I hope to be a chef IF I grow up. I am currently a student majoring in culinary arts, pursuing that dream. as such, i find pretty much no time for writing fan fics. however, i closely monitor my reviews on current stories and am thrilled whenever i get a FF.net email in my inbox.

Now to fanfic stuff I hope to write fics for LotR, Criminal Minds, NCIS:LA, maybe Psych, Once Upon a Time, Elementary, and Van Helsing. the Avengers will also come into my stories. Tony is my favotite. and Thor. and Loki is one of the coolest villains ever. I could very easily be a grammar Nazi. especially when reading serious stories. With Crack-fics, intentional misspellings and abbreviations (e.g. funner, gonna, didja) don't bother me as much. I am harder on other people's grammar than my own.

I am open to random PM's, so feel free to click the little envelope icon thing up there by my alias/penname thingy. If you are up for a challenge, send me a PM with 10 uses for a standard mailbox besides collecting mail. do it. i dare ya. ;)

before we get much deeper into my random ramblings, may i just say: "Reading bad fanfiction is like listening to the kidz bop version of your favourite song"--tumblr post

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

Half Empty or Half Full: DON'T DISTURB THE WATER!!! (virtual life time supply of lembas bread [hand baked by everyone's favorite elven princeling] to whomever got that reference.) well, technically, the half that is not full of water is full of air, so neither.

Chocoalte or Vanilla: Chocolate, with chocolate fudge swirls and mini chocolate peanut butter cups. served over turtle brownies.

Rock or Hip-Hop: Rock, unless I'm listening to tobyMac.

(LotR) Hobbit or Human: half breed mix. I'm too tall to be a hobbit, but I love food, and my feet are big. “I am in fact, a hobbit in all but size”--JRR Tolkien

Jeans or Skirts: Jeans!

Vampire or Werewolf: Were-bilgesnipe.

Team Edward or Team Jacob: Team Van Helsing. vampires shouldn't sparkle. only fairies should sparkle.

Action movies or Romance movies: yep.

Introvert or Extrovert: yes.

Biggest Pet Peeve: Greetings, i.e, "See you when you get home!", "See you in the Morning", "See ya later!" (all the "see you's" make me want to go "No! you will not 'see me in the morning' (or when i get home or later, or whatever). overnight i plan to become invisible, and NO ONE will see me in the morning!")

If you would like to join the protest against crappy, sappy, romance fics in which little or no attention is paid to grammer/editing/ect. copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: therealme1123, anonymouse13, Wally_West_Go_Zoom, SkysFireLady15, vamp of alium sativum

If you are tired of all the fics that start out with the author saying "Sorry, I suck at summaries" or "Story is better than summary, I promise!!!! PLEASE READ!" then copy and paste this into your profile.

If it freaks you out when someone faves or follows one of your stories, and you go to look at their profile, and then there's nothing on their profile, copy and paste this to your profile. it's kinda like those crime shows where the future victim hears the phone ring... and ring... and then she answers it, and nobody is there... and she hangs up... and it rings... and rings... and she answers it... and it's her boyfriend, calling to tell her goodnight, and that he has crappy cell service at his location... and she talks for a bit, then hangs up, smiling and thinking mushy gushy thoughts, then turns around and the bad guy was standing right behind her , and she screams, and he kills her in the most brutal way imaginable. in other words, please put SOMETHING on your profile, even if it's just (for example) "hi. I like squirrels." I may find you a bit strange for liking squirrels enough to put that little factoid on your profile, but at least I'll know something about you. like, idunno...YOU ARE NOT SOME CRAZY NUTJOB SERRIAL KILLER WHO WILL STALK ME IN MY SLEEP!

wow... that was random...uh... just... wow. what can I say? it's a peeve of mine...

if you don't give a flying crap about luck, and are tired of all the copy and paste things that say, "Repost in the next 5 minutes or you will have bad luck for the rest of your life", copy and paste this into your profile (within the next five minutes, or bad luck will follow you for the rest of your life!)

A large percentage of writers don't know the difference between "your" and "you're". If you're one of the ones who does know, and you want to slug them, copy and paste this into your profile.

I'm tired of all the authors that rely exclusively on spell check to edit their stories. if you are also tired of the "she didn't have the gouts to tell him..." moments, copy and paste this into your profile.

Plot bunnies are now extinct in my mind. it is sad, but I'll get over it. They have been replaced by seven plot Bilgesnipe. I hope they shall serve me well in the months/years to come. I'll introduce them now.

Hubert is the leader of the herd of bilgesnipe. If he doesn't get partial credit for all stories, he tries to eat the others.

Dwight is my very favorite Bilgesnipe (just don't tell Hubert). He is in charge of all Crackfic ideas. He's got a great sense of humor.

Giselle is the Romance Bilgesnipe. she's shy, so she doesn't come up with many stories, but when she has an idea, it's usually pretty good

Aggie is Giselle's best friend. She teams up with her to balance out the fluffiness of Giselle's ideas.

Felix is the bilgesnipe authority on all things Action and Adventure. he and Dwight get along really well, and they're working on some ideas together right now.

Pip is the background worker. He does all of the little things that don’t seem to matter. Things run more smoothly when he’s around, though. He provides little bits of randomness to the stories she gets ahold of.

Andre is my personal story guard. He responds to any and all Flames, and is particularly defensive over Giselle and her stories. He also likes to read other author’s stories (Particularly Ghost Rider of the Aragon), and “encourage” them to update.

And those are my plot Bilgesnipe. They shall go undercover as Bunnies when I write for fandoms other than Avengers.

If you are/were homeshcooled, and are proud of it, Copy and paste this to your profile

If you, as a homeschooler, agree with the rest of the world that homeschoolers are weird, crazy, or otherwise, copy and paste this to your profile

is a person who is weird all the time really actually weird? I mean, if they normally act weird, it would be weird for them to act normal, right? Therefore, people who are weird all the time are normal. if you followed that logic train at all, you are probably a bit weird, so copy and paste it into your profile.

Languages: I am fluent in English, Ig-pay Atin-lay, and Sarcasm. i am currently working on learning Culinary French for school, and after i get my degree, i am going to take a full blown French class.

Pets:goats (Starburst, Casio,Violet, Laertes, Ophelia, Hilda,Othello, Gretl,Shirley,Polonius, Anna, and Irene), 1 cat (Alf), Polish, Black Giant, Red Star, and Buff Orpington chickens

If you could have anything right now: motivation, a regular sleep schedule,my associates degree, a full time job, and, as a dear friend would say, " a million dollars and a man who treats me the way i deserve. but he hasn't been born yet and his mother is dead."

If you could change anything about your appearance: hair would be longer, not frizzy, no split ends, and a couple teal streaks.

Night Owl or Early Bird: it's in my nature to appreciate mornings more than late nights. however, my teenager-ness resists this trait.

If you could be doing anything right now:

Siblings: 1awesome amazing (did i say awesome?) sister. she goes by Ghost Rider of the Aragon. and her stories are amazing.

Married?: between school, homework, chores at home, (and i gotta sleep sometime), i don't have time for that shit right now...

They're coming for you: they're coming to take me away, haha, heehee, hoho, to the funny farm where life is beautiful all the time...

When it rains: i wanna curl up an the couch with a good cup of coffee (appropriately dosed with creamer and sugar) and a book. or take a nap.

One word to describe yourself: weird

Have you ever thrown a shoe at anyone?: slapping someone with a flip flop is on my bucket list, but sadly, no one is lining up to help me fulfill this item...and i have a list of people who deserve it.

Et tu Brute? : No comprendo

What does your Pen Name mean?: roughly translated, vampire of garlic. I've been considering changing it to my dA and tumblr alias, Silvie of Northern, which is a name from one of my fave book series.

Where did the Sorting Hat put you?: haven't read HP, but i think I'm a Gryffindor

If you had one superpower, what would it be?: the power to change superpowers on a whim. MWAHAHAHAHA!!

Do you have a special talents?: i can cook. i know how to operate a commercial meat grinder. and a commercial oven. and i make a killer cream puff.

Half Empty or Half Full: depends on what is in the glass, cause if it's mountain dew, it's all the way empty...

Cookies, Chocolate Chip or Sugar cookies: depends on who made the cookies and which recipe they used. i like my Dark Side Tollhouse chocolate chip cookies, and i like my Gramma's sugar cookies.

Rock or Hip-Hop: Rock, unless I'm listening to tobyMac.

(LotR) Elf or Human: human. I'm not perfect and graceful enough to be an elf.

Jeans or Skirts: Jeans!

Vampire or Werewolf: were-bilgesnipe.

Team Edward or Team Jacob: Team Van Helsing

Action movies or Romance movies: yup.

Christmas music, Mannheim Steamroller or Trans-Siberian Orchestra: Trans-Siberian Orchestra definitely...Christmas Eve Sarajevo is hard to beat.

FAVES!

BOOKS

I believe that the Bible is the best truest book of all time! it has everything that a person could ask for: History, action, poetry, tragedy,Romance.

The Circle Series by Ted Dekker. Dive Deep.

Agenda 21 by Glenn Beck

The Hunger Games series

the Divergent Series

the Chronicles of Narnia

Rangers Apprentice series

The Hobbit

Lord of the Rings trilogy

POETS

Edgar Allen Poe

Shel Silverstein

Robert Burns

POEMS

The Raven (Edgar Allen Poe)

The Tell Tale Heart (EAP)

The Bells (EAP)

Meehoo and Exactlywhat (S. Silverstein)

The Charge of the Light Brigade (Alfred Lord Tennyson)

Kubla Khan (Samuel Taylor Coleridge. drat the person who interuppted his writing!)

MOVIES

FROZEN! Lord of the Rings 1-3, The Hobbit 1-3, Thor, Iron man 1and 3, Avengers,Disney's Chronicles of Narnia,Van Helsing, Real Steel, PotC1 and 2, The Muppet Christmas Carol, The Princess Bride, Elf, Patch Adams, Hunger Games, Ratatouille, Shrek, Over the Hedge, Despicable Me (1&2), Rise of the Guardians.

MUSIC

Contemporary Christian: tobyMac, RED, Thousand Foot Krutch, Royal Tailor, Capital Kings, Jamie Grace, Casting Crowns, Matt Redman, Aaron Schust, Mercy Me, Francesca Battistelli, Chris Tomlin, Paul Baloche, and others

Classical: Beethoven, Chopin, Tchaicovsky, some Bach, Rossini, Handel

70s-80s Kansas, Rush, AC/DC, Journey (Petra, 80's Christian)

TV SHOWS (and their ships where applicable...)

Arrow: [Olicity forever[i can also kinda ship Cupid and Deadshot[Palmer/Felicity ship can go rot in a hole]

The Flash [Barry/Caitlin[Barry/Iris]

Scrubs [JD/Elliot]

Once Upon a Time [Captain Swan]

Cutthroat Kitchen

Good Eats (May it live forever in re-runs),

Psych (may it also live forever in reruns and season sets)[Shules]

NCIS, [Tiva, McAbby]

NCIS: LA, [Densi, Neric]

Scorpion [Toby/Happy, Paige/Walter]

CARTOONS

Veggie Tales

Looney Tunes

ANIMALS

Fainting Goats

Saanen/Boer Goats

Flemish Giant Rabbits

Barn kitties

MYTHICL CREATURES

Bilgesnipes

Smeagols

centaurs

fauns

gryphons

UN-FAVORITES

crappy childrens shows (e.g, Dora and her relatives, recent cartoon network additions [gumball, adventure time, chowder, the looneytunes show])

food made by people that don't know how to cook. (Yes, every one can cook, but that doesn't mean everyone should.-- paraphrase from Ratatouille)

twilight

97% of teens would break down and cry if they saw Robert Pattinson (Edward from twilight) about to jump from a 20 story sky scraper. Copy and paste this onto your profile if you are one of 3% that would set up a lawn chair on the neighboring building, grab the popcorn and a delightful beverage, and say "JUMP YOU SPARKLY RETARD!"

new popular music (Beiber, Gaga...you get it.)

My Answer to All Flames.

replace the word "Book" in this poem with the word "Story" and you have the perfect response to any and all flames that you get!

I wrote such a beautiful book for you

'Bout rainbows and sunshine

And Dreams that come true

But the goat went and ate it

(You knew that he would),

So I wrote you another one

Fast as I could.

Of course it could never be

Nearly as great

As that beautiful book

That the silly goat ate.

So if you don't like

This new book I wrote--

Blame the Goat

-Shel Silverstein

This is actually plausible since we do actually have goats ... but I write for my own amusement, not necessarily for others...

I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.

This is the stupid test! 100 stupid things that people do!

1. Forgot to put the lid on the blender, turned it on, and had everything fly out

2. Gotten your head stuck between the stair rails

3. Broken a chair by leaning back in it

4. Had gum fall out of your mouth while you were talking

5. Choked on your own spit while you were talking

6. Had people tell you that you are blonde when you're not/or have had people tell you that your blonde highlights are going to your head

7. Been caught staring at your crush by your crush him/herself

8. Have looked for somethingfor at least 10 min thenrealized it was in your hand

9. Tried to push open a door that said pull (at the store where I work. I can't count the number of times this has happened...)

10. Tried to pull open a door that said push

11. Have actually believed someone when they said that they knew how to make a love potion

12. Have hit yourself in the process of trying to hit something else

13. Have tripped and fallen UP the stairs

14. Have actually exploded marshmallows in the microwave

15. Have gotten gum stuck in your hair

16. Had gum fall out of your mouth while trying to blow a bubble

17. Have had the juice from a mini tomato squirt out and hit somebody else when you bit into it

18. Have had your drink come out your nose because you were laughing so hard (almost. thanks a lot, sis...)

19. Havecalled one of your good friendsby the wrong name

20. Have skinned your toe because you were playing soccer or kickball with flip flops on or you were barefoot

21. Have put a sticker on your forehead, forgot it was there, and went out in public with it on

22. Have fallen out of a moving vehicle.

23. Have run into a closed door

24. Have almost shot someone with a real gun while trying to shoot something else

25. Searched for your cell phone while you were talking on it

26. It has taken you longer than 5 min to get a joke

27. Have gotten your hair stuck in a blow dryer

28. Have gotten your hair stuck in a fan

29. Tripped on a crack in the sidewalk

30. Said o'clock after saying how many min after the hour, example: 5:30 o'clock, or 6:15 o'clock

31. After someone told you that there was gum on the ground, you stepped in it

32. Put on a white shirt even though you already knew it was raining outside

33. Have ever walked up to a stranger because you thought they were someone else

34. Ever been kicked out of a grocery store/off their property ( I hope not, I work at a grocery store...)

35. Touched the stove, the curling iron, ahot pan, etc on purpose eventhough you knew it was hot.

36. Picked out your change of clothes, took off the ones you had on and then accidentally put the old clothes back on

37. Wondered why something wasn't working then realized it wasn't plugged in

38. Put the cereal in the fridge, or put the milk in the cupboard

39. Walked into a pole

40. Wore two different earrings or shoes by accident (do socks count? like, not the cool socks that are supposed to be mismatched?)

41. Put your shirt on backwards/inside-out without realizing it then left your house

42. Tried to take a picture of your/someone's eye with the flash on

43. Gotten a ring stuck on your finger because you put it on even though you knew it was too small

44. Walked out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to your shoe without realizing it

45. Went to go do something/go get something, then when you got there forgot what is was that you were going to do.

46. Picked up someone else's drink and drank out of it by accident when your drink was right next to it

47. Fallen out of your chair while trying to pick something up

48. Have poked yourself in the eye (not since I was little...)

49. Have gotten in the shower with your socks still on

50. Melted your hairbrush while blow drying your hair

51. Have done enough stupid things to make a test

52. Have accidentally stabbed yourself with a pencil

53. Have sung the wrong verse to a song without realizing it (at church... a hymn with an unfamiliar tune

54. Have given an odd answer to a question because you didn't hear the question in the first place and didn't feel like asking what it was.

55. Told someone you were the wrong age because you seriously forgot how old you were

56. Looked into an overhead light purposefully while it was on

57. Got up early and got ready for school/work/meeting, then realized that you didn't have school/work/meeting that day.

58. Have tripped on a cord after someone told you to watch out for it

60. Have ever laughed at a joke that no one else thought was funny or a movie

61. Done the Macarena to the electric slide or vice versa

62. Said funner, then had someone make fun of you for it

63. Have repeated yourself at least twice in the same sentence

64. Brought up an inside joke with the wrong person

65. Didn't do the backside of an assignment because you thought that there wasn't one because you had already looked and forgot that there was another side (only once, In the only classroom I've been in, driver's ed.)

66. Did more work than you had to on an assignment because you didn't read the directions

67. Corrected someone's grammar/pronunciation then figured out that you were the one that was wrong (yeah, I tried correcting my boss when he said "slided" when talking about the credit card machine thingy...it sounded wrong at the time...)

68. Put something in a special place so that you would remember where it was, then forgot where you put it

69. Put ice in your drink after the glass was full of liquid and had it splash out

70. Told a lie then forgot what it was that you had said and got caught

71. When wearing goggles, you pulled them away from your face and let go so that they would come back and snap you in the face

72. Forgot to make sure that the lamp was off before you replaced the light bulb

73. Ran into a door jam

74. Told someone that you hardly ever do stupid things, then immediately did/said something stupid

75. Told someone to watch out for something, then you were the one that ran into it

76. Have purposely licked playground sand

77. Have purposely and repeatedly flicked yourself with a rubber band

78. Gotten so hyper that someone actually thought you were drunk when you weren't

79. Have been so hyper you actually scared people

80. Put duct tape on your body then pulled it off to see if it would pull your hairs out

81. Put duct tape on your hair/someone else's hair then pulled it off

82. Put a clothes pin/hair clip on your lip, figured out that it hurt, then did it again

83. Sat and wondered why men’s dress shirts have a loop on the back. (in church, when I should have been paying attention to the sermon. in case you're still wondering, it's so that guys can hang their shirts without a proper hanger, like, in a locker. i want such loops on my shirts. )

84. Made up a code name for someone so that you could talk about them to someone else and no one else would know who you were talking about (my coworkers do. none of the names were very nice. )

85. Have gotten a hairbrush stuck in your hair

86. Used the straw to blow the straw wrapper at someone (i take offense at this being on the stupid test. Straw Wars are not stupid. Straw Wars decide who gets the last Potato Ole.)

87. Shaved your tongue because you thought your taste buds looked weird

88. When at a restaurant/cafeteria, you used your spoon to fling stuff at people

89. Have flung forks at people in a restaurant/cafeteria

90. Sucked on a cup and got a hickey from it.

91. As you were writing, you moved your head back and forth with your pen/pencil (mostly just my lips...)

92. Have drawn finger puppets on your fingers then named them

93. Have wrapped someone in a roll of toilet paper

94. Have used somebody else's toothbrush without even realizing it wasn't yours

95. Started telling a story and forget what you were talking about or what happened in the story

96. When you saw a ‘beware of dog’ sign, you told the owners to beware of the dogs not realizing they owned the dogs

97. You have spelled your own name wrong before

98. When lying in bed you look for pictures in the texture of the ceiling.

99. Have used your calculator as a form of communication in class

100. Have popped a balloon in your mouth

RESULT:

38/100... i don't need your judgement!!!

If at least 3 of your favourite characters have died, turned evil or left, copy this into your profile and add your name to the list along with the characters. SiriusDoctorWhoHoney329 (Sirius, Remus, Fred, Tonks, Murtagh, Lex Luthor, Riku, Spike, Atem, yeah, I'm really cursed, I'll update if I think of more), XObeautifulXdisasterXO (Charlie Pace, Adam, Will Turner, Cee, Claire Littleton, Sun, Rachel, Desmond?) Obiwanlivesforever (Padme, Shmi, Qui-Gon, Boba Fett, Beru Lars, Owen Lars, Bultar Swan, Kit Fisto, Boromir, Norrington, Governor Swann, probably Gillette, Cedric, Colin, Lupin, Cypher, Warlock, Prim, Cinna, Foxface, Madge, Maysilee, Lavinia, Darius, Wiress, Bonnie, Twill, D3 boy, D10 boy, Raivis, Eston, Thew, Toris, Ciano, Fronce, Igris, Switz, Liet, and about a dozen OCs – but not Obi-Wan, ‘cause Obi-Wan lives forever), MaxRide05 (Dobby, Cedric, Lupin, Tonks, Nine, Ten, Donna, Cinna - is he rlly even dead? They never say 4 certain; could still b alive 4 all we know- Prim, Rue, Finnick & Wiress). SamCarter121314 (Fred, Sirius, Remus, Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, Padme, Chewie, Dr. Weir, Jack, Zoe Nightshade), Immortal Inheritance (Boromir, Haldir, Frodo, Gollum, Mufasa, Dally –The Outsiders- Cinna, Rue, Capt. James Nicholls –War Horse-) Ghost Rider of the Aragon [Cinna, Prim, Boromir, Murtagh, Will Turner, Anakin, (do Loki and Hawkeye count?), Smeagol, Anna Velarious, Emily Prentiss, All the good Narnia characters in The Last Battle] TFKpuppet {Fili, Kili, Thorin are my top three but these are the others. Brom, Balthazar, Haldir, Murtagh, and Elijah}vamp of alium sativum{Tris,Brom, Frigga, smeagol, Mr. Tumnus, the Beavers, Rue, Cinna,Prim, Murtagh, Eragon, Saphira,Obi Wan, Darth Vader,Will Turner, Charlotte (Charlotte's Web), Frodo, Emily Prentiss, Maeve Donovan(Reid's Girlfriend. why are the CBS writers so mean to Reid?), Shannon and Kelly Gibbs, Anna Velarious, Mufasa(tears...), the Monkey from Raiders of the Lost Ark}

MY OWN PERSONAL RULES OF FANFICTION!!!

1. you shall not write a non-summary such as "*insert fave fandom pairing* blah blah blah...story is better than summary, PLEASE READ!!!" this is essentially troll bait, and I will feel almost no pity for you when you get flamed. also, when you put "first shot, please be kind" in your summary, it makes me want to find a reason not to be kind.

2. under normal circumstances, you shall use proper grammar, spelling, and English.

2.1 you may use improper grammar, spelling, and English if the genre of the story calls for it, such as in CRACK!fics (likewhensomeoneisreallyhyperandtheyaretalkingreallyfastandyoudon'tusespaces! or words like gonna, didja, and funner. funnerer is acceptable as well.)

2.2 you shall not rely exclusively on spellcheck to edit and proof read your work. nothing ruins a dramatic angst-filled moment in a story like "she loved him more than life itself, but she didn't have the gouts to tell him..." there is a huge difference between guts and gouts; "guts" in this instance meaning "courage" and "gouts" meaning "multiple inflammations of middle aged man toes caused by increased levels of uric acid in the bloodstream". Spellcheck doesn't see the difference.

3. Warn your readers about any OOC, OC's, AU, and non-canon pairings.

3.1 Warn your readers about any triggers or mature themes in a pre-author's note

4. you shall show gratitude for reviews. give your readers a reply, be it a shout out in a future chapter, or an actual reply in their inbox.

5.if someone reviews your story, the least you could do is review one of each of the reviewer's stories. Odds are, if they review one of your stories, they have at least one in that same fandom. no matter how old the story is. if they don't wanna get an email notification about a review, they should delete all their stories so that they are not troubled by FF emails.

i'll think of more later...

MY STORIES!

completed

Reid vs. Door- Criminal Minds oneshot, was really fun to write. why is Reid Whumpage so fun?

Instant Message- Van Helsing crackfic- oneshot, co-written with Ghost Rider of the Aragon. has been deleted, edited, and reposted so that it actually makes sense

Rumplestiltskin's Council of Evil-- finally finished! I am rewarding myself for sticking with it to the end by writing crackfics. seven chapters was nearly enough to kill my attention span.

Vampbashing, Thor Style- Twi-Bash, literally. Thor smashes Ed to bits with Mjolnir, then Zaps the rubble. Oneshot. I've gotten requests to continue it and destroy Jacob as well, but I don't feel like it, and if I write it now, it'll be crap. when inspiration strikes, maybe i'll post a chapter 2

GOLD TITANIUM ALLOY!- Avengers crackfic, post-Avengers, the whole team living in stark tower. this was originally going to be a oneshot, but Mossclaw (guest) reviewed and inspired the plot bilgesnipes to write more. it is now an eight shot. it is also the last multi chapter fic that i shall write for a while.

Russian Roulette-- Clintasha, Clint and Natasha play Russian Roulette. Will Clint make it out alive?

Hulk and The Slugbug- Nuff Said.

In progress, not posted yet. basically baby plot bunnies. will not be posted for the forseeable future.

Sweet Reunions- A NCIS/Person of Interest crossover. Shannon and Kelly are found out to have been in witness protection. Gibbs follows them, and is hindered in his reunion by the Machine, Finch, and John. I pitched this idea to my cousin, and her reaction inspired me to start working on this again. sill not be posted any time soon, though...

Santa Clause is Coming to Town- Criminal Minds Christmas. shows how very creepy santa is. has been in the works since before i've been on Fanfiction, but I keep procrastinating. Maybe if I start posting Chapters now, it'll be done by Christmas.HIATUS!

PROMPTS!-- if you have an amusing idea, but are no good at writing CRACK!fics, pm me with the idea, and i'll see what I can do. no mature themes, please.

If you have ever thought of what would happen if Banshee from X men: First Class came down with Laryngitis in the middle of a training session, copy and paste this into your profile.

if you want to convince the barista at the coffee shop that you are crazy, walk confidently up to the counter, stare intently at the menu for about a minute, decide on the Chai Frappe, and proceed to order two small fry choppes.

Fandom Survey

Lord of the Rings

The first character you fell in love with: Mippin. Yes, Merry and Pippin count as one character. and i don't love them as anything weird. they are my BrOTP

The character you never expected to love: Bilbo, Gimli

The character you don’t like that everyone else does: Boromir. I think he's ridiculous.

The character you’re most like: any of the hobbits. but mostly Mippin.

The character you’d slap: Denethor.

Three favourite characters: Aragorn, Treebeard, Mippin (Merry & Pippin, they count as one)

Favourite pairing: How can anyone not love Aragorn/Arwen?

Favourite non-canon pairing: STICK TO CANON! THERE IS A REASON THAT THE ESTEEMED PROFESSOR WROTE IT THE WAY HE DID!!!

The Hobbit Fandom Survey

The first character you fell in love with: Bilbo

The character you never expected to love: Radagast

The character you don’t like that everyone else does: Thranduil. he's kinda an ass-hat. just sayin'

The character you’re most like: Pre-adventure Bilbo. "Good Morning."

The character you’d slap: Dragon sickness Thorin. who wouldn't?

Three favourite characters: Fili, Kili, Sméagol.

Favourite Canon pairing: There really are not many canon pairings in the book, unless you squint. does Sméagol/One Ring count?

Favourite non-canon pairing: STICK TO CANON! THERE IS A REASON THAT THE ESTEEMED PROFESSOR WROTE IT THE WAY HE DID!!! okay, if you force me, Kiliel is really cute, but TAURIEL IS NOT IN THE BOOK!!!

Thor Fandom Survey

The first character you fell in love with: Thor

The character you never expected to love: Loki

The character you don’t like that everyone else does: I'll get back to you on that...

The character you’re most like: Darcy... kinda...

The character you’d slap: Odin, for being a terrible father, and Loki, for letting it affect him like that...

Three favourite characters: Thor, Loki, Darcy

Favourite Canon pairing: how can you not love Thane?

Favorite Non-canon pairing: TaserTricks, Thif.

Frozen fandom survey:

The first character you fell in love with: little Elsa and little Kristoff

The character you never expected to love: almost all of the characters are immediately loveable...

The character you don’t like that everyone else does: I'll get back to you on that...

The character you’re most like: Little Elsa.

The character you’d slap: Hans. you, if you wouldn't join me.

Three favourite characters: Kristoff, Olaf, the trolls

Favourite Canon pairing: Kristoff/Anna

Favorite AU relationship: Loki/Elsa (father/daughter.)

If someone put a gun to your head, asked if you believed in God, and told you they would shoot you if you said yes, would you say yes? If you would, copy this into your profile.

Food for Thought...or maybe just craziness...you decide.

If this country is ever demoralized, it will come from trying to live without work."--Abraham Lincoln

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind" --Bernard M. Baruch

"I'm not anti-animal, i'm pro-human."--Brad Stine, Put a Helmet On!

“Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?”--JRR Tolkien

"If more of us valued food and cheer and song more than hoarded gold, It would be a merrier world."--J.R.R. Tolkein

“Whoever thought a tiny candy bar should be called fun size was a moron.”--Glenn Beck

“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.”--Erma Bombeck

"MUSHROOMS!" Peregrin Took, The Fellowship of the Ring

“This toast feels raw. Is it safe to eat raw toast?”--Lemony Snicket

“All sorrows are less with bread."--Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

“Blood may be thicker than water, but it's certainly not as thick as ketchup. Nor does it go as well with French fries.”

--Jarod Kintz

"Never Meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup" Anonymous

"Some people are like slinkies. They seem to have no purpose, but they still make you smile when you push them down the stairs."--unknown

“People love a happy ending. So every episode, I will explain once again that I don't like people. And then Mal will shoot someone. Someone we like. And their puppy.”--Joss Whedon

"It's amazing what you can accomplish with a little imagination and a wad of Duct Tape"--Red Green

“My favorite animal is steak.”--Fran Lebowitz

“You think it’s okay that we’re eating Rudolph?”

“Dude,” Percy said, “I could eat Prancer and Blitzen, too. I’m hungry.”--Rick Riordan

"There's a place for all God's creatures... Right next to the potatoes and gravy!"--Buckwear t-shirt

“Thanks cows. I appreciate your tastiness.”--Craig Ferguson

“Bacon is the candy of meat.” --Kevin Taggart

"there are two types of Pedestrians: the Quick and the Dead."-- anonymous

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."--Douglas Adams

"A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done."--Fred Allen

"A room without books is like a body without a soul."--Marcus Tullius Cicero

“Reading one book is like eating one potato chip.”--Diane Duane

“Books should go where they will be most appreciated, and not sit unread, gathering dust on a forgotten shelf, don't you agree?”--Christopher Paolini

"Never trust anybody who has not brought a book with them."--Lemony Snicket

“Finally, from so little sleeping and so much reading, his brain dried up and he went completely out of his mind.” --Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra (Don Quixote)

"The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid."--Jane Austen

"It's just a book. No harm ever came from reading a book." Evy, (The Mummy (1999. [right before waking the dead guy...])

“No man can be called friendless who has God and the companionship of good books.” Elizabeth Barret Browning

"The person who deserves most pity is a lonesome one on a rainy day who doesn't know how to read."--Benjamin Franklin

"The difference between Genius and stupidity is; genius has it's limits."--Albert Einstein

"Sarcasm. It's easier than actually having to deal with stupid people"--the Random Oliphaunt's profile page

“I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning.”--Jarod Kintz

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."--Albert Einstein

“Do ya' feel lucky, punk?”--Clint Eastwood

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."--Jim Henson

"Life's hard. It's even Harder when you're stupid."--John Wayne

“A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advice.”--Bill Cosby

"He who thinks little, errs much"-- Leonardo da Vinci

“If I saw you hitchhiking, I’d smile and return your thumb’s up, just for you doing such a great job of being a positive roadside influence.”--Jarod Kintz

“I'll take crazy over stupid any day.”--Joss Whedon

“There are generally three kinds of people in the world. People who make things happen, people who watch things happen, and people who say, what in the heck happened.”--Herman Cain

The Yesees said yes to anything
That anyone suggested.
The Noees said no to everything
Unless it was proven and tested.
So the Yesees all died of much too much
And the Noees all died of fright,
But somehow I think the Thinkforyourselfees
All came out all right.”

--Shel Silverstein

"If you're too open minded; your brains will fall out."--Lawrence Farlinghetti

"If you try to fail, and suceed, which have you done?"--George Carlin

“You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.”- Proverb

"Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip."--Winston Churchill

“Adults are just obsolete children and the hell with them.”--Dr. Seuss

"Brevity is the soul of Wit."--Polonius, Hamlet, William Shakespeare

"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing!"- Emo Philips

"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."--J.R.R. Tolkein, Bilbo Baggins, The Fellowship of the Ring

"To play without passion is inexcusable!"--Ludwig van Beethoven

“Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.”--Robert Benchley

"A person who...does not regard music as a marvelous creation of God must be a clodhopper indeed, and does not deserve to be called a human being; he should be permitted to hear nothing but the braying of asses and the grunting of hogs."--Martin Luther

"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt."--Charles M. Schulz

“How can a nation be called great if its bread tastes like kleenex?” --Julia Child

"I've often wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress."--Ronald Regan

"I predict future happiness for Americans, if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them"--Thomas Jefferson

"I believe that giving people a hand up, not a handout, is the way forward."--Hugh Jackman

"I believe what I believe is what makes me what I am"--Rich Mullins

"Let those who love us love us. And those who do not love us let God turn their ankles so we may know them by their limping." -An Old Irish Proverb

“So when the devil throws your sins in your face and declares that you deserve death and hell, tell him this: "I admit that I deserve death and hell, what of it? For I know One who suffered and made satisfaction on my behalf. His name is Jesus Christ, Son of God, and where He is there I shall be also!”--Martin Luther

"'Where is God? Where can I find him?' we ask. We don't realize that's like a fish swimming frantically through the ocean in search OF the ocean” --Ted Dekker

"A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word 'darkness' on the walls of his cell."--C.S. Lewis

“The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say”

--JRR Tolkien

May the odds be ever in your favor.

May the force be with you.

Live Long and Prosper.

yIghoSDo'

Namarie!

May your beard never wither, and

May the hair on your toes never fall out.