I'm also on fictionpress!

Also a beta-reader!

"I'd tell you to go to hell, but I work there and really don't want to see you everyday."

"Normal people scare me... But not as much as I scare them."

"Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed."

"A wise man once said, "Ask a girl."

"When in doubt, push random buttons!"

"They say guns don't kill people; people do. Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled 'BANG!' I don't think you'd kill many people..."

"Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you just keep on talking."

"You know, you do this annoying thing where you open your mouth and then these things you call words come out. Yeah like that. Stop it."

"I respect your opinion, I just think its stupid."

"It's not denial. I’m just selective about the reality I accept."

"Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?"

"There are no stupid questions, just a lot of inquisitive idiots."

"The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you’re good."

"I'm not as dumb as you look."

"The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not."

"If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk."

"Sarcasm is one more service we offer."

"If genius is 1 inspiration and 99 perspiration, I must be sharing elevators with a lot of bright people."

"When life gives me lemons, I make orange juice and leave the world to wonder how the heck I managed it."

"If all else fails, destroy all evidence that you tried."

"I don't suffer from insanity - I enjoy every minute of it."

"Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door."

"Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience."

"Someday, we'll look on this, laugh nervously and change the subject."

"I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me."

"Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas."

"If I had any dignity that would have been humiliating."

"Sanity? I never had such a useless thing to begin with!"