HI EVERYONE I'M SAM

-- Twilight Oath --
I promise to remember Bella,
Each time I carelessly fall down.
I promise to remember Edward,
Whenever I'm out of town.
I promise to follow traffic laws,
For Charlie's sake of couse.
I promise to remember Jacob,
When my heart fills with remorse.
I promise to remember Carlisle,
Whenever I am in the Emergency Room.
I promise to remember Emmett,
Everytime there's a big boom.
I promise to remember Rose,
Whenever I see something that holds pure beauty.
I promise to remember Alice,
When I'm at a mall and a cute oufit spots me.
I promise to remember Renesme,
When I see that beautiful bronze hair.
I promise to remember Esme,
When someone tells me they care.
I promise to remember Jasper,
Whenever my stomach isn'y curled.
I promise to despise the Volturi
When someone speaks of dominating the world.
Yes, I promise to luv Twilight,
Wherever I may go.
So that all may see my obbsession,
Because I know that Twilighters know!

Random stuff I saw on other people's profiles and stole (I stole this too)

If you don't review, I won't write. If I don't write, you won't review. If you think people should review after they read, copy and paste this on your profile.

Recent studies show that 92 percent of teenagers have moved on to rap. If you're part of the 8 percent that stayed with rock, put this in your profile

Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep until noon

When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

Education is important, school however, is another matter.

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they go by.

Music is love in search of word.

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them as much.

When life gives you lemons, you make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.

If you believe that preps travel in packs then place this on your profile.

Those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it.

I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not.

Why is it that people are fine with everyone having a different job or going to a different school, but if you say you follow a different religion, you are weird?

Note to Self: Normal is just a setting on washing machines.

Somebody needs a Happy Meal.

BOLD the ones that fit you. If you hate stereotypes and think people should just SHUT UP AND STOP, POST THIS
I'M SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz.
I'm JAMAICAN, so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN, so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I must have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terriost.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convienance store.
I'm NATIE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...
I'm a DANCER, so I MUST be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I wear SKIRTS, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals.
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a big DICK.
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNSUAL WAYS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER AND ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be gay.
I have BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that's how Russians roll. (I'm Russian and Polish)
I'm GERMAN, so I MUST be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO.
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy.
I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.
I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I must be ugly...or crazy.
I'm BLACK so I must love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm BI so I MUST think every girl I see is hot.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm ASIAN, so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7.
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be fucked up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in a BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA.
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect.
I'm WHITE and have black friends so i MUST think I'm black.
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil.
I love SHOPPING, so i MUST be rich.!

I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a Cashier hand this little boy some money back.

The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old.

The Cashier said, 'I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll.'

Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?''

The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.''

Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look a round. She left quickly.

The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand.

Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.

'It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas.

She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her.'

I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry.

But he replied to me sadly. 'No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there.'

His eyes were so sad while saying this. 'My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''

My heart nearly stopped.

The little boy looked up at me and said: 'I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall.'

Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me 'I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me.'

'I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister.'

Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.

I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. 'Suppose we check Again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?''

'OK' he said, 'I hope I do have enough.' I added some of my money to his with out him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.

The little boy said: 'Thank you God for giving me enough money!'

Then he looked at me and added, 'I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give It to my sister. He heard me!''

'I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.''

'My mommy loves white roses.'

A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket.

I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started.

I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.

Then I remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl.

The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma.

Was this the family of the little boy?

Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news paper that the young woman had passed away.

I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial.

She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.

I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed for ever. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine.

And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.

Now you have 2 choices:

1) Repost this message, or 2) Ignore it as if it never touched your heart

A True Boyfriend:

When she walks away from you mad
Follow her. When she stare's at your mouth
Kiss her. When she pushes you or hit's you
Grab her and dont let go. When she start's cussing at you
Kiss her and tell her you love her. When she's quiet
Ask her whats wrong. When she ignore's you
Give her your attention. When she pull's away
Pull her back. When you see her at her worst
Tell her she's beautiful. When you see her start crying
Just hold her and dont say a word. When you see her walking
Sneak up and hug her waist from behind. When she's scared
Protect her. When she lay's her head on your shoulder
Tilt her head up and kiss her. When she steal's your favorite hat
Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night. When she tease's you
Tease her back and make her laugh. When she doesnt answer for a long time
reassure her that everything is okay. When she look's at you with doubt
Back yourself up. When she say's that she like's you
she really does more than you could understand. When she grab's at your hands
Hold her's and play with her fingers. When she bump's into you
bump into her back and make her laugh. When she tell's you a secret
keep it safe and untold. When she looks at you in your eyes
dont look away until she does. When she misses you
she's hurting inside. When you break her heart
the pain never really goes away. When she says its over
she still wants you to be hers. When she repost this bulletin
she wants you to read it - Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything.- When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go- When she says she's ok dont believe it, talk with her- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her- Call her before you sleep and after you wake up- Treat her like she's all that matters to you.- Tease her and let her tease you back.- Stay up all night with her when she's sick.- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.- Give her the world.- Let her wear your clothes.- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.- Let her know she's important.- Kiss her in the pouring rain.- When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is;
"Who's ass am I kicking babe?"

Lessons Learned inTwilight

1.You can enjoy the banquet while resisting the wine.
2. The future is not set in stone.
3.Men are crabby when they're hungry.
4.Nothing beats an irritable grizzly bear.
5.True love knows no boundaries.
6.Some people are just danger magnets.
7.Even eternal enemies can work together to save something they love.
8. Forget the fangs - real vampires sparkle!
9. Soul mates exist, even if it takes 100 years to find them.
10. Porshe 911 Turbos make really great bribes.
11. Friendship is like the sun on a cloudy day.
12.Snow just means it's too cold for rain.
13. Family is about more than just blood.
14. What's worth doing is worth over-doing.
15. Losing your temper can be hair-raising.
16."Vegetarian" has many meanings.
17.Even monsters can hold on to their humanity.
18. There are exceptions to every rule.
19. Always verify bad news before doing something stupid.
20.Hearing voices in your head doesn't necessarily mean you're crazy.
21.Love means being willing to sacrifice your happiness for another's.
22.Cold hands = Warm heart.
23.Not breathing is uncomfortable.
24.Stupid lambs and masochistic lions make quite a pair.
25.Romeo was an idiot.
26. Twilight is the saddest and safest time of day.
27. Extreme sports should not be attempted alone.
28.Life is worth very little without someone to share it with.
29.Space heaters can be very annoying.
30.Love can make even the most miserable places paradise.

37 Things to do in an Elevator

1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5. Meow occasionally.
6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" - and back away slowly.
7. Say "DING!" at each floor.
8. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.
9. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10. Stare grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15. As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them.
16. Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20. Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
21. Swat at flies that don't exist.
22. Call out "Group hug!" then enforce it.
23. Make car race noises when someone gets on or off.
24. Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you.
25. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"
26.Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
27. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.
28. Let your cell phone ring - don't answer it.
29. Walk into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."
30. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't.
31. Ask people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer.
32. Also in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting.
33. Ask, "Did you feel that?"
34. Tell people that you can see their aura.
35. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."
36. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
37. Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time..."

16 ways to maintain a Healthy level of insanity.

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars, see if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4. Put a garbage can on your desk and label it “IN”

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone is over their Caffeine addictions, switch to expresso.

6. Finish all your sentences with “In Accordance to the Prophecy”.

7.Don’t use any punctuation.

8. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

9. Specify that your drive thru order is “To Go”

10. Sing Along at the Opera

11. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme.

12. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.

13. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream “I WON I WON!!”

14. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling “Run for your lives, they’re loose!!”

15. Tell your children over diner, “Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.”

16. Send this to your friends to make them smile, It’s called therapy.

If you're a proud stalker and obsessed love-struck fan-girl of Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever fallen down the stairs and laughed because it's something Bella would do, copy and paste this onto your profile.

I f you wish you could have a big brother like Emmett Cullen, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you support the ‘Make Edward change Bella into a vampire’ club, copy this into your profile.

92 percent of teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it wasn't cool to breathe. Put this in your profile if you would be part of the 8 percent laughing your ass off

If you read New Moon and Eclipse and wanted to kick Jacob Black REALLY REALLY HARD, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you actually like to read, just for fun, copy and past this on your profile.

If you are counting the days until Breaking Dawn comes out copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you know you have an unhealthy obsession with one or all of the Cullens, but you don't really care because even though admitting you have a problem is the first step to healing, frankly, you don't wanna heal. Then post this on your profile.

If you don't watch Laguna Beach or the O.C. or The Hills, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile

98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy & paste this onto your profile!

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile.

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters...copy and paste this onto your profile

If you think TWILIGHT is the best book known to man...copy and paste this onto your profile

(star-y thing-ies!!) random!!

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people

Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?

girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle

Girl: Slow down, I'm scared!

Guy: No, this is fun.

Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: I love you, now slow down!

Guy: Now give me a big hug.

She gives him a big hug

Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.

In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she would live even if he died. Copy this onto your profile if you would do the same thing for someone you love

FOR THE GIRLZ

Guy: Where have you been all my life?
Girl: Hiding from you.

Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Girl: Did it hurt when you were dropped on your head repeatedly as a baby?

Guy: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Girl: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Guy: Is this seat empty?
Girl: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Guy: Your place or mine?
Girl: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Guy: So, what do you do for a living?
Girl: I'm a female impersonator.

Guy: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Girl: Do not enter.

Guy: Your body is like a temple.
Girl: Sorry, there are no services today.

Guy: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Girl: But would you stay there?

Guy: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Girl: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing

This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her in the ground when she was still alive. The murderer chanted,"Toma sota balcu" as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this in your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded

10 Commandments of a Teenager

1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
(why wait that long)
2) Thou shall not do drugs.
(alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.)
3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.
(Walmart has a bigger selection)
4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.
(destruction has a bigger effect, I can tell you all about this)
5) Thou shall not steal from your parents.
(everyone knows grandma has more money)
6) Thou shall not get into fights.
(Cat fight anyhow...just start them.)
7) Thou shall not skip class.
(just take the whole day off)
8) Thou shall not strip in class.
(Hooters pays more)
9) Thou shall not think about having sex.
(like Nike says, "just do it")
10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.
(just leave'm in the middle)

random twilight copy and pastes

If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile (Hee hee, I LOVE TWILIGT!)

Come to thedark side... dun dun dun... 'cause we got Edward Cullen!!

If you randomly quote Twilight, copy and paste this to your profile

If whenever you see or hear the name "Edward" you freak out and have a small fit because you love him so much, and then people stare at you, copy and paste this into your profile

IF YOU LOVE EDWARD CULLEN, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE AND SCREAM!

If you hate Mike and you're not afraid to say it, paste this into your profile

If you think Jessica can be annoying paste this into your profile

You know your addiction to Twilight is getting dangerous when you've added "Volterra" to your computer's dictionary. well duh, i did that like last year

If you think Kristin Stewart should just stop acting because she can't act to save her life, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think Movie! Bella Swan looked like she had better places to be throughout the whole thing, copy and paste this into your profile.

IF EDWARD AND BELLA DONT STAY TOGETHER I'M GONNA HURT SOMEONE!

If you support the "Make Edward change Bella into a vampire" club, copy and paste this into your profile.

If someone mentions Twilight, you can go on for hours talking about it, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you cried when Edward left Bella in New Moon, Copy and paste this to your profile

If you think that Twilight is the best book know to woman... (And man!) Copy/paste this into your profile.

If you've reread Twilight over 4 times...copy/paste this into your profile.

If, when you have a boy, you'll seriously consider naming him Edward...copy/paste this into your profile

If, when you have a girl, you'll seriously consider naming her Isabella...copy/paste this into your profile

If you have ever been so obsessed with Twilight, that whenever you hear thunder, you think of vampires playing baseball...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you are willing to admit that you are absolutely in love with Edward Cullen, a completely fictional character...copy/paste this into your profile

If you truly believe that there is an Edward Cullen out there somewhere for you (his name doesn't have to be Edward)...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive seconds...copy/paste this into profile.

If whenever you see a silver Volvo and you start to scream "Edward", copy and paste this in your profile

If you are in love with a Twilight character, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you flip whenever you see someone reading a Twilight series book and you want to talk to them all about it, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you are Team Edward, copy and paste this in your profile.

If someone mentions Twilight, you can go on for hours talking about it, copy this to your profile.

If you are so obsessed with Twilight that it is NOT even funny anymore, copy this into your profile.

If whenever you see or hear the name "Edward" you freak out and have a small fit because you love him so much, and then people stare at you, copy and paste this into your profile.

If your friends are considering torturing you because you won't shut up about the Twilight series, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you've read Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse over four times, copy this onto your profile

IF EDWARD AND BELLA DONT STAY TOGETHER I'M GONNA STAB SOMEONE! Repost this if you agree

All the good ones are either gay, married, vampires or fictional characters in books or movies.

Random Sayings:

If someone looks at you funny, flip them the finger.

When someone tells you to act your age, yell at the top of your lungs "I AM!"

If a parent/guardian asks you, "What did you learn at school today?" answer, "I learnt how to survive it."

Never suffer from insanity, enjoy every minute of it.

Remember that all actions have reactions... (You don't wana know why I put this in here, believe me!)

When people say, "It's always in the last place you look." Say to them, "Well of course it is! Why the hell would I keep looking for it after I found it?!"

While waiting at a bus stop, if someone asks you, "Has the bus come yet?" reply, "If the bus had come, I wouldn't be standing here now would I?"

Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.

To attract men, wear a perfume called New Car Interior.

Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid I'll take over.

They say "guns don't kill people; people kill people", but I think guns help. If you just stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you would kill too many people.

Real girls aren't perfect, perfect girls aren't real. You want a perfect girl? Go buy a Barbie.

I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not.

Having the love of your life say "We can still be friends" is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.

She's my best friend. Break her heart and I'll break your face.

(Say to a boy:) Yes, I hit like a girl. You could too if you hit a bit harder.

I'm the type of girl that manages to plan a whole world domination in Histroy class.

I'm the type of girl who will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened a year ago.

It's us versus the world...we attack at dawn!

Real friends don't let you do stupid things... alone.

It takes 47 muscles to frown, 13 to smile and absolutely none to sit there with a dumb look on your face.

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might actually clean them?

Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hot-line. If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities press 3, 4, 5, 6. If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want so stay on the line and we'll trace your call. If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be sent to the Mother Ship. If you are schizophrenic listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer you. If you are dislexic press 6, 9, 6, 9, 6, 9. If you have a nervous disorder fidget with the hatch key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep. If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later and if you have low self esteem, hang up; all our operators are too busy to talk to you.

When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch them!

FRIENDS/BEST FRIENDS

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.

BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"

FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.

BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.

FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.

BEST FRIENDS: Already have the shovel to berry the body of the person that made you cry.

FRIENDS: Will pass you a soda.

BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.

FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.

BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.

FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.

BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and runs.

FRIENDS: Will help you move.

BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the cell with you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.

BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

BEST FRIENDS: Won't tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.

BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.

BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college.

BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.

BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say, "Girl drink the rest of that! You know we don't waste!"

Friends: Would comfort you if you got raped.

Best friends: The rapist's body would be in the gutter shortly.

Friends: At your house, they ask politely if they can use your computer to check their e-mail.

Best friends: They get into your FanFiction account that you provided them with your username and password to do so long ago, and post hilarious fanfics under your name, just for you.

Friends: Are sometimes bored when they're around you.

Best friends: Think you're the most hilarious and fun person ever.

Friends: Would feel uneasy going out for dinner with you if their parents didn't approve.

Best friends: Would go cliff-diving if you suggested it.

Friends: Will help you up when you fall

Best friends: Will laugh at you

Friends: Will tell you to look out for the pot hole.

Best friends: Will push you at the pot hole then laugh at you even more.

FRIENDS: Would read and ignore this.

BEST FRIENDS: Will re-post this shit!

FAVORITE QUOTES: "I WANT TO CRAWL INSIDE YOUR SKIN, AND BE WITH YOU ALWAYS." -- EDWARD

"…his touch alone isn't just written into my skin, it's burned into my soul." --BELLA

"She is under my skin, in my veins, the very essence of my heart and soul" --EDWARD

"You really don't get it, do you," she said at last, "you could have women falling at your feet any time you like."

"Too much of a trip hazard," I replied, "and besides, they're not the one that I want." --BELLA AND EDWARD

"Lord? It's Bella Swan. Remember me? Now I know we haven't talked in a while, but if you're listening, can you please bless me with the strength to not give into my baser needs and rid my world of one of your obvious crimes against humanity," --BELLA (referring to Lauren)

"You can call me the all names all you fucking want, but so help me God, Lauren, you bring up my father again and I swear to you the moment you drop that load, I'm dropping your ass where you stand," --BELLA

"I fucking told you!" she hissed, "I fucking told you this would happen. Now you're gonna make me be a bitch, and I don't like being a bitch. I told you not to mess with my brother and you still tried to pull your shit. Now you're trying to start some shit with Bella. Fuck you, bitch!" --ALICE

"But if you ever bring her back damaged again — and I don’t care whose fault it is; I don’t care if she merely trips, or if a meteor falls out of the sky and hits her in the head — if you return her to me in less than the perfect condition that I left her in, you will be running with three legs. Do you understand that, mongrel?" --EDWARD (Eclipse)

"See, 'Caroline' doesn't roll off my tongue. It's taking a lot of effort to get it out right now. But, you know what does? Bella. Belllllaa rolls off my tongue and sometimes gets sandwiched between an 'Oh, God' and a 'Fuck' because she's that fucking good. So, I need you to back off and find me a different salesperson right now." --EDWARD 'Welcome To Paradise' ch. 29

"I'm going to show him my special way of making death last the whole weekend." --ALICE 'Could Be Worst Right?' ch. 20

"I'm Alice, Bella's best friend. I really have nothing to say to you right now, otherwise I will probably tear open your scrotal sac, remove your testicles one at a time, and use them as bocci balls while you watch." --ALICE 'Encore' ch.1

"Oh, I didn't save you because I'm some great humanitarian," Bella answered, jutting her chin out. "I did it because I promised you an ass whooping and I always keep my fucking promises. Now…How many times did you call me a bitch?" --BELLA ' Send Me An Angel' ch. 20

Some people considered Rose to be a bitch, and she was, but she was an amazing bitch and I wouldn't have her any other way. --Emmett's Thought 'Finding Heaven' ch. 16

'I really appreciate your mother and father for putting in all of that effort to create such a fine work of art' --BELLA's thought 'La Dolce Vita ch.2

"Well, honey? Can I at least know your name before I fuck you with my words? --JASPER 'City of Sin' ch. 12

A friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, THAT WAS AWESOME, LETS DO IT AGAIN!!..

If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freakin' Trix, copy this into your profile.

If you think the Coa-coa Puff Turky Bird thing shoud go to rehab, copy this into your profile.

98 of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this into your profile.

98 of teenagers do drugs, have sex, and drink alcohol...put this in your profile if you like bagels!

If you think rock paper scissors solves everything then put this in ur profile!

If you have ever forgotten your name while introducing yourself, copy this to your profile.

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you think everyone's out of their mind, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or the vise versa copy this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

If you think that life without computers is useless then copy this to your profile.

My best friend is insane, if you think your best friend is insane, put this in your profile.

Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and prode of it, put this in your profile

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation, put it in your profile..

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile.

If whenever you see or hear the brand "volvo" you freak out and start giggling uncontrolably and then people stare at you funny copy and paste this onto your profile

Even when you cant see Him, GOD is there! If you believe in GOD put this in your profile

If you pray that Jasper takes off his shirt in he fight scene in eclipse, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think that Jasper absolutely ROCKS, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you like your men (or women for those male readers) cold, dead, and sparkling, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this is your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile. (Seriously wtf?)

If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile

93 percent of teenagers would have an emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you are part of the 7 percent that would say "What was your first clue?” copy this onto your profile

If you have ever walked into a wall, copy this onto your profile

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile

If you have inside jokes...with yourself...copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen out of a chair backwards...copy/paste this into your profile

If you have ever fallen up the sairs copy this on your profile

If you've ever sung a song you hated so much, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you are totally in love with Stephenie Meyer's fictional character Edward Cullen, put this into your profile

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile

If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If you're on the computer, paste this on your profile.

If you have ever pasted anything on your profile, paste this on your profile.

If you aren't me, paste this on your profile.

If you have a profile, paste this on your profile

If you don't use Myspace and are proud enough to make it public, copy and paste this into your profile.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

If you're against animal cruelty (horse slaughter, bear baiting, dolphin hunting, chimp slavery etc.) then copy this into your profile!

If you KNOW the voice in your head is real, copy and paste this onto your profile!

If you are insanely weird, copy this into your profile.

Put this in your profile if you didn't know the Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star had the same tune.

If you just sung them both in your head and feel like an idiot, put this in your profile

If gum has ever fallen out of your mouth while you were talking, copy this into your profile

If gum has ever fallen out of your mouth when you weren't talking, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever put an ipod up to your ear to listen to the music, copy this into your profile. (don't ask)

If you don't review, I won't write. If I don't write, you won't review. If you think people should review after they read, copy this into your profile.

you agree, that purple bunnies with sporks WILL rule the world, copy this into your profile

It's true, Edward Cullen prefers brunettes. Sorry, Barbie you aren't Bella, and Edward isn't your Ken.

Jacob Black glared at the children dressed as vampires and he knew it wasn't right but he lied and told them there was no candy left anyway.

If you had the patience to read this whole thing, copy and paste .

(\)_(/)
(='.'=)This is Bunny.
(")_(") Copy and paste Bunny into your profile to help him gain world domination

／l、
（ﾟ､ ｡ ７
l、 ~ヽ
じしf,)ノ

This is Kitty. Copy and paste Kitty into your
signature to help him gain world domination.

You say BABY PINK
I say BLOOD RED
You say HANNAH MONTANA Joe Bros
I say THREE DAYS GRACE AND FLYLEAF
You say HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL
I say NARUTO
You say RAP
I say ROCK
You say I'm WEIRD
I say YES I AM, WHAT TOOK U SO LONG 2 TELL?

ABCDEFG

gummy bears are eating me

one is red

one is blue

the yellow one just ate my shoe

Now I'm running for my life.

The blue one's got a butcher's knife.

ABCDEFG

gummy bears are eating me

isnt dat such a cheerful song?

I'm a BRUNETTE and I'm a cutie,

Mess with me and I'll kick your booty,

Redheads are smart,

Blondes think they're cool,

Well think again,

'Cause BRUNETTES rule!

Losers stare make a fuss.

Just one question-

jealous much?

(PS: Edward likes us better!)

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys dont want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree

Girl Talk
Did you know...
kissing is healthy.
bananas are good for period pain.
it's good to cry.
chicken soup actually makes you feel better.
94 percent of boys would love it if you sent them flowers.
lying is actually unhealthy.
you really only need to apply mascara to your top lashes.
it's actually true, boys DO insult you when they like you.
89 percent of guys want YOU to make the first move.
it's impossible to apply mascara with your mouth closed.
chocolate will make you feel better.
most boys think it's cute when you say the wrong thing.
a good friend never judges.
a good foundation will hide all hickeys... not that you have any.
boys aren't worth your tears.
we all love surprises.
Now... make a wish.
Wish REALLY hard!!
WISH WISH WISH WISH
Your wish has just been recieved.
Copy and Paste this into your profile in the next 15 minutes and...
Your wish will be granted.

now for semoehtnig itnresitng...

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal
pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a
rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer
be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl
mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling
was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

MY ABCS!!( I DONT HAVE ANY FOR Q X!)

A IS FOR ARO!

B IS FOR BELLA!

C IS FOR CHARLIE!

D IS FOR DOG!

E IS FOR EDWARD!

F IS FOR FORKS!

G IS FOR GREAT BOOK!

H IS FOR HYPER ALICE!

I IS FOR I LOVE IT!

J IS FOR JASPER !

K IS FOR KILLING JAMES!

L IS FOR LOVING IT!

M IS FOR MOTHERLY ESME!

N IS FOR NESSIE!

O IS FOR O BELLA WE LOVE YOU!

P IS FOR PERFECT!

Q is for Quil!

R IS FOR ROSE!

S IS FOR STRONG EMMETT!

T IS FOR TEAM SWITZ.

U IS FOR UNDERSTANDING JASPER!

V IS FOR VAMPIRE!

W IS FOR WHY DID IT END??

X

Y IS FOR YELLING AT EMMETT 4 BEING STUPID

Z IS FOR ZANY!

.••) .•)(.• (.•~pass the ribbon around if you know someone that has survived, DIED, or is living with cancer.

stereotypes suck.!

I know I'm not perfect,
I know I'm a geek, in many ways,
I know I listen to "Weird" bands,

I know I like to read,

I know I like school, even teachers.

BUT:
I know I have true friends,
I know I'm loved,
I know who I love,
I know I can overcome ups and downs.
And I know who I am.

Anything else you'd like to throw at me?

Calling me Fake, won't make you Real.
Calling me Stupid, won't make you Smart.
Calling me Weak, won't make you Strong.
Calling me Ugly, won't make you Pretty.
Calling me Poor, won't make you Rich.
Calling me Fat, won't make you Perfect?
So why bother?

Month one

Mommy
I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

Mommy
today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.

Month Four

Mommy
my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine
but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven

Mommy
I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .

One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

If you're against abortion, re-post this

A teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit

She ended up staying longer than
planned, and had to walk home alone.
She wasn't afraid
because it was a small town and she lived
only a few blocks away.

As she walked along under the tall elm
trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from
harm and danger.

When she reached the alley, which was a
short cut to her house, she decided to take it.

However, halfway down the alley she
noticed a man standing at the end as though he
were waiting for her.

She became uneasy and began to pray,
asking for
God's protection.

Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness
and security wrapped round her, she felt as
though someone was walking with her.

When she reached the end of the alley,
she walked right past the man and arrived
home safely.

The following day, she read in the
newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same
alley just twenty minutes after she had been there.

Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and
the fact that it could have been her, she began to
weep.

Thanking the Lord for her safety and to
help this young woman, she decided to go to the
police station.

She felt she could recognize the man, so
she told them her story.

The police asked her if she would be
willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify
him.

She agreed and immediately pointed out
the man she had seen in the alley the night
before.

When the man was told he had been
identified, he
immediately broke down and confessed.

The officer thanked Diane for her bravery
and asked if there was anything they could do
for her.

She asked if they would ask the man one
question.

Diane was curious as to why he had not
attacked her.

When the policeman asked him, he
answered, "Because she wasn't alone.
She had two tall men walking on either side of
her."

Amazingly, whether you believe or not,
you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of
teenagers will not stand up for God?

Funny things I laughed at

One day we will look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.

Never knock on Death’s door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hates that.

friends are God's way of apologizing for family

Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.

He who laughs last didn't get it.

All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies.

parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down, stay put and shut up.

Silence is golden, duct tape is silver

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.

Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door.

my friends say 'look a birdy' behind me in the lunch room then my goldfish are gone!!

people like u r the reasons we have middle fingers

your a great friend but, if zombies are chasing us im triping you...

But if vampires r chasing us, trip me, i'll b fine!

good friends dont let you do stupid this...alone

No, I won't go to Hell! It has a restraining order against me

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me

Life isnt passing me by; it's trying to run me over

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning many and 'tics' as in the bloodsucking creatures?

The statistics of insanty is that 1 of every 4 people have a mental illness. Look at your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you

i am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is. It's always room-temperature.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

“Yes she will! Bella loves me! Cause I’m her secret lover that’s carrying her love child!” Emmett screamed. (Quot from: Fate by bobbypigirl101)

Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

If you can keep your head while other people are losing theirs, you probably don't fully understand the situation.

They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it everytime I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.

-I have more fictional boyfriends than you do. Beat that!-

-Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls...and pulls...people...and off the occasional cliff

I'm not afraid of Death, what's it gonna do kill me?

It's always the last place you look. Of course it is why would I keep looking after I've found it?

Growing old is mandatory...growing up is optional...

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three

I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.