~ Moving On: An Autobiography of Sarah Dunlap ~
By Sarah Dunlap

Copywrite: This is something like an autobiography of my life. Out of respect, I ask that no one copy this and publish it for their own purpose. No one may use this for any reason without my written consent. Please enjoy it, learn from it and tell someone else about it, but please give credit where credit is due. Thank you for your consideration. You may now continue.

At the Start

At the fringe of the American east coast, she was born. On March 2, 1989 Sarah opened new eyes to the light of the world in Wilmington, Delaware and was abruptly thrust into the loving arms of two very happy parents. There, on the eastern edge of the USA, Sarah grew to five years old with all the love a little girl could contain. Her parents and her little brother (bran-spankin'-new since May 3, 1990) were a tight knit, mostly solitary group. For Sarah and her little brother who knew no adventure beyond their back yard and were barely prepared for the change in September of 1994, found their little feet stepping beyond the world they knew. A week long road trip carried them to the rugged and beautiful west of Northern Idaho where new life peaked over the opposite edge of the American horizon. Here, in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, new adventure's waited for the little girl named Sarah.

Behind the Scenes

Sarah grew up in a good home with many troubles and frustrations with the world. So soon in her life, Sarah faced trials that would mold her for the rest of her life, ultimately changing her into a better and stronger person. Early in life, it would not have been uncommon for her to say the world was unfair and she had no friends. She didn't know who she was or was supposed to be and playground life was cruel. She was fat, she learned, because all the other kids said so, and as she got older and came to like boys, she learned the new struggles of really liking someone who didn't like her back. Sarah fought to balance all her new emotions and often failed and she learned that all her feelings could effectively go onto paper. Through art and writing she survived elementary school, became popular and manipulated in middle school and separated her self from society in high school.
During high school, Sarah found high definition drama with every aspect of life. Needy, clingy and frankly paranoid and mistrustful of the world, Sarah slinked to the sides of society and dodged intimacy. She attached her self to a few people she'd known since elementary school and hung on for dear life and everyone else could just die.
She hated everyone and everything with the exception of art, writing, her best friend Jessica and the many crushes she developed over guys, she knew, would never like her. Life sucked and she wondered from time to time if it would be better to die. To bad, so sad, so young. Poor Sarah, only 16, was sucked into a terribly dark world inside her own head. Depression stamped itself on her life and hurt so bad she felt it in her bones.
When her mother noticed her upsetting pattern of failing grades, frequent-consistent bad moods, disturbing choices in entertainment and string-along-days of hooky, things started to change. In a desperate move to better the lives of her children, Sarah's mother suggested to her father that the kids move from public school to home school. After some thought and consideration by the parents, mission "make-life-better-for-the-kids" was a go.
Life suddenly took a turn... a very odd, rollercoaster type turn. While Sarah and her brother did feel loads better without the oppression of public school life, life became strange and hard for the grown-ups. Sarah coasted through high school with easy A's and a mostly lazy life at the computer. Social life went even further down hill than it had been prior, which was surprising given the nearly non-existent social life she'd had in public high school anyway. Even though life was rather breezy at this new stage of her life, Sarah faced new heartache with the stress on her parents.
In addition to normal adult stressors, Sarah's parents found themselves under new academic and governmental pressures. Sarah and her brother enjoyed home schooled life, but ultimately felt the heat of the growing frustration between her parents. This easier life came with a price, she realized... and in ways that were harder to deal with than when she was in high school.
She learned to rely on her self in new ways. Though, Sarah had good parents who would gladly support her and carry along how ever she needed, some things, Sarah learned, were only gained through one's own experiences. High school graduation gave Sarah a new view on life. Coasting on her parents wasn't going to get her far... This was the beginning of a new Sarah.

Trials

Sarah graduated from high school at 19... A little late because of her prior set backs in public high school. Sarah went to college while she was in high school and found her Sociology and Political Science College courses thoroughly entertaining. After graduating, she didn't go right to college again, instead, she found her self a job and for the next three years to come, she somehow found herself working three jobs simultaneously at some point. She was babysitting two boys, regularly, two or three times a week. She worked as a cashier doing various other odd jobs at Hastings, and as a customer service representative she worked begrudgingly at Center Partners (a calling center). In all this, Sarah found life to be rather difficult. It was hard being an adult... even while she was still living with her parents.
At nineteen years old, Sarah met a man named Greg. He was a rather charming person. He was also thirty-something years old... but he liked her. Sarah was, admittedly, a lonely person and it was so nice to have someone like her. She never really had a boyfriend before. There were a couple of guys in the past who had taken advantage of her and were pretty much in and out of her life so quickly, none of them could be called boyfriends. Greg held her hand, gave her hugs as much as she wanted, said she was beautiful, stroked her hair, gave her kisses. She loved it. She was over whelmed at times and if you asked her now what she thought of the event, she'd say hindsight was 20/20. Looking back, she'd say, she was too naive to understand that she'd let him sweep her along too fast before she was ready. She'd say he'd been charming at the start and the more she'd gotten to know him, the more his true colors showed. She'd say it was a mistake.
Sarah got pregnant.
As a good Christian girl, Sarah was truly surprised and appalled with her self that she'd gotten herself pregnant. Everything suddenly swooped in on her and she felt that life was surreal. She couldn't believe that her life had come to this. She was truly caught by surprise by her own actions and really... she didn't know what to do. Soon after... she broke up with Greg. She was already seeing patterns in Greg's life she didn't like such as drinking, gambling, trouble with the law and the inability to keep a job. Before she knew she was pregnant she was already seriously considering ending it with Greg, but now that a new innocent life was in the mix? She wanted better for the baby.
Sarah ended it with Greg and told her parents what had happened. For the first year in particular there was a lot of tension in the family. Sarah and her father, who weren't real close, were on rather fragile terms after the announcement, Sarah's younger brother was outright shocked... then disbelieving, then angry and then happy, Sarah's mother went through the five stages of grief in ten minutes and then hugged her. Life would never again be as it had been for any of them up until that point. All of her friends responded similarly to how Sarah, her self, first responded. "No, not you! Not Sarah! Sarah is a good Christian girl. Sarah doesn't get pregnant!" Nearly everyone expressed disappointment and then a clear show of support.
Sarah didn't take charge of her life and responsibilities right away. She still couldn't quite get it into her head that all this was real... but it was, so she couldn't avoid it for long.
She decided to give up her baby for adoption. It was painfully obvious that she couldn't give the child what it needed.
The first year was the hardest because she had to find the family. Looking back she'd say that God was her main source of strength. Her mother wanted to keep the baby and so the life long friendship between Sarah and her mother was very nearly shredded and gone. Her father supported her and her brother was neutral ground. She had many people rooting for her, but little support from the people from which it mattered. People said she was foolish and people said she was right and strong. Strong, they said... so strong... Truly, though, she wanted to give up so many times... Life was too hard. She was so weak so often, and selfish and tired and angry... God was her real support. God is strong. Not her... and she'd say as much even unto this day.
She finally found a good family through her church. It was so last minute too. Sarah hadn't known Stephanie and Jason (the now adoptive parents) for very long before Sarah's little girl was born. She named her Lillian Jo. Lillian was after "The Lily of the Valley" a term used for Christ, to mean purity in every area of life, and Jo was after Sarah's Grandmother who'd died shortly before Lily was born.
After Lily was born on August 10, 2009, Stephanie and Jason took Lily home at 2 days old. The adoption was supposed to be passed 10 days after she was born but there were complications. These complications dragged the adoption along for nearly 3 years and Sarah feared her family would be ruined over it. Her drive was for her daughter to have the best life possible and ultimately that meant forsaking all else... even family. Of course, she loved her family very much and every life she touched in regards to this child and the adoption. She cared for her family so much, but something about giving Lily the best life possible drove her to stick out the adoption for 3 years.
Today, Lily's name has been changed to Abby and she lives a beautiful, happy, healthy life with her parents, older sister and two dogs who adore her. She is living the life I couldn't give her personally but I'm glad and comforted to know that the family I chose is giving my little girl the life I wanted her to have. I stay in touch with the family regularly and often. I am blessed to be a part of their family and I still face trials regularly in many areas of life but with God, family and friends I continue to overcome the obstacles thrown at me and I become stronger every day. The trial I am trying to over come now is college and soon I will be doing work that I believe would make my family and my God pleased with me. I have a long ways to grow, but really, I look forward to the life I have ahead of me because I will become a person that God is molding me to be.

Sarah Now

Sarah is 22 going on eternity. Knowing she's got an infinity amount of things to do, see, learn and love, she looks forward to new life experiences (good and bad) because, the way she sees it, new experiences can only help her grow. Sarah loves to learn as much as she can about people, cultures, languages and health. When she is not whittling away at a mountain of college assignments, she's enjoying the entertainment of other cultures (mostly asian cultures), playing mind bending games (like Free Cell and Spider Solitare), painting (watercolors or people), drawing (anything), reading (for class or enjoyment), writing (for fun), acting (in drama club), playing (whenever she can), laughing (as much as possible), singing (in a band), and learning from God. Sarah has learned to love life, even when dodging a bullet or two, and even though she's not expecting to die anytime soon, she still likes to live like she doesn't have much time left. It's a good philosophy to live with a goal and a purpose like you haven't got tomorrow. And, there's another thing... Sarah's like deep, thought provoking wisdom and conversation... with friends. She also likes making friends... ^^