiled and nodded as I proceeded to fill in the heart with red sharpie. He then began to pry. "Who is it?" "None of your business," I responded. "Is he in this class?" "Nope." I began to smile. I knew what was coming. "Is he popular?" "More than you'd think." "Does he go to our school?" "No, he doesn't live in Arizona." "Oh." he seemed to be thinking deeply. "Exactly." "Well, how come you won't share his name?" "Because I don't want to." "Is he our age," he pressed. "No, there is a significant age difference." I was becoming annoyed. "Where is he from?" "He lived in Chicago for a while, but he lives in Washington now." "Oh." He then guessed someone who used to go to our school and moving to Washington. Of course he was wrong. "Aren't you going to give up? You'll never guess. Right." "Well, I was going to say Edward Cullen, but I know vampires don't have middle names..." "Oh, they don't?" "No, why would a fictional character have two middle names?" "Well, for arguments sake, lets say they do. That would mean E.A. M.C stands for Edward Anthony Masen Cullen. He wouldn't be originally a Cullen, he took on that name when he became a vampire." He stared at me, his face unchanging. "Well, I guess that's out of the question." He turned back around and went back to his work. I just stifled a laugh and shook my head. 26 Things My Mother Taught Me: 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. 3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. 7. My mother taught me IRONY. 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION . 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. 19. My mother taught me ESP. 20. My mother taught me HUMOR. 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. 25. My mother taught me about the ENVIRONMENT. "Your a is the grass, and I'm the lawnmower." 26. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. At age 8, your dad buys you an ice cream. You thanked him by dripping When you were 9 years old, he paid for piano lessons. You thanked him When you were 10 years old he drove you all day, from soccer to When you were 11 years old, he took you and your friends to When you were 12 years old, he warned you not to watch When you were 13, he suggested a haircut that was in fashion. When you were 14, he paid for a month away at summer camp. When you were 15, he came home from work, looking for a hug. When you were 16, he taught you how to drive his car. You When you were 17, he was expecting an important call. You thanked him When you were 18, he cried at your high school graduation. You thanked When you were 19, he paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus When you were 25, he helped to pay for your wedding, and he told you When you were 50, he fell ill and needed you to take care of him . You And then, one day, he quietly died. And everything you never did came 30 Things I have learned from Twilight 1. You can enjoy the boquet while resisting the wine. Okay, so there were 3 girls. They were looking through peoples The girl slowly came upon this one It had creatures in the background and the man She started laughing with her friend commenting on how ugly he was. Right then, an instant message came up. It said: SatanStalker: So how do u like my XxLoVemExX: What?? XxLoVemExX: Who is this anyway?? SatanStalker: Well, you should know; XxLoVemExX: How do you know that im looking at ur pro?? SatanStalker:I know when people look at my MySpace. XxLoVemExX: What? That doesnt make SatanStalker: I just do. Satanstalker: Especially to pretty girls like you. Satanstalker: With very nice legs I might say. At the time the girl was wearing high She started to pull them down a little bit to cover what XxLoVemExX: Ok whatever man youre starting to scare the living sht out of me. SatanStalker: You should be afraid. SatanStalker: You wouldnt want an ugly guy like me touching your legs huh? I mean thats what you They were in shock. Her friend: Holy crap man just block him The girl: Ok holy crap, you think hes SatanStalker: I am. SatanStalker: Well it wouldnt really XxLoVemExX: What? My house? SatanStalker: Yeah, youre alone so its XxLoVemExX: Ok I think Im going to leave now because youre freaking me out. SatanStalker: Your screen name says SatanStalker has just signed off. The girl and her friend were really Friend: Whatever lets just go upstairs trust me I doubt hes really coming. Its just a joke from someone. They went upstairs and were having a pillow fight. All of a sudden the girls friend said she had to go to the bathroom. The girl said ok. Ten minutes later the girl noticed that her friend was She goes and knocks but no one said She opens it and finds her friend there on Her neck sliced with blood all over the ground. with her head nailed to the wall. Just her head. If you do not repost this in the next two One in your room, and one killing your parents at that Tonight at 1:30am. Well what are you waiting for? Repost or you are going to die. Creepy, huh? Copy and Paste!!! If Robert Pattison said "jump off a bridge" 99 percent of all females would do it. If your part of the 1 still alive and would push HIM off the bridge so he can see what he's done, copy this onto your profile! I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird, and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cellphone or regular phone. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. But I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn't care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who can express herself beter with words than with words, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and Paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest times that they are unique, but not alone. PrettyFanGirl, Truth Be Told 13, creative-writing-girl13, Jasper 1006, DubbleV,Derangedpixie, Back Away Slowly Then Run, WhiteWolfLegend, Gothicwolfgirl, Mistriss of Darkness Packaging these days: On a bar of Dial soap: On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (Printed on bottom of the box) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: On packaging for a Rowenta iron: On Nytol sleep aid: On a string of Christmas lights: On a food processor: On Hair coloring: On Sainsbury's peanuts: 16 ways to maintain a Healthy level of insanity. 1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars, see if they slow down. 2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice. 3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. 4. Put a garbage can on your desk and label it “IN” 5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone is over their Caffeine addictions, switch to expresso. 6. Finish all your sentences with “In Accordance to the Prophecy”. 7.Don’t use any punctuation. 8. As often as possible, skip rather than walk. 9. Specify that your drive thru order is “To Go” 10. Sing Along at the Opera 11. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme. 12. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day. 13. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream “I WON I WON!!” 14. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling “Run for your lives, they’re loose!!” 15. Tell your children over diner, “Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.” 16. Send this to your friends to make them smile, It’s called therapy. If you are in lala land most of the time copy this onto your profile. If you ever fell off a chair backwards copy this into your profile. If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile If you've ever threatened your computer, copy and paste this into your profile If you've ever done homework, were reading a story on FanFiction, were talking to a friend, and were watching TV at the same time, copy and paste this into your profile (doing it at the moment! ) Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity 1.At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. 2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice. 3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that. 4.Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In." 5.Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso . 6.In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Smuggling Diamonds" 7.Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy." 8Don't use any punctuation 9.As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk. (if u dont ur ded) 10.Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 11.Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go." 12. Sing Along At The Opera. 13.Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme? 14.Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day. 15.Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood. 16.Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom. 17.When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!" 18.When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives,They're Loose!!" 19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner."Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go." 20.And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity...Copy and Paste this into your profile!! 24.Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button. 25.Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on". 26.Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is MY personal space!" Things that Professor Snape is no longer allowed to do at Hogwarts: 1. Not allowed to sing “Black Powder and Alcohol” to the students. Especially not allowed to substitute ingredients that will result in napalm and methamphetamine instead. 2. Crucifying toads. Bad idea. 3. Not allowed to collect blood and/or hair samples from students or staff for potion-making. This includes Mrs. Norris. 4. Not allowed to train Hagrid’s pets into attacking Gryffindors. 5. May not call any members of the Ministry of Magic untrustworthy, corrupt slime. Not even Fudge. Ok, especially not Fudge. 6. Even if I still have the receipt for the last bribe I gave him from Lucius. 7. Must never tease Trelawney about what she puts in her incense. 8. May not sell any Weasley into slavery. 9. Gozer does not live in my supply cabinet. You’d be surprised what does, though. 10. The Forbidden Forest is not full of yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell first-years that it is. 11. I cannot trade McGonagall to the Death-Eaters for McNair, Avery, and a DE to be named later. 12. “Poppy” is Madam Pomfrey’s nickname, and not what she dispenses. 13. May not conduct psychological experiments on staff members or students. 14. I should not confess to crimes that took place before I was born. 15. While under Veritaserum. 16. 'To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys" is a bad long-term goal to give Lord Voldemort. Or Dumbledore, for that matter. 17. Rodents are not entitled to burial with full military honors, even if they are "casualties of war". Not even Pettigrew. 18. Not allowed to add 'In accordance with the prophesy' to the end of answers I give to a question Dumbledore asks me. Only Trelawney gets to do that. 19. Not allowed to purchase anyone's soul on school time. 20. Must wash my hair even if it tampers with my 'Sampson like powers'. 21. Must not taunt the Hufflepuffs. 22. Not allowed to appeal to mankind's baser instincts in Death-Eater recruiting posters. God only knows why. 23. Not allowed to put up Death-Eater recruiting posters on school property, not even in the Slytherin Common Room. 24. May not make posters depicting the leadership failings of my chain(s) of command. Neither Dumbledore nor Voldemort have any sense of humor that way. 25. It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, no longer applies to Professor Snape. 26. There are no evil clowns living under my bed. 27. Except Peeves. 28. Nerve gas is not funny, not even at a Dark Revel. 29. Must not tell any Death-Eater that I am smarter than they are, especially if it's true. 30. Visiting Irish wizards are not after 'Me frosted lucky charms'. Now Flitwick, on the other hand, has a right to be worried. 31. Potions Class should not end in tragedy. 32. I may not produce or perform in “Hogwarts: The Full Monty”. Nor may I encourage any student or staff to do so. 33. Not even Madam Hooch. 34. May not use Harry Potter as a body shield if Voldemort invades the school. 35. May no longer decorate the Great Hall for any function. 36. May not give Professor Sprout any plant named “Audrey”. 37. May not feed Longbottom to “Audrey”. 38. May not bring Moaning Myrtle as my date to the Yule Ball. 39. May not put banned substances on the Gryffindor Quidditch brooms just before a match (see attached list). 40. May not encourage Fred or George Weasley to boobytrap the Sorting Hat. 41. May not bring Longbottom to any Death-Eater function in the hopes he will ‘fix’ Voldemort’s latest potion. 42. Even if the resulting explosion will leave a smoking crater a quarter-mile in diameter, thus resolving at least two of my major problems. 43. May not send a charmed rubber rat across the floor of the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom in hopes that Lupin will chase it. 44. Or send Sirius Black a flea collar in Extra Large. Though he could use it. “Dances with wolves, sleeps with fleas”. 45. When asked to give a few words at a ceremony or staff meeting, ‘Romper Bomper Stomper Boo' is probably not appropriate. Besides, that’s Dumbledore’s job. "It is not in good remembrance of a friend for a friend to remember the way they died but it is nothing but heaven to remember how they lived and loved." Quotes Edward Cullen: I should go back there and rip those guys' heads off. Isabella Swan: Did you follow me? Top Ten Signs Your Kid is a Wizard 10. When he enters a room there is a burst of purple smoke Top Ten Signs the Actor Playing Harry Potter is Too Old
Top Ten Names for Ron, Harry, Ginny, Luna, Neville and Hermione 10. Black's Avengers Narcissa Malfoy's Top Ten Disgustingly Cute Names for Draco 10. Ickle-Drakey-Wakey 1. "What did I ever do to y...oh, never mind." 2. "Oh, ha ha, you got me!! Am I on Punk'd? Where's the camera guy, huh? Where!?" 3. "Wow, you're even dumber than you look, and that's saying something. What kind of idiot tells their victim what they're about to do?! I'm ready for you now!!" Prepare yourself by getting into various Matrix positions, beckon him with one finger 4. "And she's all 'F.Y.I., he's so into me and not you.' and I'm all 'Yeah, right, whatever.' Oh, I'm sorry! Did you say something?" 5. "Why do you have to be so mean?!" produce fake tears and throw a tantrum 6. "Uh, I'm not here right now. Please leave a message after the beep. BEEEP!!" take off running 7. cackle with laughter "You sound like a girl! Hey honey, come listen to this guy talk!" 8. "My dear snake-man, I must say your manners are quite poor. I have just the thing!" put on record and sing along 'Please - say - please - and - thank you for saying thank you!' 9. "Are you a joke? Clearly you're a joke!" 10. "I'm sensing some self-confidence problems. I hear they have an excellent psychiatric ward at St. Mungo's...and while you're there, maybe you could have them do something about your nose." 11. "Oh yeah, and you've told Harry that how many times now? I'm soooooo scared!" You Say Pink I Say Black Edward Cullen Sexier than you since 1901 Jasper Hale Smoother than you since 1843 Bella Swan Lucker than you will ever be. Rosalie Hale Prettier than you since 1915 Alice Cullen Quirkier than you since 1901 Emmett Cullen Stronger than you since 1915 1. Write the name of a person of the opposite sex. 2. Which is your favorite color out of red, black, blue, and green, yellow? 3. Your first initial? 4. Your month of birth? 5. Which color do you like more, black or white? 6. Name of a person of the same sex as yours. 7. Your favorite number? 8. Do you like California or Florida more? 9. Do you like the lake or the ocean more? 10. Write down a wish (a realistic one). Are you done? If so, scroll down (Don’t cheat--) THE ANSWERS 1. You are completely in love with this person. 2. If you choose: Red: You are alert and your life is full of love. Black: You are conservative and aggressive. Green: Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back. Blue: You are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the ones you love. Yellow: You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are down. 3. If you’re initial is: A-K: You have a lot of love and friendships in your life. L-R: You try to enjoy life to the maximum and your love life is soon to blossom. S-Z: You like to help others and your future love life looks very good. 4. If you were born in: Jan.-Mar.: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you fall in love with someone totally unexpected. Apr.-June: You will have a strong love relationship that will not last long but the memories will last forever. July-Sept.: You will have a great year and will experience a major life changing experience for the good. Oct.-Dec.: Your love life will not be too great, but eventually you will find your soul mate. 5. If you choose... Black: Your life will take on a different direction; it will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change. White: You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do anything for you, but you may not realize it. 6. This person is your best friend. 7. This is how many close friends you have in a lifetime. 8. If you choose... 9. If you choose... 10. This wish will come true only if you RE-POST THIS BULLETIN in one hour and it will come true before your next birthday! The Difference Between Friends and BEST Friends FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince. FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda. FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month. FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink. FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa. FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry. FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number. FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back. FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you. FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door. FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone. FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies) FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough. Good Friend VS Best Friend A good friend helps you up when you fall down. A best friend laughs and trips you again. Or sits on you back and forces you to stay down... A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?" A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will prank call him and whisper, "You will die in seven days..." A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much?" A good friend picks up your papers in the hallways at school when you drop them. A best friend stands there and laughs while you scramble to pick them up. A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run bitch, run!" A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies. A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be sitting next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!" A good friend will help me find my way when I'm lost. A best friend will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions. A good friend will help me learn to drive. A best friend will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance. A good friend will watch my pets when I go away. A best friend won't let me go away without them. A good friend will go to a concert with me. A best friend will kidnap the band with me. A good friend hides me from the cops. A best friend is probably the reason they are after me in the first place. A good friend lets me make an idiot of myself in public. A best friend is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too. This or That? Twilight or New Moon? New Moon New Moon or Eclipse? New Moon Eclipse or Twilight Eclipse Are you more excited about Twilight Graphic Novel or Midnight Sun? Twilight Graphic Novel since MS isn't happening for awhile. Midnight Sun or the New Moon Movie? New Moon Movie. The New Moon Movie or Twilight Graphic Novel? New Moon Movie. Who do you want to see Bella with most: Edward or Jacob? Edward Who do you like more: Bella or Edward? Edward Bella or Jacob? Jacob Bella or Alice? Alice Alice or Jacob? Alice Rosalie or Alice? Alice Jasper or Alice? both Jasper or Edward? Jasper Carlisle or Esme? Carlisle Emmett or Jasper? Emmett Emmett or Jacob? both Bella or Rosalie? Rosalie Esme or Charlie? Esme Charlie or Carlisle? Carlisle Charlie or Billy? Billy Jacob or Sam? Jacob Sam or Quil? Quil Quil or Embry? Embry Who's the better villain: James or Victoria? Victoria. Werewolves or Vampires? I run with both. Bella or Alice Alice Emmett or Jasper Emmett Edward or Jacob Jacob Twilight or Breaking Dawn Breaking Dawn Esme or Emily Esme Rosalie or Tanya Rosalie Mike or Edward Edward Tyler or Eric Tyler Eric or Mike Mike Team Jacob or Team Edward Team Edward Porsche or Volvo Volvo '55 Chevy or Volvo Volvo Werewolves or Vampires both Movie or Book Book Bella and Edward or Bella and Jacob Bella and Edward Bella's Lullaby or Esme's Favorite Esme's Favorite Twilight Oath Ten things to see before you die: 1. A vegetarian be eaten by an animal. 2. An emo kid talk about happy bunnies.( I have seen this well he may not be emo but he looks like it!) 3. Homer say something intelligent. 4. Taxes disappear. 5. Voldemort destroy one of his Horcruxes. 6. Michael Jackson be stalked by children. RIP Michael Jackson 7. Children take over class and teach teacher in child subjects, such as: armpit farts, skate-boarding, real music, ect. 8. Wrestling people forget their moves. 9. The coyote catch the road runner. This has happened! 10. The reaction of the teen population if Abercombie was closed and it was illegal to wear their clothing. (Whats acermobie??) Lessons Learned in Twilight: 1. You can enjoy the banquet while resisting the wine. Find a guy whos calls you beautiful instead of hot, Who calls you back when you hang up on him, Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead, Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats, Who holds your hand in public and in front of his friends and family. Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he loves you and how lucky he is to have you. If you think that describes Edward Cullen, copy it into your profile! What a Boyfriend SHOULD do: When she walks away from you mad When she stares at your mouth When she pushes you or hits you When she starts cussing at you When she's quiet When she ignores you When she pulls away When you see her at her worst When you see her start crying When you see her walking When she's scared When she lays her head on your shoulder When she steals your favorite hat When she teases you When she doesn't answer for a long time When she looks at you with doubt When she says that she likes you When she grabs at your hands When she bumps into you When she tells you a secret When she looks at you in your eyes When she misses you When you break her heart When she says its over When she repost this bulletin Stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything.- When she says she's ok don't believe it, talk with her- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her- Treat her like she's all that matters to you.- Tease her and let her tease you back.- Stay up all night with her when she's sick.- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.- Give her the world.- Let her wear your clothes.- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.- Let her know she's important.- Kiss her in the pouring rain.- When she runs up to you crying, the first thing you say is; If you do post this in the next four minutes the one you love will : Guys post as: "I'd be this boyfriend." Girl: What's wrong? Boy: I like her so much... Girl: Talk to her!! Boy: I don't know. she won't ever like me. Girl: Don't say that. You're amazing. Boy: I just want her to know how I feel. Girl: Then tell her Boy: She won't like me... Girl: How do you know that? Boy: I cant just tell. Girl: Well just tell her. Boy: What should I say? Girl: Tell her how much you like her! Boy: I tell her that daily. Girl: What do you mean? Boy: I'm alway's with her. I love her. Girl: I know how you feel. I have the same problem. But he'll never lie me... Boy: Wait. who do you like? Girl: Oh some boy. Boy: Oh. she won't like me either. Girl: She does. Boy: how do you know? Girl: Because who wouldn't like you? Boy: you. Girl: You're right. I don't like you, I love you. Boy: I love you too. Girl: so are you gonna talk to her? Boy: I just did. Things not to do at hogwarts! (well...not unless you have Harry's invisability cloak and the Marauders' Map or you are Fred and/or George) 1. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class. 2. Growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is not an extra credit project for Herbology. 3. “I’ve heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood’s name” is not a challenge. 4. The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball. 5. I will not use Umbridge’s quill to write “I told you I was hardcore”. 6. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw a Dark Mark on their arm. 7. House elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers. 8. Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year’s Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is tasteless, tacky, and not a clever money-making concept. 9. I will not start every Potions class by asking Professor Snape if today’s project is suitable for use as a sexual lubricant. 10. Adding the name “Bueller” to Professor Binns’ roster is not funny. 11. “Springtime for Voldemort” is not an acceptable suggestion for the class play. 12. Seamus Finnegan is not “after me Lucky Charms”. 13. I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class. 14. I will not tell Ron and Hermione to “Get a room” whenever they start to fight. 15. I am not a tribble Animagus. 16. I am allowed to have a toad, rat, cat, or owl. I am not allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or piranha. 17. I do not weigh the same as a duck no matter what that Muggle movie says. 18. Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar. 19. I will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of -1 is. 20. There is no such thing as an Invisibility Thong. 21. Asking “How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?” and walking away is only funny the first time. 22. It is a bad idea to tell Professor Snape he takes himself too seriously. 23. It is a bad idea to tell Professor McGonagall she takes herself too seriously. 24. Sir Cadogan is not one of the knights who say “NI”. 25. I will stop asking when we will learn to make “Love Potion Number Nine”. 26. I will not greet Professor McGonagall with “What’s new, pussycat?” 27. There is not now, nor has there ever been, a fifth House at Hogwarts, and I am not a member of that house, nor am I it’s founder. 28. I am not allowed to order the kitchen house-elves to spit into all the food to “enhance the flavor”. 29. The proper way to report to my Teacher is “Yes, Sir” not “You can’t prove a thing!” 30. I am not allowed to add pictures of teachers I don’t like to Wanted Deatheater posters. 31. There is no house made of candy in the forbidden Forest and it’s wrong to say so to first years. 32. I shall not add “according to the prophecy” at the end of my sentences to raise my Divination grade. 33. I am not to ask Aragog how things with the wife are. Especially if his wife is Shelob. 34. “To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys” is not an appropriate career choice. Not even if I am a witch. 35. I will not call my wand “an elegant weapon from a more civilized age”. 36. It’s just cruel to tell Nearly Headless Nick that he’d forget his head if it wasn’t attached. 37. The four houses are not the Morons, the Barons, the Smartasses, and the Junior Death Eaters. 38. My headmasters name is Albus Dumbledore, not “Gandalf”. 39. I will not teach the house-elves to impersonate Jar Jar Binks. 40. Yelling “to infinity and beyond” was only funny the first time I took off on my broom. 41. I will refrain from calling Harry and Ron “Frodo and Sam” and the Weasley twins “Merry and Pippin”. 42. Telling Draco Malfoy to “Make like a ferret and bounce” is always a bad idea. 43. Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is coincidental. 44. No matter how creepy and abandoned some of the towers are, I will not find Johnny Depp with scissors for hands in any of them. 45. I will stop sneaking out at night to look for Ents in the Forbidden Forest. 46. I am not allowed to flood the Chamber of Secrets, install an organ, wear half a mask and sing Andrew Lloyd Webber. 47. I will not tickle a sleeping dragon “just to see what happens”. 48. When being questioned by a member of the staff, I am not to wave my hand and announce “These aren’t the droids you are looking for”. 49. I will not sweep the Gryffindor common room with Harry Potter’s Firebolt. 50. I will not start singing and dancing in the middle of a class and blame that someone put the Imperious Curse on me. 51. I will not refer to the Accio Charm as “The Force”. 52. I will stop telling tree-huggers to go visit the Whomping Willow. 53. Loudly repeating “Voldemort Voldemort Voldemort” is not a good way to get the classroom quiet. 54. I must not sing “I’m off to see the wizard” every time I am sent to the headmasters office. 55. I must not throw Hermione’s copy of Hogwarts: A History out the window and then claim that it wanted freedom. 56. I will not tell Professor Trelawny that my teacup says she’s lying. 57. I must not convince first years that the new password to Gryffindor tower is “Petrificus Totalus” and must be recited with their wands pointed at themselves. 58. I will not jump up, yelling “VOLDEMORT, RUN!” in the middle of a Order of the Phoenix or DA meeting. 59. I will not tell Snape he needs to go to his “Happy place”. 60. I am not allowed to make lightsaber sounds with my wand. 61. I must not claim my X-Files tapes are “Auror Training Videos”. 62. Bringing fortune cookies to Divination class does not count for extra credit. 63. I will not set Ravenclaw house on the task of calculating the exact value of pi. 64. However tempting it may be, I will not send Voldemort a Christmas card telling him how much we all love him, even through these difficult times. 65. I will not point out to the house-elves how much sushi could be made of the giant squid. 66. I will not dress like Neville’s grandmother when going to the Halloween Party in Snape’s class. 67. I will not give Voldemort a toupee to hide his baldness. 68. I will not steal veritaserum from Snape’s store and add some to the teachers’ morning tea. 69. When asked a question by a teacher I will not point out that the answer is protected by a fidelius charm and I am not the secret-keeper. 70. Do not jump out at Mad-Eye Moody for a joke. 71. The phrase “Good dragon, nice dragon, please don’t kill me,” doesn’t work. 72. I must not point to the Dark Mark in the sky and shout “To the Batmobile, Robin!” 73. Making a fake journal and leaving it in Ginny’s dormitory is not funny. 74. I must not point at Voldemort and say “I taught him everything he knows.” 75. I will not tell Umbridge “Voldemort says, ‘Hi,’” every time I see her. 76. I should not tell Cho Chang Cedric came to me in a dream and wanted me to tell her something, but I woke up before he did. 77. I must not intentionally mispronounce Cho’s name as “Ho”. 78. I should not tell Umbridge that I have a kitten named “Fluffy” she would like to meet. But I will anyway. 79. I will not pay Professor Flitwick to run around yelling “Help, they’re after me lucky charms!” 80. I must not convince Cedric to wear a red shirt on the last task of the Triwizard Tournament. 81. My name is not “Dark Lord Happy Pants” and I will not sign my papers as such. 82. I will not follow my Potions instructions backwards “just for the heck of it”. 83. I should never ask Harry if his “Scar Senses” are tingling. 84. I must not lock all of the Gryffindor and Slytherin in a room and see which house comes out alive. 85. I will not call the Dark Lord “Tommy-boy”. 86. As Stan Stunpike learned, impersonating a death eater doesn’t “get you chicks”. 87. I will not crush up booger flavored jelly beans and put them in Draco’s pumpkin juice…after this time. 88. I will NOT bleach Lucius Malfoy’s Deatheater robes. 89. I must not fill Umbridge’s room with flies and then tell the headmaster “She was looking a little deprived, flies are what toads eat right?” 90. I must not call Potions “Home-Economics” in front of Professor Snape. 91. Telling Lockheart that there’s something in between his teeth will NOT get you out of DADA. 92. Do not ask Snape how to make a love potion! 93. I will not enchant a scarecrow and suit of armor to skip through the halls singing, “We’re Off to See the Wizard”. 94. I will not hit on Hermione while Ron is in the same room. 95. Ron Weasley does NOT know Kim Possible. 96. I will not say, “What’s the sitch?” into the Order’s two-way mirrors. 97. I will not ask Snape who dumped him and made him so cranky. 98. A hug is not all Snape needs. 99. I will not splash water in Professor McGonagall’s face, expecting her to melt. 100. I am not allowed to set a troll loose because I think it needs some fresh air. 101. I can not call Professor Snape “the Sheriff of Noghtingham”. 102. I will not tell students that can’t see Thestrals that they are about to attack us. 103. Harry’s resemblance to Davy Croccet is purely coincidental. 104. Dropping a bucket of water on Snape’s head was only funny the first time…and the second…and third. But the forth time! No way. 105. I am not to sing “That’s So Raven” when passing Ravenclaws in the corridors. 106. I must not grind with my broomstick. (Tony Hawk style!) 107. I will not tell Hermione that the Hogwarts library has burned in a fire. 108. I must not tell Bellatrix that Voldemort got married. 109. I am not allowed to run my hands through Snape’s hair. 110. I must not tell Umbridge that some centaurs have invited her to a party. 111. I shall not tell Snape, “There is a thing called shampoo in the world.” 112. I must not yell “She-who-must-not-be-named is coming!” every time Umbidge walks down the hall. 113. I shall not say, “I heard that if you hug Voldemort he won’t kill you,” to the first years. 114. Professor McGonagall likes her milk in a glass, not a saucer. 115. Saying, “Here puss, puss, puss, puss, puss,” is not the best way to get McGonagalls attention during class. 116. Wolf whistling at Lupin when he walks by is not funny. 117. I must not bewitch the door to Professor Snape’s office so that it will only open if he says, “Business in front; party in the back!” 118. Convincing Peeves to go into suits of armor and say, “I am your father” isn’t funny. 119. Telling Slytherin first years that to enter their common room they must point their wands strait up and say, “Morsmordre” is just plain mean. 120. I will not bewitch Umbridge’s hand to take her special quill and write: “I am a pompous, ugly toad” 10,000 times. At least, that’s what I’ll tell her. In fact, make it 100,000! 121. When I see Professor Umbridge, I will not say, “There you are, Trevor. Neville has been looking all over for you.” 122. Dementors don’t like it when you walk up to them and ask if they are the Ghost of Christmas-Yet-To-Come. 123. When someone pulls Godric Gryffindor’s sword out of the Sorting Hat, I will not say, “You have acquired the Master Sword.” 124. Saying, “Accio brooms” while first years are having flying lessons isn’t nice. 125. I am not to ask, “Voldemort: boxers or briefs?” 126. I am not allowed to say, “Accio Hermione’s panties!” 127. Mad-Eye Moody’s moto is “constant vigilance” not “custard pudding”. 128. I must not moon Professor Lupin. Even if his nickname is “Moony”. 129. I will not stick Bill Weasley’s hair to the ceiling with a permanent-sticking charm. 130. The resurrection stone is not materia. 131. Voldemort’s nickname is NOT “Filthy Half-Blood”. 132. “Rub-on aphrodisiac” is not one of the twelve uses of dragon’s blood. 133. i will not buy professer snape head n shoulders shampoo for christmas. 134. i will not skip down the hallway singing, "we're off to see the wizard!" whenever i'm sent to the headmasters office. 135. i will not tell Cedric he dies only to turn into a sparkling, emo vampire in a few years 136. i will not ask Lucius Malfoy why him and his friends let everyone call them 'vultures' If you have wasted precious hours of your life reading this random crap that gets you a few giggles well... YOU'RE JUST LIKE ME! 'Never Argue With A Woman' One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent. Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am.What are you doing?' 'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?'). 'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her. 'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.' 'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.' 'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman. 'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden. "That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment." 'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left. MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. What A Boyfriend Should Do/Remember: When she walks away from you mad, follow her When she stare's at your mouth, Kiss her When she pushes you or hit's you, Grab her and don't let go When she start's cussing at you, Kiss her and tell her you love her When she's quiet, Ask her what's wrong When she ignores you, Give her your attention When she pull's away, Pull her back When you see her at her worst, Tell her she's beautiful When you see her start crying, Just hold her and don't say a word When you see her walking, Sneak up and hug her waist from behind When she's scared, Protect her When she lay's her head on your shoulder, Tilt her head up and kiss her When she steal's your favorite hat, Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night When she tease's you, Tease her back and make her laugh When she doesnt answer for a long time, reassure her that everything is okay When she look's at you with doubt, Back yourself up When she say's that she like's you, she really does more than you could understand When she grab's at your hands, Hold her's and play with her fingers When she bump's into you, bump into her back and make her laugh When she tell's you a secret, keep it safe and untold When she looks at you in your eyes, don't look away until she does When she misses you, she's hurting inside When you break her heart, the pain never really goes away When she says its over, she still wants you to be hers When she repost this bulletin, she wants you to read it Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything. When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go When she says she's ok don't believe it, talk with her- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her Call her before you sleep and after you wake up Treat her like she's all that matters to you. Tease her and let her tease you back Stay up all night with her when she's sick Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid Give her the world Let her wear your clothes When she's bored and sad, hang out with her Let her know she's important Kiss her in the pouring rain When she runs up to you crying, the first thing you say is; If you liked it copy and paste on your profile =D NORMAL PEOPLE: rely on their local weatherman for the weather forecast NORMAL PEOPLE: go to a psychiatrist to tell their feelings NORMAL PEOPLE: get nervous/scared during thunderstorms You know you're obsessed with Twilight if... You've read Twilight, New Moon,Eclipse and Breaking Dawn at least 5 times each! You check on this site 5 times (or more) a day to see if there's any new Twilight news. You think your best friend's crazy for not reading Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse and/or Breaking Dawn You break up with your boyfriend because he doesn't glitter in the sun like Edward.. When your best friend's mom drives fast and you scream, "OMG! You drive fast! You're a vampire and you didn't TELL me?" A Funny, Very True Story Edward Cullen Related I boy in my class saw my doodling I Love E.A.M.C and he said, "Oh, Lisa loves someone!" I just smiled and nodded as I proceeded to fill in the heart with red sharpie. He then began to pry. "Who is it?" "None of your business," I responded. "Is he in this class?" "Nope." I began to smile. I knew what was coming. "Is he popular?" "More than you'd think." "Does he go to our school?" "No, he doesn't live in Arizona." "Oh." he seemed to be thinking deeply. "Exactly." "Well, how come you won't share his name?" "Because I don't want to." "Is he our age," he pressed. "No, there is a significant age difference." I was becoming annoyed. "Where is he from?" "He lived in Chicago for a while, but he lives in Washington now." "Oh." He then guessed someone who used to go to our school and moving to Washington. Of course he was wrong. "Aren't you going to give up? You'll never guess. Right." "Well, I was going to say Edward Cullen, but I know vampires don't have middle names..." "Oh, they don't?" "No, why would a fictional character have two middle names?" "Well, for arguments sake, lets say they do. That would mean E.A. M.C stands for Edward Anthony Masen Cullen. He wouldn't be originally a Cullen, he took on that name when he became a vampire." He stared at me, his face unchanging. "Well, I guess that's out of the question." He turned back around and went back to his work. I just stifled a laugh and shook my head. 26 Things My Mother Taught Me: 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. 3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. 7. My mother taught me IRONY. 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION . 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. 19. My mother taught me ESP. 20. My mother taught me HUMOR. 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. 25. My mother taught me about the ENVIRONMENT. "Your a is the grass, and I'm the lawnmower." 26. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. At age 8, your dad buys you an ice cream. You thanked him by dripping When you were 9 years old, he paid for piano lessons. You thanked him When you were 10 years old he drove you all day, from soccer to When you were 11 years old, he took you and your friends to When you were 12 years old, he warned you not to watch When you were 13, he suggested a haircut that was in fashion. When you were 14, he paid for a month away at summer camp. When you were 15, he came home from work, looking for a hug. When you were 16, he taught you how to drive his car. You When you were 17, he was expecting an important call. You thanked him When you were 18, he cried at your high school graduation. You thanked When you were 19, he paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus When you were 25, he helped to pay for your wedding, and he told you When you were 50, he fell ill and needed you to take care of him . You And then, one day, he quietly died. And everything you never did came 30 Things I have learned from Twilight 1. You can enjoy the boquet while resisting the wine. Okay, so there were 3 girls. They were looking through peoples The girl slowly came upon this one It had creatures in the background and the man She started laughing with her friend commenting on how ugly he was. Right then, an instant message came up. It said: SatanStalker: So how do u like my XxLoVemExX: What?? XxLoVemExX: Who is this anyway?? SatanStalker: Well, you should know; XxLoVemExX: How do you know that im looking at ur pro?? SatanStalker:I know when people look at my MySpace. XxLoVemExX: What? That doesnt make SatanStalker: I just do. Satanstalker: Especially to pretty girls like you. Satanstalker: With very nice legs I might say. At the time the girl was wearing high She started to pull them down a little bit to cover what XxLoVemExX: Ok whatever man youre starting to scare the living sht out of me. SatanStalker: You should be afraid. SatanStalker: You wouldnt want an ugly guy like me touching your legs huh? I mean thats what you They were in shock. Her friend: Holy crap man just block him The girl: Ok holy crap, you think hes SatanStalker: I am. SatanStalker: Well it wouldnt really XxLoVemExX: What? My house? SatanStalker: Yeah, youre alone so its XxLoVemExX: Ok I think Im going to leave now because youre freaking me out. SatanStalker: Your screen name says SatanStalker has just signed off. The girl and her friend were really Friend: Whatever lets just go upstairs trust me I doubt hes really coming. Its just a joke from someone. They went upstairs and were having a pillow fight. All of a sudden the girls friend said she had to go to the bathroom. The girl said ok. Ten minutes later the girl noticed that her friend was She goes and knocks but no one said She opens it and finds her friend there on Her neck sliced with blood all over the ground. with her head nailed to the wall. Just her head. If you do not repost this in the next two One in your room, and one killing your parents at that Tonight at 1:30am. Well what are you waiting for? Repost or you are going to die. Creepy, huh? Copy and Paste!!! If Robert Pattison said "jump off a bridge" 99 percent of all females would do it. If your part of the 1 still alive and would push HIM off the bridge so he can see what he's done, copy this onto your profile! I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird, and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cellphone or regular phone. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. But I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn't care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who can express herself beter with words than with words, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and Paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest times that they are unique, but not alone. PrettyFanGirl, Truth Be Told 13, creative-writing-girl13, Jasper 1006, DubbleV,Derangedpixie, Back Away Slowly Then Run, WhiteWolfLegend, Gothicwolfgirl, Mistriss of Darkness Packaging these days: On a bar of Dial soap: On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (Printed on bottom of the box) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: On packaging for a Rowenta iron: On Nytol sleep aid: On a string of Christmas lights: On a food processor: On Hair coloring: On Sainsbury's peanuts: 16 ways to maintain a Healthy level of insanity. 1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars, see if they slow down. 2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice. 3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. 4. Put a garbage can on your desk and label it “IN” 5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone is over their Caffeine addictions, switch to expresso. 6. Finish all your sentences with “In Accordance to the Prophecy”. 7.Don’t use any punctuation. 8. As often as possible, skip rather than walk. 9. Specify that your drive thru order is “To Go” 10. Sing Along at the Opera 11. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme. 12. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day. 13. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream “I WON I WON!!” 14. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling “Run for your lives, they’re loose!!” 15. Tell your children over diner, “Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.” 16. Send this to your friends to make them smile, It’s called therapy. If you are in lala land most of the time copy this onto your profile. If you ever fell off a chair backwards copy this into your profile. If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile If you've ever threatened your computer, copy and paste this into your profile If you've ever done homework, were reading a story on FanFiction, were talking to a friend, and were watching TV at the same time, copy and paste this into your profile (doing it at the moment! ) Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity 1.At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. 2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice. 3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that. 4.Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In." 5.Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso . 6.In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Smuggling Diamonds" 7.Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy." 8Don't use any punctuation 9.As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk. (if u dont ur ded) 10.Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 11.Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go." 12. Sing Along At The Opera. 13.Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme? 14.Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day. 15.Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood. 16.Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom. 17.When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!" 18.When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives,They're Loose!!" 19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner."Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go." 20.And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity...Copy and Paste this into your profile!! |
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