Well, Hi. Thanks for viewing my profile, but there's not much to see here, honestly, besides my favorites page. I don't really like to write, but I love to read the things on this website. I've been reading FanFiction for about a year now and only bothered to make an account now because of one thing: to review. I've read a lot, a LOT, of great fanfics that have been postponed becasue they don't get motivated by reviews. I know that people only want reviews sometimes, and write like crap, but I really only give it to those people who seem to earn it. And I think that's the whole point.

Anyway, about me...ummm, my name begins with an E, and ends with an A, and is six letters long. It's really weird, so I seriously doubt anyone could solve it. If you've read my profile, and tried to guess my age, you will not get it right. I'll give you a hint though: people say I'm a little too mature for my age. And I hate it when they say that. I live somewhere in the US, but I was born in the Philippines. I'm a girl (if you haven't already guessed) and I'm an incredibly girly one at that; I've had a bunch of crushes, like make-up, and think pink is pretty cool, but I'm not a Barbie. Oh, and I like books. A lot. A little too much, actually.

Oh, and I also forgot to mention another reason I made this profile; if you have any fanfics that you wrote that you would like me to read, or just want to recommend some to me (I prefer Harry Potter, but Percy Jackson or the 39 clues would be really awesome too) PLEASE PM ME. I would love to read them :D. But, please, don't send me slash. Please. PLEASE. I don't have anything against homosexuals, but I don't really feel that comfortable reading them, that's all to it, really. Oh, and If you have any fics of HP of the following topics:

1) Albus Potter next-gen fics (I'm suddenly in love with these types of fics after reading the ones by Vekin87 and Bartimus Crotchety, but these are the only the ones that I've read that aren't totally cheesy about the whole Rose/Scorpius thing and aren't, well, terrible.)

2) Draco/Astoria (This couple is one of my favorites. And I think that there are more Dramione fics out there then about D/A, which is really weird, to be honest.)

3) Next-Gen to Marauder Era Time Travel fics (EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE I'VE READ ARE REALLY AMAZING AND PEOPLE SHOULD SERIOUSLY CONSIDER DOING THEM MORE!!!!!!!)

...please, I'm desperate :P.

Even though I'm still 100% positive that Slytherin House is the greatest one of all time, JK Rowling has decided to place me where being intelligence dominates: Ravenclaw. Ah, well. Better to be with the biggest nerds who actually get paid for doing something relevant in the future than a group of incest scumbags who decided to follow a noseless lunatic who drank unicorn blood. I'm just happy I'm not in overrated, stupid Gryffindor. No offence.

Okay, now that THAT's over, let's go to all the Copy-and-Paste fun! :D

So You Want To Be A Death Eater: Your Guide To Everything Evil!

Greetings, new follower:

If you are reading this letter then you have doubtless been accepted into the select band of professional wizards known as the Death Eaters. If by some unprecedented chance you are reading this and you have not been accepted into the Death Eaters then I suggest you put down this letter and leave now, or the consequences for you will be as terrible as my lifelong study into the Dark Arts can make them.

Please find enclosed a short introductory guide to Death Eating, which you must memorise and then eat, to prevent security leaks. (Due to an unfortunate fatality last week, it is now permitted to cut the guide into small pieces before swallowing).

The next meeting is scheduled for midnight, 11th June, when I trust we will have the pleasure of watching your initiation ceremony. Please remember to bring a clean handsaw and enough twine. It's so distressing when people don't prepare for these events properly.

Yours in infamy,

Lord Voldemort

So You Want To Be A Death Eater?

Welcome to this helpful guide to being a Death Eater. This leaflet should provide you with all the information you need to become a successful servant to the Dark Lord. It will if you know what's good for you. Please read every page before eating.

Aims of the society:

World peace To be evil To conquer the world Elimination of all Muggles Elimination of all Mudbloods Elimination of Albus Dumbledore & the Order of the Phoenix Elimination of (miscellaneous) To serve Lord Voldemort (that's me!) To create sanctuaries for endangered breeds of snakes This statement is a lie.

List of Equipment required for new Death Eaters:

(Equipment marked must be obtained from Messers. Gorgon & Black Limited, outfitters to the intensely evil and terminally stylish since 12 BC. Their premises are on Knockturn Alley, but they now do mail order as well.)

Long Black Robes (Casual) Long Black Robes (Smart) Short Black Robes (for summer wear) Long Black cloak (silk is preferable to velvet, as it is much more absorbent) Black mask (informal) Black mask (sequined) Black boots (Stiletto heels are no longer permitted) Black leather gloves (barbed wire ornamentation optional) Wand Extra wand in case of losing first wand Plastic imitation wand in case of losing Extra wand

Cane (For favored members only. Unauthorized possession of a cane will result in a heavy fine. Before possessing cane, it is necessary to pass a rigorous series of tests to ascertain that your carrying-a-cane-in-a-nonchalant-yet-evil-fashion skills are up to scratch).

Coffin Dueling sword Disguise kit, containing: Nun's outfit, false beard, beekeeping veil, Muggle policeman's costume, etc. Saw Assorted chains Handcuffs Pointy stick

Recommended Reading:

Curses and Counter-Curses by Professor Vindictus Viridian Evil: A Beginners Guide by Professor E. Maledict The Illustrated Torturer's handbook by Bellatrix Black What Not to Wear in the Torture Chamber by Narcissa Malfoy Sex, Lies, and Unforgivable Curses: The Authorised Biography of Lord Voldemort by Peter Pettigrew Caring For Your New Tattoo: An Informative Guide St. Mungo's Hospital Skin Department

Death Eater may also own snake or dragon or hippogriff. But only Lord Voldemort may possess a basilisk.

Death Eater Rules:

No Death Eater shall be a spy for Dumbledore. No Death Eater shall play the harmonica. All Death Eaters must be proficient in the Dark Arts: murder, Unforgivable Curses, yodeling, yoga etc. An annual examination will be made to make sure that all members are up to scratch. No Death Eater shall behave with integrity unless it is a genuine accident. A Death Eater must be pureblooded. No Death Eater must ever mention that the Dark Lord himself is not pureblooded. No Death Eater may kill another Death Eater without a very good reason. All Death Eaters shall answer Lord Voldemort's summons immediately. (Unless you are having a shower, in which case it is permitted to don a bath robe first.) All Death Eaters shall have vaguely sinister surnames. All Death Eaters shall overtake on the left.

Frequently Asked Questions:

What happens if Voldemort is displeased with me?

As this is a fairly run (and currently short-staffed) organization, you will probably receive a warning. And some soul-destroying torture. A second offense and you will probably die a slow death. Options include:

Being slowly eaten by a manticore. Being dissolved in a vat of basilisk venom. Gradual impalement on your own wand. Being tied to a chair and forced to watch episode after episode of The Wiggles/Blues Clues/Dora the Explorer. Death by Mandrake (according to season). The Pancake curse. (This newly developed spell will carve you into wafer-thin slices. Victims killed in this way are traditionally cooked in hot fat and served with maple syrup or lemon juice at Death Eater feasts.) Being flayed alive and used as a life-sized glove puppet at Death Eater children's parties. Avada Kedavra (if we're in a hurry/ feeling rather unimaginative).

What should I do if I decide to leave the organization?

Make your funeral arrangements as quickly as possible.

(See above)

What is the salary like?

You should be in this job for the principle of the thing, not for sordid reasons. So let's just say that it's much, much better than they pay at the Ministry. There will also be opportunities for pillage, looting, theft, etc., and Christmas bonuses are guaranteed.

Does the Dark Mark hurt?

Of course it does; this is an evil society after all. What are you, a wimp?

Can the Dark Mark be removed by laser treatment?

No. Only a moron would ask such a stupid question.

But it can be temporarily obscured by a good-quality concealer. (Make sure it's a shade darker than your skin tone, as a lighter shade will simply draw attention to the tattoo. Pat translucent powder over the concealer to make it last longer.)

Is there a retirement age for Death Eaters?

You probably won't live long enough to have to deal with this problem.

Can I kill personal enemies or just opponents of Voldemort?

Murder is encouraged on principle; however, personal killings should be reserved for each individual Death Eater's free time, as obviously serving Lord Voldemort is much more important. Occasional massacre outings/ dark revels may take place as rewards for good (i.e. bad) behavior.

What should I do if Voldemort is defeated at the height of his powers by a one-year-old boy?

This circumstance is so unlikely that there is no point devising a protocol to deal with it.

The Death Eater Anthem

(To be memorised by each new recruit as soon as possible). Please note that this tune should never, never, never, never be sung to the tune of "Blackadder," an inane Muggle television program to which we are completely oblivious and never watch. Honestly.

Who lurk beneath the undergrowth? When all is dim and dark? Who murder people in their beds Or sometimes in the park? Death Eaters! Death Eaters! Our blood is pure as pure! Death Eaters! Death Eaters! We all love Voldemort! We serve the Dark Lord every day, We're always very loyal And if with us you don't agree We'll boil you in hot oil! Death Eaters! Death Eaters! We're evil as can be! Death Eaters! Death Eaters! But if we're scared we'll flee! Our curses are incredible. We're known for our Morsmordres And though our leader is insane We always follow orders. Death Eaters! Death Eaters! We're wickedness collective! Death Eaters! Death Eaters! Yet rather ineffective!

Health and Safety:

Being a Death Eater is naturally a dangerous job. Lord Voldemort accepts no liability for any pain/suffering/torture/impalement/loss of limbs/grievous bodily harm/disintegration/insanity/imprisonment/loss of soul/death which you may experience while in his service. No good will come of any attempts to sue him as a negligent employer. Trust us.

However, in order to protect members, these safety guidelines have been developed for Death Eaters both during leisure time and on missions for the Dark Lord:

Don't try to take out Harry Potter yourself. It is extremely presumptuous. Leave it to Lord Voldemort, who has much more practice.

Employ masterly deceit to conceal your allegiance to the Dark Lord: e.g., if someone accuses you of being a Death Eater, laugh carelessly and say: "No, I am not a Death Eater. Would you like a cup of tea?" This Machiavellian trickery should be enough to convince them.

If this does not convince your accuser, have them discreetly murdered. (Sussex and Fox Ltd, of 13, Knockturn Alley, run a very efficient assassination service and are currently offering cut-price deals for friends and associates of the Dark Lord. Present your membership card at the counter for further details.)

Keep your wand on you at all times, even if you are asleep/on a hot date/in the bath/on the beach/wearing very tight-fitting leather garments (or all of these at once).

Ostentatious indicators of evil, such as manic laughter/dressing entirely in black swooshy robes (Snape, this means you)/ making sinister comments/killing people should be practiced only in private.

If you suspect someone of being a spy, kill them and their family at the first opportunity. If it turns out they were not a spy at all, pass it off as a light-hearted practical joke.

Only eat food prepared by yourself or your faithful minions. Do not trust your spouse(s)/partner(s), no matter how pretty he/she/they may be.

Similarly, do not accept drinks from anyone. This may cause offense when visiting a pub or bar but it's better than being dead. Obviously.

Do not take off your mask for any reason while on a mission. If people see your face while you are conjuring the Dark Mark/ massacring etc, they may suspect that you are a Death Eater.

Do not try to smoke while wearing your mask, as it is not fireproof.

Never address your colleagues by name while on a mission. Survivors may recall it at a later date. For the same reason, never mention your address or telephone number to anyone you are kidnapping/raping/torturing/killing, no matter how attractive they may be. Evil relationship experts have stated that romance is unlikely to flourish under such circumstances anyway.

Burn all sensitive documents. Not only will this deter spies, it is also amusing as it contributes to global warming.

Set up an anti-Apparating spell round your residence (but make sure you have a Portkey handy so you're not embarrassingly trapped there if the place is attacked by Aurors).

Prepare a secret hideout for yourself should your cover be blown. Failure to do this may lead to your sharing a hideout with another Death Eating family, which often results in friction over use of bathroom facilities, television, etc.

Don't upset Lord Voldemort. It will only end in tears. (And multiple burns, fractured limbs, mortal torment, etc.)

That is the end of our guide. Please do not show this to anyone who is not in our leauge, for we will track down and kill you, which will leave you very upset becasue you've never even experienced being one of us. Boo hoo for you.

The Percy Jackson pledge:

I promise to remember Percy

whenever I'm at sea

I promise to remember Annabeth

whenever a spider comes at me

I promise to protect nature

for Grover's sake of course

I promise to remember Luke

when my heart fills with remorse

I promise to remember Chiron

whenever I see a sign that says ''free pony ride''

I promise to remember Tyson

whenever a friend says they'll stick by my side

I promise to remember Thalia

whenever a friend is scared of heights

I promise to remember Clarisse

whenever I see someone that gives me a fright

I promise to remember Bianca

whenever I see a sister scold her younger brother

I promise to remember Nico

whenever I see someone who doesnt get along with others

I promise to remember Zoe

whenever I watch the stars

I promise to remembe Rachel

whenever a limo passes my car.

Yes, I promise to remember PJO

wherever I may go.

List 12 Harry Potter characters in no particular order:

1) Albus Potter

2) Scorpius Malfoy

3) James Potter II

4) Lily Potter II

5) Hugo Weasley

6) Rose Weasley

7) Teddy Lupin

8) Dominique Weasley

9) Roxanne Weasley

10) Draco Malfoy

11) Astoria Greengrass

12) Pansy Parkinson

1. Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fic? Do you want to?

Rose/Astoria? EW HECK NO...Astoria has a son who's her age...that's just...wrong.. :P.

2. Do you think Four is hot? How hot?

I'm. A. Girl. But, I always thought she looked almost exactly like Ginny, so yeah, I guess she's pretty.

3. What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant?

If PANSY got DOMINIQUE pregnant...that's not even possible. :P.

4. Can you recall any fics about Nine?

Hmm...Roxanne... well, she was in the fic, but it wasn't about her.

5. Would Two and Six make a good couple?

Scorpius and Rose? HELL YEAH! SCOROSE FTW!!!!!!

6. Five/Nine or Five/Ten? Why?

Hugo with Roxanne or Hugo with Draco? ...Really?

7. What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve making out?

Teddy...walking in on his cousin-ish and an old chick making out...he'd probably turn his hair red and walk away. :P.

8. Make up a summary for a Three/Ten fic.

James and Draco; Umm, okay:

An 8-year-old James Potter cannot find his parents after wandering of the streets of Diagon Alley. He then decides to ask the nearest adult, which was a man with receeding blonde hair, and pale skin.

..That's the kind of fic that's in my head that actually makes sense.

9. Is there any such thing as One/Eight fluff?

Al and Dom? If it was like, a cousin bonding type thing maybe but...you know...not THAT kind of fluff...

10. Suggest a title for a Six/Twelve hurt/comfort fic.

Rose/Parkinson? Ummm... A Slytherin's Woes...or something like that.

11. Does anyone on your friends list read Three het?

James Het? nope...

12. Does anyone on your friends list write or draw Eleven?

I know somebody who likes to draw Astoria a lot, yeah...

13. Would anyone on your friends list write Two/Four/Five?

Scorpius/Lily/Hugo? The first part makes sense...at least.

14. If you wrote a Song-fic about Eight, what song would you choose?

...how about a song that works for every teenage chick: Best Friends Brother by Victoria Justice.

15. If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fic, what would the warning be?

Al/Rose/Parkinson...

Warning: Pedophilia, And kissing cousins. If you mean like rating, definatley an M.

16. When was the last time you read a fic about Five?

Hugo? Oh, the one by LadyAstreaBlack, but that's a while back and I can't really remeber what thet was about...

17. "(1) and (7) are in a happy relationship until (9) runs off with (7). (1), brokenhearted, has a hot one-night stand with (11) and a brief unhappy affair with (6), then follows the wise advice of (5) and finds true love with (2).

Albus and Teddy (Wtf...) are in a happy relationship until Roxanne runs of with Teddy (...). Al, brokenhearted, (righghghgghghgght...), has a hot one-night stand with Astoria (gross...) and a brief unhappy affair with Rose (double gross), then follows the wise advice of Hugo (:P) and finds true love with Scorpius (Okay...).

What title would you give this fic?

Please Don't Read This

18. How would you feel if Seven/Eight were in a heated argument?

Teddy/Dom? Nothing wrong with that..

19. What would you think if you found (5) was a really good friend of a sibling or relative of yours?

HUGO? THAT'D BE EPIC!

20. How would you react if you saw (8) and (11) in a closet together with a rubber ducky?

Dom and Astoria in a closet...with a rubber duck? ...well, you won't see that everyday.

21. How would you feel if (2) dissed you in the worst possible way ever?

Scorpius? Dude, that'd be a Malfoy dissing me; I would be freakin' terrified...

22. What would you say if you found out that (12) was a rapist?

Pansy...I actually wouldn't be that surprised. :P.

23. You just came home from school and all of your friends hate you, your teacher just gave you an F on the most important project of the year and your parents have grounded you as your teacher had already called and told them of your grade. You open the door to your bedroom and you find (10) rummaging through your stuff. What do you do?

It would be the only highlight of my day. Draco Malfoy rummaging through my stuff meant that he's real, the wizarding world's real and that I'm not completely insane.

24. What would you feel this second if (4) gave you a daisy right now?

...Why didn't you just give me a lily, Lily? Oh, and of course I would jump and squeal for joy seeing her.

25. (6) has just stolen your hairbrush. What is the first thing you would say?

"Ummmm...I know you have bushy hair and all Rose...but you do own a hairbrush".

26. (7), (9), and (4) have banded together at 3 in the morning and starts to sing the most annoying song you know as loud as they can, waking you up. What is the first thing you think?

Teddy, Roxanne and Lily go up to my bed and start singing "Friday" to me at 3 in the morning...I would freak.

27. (2) and (11) are your teachers. What would you do?

Scorpius and Astoria! I would do everything they would tell me...(I sound like such a stalker...)

Mmm'kay (love South Park, if you get it :D) that's about it for now. Thanks again. Bye.