Hello (that sounds so formall, lets start this over)

Wuz' up peoples!

Hm . . . well, I'm a girl . . . I was born in England . . . yup, that's pretty much it for me!

I LOVE fanfiction, which means I like to read (duh!) And then I got the idea, why not join!

I love to write, and want to right my own book (doesn't seem to be getting anywhere.)

So to practice till my dream comes true (sigh), I joined. It is my life now (not kidding)!

Tamora Pierce is my favorite author and Stephanie Meyer is my second.

(Bella can have Edward, but Rosalie needs to die and I get Emmett!)

I know, I'm cruel.

Hope you like my stories . . . um, story. (single)

(It's my friend's fault for getting me addicted . . . you know who you are . . .)

Personality: Fun, a little bit insane, bookworm, always happy!

What I like to do in my spare time: Fanfiction, read, and I like to throw rocks at things, LIKE BOYS!!

Favorite Animal: (what's the point in having a favorite animal?) anyways : I really don't know . . . um, the one with four legs and the nose, and uhh . . . the tail? ooh, maybe FROGGY itsy bitsy teeny weenie idy bidy FROGGY!! . . . I like rocks, ya don't have to feed them.

The one thing I REALLY want to do right now: run around the mall screaming like a maniac on crack!

My Fave Quotes:

S T U P I D = Smart Talented Unique Person In Demand

"The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with."

"when all else fails read the instructions. when all else fails and the instructions are missing, kick it."

"Whatever it is, I didn't do it!" My little brother

"Potatoes are my life!! . . . wait, I hate potatoes." Me

"Americans are brutal . . . I'm worse." Me

"Do you want some pasta with that cheese?" All my friends!

"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain." Shakespeare (That is so true.)

"I think as a human being... Men don't think any differently from women- they just make more noise about being able to." -Alanna of Trebond

Kaddar: "Women aren't up to the discipline of military life."
Daine: "You must tell Lady Alanna that sometime. I'd do it from a distance."

"I would apologize for my rudeness, if I had manners. Happily, I don't." -Rikash

"I hope you will think of a smart way to fight them. If you don't, I will find a stupid way." -Daine (to Numair)

Kel: "He's a fine judge of folk, Peachblossom. Except Neal. He's prejudiced against Neal."
Tobe: "He just likes the way Neal squeaks when he's bit."

"I've said it before and I'll say it again, my lord. You are a bad man." -Kel

"Such fatherly wrath. I would be terrified, except, well, I'm not." - Kyprioth

"Why, I'm just as true and honest as dirt. And I'm even more charming than dirt." - Aly

Fesago:"Curiosity killed the cat" Aly: "People always forget the rest of that saying-'and satisfaction brought it back'"

"Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." -The Princess Bride

Someday we'll look back at this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

Parents spend the first years of our lives teaching us to walk and talk and then during the rest of our lives they tell us to sit down and shut up.

No matter how hard I try, I can't complete a thought without you interrupting it.

Keep friends close, keep enemies closer.

Welcome to the Ool. There's no "p" in it, lets keep it that way.

Everyday I realize that Edward Cullen isn't real, I die a little inside.

Everyday I realize Domitian of Masbolle isn't real, I feel like I've been stabbed with a thousand knives and one pen. --Me

Boys are like slinkeys. Completely useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder

Keep smiling- it makes everyone wonder what your up too

I am NOT saying your stupid...I'm just implying it.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird.

"God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made woman."

"I am a bomb technician. If you see me running try and keep up!"

"whatever women do they must do it twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily this is not difficult."

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

"history will be kind to me for I intend to write it."

"I never make stupid mistakes. only very very clever ones."

"i do not often attack the labour party. They do it so well for themselves."

"when science finally locates the centre of the universe some people will be surprised to learn that they're not it."

"'Oh of course you'll agree. You're a warrior. You won't question orders.' I do, all the time, Kel thought to herself--I just don't do it outloud "- Conversation between Keladry of Mindelan and Daine Sarrasri in LADY KNIGHT

"It's bad enough my chest keeps groing. Now something like this happens."-Alanna of Trebond in ALANNA:THE FIRST ADVENTURE

"Commanders are as rare as heroes...You've shown flashes of being a commander Keladry it's my job to see if you will do more than just flash." -Lord Raoul of Golden Lake and Malories Peak

"The king doesn't think you have to be perfect--you're the only one dolt enough to expect that"-Nealan of Queenscove in PAGE

"Where had all my shyness gone?--No it was that I felt so comfortable doing true Dog's work"-Beka Cooper in TERRIER

"'You're always reading." retorted Sandry 'The only way people can ever talk to you is to interrupt.' 'Then maybe they shouldn't talk to me.' Tris said" -Conversation between Tris and Sandrilene

" 'Has anybody ever told you you're bossy?" demanded Keth 'All the time,' Tris replied" -Tris and Kethlum

"'You're actually a nice person, aren't you?' she went beet red. 'No,' she retorted." -Tris and Kethlum

"Perhaps not with Tris, Daja thought. You'd have to get her attention first, and she'd probably hit you with a book." -Daja

"Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience."-unknown

"My knight in shining armor is on his way. He just took a wrong turn, got lost and is to stubborn to ask for directons"-unknown

~A day without sunshine is like...night.

~42.7 percent of statistics are made up on the spot.

~He who laughs last thinks slowest.

~The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

~A clear conscience is ususally a sign of a bad memory.

~Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

~OK. . .so what's the speed of dark?

~When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

~Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

~Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have any film.

~What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

~Eagles may soar, but bunnies don't get sucked into jet engines.

~Why do psychics have to ask your name?

~Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

~Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

"Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac."

"I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?"

"We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture."

"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"

"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.' "

"USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population."

"Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash."

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die."

"My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden."

Do you wake up in the morning feeling sleepy and grumpy? Then you must be Snow White.

Take away the right to say "fk" and you take away the right to say "fk the government!".

The dodo died. Then Dodi died, Di died and Dando died... Dido must be shtting herself.

The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm bears.

I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because it's cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know that!

I bet a lot of mimes choke to death because nobody believes they're really choking.

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.

We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?

Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.

I intend to live forever - so far, so good

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!

"Everybody was saying we must have more leisure. Now they are complaining they are unemployed."

My favorite quotes from my favorite movie, Secondhand Lions!

1. Walter: I’m going to go inside and watch television.

Garth: Ain’t got one.

Walter: No television?

2. Walter: You bought a used lion?

3. Garth: Salesman should be by in about three, four hours.

Hub: Whoop-de-do.

4. Hub and Garth are getting ready to shoot at a travelling salesman

Walter: Why not see what he’s sellin’?

Hub: What the hell for?

Walter: Well what’s the good of having all that money if you’re never gonna spend it?

Garth: Could be the kid has a point.

Hub: Well. We’ll see what the man’s sellin’. THEN we’ll shoot him.

Garth: Good plan.

5. Hub: We’re fix’in to die anytime, so if we kick off in the middle of the night, you’re on your own.

6. Walter: If I’m going to live here, there’s gonna be some conditions.

Hub: conditions?

Walter: No more dangerous stuff. No more fighting teenagers. No airplanes. More vegetables, less meat.

7. Hub: You know what I don’t like ‘bout houseguests?

slams fist on the table

Hub: Dinner table Chit-Chat Chit-Chat

Warning: I just started driving (got my permit) Let's just say STAY OFF THE ROADS! I was horrible during driver's ed: I RAN OVER A SQUIRREL(yes, I was crying, swerving all over the roads cause I couldn't see through my tears), I ran through a RED light (I was staring at this really hot guy in my overhead mirror, I know, I'm stupid), I stopped in the middle of an intersection(my teacher wanted me to turn right, but it was blocked by cones so I stopped, not knowing what to do, and he started yelling at me saying "Floor it, floor it, FLOOR IT NOW!!"), and my driver's ed teacher almost JUMPED OUT OF THE CAR!! (yeah it wasn't pretty, I was about to turn on a one way street, and he unbuckled his seat belt and opened the door, saying he was about to jump out of the car! I yelled at him "What the @# are you doing!?" Until my parter pointed at the sign saying it was a one way street and I was about to turn into it, driving the wrong way!)

Yeah, it was a bad day for me . . . very bad.

Stories: I have just started my first story on fanfiction! I even have reviews! YAY!! (This symbolizes me jumping up and down with joy!)

Ugh! (And this means I just fell flat on my face . . .ow.)

I AM SO SORRY!! My wonderful readers, please don't be mad at me, I've been having a tuff time. Be mad, I deserve it, but my story NEEDS to be read! So chapter four is up, finally! To make up for my long absence, I've already started chapter five! I'm gonna make it exciting, don't worry! I have lots of things planned for chapter five, mwa ha ha . . . R&R!!

He he . . . (awkward laughing) . . . okay, haven't updated in a while I know, but I just spent a week in Italy (just got back yesterday) and am SO JET-LAGGED!! I couldn't even see straight, terrible headache and stomach ache (mostly caused by the sickly airplane food, ugh) and I am SICK!! I hate being sick, got a sore throat and cold! it sucks! And I can never look at american guys the same way again! Italians are SO MUCH CUTER!! My friends and I even counted the guys like "Ooh look, there goes number seventy-two!" Yeah, we got to about 284 before we lost track! (That number we got on the third day!) So sorry about not updating, I'm trying, promise!

Copy and Pasties

If you hear voices of the Twilight characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you're a proud stalker and obsessed love-struck fan-girl of Edward Cullen, copy this into your profile

If you are absolutely in love with Stephenie Meyer's fictional character Edward, from Twilight, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever spazzed out when you've seen a silver Volvo S60, because it reminds you of Edward Cullen, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you start to freak out when you can't find one of your copies of Twilight, New Moon, or Eclipse when really you haven't lost it but your evil sadistic bunny of a sister thought it would be funny to hide them from you just so she could see you freak out, copy and paste this to your profile.

98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile.

If you are called 'weird' at least 5 times a day, post this in your profile

Did you know that...Kissing is healty. Bananas are good for period pain. It's good to cry. Chicken Soup actually makes you feel better. 94 percent of boys would love it if you sent them flowers. Lying is actually unhealthy. You really only need to apply mascara to your top lashes. Its actually true, boys do insult you if they like you. 89 percent of boys want YOU to make the first move. It's impossible to apply mascra with your mouth closed. Chocolate will make you feel better. Most boys think its cute when you say the wrong thing. A good friend never judges. A good foundation will hide all hickeys...not that you have any. Boys aren't worth your tears. We all love surprises. Now, make a wish. Copy and Paste this into your profile in the next 15 minutes and your wish will be granted.

If you have ever walked into a doorway that you could have clearly dodged but you werent paying close enough attention, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have an iPod and love rocking out to it, post this in your profile.

If you would kill to have wings, post this in your profile.

If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile. (my little brother, mwa haha!)

If you think paper scissors rock solves everything then put this in ur pro!

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile. (I went down the stairs without using feet)

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile. (Do it all the time)

If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

If you easily finish one novel a day, copy this onto your profile (I stayed up to one in the morning to get Breaking Dawn!)

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile. (Fanfiction=life)

If you like chocolate as much as I do, copy this in your profile. (I am SO a chocoholic)

If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile

If you hate those irritating mosquitos giving you mosquito bites, copy this in your profile.

92 percent of American teens would die if Abercombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing your ass off. (I'm sorry, but I don't even step foot in that store)

If you think copying and pasting all this crap that people tell you to copy and paste is a waste of time...copy and paste this into your profile.

MISC.

“ What just happened here?”
“ I don’t know. I’ll tell you when I regain consciences.”

A blonde girl and an old business man are both travelling on a plane. The businessman, confident that he is smarter then the blonde says to her:
“Let’s play a game; I’ll give you ten to one odds. For every question I ask you that you get wrong you give me five dollars and for every question that you ask me
that I get wrong, I’ll give you fifty dollars.”
The blonde nods in agreement and they start playing. The businessman asks first,
“What is the capital of Russia?” Not knowing the answer, the blonde immediately hand him 5 dollars. The business man smiles and waits for the Blonde’s question.
The blond then asks the Man- “What is black, white, and blue and jumps up and down several times a day?”
Puzzled, the man thinks for a minute and can’t figure out the answer, he hands her 50 dollars.
“So what was the answer to the question?” He asks.
Smiling, the blonde hands him five dollars.

“tell me when she reaches the Pyramids.”
“she’s at the Sphinx now”
“what was that about?”
“shes in Da Nile”

The World We Live In...
The World We Live In is a pretty amazing place...
It's where a man can't walk down the street holding his boyfriends hand without being called names...
It's a place where women are highly valued objects...
It's where people of different colours are treated like different species...
It's a place where we start wars over something we didn't need in the first place...
It's where homeless people sleep in the streets, while rich people step over them...
It's truly amazing the way we are heating up with our little conveniences, TVs, Cars, computers, just because people are too lazy to get solar panels...
It's a place where our role models are only famous because of the people they slept with...
It's where old men rule the old women, the young men, the young women, and the children and don't let any new ideas in...
It's a special place where it's normal to be overweight...
A truly wonderful world where three billion women feel inadequate because the models they look up to have just lost forty kilos thanks to a computer...
It truly is a wonderful, wonderful world

16 THINGS IM GOING TO DO AT WAL-MART
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!"
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"
Repost this if you laughed... Or are planning to do any of these things

Annoying things to do on an elevator: read this!:) very funny!!
1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag,
peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in
there?"
2) STAND silent and motionless in the
corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt
and strain to yank the doors open, then
act as if you're embarrassed when they
open themselves.
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake
and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a
while. Then announce in horror: "You're
one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And
push all the red buttons.
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone
presses a button.
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger
for a while, then announce: "I have new
socks on."
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look
around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12) TRY to make personal calls on the
emergency phone.
13) DRAW a little square on the floor
with chalk and announce to the other
passengers: "This is my personal space."
14) WHEN there's only one other person
in the elevator, tap them on the
shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they
give you a shock. Smile, and go back for
more.
16) ASK if you can push the button for
other people but push the wrong ones.
17) HOLD the doors open and say you're
waiting for your friend. After a while,
let the doors close and say "Hi Greg,
How's your day been?"
18) DROP a pen and wail until someone
reaches to help pick it up, then scream:
"That's mine!"
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of
everyone in the lift.
20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant
and review emergency procedures and
exits with the Passengers.
21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.

(\ _ /)
(O.o )
This is Bunny.
Copy Bunny into your profile to help him on his way to world domination

Best friends through thick and thin!
If you cry, I cry,
If you laugh, I laugh,
If you fight, I got your back,
If you trip, I'll catch you when you fall,
If you jump off a bridge... Oh heck ,wait for me!

If you can read this message, you are blessed, because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all:
-I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! Tahts so cool! If you could read that put it in your profile!

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Post this on your profile if you hate racism!

Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?
Boy: No.
Girl: Do you like me?
Boy: No.
Girl: Do you want me?
Boy: No.
Girl: Would you cry if I left?
Boy: No.
Girl: Would you live for me?
Boy: No.
Girl: Would you do anything for me?
Boy: No.
Girl: Choose—me or your life?
Boy: My life
The girl runs away in shock and pain and boy runs after and says..
The reason you don't cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.
The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.
The reason why I don't want you is because I need you.
The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.
The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.
The reason why I'm not willing to do anything for you is because I would do everything for you.
The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life

25 Things My Mother Taught Me

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don 't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

50 Things to Do During An Exam When Your Going To Fail Anyway

1.Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.

2.Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"

3.If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.

4.Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.

5.Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm sooo sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

6.Bring cheerleaders.

7.Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand any of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"

8.Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc...). Play with the volume at max level.

9.On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

10.Bring pets.

11.Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.

12.Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.

13.Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.

14.Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.

15.Come down with a bad case of Turet's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.

16.Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.

17.Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.

18.As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.

19.Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.

20.Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.

21.Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.

22.Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB. BABE. etc..).

23.Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.

24.Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Screw this!" and walk out triumphantly.

25.Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink)

26.Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).

27.Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"

28.Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.

29.Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.

30.Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam.

31.Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say "you don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!"

32.Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said.

33.From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.

34.Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.

35.If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.

36.Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword and shield.

37.Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.

38.Bring cheat sheets for another class (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."

39.When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip.

40.After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.

41.One word: Wrestlemania.

42.Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start.

43.Try to get people in the room to do the wave.

44.Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.

45.Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.

46.Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc... sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.

47.During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.

48.Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.

49.Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say "it helps me think." Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase "Told you so".

50.Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why Professor xxxx Sucks"

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