
Best Psych Quotes
Gus: You named your fake detective agency "Psych?" Why didn't you just call it "Hey, we're fooling you and the police department; hope we don't make a mistake and somebody dies because of it."
Shawn: First of all, Gus, that name is entirely too long; it would never fit on the window. And secondly, the best way you convince people you're not lying to them is to tell them you are!
Shawn: There is a witness. There's a cat. I want to talk to that cat as soon as he's done licking himself... wow, I'm jealous.
Receptionist: There is a Lt. Crunch here to see you.
Gus: Crunch?
Shawn enters dressed in Civil War uniform
Shawn: Actually I've been promoted. It's Captain Crunch.
Shawn: after Haversham's dog jumps on the window That dog is kind of an A-hole.
Gus: I think he sees something.
Shawn: Yeah, urine stains on my pants!
In the interrogation room
Shawn: Don't I get a phone call or something?
Lassiter: No.
Shawn: Fine. How about a text message? I'll be quick, I just need to respond "OMG LOL." Here's a question: how do you make a face that's winking with the tongue coming out one side?
Vick: Now, Mr. Spencer.
Henry/Shawn: together Yes?
Vick: Oh, I meant the older... Sorry, not old... less...
Shawn: Handsome? Less hair? Less friends on Facebook?
Henry: Less nose...
Henry: You're lucky I'm even asking you, Shawn. I could do this the simple way. I could grab it from you, clean up any evidence of a struggle before you and your little friend here knew what hit you.
Shawn: Some states, that's called child abuse.
Gus: I think all of them.
Young Shawn: Did you get me a pinata?
Henry: Nope.
Young Shawn: Pepsi challenge?
Henry: Nope.
Young Shawn: Am I being executed?
Best Bones Quotes
Brennan: How did this skull get here?
Booth: Ask our eyewitness. runs off Let's go, buddy. brings a teenage boy over to Brennan
Boy: I am not high.
Brennan: Neither am I. Why is he telling me that?
Brennan: Coochie-coo? the baby cries Oh, no, no! No need to fuss! Obviously something is upsetting you. Children have toys. You must have some. Let me see. You know, elephants are not purple. This is wrong.
Brennan: Hey! Break down the door!
Booth: It hurts my shoulder when I break down the door!
Booth: Bones broke into my house last night.
Brennan: There was a key!
Booth: All angry because nobody told her that I was dead. And I was just following protocol!
Sweets: Broke into your house?
Brennan: There was a key.
Booth: And barged into my bathroom.
Sweets: What were you doing?
Brennan: He was drinking beer and reading a comic book.
Booth: I was taking a bath!
Sweets: You read comics and drink beer naked?
Booth: Wait a minute. Bones bursts into my bathroom, all right, and I'm weird for being naked?
Brennan: In fact, taking a right turn on a red light here is the equivalent of turning left in the wrong lane at home.
Booth: I'm turning right. takes a right turn and almost hits a bus, stops the Mini in the middle of an intersection and gets out of the car, screaming I hate England! I hate London! I'm glad we had a revolution!
Parker: to Booth, when introduced to Dr. Sweets His face doesn't look like a baby's behind!
Booth: puts his hands over Parker's ears Look, okay, he's having nightmares, he's not eating, he doesn't wanna go to school and suddenly he's afraid of meteors!
Sweets: Giant flaming rocks from outer space. Who wouldn't be afraid?
Booth: Uh, the dog should be, you know, in the cage. He killed Seth Elliot.
Brennan: Well, it's not his fault! He's actually a very nice dog, cooing to Ripley aren't you? to Booth He reminds me of you.
Booth: Me?
Brennan: He's got warm and reassuring brown eyes, and he's capable of great violence.
Booth: Okay, great. Thanks a million.
Booth: Well, that's like me saying I don't want to be a sexy FBI agent. We can't change who we are.
Max: Are you sleeping with my daughter?
Booth: No.
Max: Why? Are you gay?
Booth: half-laughing No.
Max: Is she not attractive enough?
Booth: somewhat angry Bones is beautiful.
Max: Is it because of me? Because I killed one man and we both know he deserved it?
Booth: All right, just cut it out, Max, all right? I'll talk to her. Probably ain't gonna get anywhere with her, but I'll talk to her.
Max: You're a good man, and I want that for her. Now, I gotta go blow up some soda for some kids.
Booth has taken a lot of Vicodin for his back pain.
Perotta: How are you, Agent Booth?
Booth: The only reason that I am not coming in right now is because Bones told me not to, but she's your responsibility. Nothing can happen to her, okay? If anything happens to her and all that silky black hair, all that soft skin —
Perotta: I will not let her out of my sight. You have my word. Now we should really get back to the case, Agent Booth.
Booth: Am I stopping you? hangs up
Booth: Yes! Pinky stumps the brain!
Brennan: So he imprinted on us like a baby duck?
Sweets: It's quite simple. Whatever Agent Booth says, you respond with whatever word or phrase pops into your head, and vice versa.
Booth: Hunger.
Brennan: Sex.
Booth: Whoa.
Brennan: Horse.
Booth: Cowboy.
Brennan: Child.
Booth: Baby.
Brennan: Booth.
Booth: What, do you think I'm a baby?
Brennan: You're a father.
Booth: Oh, mother.
Brennan: Birth.
Booth: Happy.
Brennan: Sperm.
Booth: Sperm, isn't this kind of weird?
Sweets: No, keep going.
Booth: Ok, Egg.
Brennan: I want a baby.
Booth: Whoa!
Brennan: Horse.
Booth: Yeah, I'd feel it if the energy was bad between the two of us. I'd know. The same way that you would know that I couldn't murder someone.
Brennan: I believe you would murder someone for me, and I believe you'd lie about it so I wouldn't have to carry the burden.
Brennan: Would you like just as much if I were a man?
Booth: Oh yeah, much better, wouldn’t have to be so polite and accommodating. How about you? Would you like me better if I was a woman?
Brennan: No I would not.
Booth: Why?
Brennan: I’d be jealous that you might be prettier than I am.
Booth: I would be too. I’d be hot! Smokin’ hot!
Booth: Redemption through transformation, I get it. What do you believe in Bones?
Brennan: I believe in always swimming with a buddy.
Booth: What?
Brennan: You gather your wisdom and I gather mine.
Best NCIS quotes
Jethro Gibbs: We're LEO's.
TSA Agent Dennis: Ah, I'm a Capricorn.
Tony DiNozzo: LEO, short for Law Enforcement Officer.
TSA Agent Dennis: NCIS? That anything like CSI?
Tony: Only if you're dyslexic.
Kate: How'd you get into this?
Abby: I filled out an application.
Kate: How'd you get into NCIS?
Tony: I smiled.
Gibbs: Come on, lets get you boots, you can't do field work in heels.
Tony: Depends what kind of field work!
Tony: I've never experienced Gibbs without his morning coffee. We're in uncharted waters here, Kate.
Tony: Speaking of dates we've worked together for two years and I have no idea where you live.
Ducky: I'd just as soon we kept it that way, Tony.
Tony: Right.
Roy: Table's cold.
Ducky: None of my other patients ever complained.
Roy: Sorry, thought it might be nice for you to have someone to talk to for a change.
Ducky: Oh, I always talk to my guests. The difference here, is you talk back.
Palmer: Yeah, most people don't know this, but financial disputes, second-leading cause of divorce.
Ducky: Really? What's number one?
Gibbs: Marriage.
Gossip Girl Best Quotes
Nate: That kid popped you pretty good, huh? Never mess with a guy's sister.
Chuck: If I knew his name, I would hunt him down and kill him.
Nate: Because you kill people now? You gonna strangle him with your scarf?
Chuck: Don't mock the scarf, Nathaniel. It's my signature.
Nate: I'm just saying, death by scarf? Not that intimidating.
Vanessa: You're sick!
Chuck: You're welcome!
Nate Next time your sister's band is in town, I want front row seats.
Vanessa: laughs You don't strike me as a lesbian punk fan.
Nate: You know, I'm almost offended by how much you underestimate me, Miss Abrams.
Vanessa: You like punk?
Nate: Oh, I didn't hear you... You said punk? Because you had me at lesbian.
Vanessa: laughs Right. Didn't see that coming.
Serena: Dan puts me on a pedestal. If he knew the truth he would never look at me again.
Chuck: You're starting to scare even me. What did you do?
Nate Archibald: C'mon, you can tell us.
Blair: We've seen you with vomit in your hair, making out with investment bankers in the men's room at PJ Clarks. You don't have to hide anything from us.
Nate Archibald: She's right, Serena, I mean none of us are saints.
Blair: Yeah. points back at Chuck I had sex with him in the back of a limo.
Chuck: Several times.
Nate Archibald: I had sex with you, at a wedding while I was her date. looks at Chuck Once.
Blair looks back at Chuck waiting for him to say something to comfort Serena
Chuck: I'm Chuck Bass.
Blair: You can tell us anything. Serena shakes her head We don't judge. We're the non-judging Breakfast Club. We're your best friends. Anything you do is something we did too.
Serena looks at Blair, Nate and Chuck
Serena: If I tell you, it can never leave this room.
Blair (to Georgina): You haven't heard? I'm the crazy bitch around here!
Blair: A hot lifeguard is like kleenex! Use once and throw away. You couldn't ask for a better rebound!
Blair: to Serena You're famous because you got arrested. Of course this happened to YOU.
Serena: You brought Nate?
Blair: I'm just as flummoxed as you are. I got out at 53rd and made a run for it but he is faster than he looks.
Blair: Oh Nate, what are you doing here? I thought there was a Mets game. I saw Dorota wearing her hat
Chuck: If you needed to mark your territory so badly, Nathaniel, maybe you should just pee on her
Georgina: I gave up my old ways when I let Jesus take the wheel
Blair: That is a Carrie Underwood song, not a life choice!
Blair: I don't think Jesus would approve of that
Georgina: Well, you can tell Jesus the bitch is back
Wizards of Waverly Place Best Quotes
Mom: Don't worry honey, I'm gonna help you with your Espaneol.
Alex: That is fine but I really need help with my Spanish too.
Mom: Espaneol is spanish.
Alex: Espaneol is spanish for what?
Alex: they can’t sign something that never got here
Max: but it got here
Alex: no it didn’t
Max: yes it did
Alex: yes it did
Max: no it didn’t
Alex: what are we talking about
Max: confusedI don’t know
Alex: perfect
Justin: What are you doing in here?
Alex: scoffs what does it look like I’m doing in here?
Justin: Uh trying to come with an answer for the question I just asked
Alex: Okay you got me nice going
Alex leaves
Max: hey hey we won, I feel pretty good about that
Justin: she’s up to something
Max: yea we never win
Justin: I don’t have my gym clothes on go get her
Ronald Longcape, Jr: Hi I'm Ronald Longcape, Jr.
Alex: Alex Russo, Sophomore. I would have been a junior but I don't test well.
Justin: You have to show up in order to not test well.
Alex: Oh you're doing johnson. Well the water fountain is over there, but personally I don't think you should fix it. I think it's funny when people get squirt in the eye.
Dwayne Johnson: No, I'm sure it's funny but I'm Dwayn Johnson the actor
Alex: great. I'm Alex Russo and my hobby is I like to poke things with a stick, but I haven't figured out how to make money with that yet. So I'm in school.
Alex: We can call it...a parade balloon! Loudly Hey everyone! I'm just looking at that realistic looking parade balloon!
Harper: Then why did you yell at that guy playing in front of that restraunt?
Alex: Oh wah wah wah, singing about your girl? You're playing in front of a restraunt, no wonder she's gone.
Taxi crashes through kitchen window
Alex: unconvincingly Oh my gosh! It's a realistic parade balloon cut free!
Harper: I didn't want to look in your brain. There's a lot of scary stuff in there.
Alex Russo: Alex laughs evilly Thank you.
Justin Russo: Oh Alex, I need to ask you something. See I'm taking this girl to the baseball game, right?
Alex Russo: What girl? Who are you taking?
Justin Russo: Daphne. She thinks we're dating. I need your sneaky conniving advice of how to get out of it.
Alex Russo: Dump her. Just dump her! Dump her hard!
Harper: Groans You want to get rid of her? You're gonna need a road flare, a barrel of maple syrup, and a mini-trampoline. But we're not using the maple syrup the way you think.
Leading Alex out
Harper: We gotta go!
Justin Russo: And what did I think we're using the maple syrup for? Like who... Ooh. I get it!
Jerry Russo: Alex, you're just in time for Family Game Night.
Alex Russo: Oh, sorry I don't play games, especially ones that end with crime scene tape.
Alex: Ugh! I hate charades.
Harper: You hate charades? That's like hating sunshine.
Justin walks in to Wizard's Lair
Justin: What are you doing?
Alex: You'll be interested to know that I've found the perfect present for dad.
Justin: (gasps)(whispers to skull staff) She's going to turn her lips into a zipper!
Alex: Oh! That's a good shot! How long have you been working on that one?
Justin: Since the day that mom came home and said "Look! There's your little sister, Justin!"
Juliet: So it's official! We're together!
Justin: Wait, not until I write it on the white board.
Juliet: (talking to Theresa and Jerry) You know most girls would find that weird but I think it's sweet. (to Justin) I'll hold the cap!
Best Jonas Quotes
Kevin: oh it’s a cloud in the shape of a rabbit, cute
Joe: no lower
Looks down at the ground
Kevin: a rabbit in the shape of a cloud, even cuter
Kevin: pretends to cradle Nick’s heart Oh its Nick’s broken heart
Nick: oh alright that happened like one time
Kevin and Joe: six times
Joe: look at them all cozy in there
Kevin: it would be so rude of us to butt in. Looks at Joe Oh we defiantly got to do this
Joe: let’s do it
Nick looks at Joe
Nick: are you crying?
Joe: what no, I’m a… bug flew in my eye
Joe looks at Kevin
Joe: are you crying?
Kevin: yes
Kevin: that’s weird it’s like a mysterious, bottomless bowl
Nick: that’s not a bowl that’s a colander
Kevin: what’s a colander
Nick: something only you guys would call a mysterious, bottomless bowl
Nick: alright uh action
Joe: Trick orrrrr. Trick your
Nick: it’s trick, trick or treat
Joe: everybody says trick or treat. I wanna take my character in a new direction
Nick: you’re a Halloween cowboy, there are no other directions to take it
Joe: what about a zombie cowboy, a zombie cowboy would say trick or brains
Nick: takes off his tiger hat I can’t work under theses conditions
Nick walks away
Joe: dude I was just kidding man
Kevin: want to go see a play
Macy: sometimes I get a teensy bit nervous when I get around a Jonas
Stella: points to Kevin he’s right there
Macy faints
Joe: what happened to the Jonas spirit? Remember when we tried to take out the garbage? Kevin you were like ‘let’s take out the garbage,’ and Nick you were like, ‘look at us we’re taking out the garbage,’ and I was like, ‘hey I’m Joe and I’m taking out the garbage, YES!’
Nick: what’s your point
Joe: why is it every inspiring speech has to have a point
Kevin: all we need is a plan, everybody think
After a couple seconds
Kevin: is everybody thinking?
Nick: shhh
Stella: absolutely
Macy: yea
Joe: all I can think about is how awesome these shoes would look with those pants
Stella: that’s what I was thinking
Joe: I’ll wear a disguise he put on a bow tie don’t worry it’s still me Joe
Stella: Joe you’re a guineas
Joe: I know
Stella: I mean we’re surrounded by costumes
Joe: I know
Stella: I bet I could disguise you guys enough to sneak you through the fans
Kevin: excellent I’ll go as Joe, Joe will go as Nick and then Nick will go as me
Stella: you know that idea is so good we should save it for the next time we’re stuck somewhere else
Kevin: that’s what you said that last time
Stella: well what do you think guys
Nick: comfortable
Kevin: roomy
Joe looks in the mirror
Joe: I look great I should go to medical school
Joe: We’re running a little late because we found a stray…
Stella: puppy
Nick: kitten
Kevin: umbrella
Joe: Bunny, yes but it’s okay because we found it a great home
Joe: hey Nick do these sunglasses make my head look fat
Nick: no your fat head makes your head look fat
Kevin: it’s our last week of freedom, we wanna just go wild
Nick: you know do something crazy
Joe: like sleep
Stella: why do you insist on power sliding across stage every night
Kevin: because I’m awesome
Nick: he is awesome
Nick puts an entire keyboard in his locker
Joe: how did you learn to do that
Nick: piano lessons
Macy: I can’t believe you got to smell Nick up close, I’ve always imagined he smelt like chocolate chip cookies, sugar free of course. On the other hand I bet Kevin smells like heaven and it’s true because it rhymes.
Joe: Joseph, Joe for short, my brothers call me Danger, my mom calls me Joe Bear, but lets keep that between us because I don’t that leaking to the media
Nick: anything by Mozart would be nice
Kevin: oh and if we could stay away from Peter and the wolf. Wolves scare me and I’m not so sure about that Peter either.
Nick: thirty two limit bro I’m cutting you off
Joe: don’t count man that’s not cool
Stella comes in
Stella: hey guys, what’s up
Kevin: did you bring the stuff
Stella: what stuff pretends to be texting send
Kevin: Joe is in crisis mode, I texted you over an hour ago. I needed you to bring the rainbow sprinkled doughnuts and coffee ice cream
Stella: texting, texting, that’s all anybody ever talks about or texts about. Don’t you realize there are other ways to communicate with me? Looks at Nick try writing me a note for a change.
Nick writes something and hands it to Stella
Stella: stop yelling at us starts to giggle I’m fine, every things fine, sorry about the yelling. doughnuts and ice cream coming right up Pretends to text
Nick: Stellayou do realize you do not have a cell phone in your hand right?
Stella: I may not have a cell phone but at least I have my sanity. Send giggles then leaves
Nick: Talking to Joe in many ways you and the triangle are a lot alike
Kevin: three sided, made of metal, really annoying
Nick: no disrespected stands up put down
Joe: stands up misunderstood
Kevin: yea totally looks at Nick and he’s made of metal
Joe: Nick’s never had writers block before. It’s been three weeks and he hasn’t written anything.
Kevin: I know what we can do, we can introduce him to a girl, make him fall in love with that girl, make the girl break up with him, broken heart brand new song. Fist bump with Joe unless that would be totally wrong
Joe: yea that would be pretty wrong
Frankie: Nick out Frankie in
Joe: Frankie that is plan B
Kevin: Maybe C
Joe: to Nick where you headed
Nick: Art class to get a chisel motions to his foot the whole school is laughing at me
Nick limps away
Kevin: it’s okay it’s not the whole school
Stella walks into the Art Room
Stella: hey
Nick: the song will be done when it’s done, I’m sorry it’s just everybody has been on my case all day
Stella: yea I know I heard about your block
Nick: yea I got it off with a chisel
Stella: I meant your writers block