![]() Author has written 1 story for Percy Jackson and the Olympians. Hey people, I love reading and writing and when I heard of this site I made an account as fast as I could... umm about me? well you can probably tell I am a girl but you will not get any other information than that... STALKER!!!... I'm joking jeez take everything so seriously.Oh, also dont get mad at me if when I start a story and dont upload more chapters for some time I am very busy and/or I cant get my stupid mac to work for I am technologically impaired. oh and also Call me Luna... I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a friend on a phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Maximum Ride, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. I am the girl who doesn't need to be with someone else to have fun; you can lock me in my room and I'll never get bored. Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone: Iheartjake, TeamJacob101, Boysareadrag, The Dawn Is Breaking, twilite addict, The Lonely Teenager, AliceDaSpaz, Skittle.Rocke, Silent_Broken_Heart, St. Fang of Boredom, flyaway111, physics chick, CrazyNerdyFangirl, Safira Rue Mellark, DawnKatnissMellark, Fire. Bread. and Dandelions, FinnickLover4ever, TribalGirl, The Girl of the Moon, luna'srose For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.) You know you're a 39 Clues fan when... You are one-hundred percent sure that Kurt is a Vesper spy. (as the wise words of Mr McIntyre have said..."trust no one") You cried (or at least felt like it) when Irina died. (It was such a sad part...) You wish Ian and Amy would just kiss and make up already! (Amy can do whatever she wants and if she doesn't love Ian than he can get lost...) Whenever you see something suspicious, you claim it's a Vesper spy sent to kill you. (You can say that...) You've read nearly every FanFiction on the 39 Clues fandom, You've dreamed about 39 Clues once... or twice... or more... (It was a dream which is giving me an idea for a story...) Anytime someone talks about someone famous like George Washington, you're always telling them what Cahill branch they're from. (no but I think it...) Whenever you see a famous guy like Benjamin Rush or John Hancock, you wonder if they're a Cahill, Vesper, or none of the above. (who ?) Your parents roll their eyes whenever you bring it up, because you talk about it WAY too much. (They also tell me to start reading more books, but I read them all!) You started liking History because 1) Amy and Jonah like it 2) You need to prepare for the hunt, and 3) You need to know more about your relatives. (I ALWAYS liked History. I don't get why people say it is boring.) You try to live up to the expectations of your branch: you're an Ekaterina, so you're constantly trying to get better at math and/or science; you're a Janus, so you're always practicing music, writing and drawing; you're a Lucian, so you're always trying to solve puzzles and get better at lying...er, I mean acting; you're a Tomas, so you're always trying to do brave things, like water skiing. (What about Madrigals? LONG LIVE THE PEACE!) You're going to buy the movie when it comes out, even if it stinks (which you know it will because that's how it is with books-turned-into-movies, they're never as good as the books themselves) (They killed PJO!!!) You hate it when people remind you that the 39 Clues aren't real, and come up with a hundred reasons why it vary well possibly could be real. (You got me!) Most of your daydreams consist of at least one character from the 39 Clues series. You have a crush on one of the book characters. (Yes, but I wont tell you who they are!) You spend most (if not all) of your allowance on the Card Packs. (I dont get allowance...) You wish you could meet all the authors. (Rick!!!) You've declared September 27th national "Cahills Made Up Day!" or something close to that (see book ten, page 326, line 18, words 4 through 6 for confirmation!)(yes but its called something else) You want to take a trip around the world, and stop at all the places Amy and Dan went. (Maybe...) You confuse your history teacher as to why you know so much about Ben Franklen. (I love history, so yeah but more like anything to do with history) You have the first to pages of chapter 14 in book 3 memorized. (more like the whole book...) You knew someone named V was a problem before the 10th book because on the site somewhere it says "Could it be V?" (How did you know that?) You read Shakespeare just to learn the insults like Dan. (I did that before the books started it...) When you're mad at someone you call them a "Slimy Lucian" even though they have no idea what you're talking about. (not the first name I say...) Every time you hear a love song you think of Ian/Amy. (one of the pairings... I also have like 5 billion more to think about...) You actually realized that Ian/Amy started likeing eachother the same way Hope/Author did. (like mother like daughter...) You sepkulate as to who Irina's child's father is. (I know Isabel killed him when Nikolai was few months old...) You think there is no way on Earth Irina's dead because she's to cool for that. (She will come back! she has to!) You have plans to break into the KGB just to get Irina's fingernail things. (THEY ARE SO COOL!) You started saying "dissing" because Jonah does. (What? I know you would too...) The wallpaper on your computer has something to do with the 39 Clues. (Sometimes, I change it like everyday) You can give the title and colour of the books without thinking. (Dare you to ask me ) You bought a book just because it was writen by one of the authors. (I didn't find anything but PJO, KC and HO) You desperetly want to be in the movie. (not really if they are going to kill it like PJO) You cheer every time someone says "39". (I got 39th place in an all school running competition, YAY!) You "go all Lucian" on anyone who disses the books. You say "go all Lucian". (I do it with all of the branches ... ) YOUR GUY SIDE: You love hoodies. Total = 11 YOUR GIRL SIDE: You wear lip gloss/chapstick. Total = 14 I'm the girl that if you call my friend a Bitch I WILL say something. Lol: Put this on your page Music... Music is my life :) Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school Now you have two choices 1) repost and show you care 2)ignore it and you have just proven you have a low-down, cold-heart (Please just copy and paste this on to your site and show that you care) A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle Girl: Slow down, I'm scared! Guy: No, this is fun. Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared. Guy: Then tell me you love me. Girl: I love you, now slow down! Guy: Now give me a big hug. She gives him a big hug Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me. In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she would live even if he died. Copy this onto your profile if you would do the same thing for someone you love. 9 Things I Hate About Everyone: 1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is? 2. People who are willing to get off their butt to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually. 3. When people say "Oh! You just want to have your cake and eat it too." Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it? 4. When people say "It's always the last place you look." Of course it is! Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it?! Do people do this? Who and where are they? I'm Gonna Kick their asses! 5. When people say while watching a film "Did you see that?" No, Loser! I paid 12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor. 6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine? 7. When something is "New and improved!" Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new. 8. When people say "Life is short" What the heck?? Life is the longest darn thing anyone ever does!! What the hell can you do that's longer? 9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass? I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a Cashier hand this little boy some money back.The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old. The Cashier said, "I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll." Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?'' The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.'' Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look a round. She left quickly. The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand. Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to. "It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas. She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her." I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry. But he replied to me sadly. "No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there." His eyes were so sad while saying this. "My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.'' My heart nearly stopped. The little boy looked up at me and said: "I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall." Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me "I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me." "I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister." Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly. I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. "Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?'' "OK" he said, "I hope I do have enough." I added some of my money to his with out him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money. The little boy said: "Thank you God for giving me enough money!" Then he looked at me and added, "I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give It to my sister. He heard me!'' "I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.'' "My mommy loves white roses." A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket. I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind. Then I remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl. The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma. Was this the family of the little boy? Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news paper that the young woman had passed away. I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial. She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest. I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed for ever.. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him. Now you have 2 choices: 1) Repost this message, or 2) Ignore it as if it never touched your heart 15 THINGS TO DO AT WALL-MART: 1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms. 3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens. 4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away. 5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department. 7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" 8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror. 9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. 10. Dart around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. 11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" 12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!" 13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!" 14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!" 15.Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go" 65 percent of teenagers would rather watch T.V. than read. If you are one of the 35 percent that would rather have their nose stuck in a book, copy this in your profile. !eliforp ruoy otni siht etsap dna ypoc ,sdrawkcab siht daer ot hguone trams era uoy fI This is weird, but interesting! If you can raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed erveylteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! Paste this to your profile if you can read this! Are humans that stupid?? On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. Aw, but that's the only freetime I got! On a package of pasta after the cooking insturctions: "Put on fork and eat." Uh how do you put it on the fork again? On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. Hey guess what buddy? That contest is over! You just wanted to make me fatter :( On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. How do you use regular soap? On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. Wait so your NOT supposed to eat it frosted? Cr*p. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. ...To late... On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. Nooooooooo. Really? On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. But what if I LIKE frying myself? On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. Wait KIDS can drive now? Look out! On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. That's supposed to help us sleep right? On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". Wait... I'm confused... am I eating real or artifical bacon?... On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children. 'Cause thrusting it IN children will hurt like cr*p! On a string of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. Is there a place we're NOT supposed to use it? On a food processor: Not to be used for the other use. WHAT other use? On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. Oh ya think? On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. And the 3rd step is?... On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands. ... Unless you're feelin' suicidal! On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. *Thumps on ground* OW! You could've told me sooner! --WARNING: YOU WILL CRY!!! My name is Sarah I am but three, My eyes are swollen I cannot see, I must be stupid I must be bad, What else could have made My daddy so mad? I wish I were better I wish I weren't ugly, Then maybe my mommy Would still want to hug me. I can't speak at all I can't do a wrong Or else I'm locked up All the day long When I awake I'm all alone The house is dark My folks aren't home. When my mommy does come I'll try and be nice, So maybe I'll get just One whipping tonight Don't make a sound! I just heard a car My daddy is back From Charlie's Bar. I hear him curse My name he calls I press myself Against the wall. I try and hide From his evil eyes I'm so afraid now I'm starting to cry. He finds me weeping He shouts ugly words, He says its my fault That he suffers at work. He slaps me and hits me And yells at me more, I finally get free And I run for the door. He's already locked it And I start to bawl, He takes me and throws me Against the hard wall. I fall to the floor With my bones nearly broken, And my daddy continues With more bad words spoken. "I'm sorry!", I scream But its now much too late His face has been twisted Into unimaginable hate. The hurt and the pain Again and again Oh please God, have mercy! Oh please let it end! And he finally stops And heads for the door, While I lay there motionless Sprawled on the floor. My name is Sarah And I am but three, Tonight my daddy, Murdered me. This is one of the saddest things ever! If you care, put this in your profile. this poem is sad it is about child abuse is a bad this that alot of children in the world have to deal with put this on your profile help make a difference to help the children that have to deal with being abuse. This is a true story: Her dad was a drunk Her mom was an addict Her parents kept her Locked in an attic Her only friend was a little toy bear It was old and worn out And had patches of hair She always talked to it When no one's around She lays there and hugs it Not a peep of sound Until her parents unlock the door Some more and more pain She'll have to endure A bruise on her leg A scar on her face Why would she be In such a horrible place? But she grabs her bear And softly cries She loves her parents But they want her to die She sits in the corner Quiet but thinking, "Please God, why is My life always sinking? " Such a bad life For a sad little kid She'd get beaten and beaten For anything she did Then one night Her mom came home high And the poor child was beaten As hours went by Then her mom suddenly Grabbed for a blade It was sharp and pointy One that she made She thrusted the blade Right in her chest, "You deserve to die You worthless piece of s!" The mom walked out Leaving the girl slowly dying She grabbed her bear And again started crying Police showed up At the small little house Then quickly barged in Everything quiet as a mouse One officer slowly Opened a door To find the little girl Lying dead on the floor It must have been bad To go through so much harm But at least she died With her best friend in her arms (add this to your profile if your against child abuse) I want child abuse to stop! and if you do, too, copy and paste this onto your profile BEST FRIENDS 'N FRIENDS: FRIENDS:never ask anything to eat or drink BESTFRIENDS: Help themselves and is the reason you never have any food FREINDS:Call your parents Mr. and Mrs., and grandma and grandpa BESTFRIENDS: Call your parents MOM and DAD GRAMS AND GRANDPA FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail BESTFRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying DAMN we screwed up FRIENDS: Will pick out a cute chick-flick to watch with you on movie night BESTFRIENDS: Will pick out "The Ring" for movie night then scare you and himself/herself in the process FRIENDS: Never see you cry BESTFRIENDS: Wont tell anyone else you cry... just laugh about it when your not down anymore FRIENDS: Meet your boy/girl friend and say nice to meet you BESTFRIENDS: Meet your boy/girl friend and scare the BLEEP out of him/her by threatening to break every bone in his/her body if he/she hurts you FRIENDS: Will say you can do better BESTFRIENDS: Will call him and say"you have seven days to live" FRIENDS: Ask why you're crying BESTFRIENDS: Already have a shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry FRIENDS: Will help you move BESTFRIENDS: Will help you move a dead body FRIENDS: help you up when you fall BESTFRIENDS: continues walking while saying, "Walk much dumbass?" FRIENDS: give you their umbrella in the rain BESTFRIENDS: take yours and say, "RUN, -BEEP- RUN!" FRIENDS: wipe your tears when you're rejected BESTFRIENDS: goe up to him and say, "It's because your gay isn't it?" FRIENDS: will bail you out of jail BESTFRIENDS: would be in the room next to you saying, "THAT WAS AWESOME, LETS DO IT AGAIN!!" FRIENDS: Ask you to write down your number BESTFRIENDS: Have you on speed dial FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff and give it back a few days later BESTFRIENDS:Lose your stuff and tell you, "my bad .. here's a tissue" FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you BESTFRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography about your life FREINDS: Will leave you behind if that's what everyone else is doing BESTFRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowd's ass that left you FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door BESTFRIENDS: Would walk right in and say,"IM HOME" FRIENDS: Have to be told not to tell BESTFRIENDS: Already know not to tell FRIENDS: Are through high school /college (drinking buddies) BESTFRIENDS: Are for life FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away when they think youve had enough BESTFRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say,"Girl, drink the rest of that you know we don't waste" FRIENDS: Comfort you when you fight with your boyfriend BEST FRIENDS: Go over to his house and kick his ass FRIENDS: Bail you outta jail BEST FRIENDS: Sit next to you singing the jail song FRIENDS: Tell you to forget it when you say you want to vandalize a guy's house BEST FRIENDS: Are the ones getting fined by the police with you FRIENDS: Think you're insane for jumping off a roof onto a trampoline BEST FRIENDS: Are jumping right after you FRIENDS: Come over every couple of months for a sleepover BEST FRIENDS: Are your weekend boarders FRIENDS: Are offended when you make fun of them BEST FRIENDS: Kick your ass and all's forgiven FRIENDS: Are shy around your boyfriend BEST FRIENDS: Will tease him till he blushes redder than a fire engine FRIENDS: Don't see you if you're sick BEST FRIENDS: Are asking why you're sitting in bed under a blanket with a thermometer, book, and your phone FRIENDS: Dare you to scream into the street BEST FRIENDS: Dare you to go streaking FRIENDS: Call you retarded for running through the bleachers yelling "IT'S PICKLE TIME!" (ask MangoTango450 if you want to know) BEST FRIENDS: Are screaming and running with you FREINDS: Will ignore this BESTFRIENDS:Will repost this crap FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince. BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you. FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you. BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..." FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda. BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you. FRIENDS: At your funerel would be crying BEST FRIENDS: Sorry I'll be in jail for killing the jerk who murdered you! WHAT A KISS MEANS Kiss on the stomach = "I'm ready" Kiss on the Forehead = "I hope we're together forever" Kiss on the Ear = "You're my everything" Kiss on the Cheek = "We're friends" Kiss on the Hand = "I adore you" Kiss on the Neck = "we belong together" Kiss on the Shoulder = "I want you" Kiss on the Lips = "I love you" What the gesture means... Holding Hands = "we definitely love each other" Slap on the Butt = "That's mine" Holding on tight = "I don't want to let go" looking into each other's Eyes = "I just plain love you" Playing with Hair = "Tell me you love me" Arms around the Waist = "I love you too much to let go" Laughing while Kissing = "I am completely comfortable with you" picking someone up off their feet = "that they love them fully and would do anything for them" --Advice-- Dont ask for a kiss, take one If you were thinking about someone while reading this, you're definitely in Love. --Requirements-- Post this again after reading!! Or you will have a bad year of Relationships. If you LIKE, LOVE, OR MISS someone right now and can't get them out of your head then Re-post this within One Minute and Whoever you are missing will surprise you. Repost this as what a kiss means Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together Woman: Really? I'd put f and u together. Man: Your eyes, they're amazing. Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing. Man: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Woman: Did it hurt when you were dropped on your head repeatedly as a baby? Man: Your name must be Daisy, because I have the incredible urge to plant you right here! Woman: Really? I have the incredible urge to plant my foot up your @. Man: Where have you been all my life? Woman: Hiding from you. Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing. Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilized. Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today. Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore. Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine. Man: So, what do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a female impersonator. Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Woman: Do not enter. Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. Woman: But would you stay there? Robbers stab you in the stomach. Boyfriends stab you in the heart. Friends stab you in the back. Best friends don't carry knives. Funny Things to do in a Public Toilet Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter? " Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that." Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before." Drop a marble and say, "Oh shoot! My glass eye!" Say "Darn, this water is cold." Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh relaxingly. Say, "Now how did that get there?" Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus." Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!!" Say, "Interesting...more sinkers than floaters" Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?" Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!" Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot" Say, "Darn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?" Play a well known drum cadence over and oven again on your butt cheeks Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free." Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!" How to Tell if You're a Writer -If you talk to yourself. -If you talk to yourself about talking to yourself (i.e. 'I wonder why I talk to myself?') -If, when you talk to yourself, you sometimes speak as if talking to another person (i.e. 'Okay, so have you ever noticed that the word 'deliver' could mean removing someone's liver?') -If, after uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand in awe and say, 'Wow, this is good stuff for sugar highs!' -If you live off of sugar and caffeine. -If people start to notice that you tend to check your e-mail every day for a week, then suddenly disappear off the face of the planet. -If your e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random. -If, when replying to someone else's e-mail, you are sometimes so random that you fail to address the original message altogether. -If, no matter where you are in your room, you never have to so much as get up to reach a pen/pencil and paper. -If the letters are starting to wear off on the keys of your keyboard. -If people think you might have A.D.D. -If you think it'd be cool to have A.D.D. -If you start constantly talking in third person, past tense. -If you think about making lists like this, and start giggling for no 'apparent' reason. -If your friends don't even bother to look funny at you anymore when you start giggling for no apparent reason. -And finally, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101. Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity 1.At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. 2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice. 3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that. 4.Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In." 5.Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso . 6.In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Smuggling Diamonds" 7.Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy." 8Dont use any punctuation 9.As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk. (if u dont ur ded) 10.Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 11.Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go." 12. Sing Along At The Opera. 13.Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme? 14.Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day. 15.Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood. 16.Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom. 17.When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!" 18.When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives,They're Loose!!" 19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner."Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go." 20.And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity...Copy and Paste this into your profile!! Find the guy that calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who'll lay under the stars for hours and listen to your heart beat. Or will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy that kisses your forehead, who keeps your picture in his wallet, who wants to show you off to the world even when your in sweatpants, who holds your hand in front of all his friends, who thinks your beautiful without makeup, one who is constantly telling you of how much he cares and how is lucky to have you, THE one who turns to his friends and says THAT'S HER! WARNING!!!: YOU WILL CRY!!! Hush, little sister Please don't cry I wish I could be there To sing you a lullaby I can see your arms Bloodied and bruised That's strange, little sister Mine were like that too I know you scream When Daddy's there Hush, little sister I know you're scared I can see the way He's hurting you I'm sorry, little sister He did that to me too I know that people Ignore what's going on at home That makes me angry, little sister You shouldn't have to be alone Hey, little sister You wanna know why I'm not there? It's a sad story, little sister But people should care You see, little sister One day Daddy got high You were asleep in your crib So you didn't hear my cry He screamed at me And smashed my head against the door While you slept, little sister I died on the floor You know, little sister I don't think that I would have died If someone had only bothered To listen to my cries But hush, little sister Daddy's coming home Quick, get into bed You don't want him to find you alone I'm sorry little sister He's in a bad mood Run while you can Uh oh little sister He's lifting his belt Scream while you can, little sister Call for help Hush little sister You don't need to cry No one can hurt you You're in my arms tonight. --Unknown. CHILD ABUSE IS SICK AND WRONG. PUT THIS ON YOUR PROFILE IF YOU FEEL THE SAME WAY ONE DAY A DAD COMES HOME DRUNK AND MAD. HE PULLS OUT A GUN AND SHOOTS HIS WIFE AND THEN TURNS THE GUN ON HIMSELF. HIS LITTLE GIRL SITS BEHIND THE COUCH CRYING. THE POLICE CAME AND TOOK THE LITTLE GIRL TO A NEW FAMILY. HER FIRST DAY TO SUNDAY SCHOOL SHE WALKS INTO THE BUILDING AND SEES A PICTURE OF JESUS ON THE CROSS. THE LITTLE GIRL ASKS THE TEACHER: How did that man get off the cross? THE TEACHER REPLIED: He never did. THE LITTLE GIRL ARGUED: Yes he did when mommy and daddy fought he sat next to me behind the couch telling me everything was gonna be alright. list 10 of your friends ( not in order) (that would be mean) 1. Samantha 2. Kate 3.Valerie 4. Roger 5.Natalie 6. Spencer 7. Anita 8. Hannah 9. Annie 10. Margaret 1) 4 invites 3 and 8 to dinner at their house. What happens? hannah and roger will be singing "To Dance Again" from AVPM and Val will be of to the side watching thinking "what the ?" but thats only how I imagine it, they have never met each other. 2) 9 tries to get 5 to go to a yoga class. What happens Annie tries to get Nat to do yoga... I dont know all of my friends are athletic and they are both really tall... I HAVE NO IDEA! 3) You need to stay at a friend’s house for the night. Do you choose 1 or 6? ARE YOU KIDDING ME! I will not stay over at a boys house it will defiantly be Sam's place 4) 2 and 7 are making out. 10 walks in...Their reaction? ...OH.LORD.KILL.ME.NOW AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 5) 3 falls in love with 6. 8 is jealous. What happens? ... WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 6) 4 mugs you in a dark alleyway. Who comes to your rescue? 10, 2 or 7? WHAT Roger is like me brother! but probably all of them would come. 7) 1 decides to start a cooking show. 15 minutes later what is happening? She has made a giant mess with the eggs she tried to crack (only Sam thinks its hard to crack eggs) but other than that everything is delicious 9) 3 has to marry either 8, 4 or 9. Who do they chose? Why am I doing this , really Val would never marry any of them cause guess what... WE ARE BEEPING 13!!! 10) 7 kidnaps 2 and demands something from 5 for 2's release. What is it Of course its going to be Nat's wallet we hide it every other day from her... 11) You get to meet either 1 or 6. Who do you chose? Sam but I see both on a regular basis so not really a problem. 12) 10 challenges 4 to a chariot race. Why? Mag challenges Roger I dont think that is ever going to happen Mag is not competitive... 13) Everyone gangs up on 3. What happens? Val will stare at all of use quietly and after a giant pause of silence she will say "... awkward ..." 14) Everyone is invited to 2 and 10 wedding except for 8. How do they react? ... THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN... 15) Why is 6 afraid of 7? Anita is scary when you get on her wrong side...( sorry Anita but you know we all love you... AS A FRIEND!!!) 16) 10 gathers everyone around to tell them a fairy tale. How does it go? EVERYONE WILL LISTEN I AM SERIOUS... well maybe and exception of Roger but other than that I have not met anyone more mature than Mag. x .•̧́•́̈) ̧.•̈) (̧.•́ (̧. ́̈) ̧.•̧́.•́̈) ̧.•̈) (̧.•́ (̧.•́ pass the ribbon around if you know someone that has survived, DIED, or is living with cancer!! "Sadly, Abortion still continues on today..." Month one Mommy Month Two Mommy Month Three You know what Mommy Month Four Mommy Month Five You went to the doctor today. Month Six I can hear that doctor again. Month Seven Mommy Every Abortion Is Just . . . One more heart that was stopped. If you're against abortion, re-post this, and if you almost cried, post this in your profile (I did cry...) "REMEMBER WHEN" REMEMBER WHEN .. Put This In Your Profile If You're Still 5 Inside...No Matter How Old You Are Now |
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