Ways To Annoy People

1. Go Into A Grocery Store And Follow Someone Around Asking, "Guess What?"

2. Go Into A Department Store And Sneak Up On Somebody Who Is Talking On A Cell Phone And Whisper, "Who're Ya Talkin' To?" And When They Say, "Hey Dude, Can I Have A Little Privacy Please?" You Say, "No, 'Cause You're In Public, Bud. You Can't Have Privacy In Public!"

3. Do The Old Trick When You Put Dog Crap In A Bag Then Set It On Fire, And Leave It On Somebody's Doorstep. So If They're Going To Try To Stomp It Out, They Have To Get Dog Crap All Over Their Shoe.

4. Prank Call The Same Person Over And Over Asking Them What Color Their Underwear Is.

5. If You're A Guy, You'll Love This One. Go Into Hot Topic And Pretend To Have A Heart-attack, And When A Hot Blonde Does CPR, Start Kissing Her. (Warning: This One Can Get You Slapped And Maybe A Butt-whooping From Her Boyfriend)

6. Go Into A Public Restroom And Use The Toilet Paper As A Mummy Wrap, And Jump Out Screaming, "Boo!"

7. Come Running Out Of A Restroom Saying To Random People, "Whoa Dude! Come See The Size Of The One I Just Made!"

8. Noisily Chew Gum Behind Someone Who Is Trying To Read, And When They Turn Around, Spit It Out And Hold It Out To Them And Say, "Hey, Want Some? It's Watermelon!"

9. Go Into The Toy Section And Leave A 'Used Diaper' On The Ground And Say, "The Dolly Had An Accident."

10. Go Into A Mall At Christmas Time And Pull Off Santa's Beard Screaming, "Holy Cow! It's A Fake! He Ain't Real!"

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink. BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa. BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail. BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN! We fucked up!"

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry. BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number. BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back. BEST FRIENDS: Loses your shit and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you. BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door. BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone. BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell

FRIENDS: Are only through highschool/college. (aka: drinking buddies) BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough. BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Bitch drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!

FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this shittttt!!

FUN TIME

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking. 2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms. 4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens. 5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away. 6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department. 8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" 9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose. 10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are. 11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. 12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels. 13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!" 14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.."NO! NO! It's those voices again!" 15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here! 16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"

Random Sayings:

Diamonds are a girl’s best friend...because they're shaper then knives.

ADOST: Attention Deficit-Ohh Shiny Thing

Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

God made men first, then he had a better idea!

Women are angels. When someone breaks our wings, we continue flying...on broomsticks.

You know you're a geek when procrastination doesn't affect your grades.

Relax. Nothing is ok.

Just say no to drugs. Because if your drugs are talking to you, you've probably had too many.

Never do anything you don't want to explain to the paramedics.

You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.

If you can stay calm when everything around you is complete chaos, you probably haven't fully understood the situation.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.

If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?

You don't have to be faster than the bear; you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.

We're not retreating! We're advancing in a different direction!

I was going to take over the world but I got distracted by something sparkly.

Some say the glass is half full, some say the glass is half empty. I say “Are you gonna drink that?"

I'm going on a quest, to the deepest, darkest corners of my room, in search of what some would call a "floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me my friends, wish me luck, for I may not return alive.

Whoever said "words don't hurt" have obviously never had a hard-backed encyclopedia hurled at their head.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Robbers stab you in the stomach. Boyfriends stab you in the heart. Friends stab you in the back. Best friends poke you with straws.

Earth is full. Go home.

Flying is very simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Being weird is like being normal, only better.

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.

PMS - Possible Murder Suspect

As I lay in bed looking at the twinkling stars above me, I think, "Where the hell is my ceiling?"

I didn't lose my mind. I sold it on Ebay.

Warning: Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.

I'm only mean to people who tell me to be nice!

Curiosity killed whoever got in my way.

I'm a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up.

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

Smile. It scares people.

An overly-positive attitude may not be enough to solve a problem, but it sure ticks people off enough for it to be worth it!

I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff

There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

The cops never find it as funny as you do.

Reality is for people who lack imagination.

If aliens are looking for intelligent life? WHY THE HECK ARE YOU SCARED?!

The light you see at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of a fast approaching train.

Taste the rainbow - Eat CRAYONS!

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

People say I've lost my sanity, but I can't lose what I never had.

The voices in my head may not be real but they still have pretty good ideas...

You're just jealous 'cause the voices talk to me not you

Nine out of the ten voices in my head agree that I'm insane. The tenth is off chasing cars.

The voices in my head don’t like you.

If you think I'm crazy you should meet my mother.

Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.

Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?

When your mom leaves you in the car alone for a few minutes, everyone outside immediately become rapist.

Don't waste a minute not being happy. If one window closes, run to the next window or break down a door.

I used to have a life but, that was before video games! (and fanfiction)

The evening news always starts off by saying 'Good Evening' and then proceed to tell you exactly why it isn't.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Doesn't 'expecting the unexpected' make the unexpected expected?

Normality will be restored as soon as we're sure what it is.

Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?

STRESS: A condition brought on by over-riding the bodies desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately deserves