Things I've Answered To: Schaden, freak, sir, sadistic bastard, Doitsu, tranny...und Claude. This may be surprising to you, strange reader, but none of these are even close to my real name.

Age: Not legal

Gender: Biologically, I'm female; however mentally I worry that a mistake has been made

My Username: A discussion a friend and I had (I'm paraphrasing here):

Friend-You've got this one part of you that is an amazing sadist, but there is still the part of you that was brainwashed in a oh-noes-other-peoples-suffering-is-bad-pansyass-culture. Those parts are constantly fighting and you won't really be able to be yourself till you totally slash-and-burn one of the competing halves. You're stuck at quietly laugh at homevideo shows and feeling guilty about it later.

Me-Isn't there a word for that?

F-OMFG YES IT'S SCHADENFREUDE! You'll be stuck at just schadenfreude for the rest of your misirable confused life! Don't you love German words? :D

M- :C You mean German words like this? Go eat scheiße you schlampe.

F- I love you, too

This all makes sense in context...I swear.

SimplySchadenfreude has more ~alliteration~ than JustSchadenfreude.

On dA I'm MerelySchadenfreude.

I hate hugs, but I seem to attract friends who give hugs out like candy from a white paneled creeper van.

I'm frequently used as a pillow by the previously mentioned friends.

My friends seem to think that me saying "Go to hell" or "I hate you" really means "I love you"

I'm abusive to people sometimes. But usually I don't mean it. Mostly. Sometimes. Maybe.

I absolutely love when I'm taller than other people. Especially guys. I just get this rush of good feelings about myself.

I'm insanely socially awkward and shy. I know it just makes me seem like a mean person sometimes, but I'm afraid of doing something wrong.

I'm totally patriotic...just not for the country I should be.

I've been lovingly told that there I am a straight man trapped in a woman's body...aren't friends the greatest

Stuff I Like

Knowing. I have this insane need to know and learn and find out why and how.

I like to read. It goes along with the knowing thing. I'll read almost anything, but I have a particular, often morbid love for anything to do with:

organized crime (the Mafia, the Triads, the Yakuza, the Mafiya/Bratva)

murderers and serial killers

cannibals

wars, WWII especially

crime

different cultures and customs

history (mostly European)

gratuitous violence

Yes, I know most of these things are bad...but it's interesting.

I'm a total self-admitted nerd. I love Marvel Comics (although I have been know to go over to the other side(s) on occasion, namely for Hellboy and the Joker) and could talk about them all day. There is a permanent place in my tiny heart for the X-Men, who are my all-time favorites. And the villains. Sometimes I cheer more for them than the heroes. I also like anime/manga. My favorites are:

Axis Powers: Hetalia ( My current and longest obsession)

Kuroshitsuji

Durarara

Baccano

Hellsing

I love languages. I want to learn more, but currently I know English (noshit), currently working on Latin, and I know basic scraps (yes, no, vodka, shit, please, hello, etc.) of Spanish, German, Russian, Italian, French, Swedish, Japanese, and I can tell you to suck it in Arabic...I kinda wish there was a logical explanation for that last one, but there isn't.

Things I Really Like: accents (Euro accents are love), tattoos, piercings, boots, languages I don't know, motorcycles...I'm sorry, what was I talking about?

I've been told I have a fetish for blue people and a fetish for Germans. THE FIRST IS NOT TRUE. It's just coincidence that Nightcrawler, Kisame, and Mystique are all blue and awesome. Now the second...that, that is probably true.

My favorite TV shows are Law&Order SVU, Bones, Leverage, World's Dumbest, Bizarre Foods, and CRIMINAL MINDS~

Stuff I Do Not Like

Touchy-feely people

Children. Hate them. I have no desire to be around them.

Most people my own age. I do not play nice with others.

Stupid people/people who act stupid on purpose.

People who disrupt class I wouldn't call myself a teacher's pet (although others have) but if you inturrupt me while I'm trying to learn something interesting I will kick you in the face.

The ass that puts their hand on the book while you're trying to read.

Grammatical/Punctuation/Spelling mistakes. Especially the obvious ones.

When things aren't straight, or even, or messy, or unorganized. I have OCDish habits, but if things are messed up I don't get panic-y, I just get angry. I like having things planned out and for there to be directions or a system or something.

ppl who tlk leik dis...MY INNER GRAMMAR NAZI IS NOT HAPPY

I have absolutely NO patience for people.

The only thing that makes me 'girly' is that I like to cook. And maybe my love for the FLAMING MASS OF RAINBOWS AND HOMO AND MILD INAPPROPRIATENESS THAT IS RENT...I...um...I'm sorry about that. I lost it for a second.

Is anyone really reading my ranting/rambling?