First it was security cameras

The shootings continued.

Then Metal Detectors

More Gunfire!

Advanced security measures

Shootings Increased.

Blockading classroom doors

More Massacres!!

Now Kevlar Vests, thicker walls, & arming teachers!

The Problem is GUNS!! Not Security!!!

Copy and Post this if you want guns out of our schools!!!

California school teacher demands to be armed by the US Government, but not how President Trump would like,

Twitter user @Mrsbowmanocsa asked to be armed with funding for a school psychologist, mandatory school counselors, and funding to create smaller class sizes so she can better get to know her students. She said the above are the things she really needs. At no point did she ask for a firearm.

Copy and Post this if you want guns out of our schools or any and all of the above in our schools.

"As a teacher, I knocked myself out head butting the ceiling pretending to be a particle, star-jumping off a desk.

I've set my arm on fire when lit ethanol trickled down sleeve from my hand.

I've burnt my ear listening if gas was coming out of a Bunsen.

Please don't give me a gun!!!

Copy and Post this if you want guns out of our schools.

Philip Clarke

Fellow teacher responses to above

"Being a teacher is predominantly a low-paid female occupation, attracting people who want to do good, to nurture and educate children. NOT the type to want to have a gun and possibly KILL a child. A HIDEOUS ARGUMENT FROM A HIDEOUS MAN/COUNTRY!"

"I cannot remember a single item I brought to my classroom that wasn't touched, poked, prodded or broken by my students. Why would I want to offer up a gun???"

"I once encouraged a student, who was a bowler, to show me her swing. She had her bowling ball in her hand. It did not go well. Please don't give me a gun either."

"Perhaps the solution is to quit allowing over-the-counter weapons of mass destruction. So here is a slogan..."no more OTC WMD". Pass it on."

"I have special training because I work with violent youth in special education setting and previous I taught in jail. I am a licensed carry but... I do not want guns in classrooms. I do not want to hug a kid and my gun get in way. I do not want to worry about if I locked it in my desk or room and some janitor accidentally left it unlocked while I was handling a seizure or an emotional meltdown of a kid. I do not want it to be yanked from hip and used against me or my students."

The decorated officer who weighed his options and decided against going against a shooter who was not only armed and dangerous, shooting up kids, but armed with a military grade weapon and ammo without backup is now held up as a scapegoat who despite doing exactly what he was trained to do, was forced to resign from a previously decorated career. He was and is being blamed by many for not saving enough people despite the fact that he did all he could with the training he had. Now, say that only 20 percent of teachers have passed the psych test, and are armed. 20 % is like say 1-3 teachers per district by the way. But say they are armed. Most teachers if armed are only going to be armed with a gun where they can shoot at maximum 6 bullets. A shooter comes into the school with a military grade assault weapon. Or any weapon really that you don't have to reload after say 1-2 bullet. He/She walks into a room on the other side of the school from the armed teachers classroom and starts shooting up the kids and teachers in the room. Even if it only takes 30 seconds for the alert to sound that there is an armed incident, a minute for the armed teacher to secure their room, 30 seconds for the armed teacher to discover where the shooter is, and miraculously 30 seconds-a minute for the teacher to get from their classroom across the school to the room where the shooter is; (the likelihood of all that taking only that long and not far longer is slim) but lets say he has managed all of that in that 2-3 minute time limit. During that time, the shooter has killed or critically wounded probably at least 6 people. The cops haven't responded yet, but the armed teacher shoots and kills the shooter, who is probably also a student. So not only do we have the dead student who was probably a bullied student, but we also have say 14 other dead or wounded teachers and student. Who do you think they are going to blame? Likelihood is the blame is going to fall on the Armed Teacher, after all they kids are hurt or dead yet they were armed. Why didn't they do enough to stop it from happening?

Repost this if you are against Guns in schools and Teachers with Firearms. Or if it makes sense to you.

One Reason that domestic violence is a better indicator for mass shooting than mental illness is that the vast majority of mentally ill people never hurt anyone, but literally all perpetrators of domestic violence do.

Repost this if you are against Domestic Violence

It's no surprise that perpetrators of school shootings often have a history of animal abuse or domestic violence and/or child abuse. Despite that face, convicted abusers can still purchase a gun, putting a legally acquired lethal weapon in the hands of someone who has already demonstrated that they have no respect for life.

We need a complete registry of abusers and to ban gun ownership for all in this registry. We should also ban gun ownership for all who have already demonstrated that they have no respect for life by committing similar violent crimes. In addition, all military grade weaponry should only be available to those in the military, and if a weapon has the capability to fire more than one or two rounds before reloading someone should have to pass a psych test to purchase it. If someone wants to shoot up a school make them do it with a gun that is incapable of carrying more than a few bullets before they have to reload thus allowing people to overpower the shooter, get away, or get the gun away while the shooter is reloading. Those who need a gun for their career or for hunting should already either be required to pass a psych test to carry a gun for their career or if they are any good at hunting, they wont care about having to reload more often since you should only need at most 2 bullets at one time.

Repost this if you agree with any part of it.

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink. BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS:Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS:Would be sitting next to you saying "THAT WAS FRICKING AWSOME! WE ARE SO DOING THAT AGAIN NEXT WEEKEND!"

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Won’t tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when you’re not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your crap and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS:Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds butt that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already knows not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when the guy rejects you
BEST FRIENDS: Will go up to him and say 'its because your gay isn't it?'

FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter
BEST FRIENDS:Will re-post this crap

A stranger stabs you in the front
A friend stabs you in the back
A boyfriend stabs your heart
Best Friends poke each other with straws

* I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a
bike and asked for forgiveness.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat
you with experience.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather; not screaming
and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a
garage makes you a car.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright
until you hear them speak.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a
fruit salad.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to
tell you why it isn't.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is
research.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train
stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
box to start a campfire?

Some people are like Slinkies... not really good for anything, but you
can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train
people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you
don't need it.

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an
emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said
"Implants?"

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars,
but check when you say the paint is wet?

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with
a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50
for Miss America?

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful
man is usually another woman.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to
skydive twice.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that
you will look forward to the trip.

Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you
wish they were.

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a
great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they
can't get away.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lime, and a shot
of tequila.

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department
usually uses water.

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit
the target.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no
imagination whatsoever.

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when
you are in it.

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have
more than one child?

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

This is a story about God. Read if you believe in him, and read even if you don't.

A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.

As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.

The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t repost it?

I thought that I would give this a shot...

kissing is healthy.bananas are good for period pain.it's good to cry.chicken soup actually makes you feel better.94 percent of boys would love it if you sent them flowers.lying is actually unhealthy.you really only need to apply mascara to your top lashes.it's actually true, boys DO insult you when they like you.89 percent of guys want YOU to make the first move.it's impossible to apply mascara with your mouth closed.chocolate will make you feel better.most boys think it's cute when you say the wrong thing.a good friend never judges.a good foundation will hide all hickeys... not that you have any.boys aren't worth your tears.we all love surprises.Now... make a wish.Wish REALLY hard!!WISH WISH WISH WISHYour wish has just been recieved.Copy and Paste this into your profile in the next 15 minutes and...Your wish will be granted

I love these things...

A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you.
A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you.
A best friend will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

A good friend helps you up when you fall.
A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Been walking long?"

A good friend helps you find your prince.
A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.

A good friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.
A best friend already has a shovel ready to bury the loser who made you cry.

A good friend will offer you a soda.
A best friend will dump theirs on you.

A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain.
A best friend takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"

A good friend will help you move.
A best friend will help you move the bodies.

A good friend will bail you out of jail.
A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

A good friend has never seen you cry.
A best friend won't tell anyone else that you cried...just laugh about it in private with you when you aren't down anymore.

A good friend asks you to write down your number.
A best friend has you on speed dial.

A good friend will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
A best friend will kick the whole crowds butt that left you.

A good friend knows a few things about you.
A best friend could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story.

A good friend tells you she knows how you feel.
A best friend just sits down and cries.

Okay, I am VERY superstitious so I just HAD to put this on here...

This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her in the ground when she was still alive. The murderer chanted,"Toma sota balcu" as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this in your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded.

Okay just some random fun-ness that I found while roaming other peoples profiles...

Boys are like trees-they take 50 years to grow up. (Yes they do!)

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you’re a mile away from them and you have their shoes. (Wow this sounds alot like something my friend Haedy would do...)

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile. (Heck ya!)

My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it’s gone. (Thisa is like my other friend Nadine...)

I'm the kind of girl who would fall flat on my face, get up, laugh my head off, and say " That was fun!

Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

Life isn’t passing me by, it’s trying to run me over.

Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.

Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world?

My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary.

Did you know Sarcasm is your body’s natural defense against stupidity?

Never knock on Death’s door, ring the doorbell and run away, he HATES that.

Paper may beat rock, but cannon ball's make a big hole in paper.

The pen may be mightier than the sword, but my keyboard can crush your crummy pen!

Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out.

I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it! (Yes, yes I do.)

Don’t follow me, I’m lost too.

I’m not afraid of Death, what’s it gonna do kill me?

I’ll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.

When life gives you lemons, chuck them at people you hate.

It doesn’t matter whether the glass is half empty or half full just drink it and get it over with.

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.

The world is full of crazy people. THEY MADE ME THEIR LEADER!

So what if we act like immature idiots? We’re having fun.

When French people swear do they say pardon my English?

Aren’t the ‘good things that come to those who wait’ just the leftovers from the people that got there first?

If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Isn’t it funny how the word ‘politics’ is made up of the words ‘poli’ meaning ‘many’ in Latin, and ‘tics’ as in ‘bloodsucking creatures’? (True, so true!)

Why isn’t chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa
beans, and all beans are a vegetable?

Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down? (Honestly, they really need to fix that!)

Why do people say, “You can’t have your cake and eat it too”? Why would someone get cake if they can’t eat it?

“When life hand you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make its own dang lemonade”

Don’t mess with me I’ve got a stick. (lol!)

Darth Vader- "Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!"
Luke Skywalker- "Nah, the rebels have cake."
Darth Vader- "ooh! Can I be a rebel?!"

I smile because I have no idea what’s going on!

Life was so simple when boys had cooties (Yes it was... *Sigh*)

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends (Sorry Ari, but it's true!)

Boys are like slinkies, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

I ran with scissors, and lived!

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder

I’m the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday. (Unfortunetally this happens a lot...)

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n’ slide.

I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

I don’t obsess! I think intensely. (If only my friends believed that...)

Of course I’m talking to myself. Who else can I trust?

Let me know if anything I say offends you, I might wanna offend you later.

One way to figure out how things work, push all the buttons!

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.

Random Greek Mythology stuff...

I hate when people say Hades is the devil! If you actully read Greek Myths he is the god of death meaning good and bad people go to him when they die. He is not evil, he is strict but fair. "But he kidnapped Persephone." Well if you were surrounded by the dead all the time wouldnt you want someone to love and one of the most beutiful people to lighten up the place. The underworld probably got lonely and a three headed dog and the dead are not that great of coversation holder!

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the Realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.

Re-post this if you believe homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it.

Re-post this to help stop racism:

Black and White:

A black man was talking to a white man and said: "I'm black. When I was born I was black. When I grew up I was black. When I'm sick I'm black. When I go in the sun I'm black. When I'm cold I'm black. When I die I'll still be black. But you: When you were born you were pink. When you grew up you were white. When you're sick you're green. When you go in the sun you're red. When you're cold you're blue. When you die you'll be purple. And you have the nerve to call me colored. "

Controversial Issues:

1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, liposuction and air conditioning.

2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans...

Re-post this if you believe in legalizing gay marriage

Truth is always stranger then fiction.

Death is but a door...it swings both ways.

I like the insanity but stop the stupidity!

Those that say nothings impossable never tried to slam a revolving door.

Order is for the stupid, True geniuses live in chaos.

Death is for those with nothing better to do.

In the end the world as we know it dosen't exist.

This is not something to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown, with
great force!

Those who live by the sword get shot by those that don't.

Never knock on Deaths door: ring the doorbell and run away! He really hates
that!

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then find someone whose life has
given them vodka, and have a party!

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and let the
world wonder how you did it.

When life gives you lemons, give them back and DEMAND CHOCOLATE.

When life gives you lemons, give them back and demand cash.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with
ketchup.

LOOK MA, NO BRAIN!

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes an even bigger man to laugh at that
man.

Suicide is a way of telling God, "YOU CAN'T FIRE ME, I QUIT!"

Death is a way of God telling you not to be a wise guy.

If at first you don't succeed, then destroy all evidence that you tried.

That which doesn't kill you...will probably try again.

It's tourist season, so why can't I shoot them?

If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished.

Don't play dumb with me, I'll always win.

Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door...

Always forgive your enemies-nothing annoys them so much.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out.

Evening news is where they tell you 'good evening' then proceed to tell you
why it isn't.

Join the army, visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

When you're right, no one remembers, when you're wrong, no one forgets.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

Insanity is hereditary, you get it from your kids.

They didn't let me out, they just gave me a day pass!

3 kinds of people: those who can count, and those who can't.

A day without sunshine, is like, night.

According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.

All those who believe in psycho kinesis raise my hand.

BAD COP! NO DONUT!

Confucius say: "Man who stands on toilet is high on pot!"

Corduroy Pillows: they're making headlines!

Do not play leap frog with a unicorn.

Elvis has left the planet.

Florida: We're number one! Wait! Recount!

Gravity is a myth: the Earth sucks.

Horn broken: watch for Finger!

I have the Body of a god...Buddha...

It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Then it's hilarious!

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be
sitting next to you saying "Damn, that was fun!"

333 I'm only half evil

Don't take life too seriously. It isn't permanent

I don't have a drinking problem; I get drunk, I pass out, no problem.

Yesterday is another country, Borders are now closed.

I'll be a marshmallow peep, Smash me nuts captain.

I don't play dumb, I always lose.

Nutter then a fruitcake.

Spoon!

Right now I've got amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've
forgotten this before.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

When choosing between two evils I always like to go for the one I've never
tried before.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Be kind to your offspring. They get to choose your nursing home.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.

Cancer cures smoking.

Constipated people don't give a crap.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Do old men wear boxers or briefs? - Depends.

Don't steal. The government hates the competition.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

I bet I can stop gambling.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to become a vegetarian.

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.

Your kid may be an honor student, but you're still an idiot.

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?

Few women admit their age, few men act it.

Vegetarians taste better.

I do whatever my rice crispies tell me to.

Elvis shot JFK.

So many people...so few comets.

Comfort the disturbed. Disturb the comfortable.

A waist is a terrible thing to mind.

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

You non-conformists are all alike.

Love: Two vowels, two consonants, two fools.

Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

Pride is what we have. Pity is what others have.

Forget about world peace . . . visualize using your turn signal.

Sex is like pizza, when it's bad it's still kinda good.

Warning: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of "smart."

Jesus loves you! But everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

Spandex: A privilege, not a right.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else

At a nudist wedding everyone can see who the best man is.

Caution: I know karate...and six other Chinese words.

Change is inevitable. Except from a vending machine.

Never visit a doctor who can't keep her office plants alive.

Dyslexics of the world unite!

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Very funny Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" . . . until you can find a rock.

The early bird may get the worm, but it's the second mouse that gets the
cheese.

Follow your dream! (Unless it's the one where you're at work only wearing
underwear during a fire drill.)

Forecast for tonight: dark.

I always wanted to be a procrastinator but I never got around to it.

I don't get even, I get odder.

If marriage was outlawed only outlaws would have in-laws.

If Noah had been truly wise, he would have swatted those two flies.

Don't drink and park. Accidents cause people.

If your nose runs and your feet smell you were probably built upside down.

I like you but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic particles.

"Auntie Em: Hate you; hate Kansas, taking the dog." - Dorothy

Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.

In just two days tomorrow will be yesterday.

Last night I played a blank tape full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

I'm not broke I'm just having an out of money experience.

My inferiority complex is not nearly as good as yours.

Ignoring bullshit is wrong, bullshit makes the flowers grow, and that's
beautiful.

If you can't baffle them with brilliance, befuddle them with bullshit.

People will believe anything if you whisper it.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good

If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough

Quantum Mechanics: the stuff dreams are made of

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have

24 hours in a day... 24 beers in a case... coincidence?

If you choke a Smurf what color does it turn'?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Energizer Bunny arrested. Charged with battery

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once. Never opened. Small stain

OK, so what's the speed of dark'?

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't
looking good either.

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go
flying by.

Someday we'll look back on all this, and plough into a parked car.

Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he/she isn't there the first
time you need them, chances are you won't be needing him/her again.

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key.

Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

Fourty-Six laws of Anime:

Originally compiled and edited by Darrin Bright and Ryan Shellito

1. Law of Metaphysical Irregularity
The normal laws of physics do not apply.

2. Law of Differentiated Gravitation
Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborn, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.

3. Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics
In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.

4. Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion
In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.

5. Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion
The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.

6. Law of Temporal Variability
Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something 'cool' or 'impressive'. Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.

7. First Law of Temporal Mortality
'Good Guys' and 'Bad Guys' both die in one of two ways. Either so quick they don't even see it coming, OR it's a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down.

8. Second Law of Temporal Mortality
It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical damage. Even when the 'Bad Guys' are killed so quickly they didn't even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.

9. Law of Dramatic Emphasis
Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still-frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).

10, Law of Dramatic Multiplicity
Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a 'Good Guy' kicks the 'Bad Guy' in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.

11. Law of Inherent Combustability
Everything explodes. Everything.
First Corollary - Anything that explodes bulges first.
Second Corollary - Large cities are the most explosive substances known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".

12. Law of Phlogistatic Emission
Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.

13. Law of Energetic Emission
There is alway an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy 'bulge') before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustability.

14. Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude
The destructive potential of a weapon is inversly proportional to its size.
First Corollary - Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also know as the A-Ko phenomenon.

15. Law of Inexhaustability
No one EVER runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.

16. Law of Inverse Accuracy
The accuracy of a 'Good Guy' when operating any form of fire-arm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the 'Bad Guys' when operating fire-arms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect)
Example: A 'Good Guy' in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of 'Bad Guys' firing on a 'Good Guy' standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss.
First Corollary - The more 'Bad Guys' there are, the less likely they will hit anyone or do any real damage.
Second Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is faced with insurmountable odds, the 'Bad Guys' line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape.
Third Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated 'Good Guy Area', usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the 'Good Guy' from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvres.

17. Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability
Minmei is a bimbo.

18. Law of Hemoglobin Capacity
The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.

19. Law of Demonic Consistency
Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown (but black is not unknown), and can only be hurt by bladed weapons.

20. Law of Militaristic Unreliability
Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war-machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.

21. Law of Tactical Unreliability
Tactical geniuses aren't...

22. Law of Inconsequential Undetectability
People never notice the little things... Like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.

23. Law of Juvenile Intellectuality
Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice as annoying.

24. Law of Americanthropomorphism
Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny 'Bad Guy' or a big stupid 'Good Guy'.
First Corollary - The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line Effect.)
Second Corollary - The only people who are more stupid than the American translators are the American editors and censors.

25. Law of Mandibular Proportionality
The size of a person's mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.

26. Law of Feline Mutation
Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
a) be female
b) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation
c)and wear as little clothing as possible, if any.

27. Law of Conservation of Firepower
Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used only as a last resort.

28. Law of Technological User-Benevolence
The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.

29. Law of Melee Luminescence
Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for 'good guys' and red for 'bad guys'. This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.

30. Law of Non-anthropomorphic Antagonism
All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.

31. Law of Follicular Chroma Variability
Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.

32. Law of Follicular Permanence
Hair in anime is pretty much indestructable, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone's hair is the same way you deal with demons...with bladed weapons!

33. Law of Topological Aerodynamics, First Law of Anime Aero-Dynamics
ANY shape, no matter how convoluted or odd-looking, is automatically aerodynamic.

34. Law of Probable Attire
Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines.
--Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off the afore-mentioned female's clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene).
--Whenever there is a headwind, a Male characters will invariably wear a long cloak which doesn't hamper movement and billows out dramatically behind him.
First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability) - All anime characters are resistant to extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.
Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability) - Bikinis render the wearer invulnerable to any form of damage.

35. Law of Musical Omnipotence
Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc.) is automatically capable of doing much more "simple" things like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on... especially if they have never attempted these things before.

36. Law of Quitupular Aggultination
Also called "The Five-man Rule," when "Good Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are:
a) The Hero/Leader
b) His girlfriend
c) His Best Friend/Rival
d) A Hulking Brute
e) A Dwarf/Kid
Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:
--Extreme Coolness
--Amazing intelligence
--Incredible Irritation

37. Law of Extradimensional Capacitance
All anime females have an extradimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment's notice.
First Corollary (The Hammer Rule) - The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, which can be used with unerring accuracy on any male who deserves it. Other common items include costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.

38. Law of Hydrostatic Emission
Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed, embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.

39. Law of Inverse Attraction
Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get.
First Corollary Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real world...

40. Law of Nasal Sanguination
When sexually aroused, males in Anime don't get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one's sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don't get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.

41. Law of Xylolaceration
Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.

42. Law of Juvenile Omnipotence
Always send a boy to do a man's job. He'll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.

43. Law of Quadrotriscadecophobia
There is no Law #43.

44. Law of Nominative Clamovocation
The likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced.

45. Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis
Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they've seen it before, any 'Bad Guys' witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.

46. Law of Flimsy Incognition
Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.

if you hate NejiHina then copy & paste this into your profile.

Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, IwuvMyKenshyPoo, Heidiplease, iNsOmNiAc BiLlIe JoE lOvEr, Black Panther Warrior, bright black stars, StormDragon666, Sasuke's 2 Child Sayuri Uchiha, Blue Tiger-chan, Hikaritsuki narutoartlover,Naru-X-Hina Lover, Hermoine21

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile

If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy this to your profile

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy this into your profile

If you have ever laughed maniacally, choked and/or gagged from lack of oxygen, and then fainted dramatically, copy and paste this onto onto your profile

Being unique is thinking outside the box, reading between the lines, coloring out of pictures, dancing to the tune of your own drummer, and having a heck of a better good time than other people. If you're unique, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you've ever laughed so hard tears streamed down your face, you banged your repeatedly on a table, and recieved weird looks from everyone in the immediate vincinity, copy and paste this in your profile.

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.

If you ran up a "Down" escalator, copy this into your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you have EVER been so obsessed with a song you actually A.) dream about it, B.) sing it in school no mattter who's listening OR C.) know the lyrics by heart and sing it no matter how off key you are, copy this in your profile.

If you think that those stupid kids should just give that God-forsaken Trix rabbit some Trix, copy this into your profile. (they did in the 80's)

Just because we eat animals for food, doesn't mean we can cut them up for clothing! If you are against fur coats, clothing, boots, ect, copy this onto your profile.

If you believe PREPS TRAVEL IN PACKS, copy this into your profile.

If you believe that the pink bunnies of doom are really out to get you copy and paste this onto your profile

If you are crazied and pround of it copy and paste this onto your profile

30 percent of kids go to college. The other 70 either drop-out or don't have the proper skills to. If you're on of the 30 percent that you know you're going to go to college, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hear voices in your head, copy and paste this onto your profile!

If you KNOW the voice in your head are real, copy and paste this onto your profile!

If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy this to your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile.

Put this in your profile if you ever saw a boy and a girl hugging and was tempted to scream, "NO! DON'T DO IT! SHE'LL FIND OUT ABOUT THE CURSE!"

Put this in your profile if you ever were afriad to hug somebody of the opposite gender in fear of one of you turning into an animal.

98 percent of teenagers has tried doing pot. Put this in your profile if you like bagels.

If you think that Asuma should NOT have died, put this in your profile. I mean, seriously. She finds out she's pregnant and then he dies before she gets the chance to tell him. How sad is that? (whoops, did I just spoil something?)