The Writing Beanhide bio
 Poll: Final Fantasy family values: continuity be damned! : Which do you find likely/amusing? Vote Now! |
 Author has written 8 stories for Cartoon X-overs, My Life as a Teenage Robot, Storm Hawks, Discworld, Great Expectations, Ruby Gloom, and Phantom of the Opera. I have a... special mind. Crackpot theories abound, as is to be expected from someone only tangentially linked to reality. Most of my stories are in the humour section; humour of the whimsical, satirical and sarcastic kind - heavy on wordplay, light on jokes about poo. I enjoy crack-pairings, but always try to back them up with some form of logic. However, any romantic plots/sub-plots will be kept pretty clean, ie: no porno, and I'll try to steer clear of overly-flowery descriptions of 'heaving bosoms' and the like. In fact, I'm terrible for pairing things, not always in a romantic way: expect a lot of comic-duos and 'witty' {or painful attempts at} repartee between characters. Most of my stuff is character focused, and I like picking members of the supporting cast, that didn't get too much focus in the original work. None of these stories are very related to each other, so feel free to pick and choose. Enjoy!
~ Final Fantasy (mainly IV, VII, IX, Dissidia, KH) ~ Discworld ~ Linked to the above, somehow, Charles Dickens ~ Assorted Western Animation |
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .
Fan Club Malfunction by o0-TheMilkyBarKid-0o reviews
Cheering and leering required, stalking and perversion optional.
Persona Series - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 16 - Words: 29,526 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 4/18/2014 - Published: 10/4/2013 - Yukari T., Akihiko S.
Unseen Moments by Fanless reviews
Various "Unseen Academicals"-related drabbles and oneshots. Before, during, after. Newest: possibly the only Trev/Andy fic in existence.
Discworld - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 4 - Words: 1,648 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 2/6/2012 - Published: 5/6/2010 - Trev L., Andy S.
Iconographs by SilverInkblot reviews
Random moments, backstories, behind the scenes, and inside the mind of. No pairings, no continuity. This time with contortion, experience, acoustics, stones, and repression.
Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 14 - Words: 5,782 - Reviews: 64 - Favs: 42 - Follows: 20 - Updated: 6/24/2011 - Published: 9/29/2009
The Plan by Saru Wolfe reviews
It has always been Loki's job to support his brother. How exactly he does that, however, is up to his discretion. Mix of movie-verse and mythology.
Thor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,767 - Reviews: 56 - Favs: 334 - Follows: 46 - Published: 5/18/2011 - Loki, Thor - Complete
Bookmark by AuthorFail reviews
"Are you looking for something?" Aqua asked playfully. Terra stiffened noticeably. His tone deepened. "Aqua." Oneshot Terra/Aqua
Kingdom Hearts - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 901 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 47 - Follows: 2 - Published: 2/18/2011 - Aqua, Terra - Complete
Proudest Possession by Fanless reviews
A boy and his marble — and the spell it cast. By no means does Gawain come away unscathed from playing with Teatime's eye for years...
Discworld - Rated: T - English - Horror/Family - Chapters: 7 - Words: 7,189 - Reviews: 35 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 2/1/2011 - Published: 4/10/2010 - Susan Sto Helit, Andy S.
Music With Fanfic In by meggie272 reviews
Yep, another iPod shuffle meme. Features Carcer/Teatime, Polly and Maladicta, Victor Townsend, Lord Hong, Vimes, Carrot and Angua, Hex trying to figure out love and a bad taste in music. :
Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 847 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 5 - Published: 6/9/2010
Those Violent Boys by Fanless reviews
What they're up to, what they've done. Teatime & Carcer drabbles. Actual rating may vary between chapters. All sorts of allusions, including pairings. Newest: Carcer plays chess and wins — sort of.
Discworld - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 12 - Words: 1,337 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 6/1/2010 - Published: 4/2/2010 - Carcer, Jonathan T.
One Dangerous Game by She Who Shines reviews
Hogswatch wasn't the FIRST time Susan met Teatime, even if she wanted it to be. Through a series of rounds, they played one dangerous game before. This story takes place after 'Soul Music' and before 'Hogfather'.
Discworld - Rated: T - English - Romance/Suspense - Chapters: 13 - Words: 37,786 - Reviews: 55 - Favs: 43 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 4/1/2010 - Published: 3/17/2010 - Susan Sto Helit, Jonathan T. - Complete
Where Ponce de Leon Failed by Tabby J Skylark reviews
Chp 1 & 2 reversed! Smith vs. Ratcliffe. Fountain of youth, treasure city quest. A dark, original concept of maddness and adventure. History/Mythology. Anachronisms, historical inaccuracy, allusions, etc.
Pocahontas - Rated: T - English - Drama/Supernatural - Chapters: 14 - Words: 67,329 - Reviews: 63 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 11/30/2009 - Published: 2/8/2002 - John S., Governor Ratcliffe, Wiggins, King James
Paperclips by Goonlalagoon reviews
Very short one shot inspired by a bit in Unseen Academicals.
Discworld - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 286 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 2 - Published: 11/1/2009 - Drumknott - Complete
Frankie Rules by Tall T reviews
After years of work in the service of Foster's, Frankie suddenly finds herself alone with the full responsibility. Currently well on its way in a new storyline that includes a new career for Mr. Herriman and the return of three unpopular house guests!
Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 14 - Words: 30,791 - Reviews: 48 - Favs: 63 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 9/23/2009 - Published: 11/9/2007 - Frankie - Complete
In another life, in another place by LadyKadaj reviews
I am back, this fic is seriously for Sephiroth and Kuja fans, explores how our fave villains wld have interacted had they met in FF7 world and how wld it affect future events //re-editing prev chap errors and formats, a step at a time// Thanks!
Final Fantasy VII - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 20 - Words: 30,945 - Reviews: 167 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 5/8/2009 - Published: 9/2/2005 - Sephiroth
Till then, Darling by ILiveInSuffragetteCity reviews
Edmund Blackadder does not fancy boys, at all no exceptions. Apart from two! A bit of slash between Edmund and Kevin so its series 4 and its just a oneshot enjoy!
Blackadder - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,560 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/19/2009 - Complete
And Then Dib Blew Up by Mrs. Terwilliger reviews
Fanfictions written by the cast of Zim! Examples are Zim, Dib, Gaz, GIR, Ms. Bitters, the Tallest, Tak, Iggins, Minimoose, Skoodge, Keef, Bill, Prof. Membrane, Gretchen, Nny for some reason, the Roboparents, Sizz Lorr, Mimi, and one last guest star.
Invader Zim - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 18 - Words: 9,589 - Reviews: 267 - Favs: 75 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 3/18/2009 - Published: 12/11/2006 - Complete
Phantoms of Silent Hill by Darkmoose84 reviews
Danny and Dani journey to Silent Hill, while Sam is trapped in her now haunted apartment, her new clairvoyance driving her insane. For those who enjoyed Alienvs.Zim, there are a few tie ins. DannyxSam, DanixYoungblood, TuckerxValeri. Please read and revie
Crossover - Silent Hill & Danny Phantom - Rated: T - English - Horror/Adventure - Chapters: 20 - Words: 37,976 - Reviews: 43 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 2/6/2009 - Published: 9/23/2007 - Heather M., Dan Phantom - Complete
Humanity by Negaduck reviews
A visit to the Black Mage Village, years after Kuja's defeat.
Final Fantasy IX - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,494 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 11 - Published: 1/5/2009 - Vivi O., Zidane T. - Complete
Friends Like These by dangerousdame reviews
Still in school on Hogswatch, young Jonathan Teatime finds a peculiar sort of companionship. Written for the crackfic community brain asplode. Challenge: Teatime/Neville Longbottom.
Discworld - Rated: T - English - Crime/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 619 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/19/2008 - Complete
My Angel by Fran-XII reviews
When the Esper Ultima displays an interest in Balthier, the party are astounded. Balthier finds himself falling in love with the rebel angel, as the party had feared. Two shot, will be developed further. Balthier/Fran, Balthier/Ultima
Final Fantasy XII - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,167 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 9 - Published: 8/14/2008 - Balthier, Ultima
Bernard by Jo Z. Pierce reviews
Who is Bernard? A Blackadder Drabble.
Blackadder - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 111 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 1 - Published: 7/24/2008 - Complete
Change It Up! by Green Gallant reviews
AU. A brand new story, with a complete role reversal. Timmy is in high school now with his friends. Trixie Tang a punk rocker, Chester McThunderbat is the school's home run king & AJ McClain is a brainaic and a ladies man, these are thier adventures. TxT.
Fairly OddParents - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 10,626 - Reviews: 41 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 3/19/2008 - Published: 7/16/2007 - Timmy, Trixie
Rain Rain Go away by Princess of Donut Land reviews
It's just another day when it starts raining down on Zim's parade.Will someone come to help him get home, or will he be stuck at 'Skool' until the weather lightens. Read on to find out.warning it includes some light KeefZim hints.
Invader Zim - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,708 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 9 - Published: 12/29/2007 - Zim, Keef
Calamity? by LadyDeathwish reviews
A different perspective on Jenova's origins. Of course, I don't own Jenova, Ifalna, the Cetra etc. etc. etc. You get it.
Final Fantasy VII - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Fantasy - Chapters: 4 - Words: 3,636 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 12/28/2007 - Published: 7/31/2006 - Jenova, Ifalna
Duty vs Desire by Al Kristopher reviews
FF3 Alus and Arc face the eternal struggle between their desires and their duties. It's my first shounenai or slash, so go easy on me.
Final Fantasy I-VI - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,611 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 5 - Published: 7/20/2007 - Complete
In The Eye by Charlie Yubari reviews
Some unexplained accident had taken the other eye, and the missing orb had been replaced with a ball of glass. The story behing Jonathan Teatime's eye. Warning DO NOT READ if you have an eyesquick.
Discworld - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 595 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 1 - Published: 10/4/2006 - Complete
CSI: Death by Chocolate by Beth Einspanier reviews
CSICharlie and the Chocolate Factory DeppMovie crossover. A young man is found in the desert, having been drowned in chocolate. Who would want him dead, and what does he have to do with a reclusive chocolatier from London?
Crossover - CSI & Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Rated: T - English - Mystery/Fantasy - Chapters: 16 - Words: 28,069 - Reviews: 197 - Favs: 369 - Follows: 104 - Updated: 9/3/2006 - Published: 8/20/2005 - Gil G. - Complete
Love is by dragonnova reviews
In the early morning, Kuja finds a scene that shows him his true love... But what is Love someone like him?
Final Fantasy IX - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,448 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 9 - Published: 2/3/2006 - Kuja, Garnet A. - Complete
The Sacred And The Profane by afrai reviews
Somewhere else the happy ending was different.
Good Omens - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 37,864 - Reviews: 276 - Favs: 543 - Follows: 65 - Updated: 6/17/2005 - Published: 4/29/2002 - Complete
Jesters Tears by Nico-Chan reviews
[FF6] Kefka wants Leo to say those words. Those three words make Kefka his God. But Leo refuses, because Kefka is not God.
[KefkaLeo]
Final Fantasy I-VI - Rated: T - English - Tragedy/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 527 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 2 - Published: 3/18/2005
Competition of the Finest by Solain Rhyo reviews
Challenge fic - showdown between two villians: Sephiroth and Kuja.
Final Fantasy VII - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 382 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 2 - Published: 11/14/2004
And Your Lips, My Dear, Are Like Giblets by Mercator reviews
A romantic farce starring Ankh-Morpork's most efficient Palace clerk. **FINISHED!!!**
Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 8,000 - Reviews: 48 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 5/7/2003 - Published: 4/11/2003
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .
The Opera Star and the Viscount reviews
Every good Phantom of the Opera spoof needs a stylish, silly young Viscount with a ponytail: A series of shorts based around the idea of Vlad De Magpyr and Christine meeting. Takes place after Maskerade and Carpe Jugulum
Crossover - Discworld & Phantom of the Opera - Rated: K - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,381 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 6/28/2012 - Vlad de M., Christine
Children of the Night reviews
Oneshot, Gawain and two friends go looking for 'proper' vampires in Ankh Morpork, get more than they bargained for, and lose their marbles. Well, A marble at least. Rewrite of an older fic to make this a standalone piece
Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,239 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 4/14/2012 - Lacrimosa de M. - Complete
Scholarship Boy reviews
Set in the Assassin's Guild, some years before Men at Arms. Due to financial strife, Edward D'Eath must accept a scholarship to continue his studies. He is moved to less comfortable surroundings, and must meet his new roommate. Discworld, feat Teatime.
Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,333 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 4 - Published: 12/25/2011 - Edward d'Eath, Jonathan T.
Fire and Ice reviews
Set just after the end of Great Expectations. Pip has invited Estella over to reminisce, much to Herbert's chagrin. Clara is worried. Rated K for possible subtext, if you squint a little
Great Expectations - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Friendship - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,026 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 12/19/2011 - Complete
Hindsight reviews
Post-Hogfather. Mr. Teatime's ghost contemplates life, death, and what comes after. Reworking of an older fic, to make it a standalone piece.
Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,366 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 8/25/2009 - Published: 6/17/2009 - Jonathan T., Death
Failure: My Fear of Falling reviews
Okay, so this takes place right after Age of Heroes Part 2. ---Setting: MC's place. ---Characters: "She" refers to Master Cyclonis. ---"He" refers to the Dark Ace. Why didn't I include names? 1: I'm being all literary. 2: I'm a lazy bum. Enjoy.
Storm Hawks - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 963 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 4 - Published: 5/10/2008 - Cyclonis, Dark Ace
The Bright Side of The Dark Side reviews
Okay, so this is a cross-over between MLAATR, Samurai Jack, and Ruby Gloom. Characters:--- -Misty. Mercenary, demon, Ruby's tutor/bodyguard. -Aku/Uka/Mr.Buns. Master of Darkness. Ruby's mother. Don't ask -Ruby. Child of Aku, believes Misty to be f
Crossover - My Life as a Teenage Robot & Ruby Gloom - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,282 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 3 - Published: 1/28/2008
A Good Old Fashioned Faery Tale? reviews
Townsville - 10 years after PPG is set. Prince seeks Princess. Simple, right? Not when the prince is Prince Aragon, and the Princess is, well... Princess.
Cartoon X-overs - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,059 - Reviews: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 1/21/2008 - Complete