Die Heiresses
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Joined 05-29-18, id: 10810190, Profile Updated: 04-27-19
Author has written 9 stories for Harry Potter, and Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda.

Hallosche! Anyone reading my profile will probably be able to tell that I haven't interacted on this site for a while (nor on AO3, for that matter). I've decided not to continue on fanfiction.com just because I wasn't feeling like it suited me anymore, but I'll always love seeing/reading fannish content! If you're here about a specific story, I'm sorry, but I won't be continuing it. If you'd like to continue it, PM me, but if I don't respond, feel free to go ahead (but please credit me, if possible!). If you're here about any of my forums, if you'd like to take the lead with one of them and get something to actually happen, PM me and if you seem like a reasonable person (real high standards here, Mo) I'll add you as as moderator! I think it'd be so much fun if somebody made something real out of this.

If you're reading one of my fics and it's really bad, sorry! It's been a while and I hope I've improved!

Sooooooo... yeah! I think that's it! If you've got anything to say to me, I'd be happy to chat, but beware I might not notice you've PM'd me! Sorry in advance!

-Mo.


I, Die Heiresses, do solemnly swear to review all the fics I read, regardless of the number of reviews, its age, or anything else.

I have joined the review revolution.

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I, Die Heiresses, have been sorting into Ravenclaw at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (Challenges and Assignments)!

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I'm on AO3 as WanderingWhistlingDuck, and I'll be posting any future longer fics there as well as here. Check me out!

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Hi, I'm Die Heiresses (but you can call me Mo if you like). Below are, in no particular order, some (mostly) true things about me.

I believe passionately in the Oxford comma.

I like tea. A lot.

I'm a Ravenpuff (or Huffleclaw. Does anyone actually say that?).

I have a love/hate relationship with my cat, where I love her and she hates me.

I'm almost a redhead. Like my username suggests, my hair is actually auburn, so it always feels awkward when someone calls me a redhead. And yes, I know, that's kind of a boring username, but hey! It's what I got! I am Almost A Redhead no more! Meet Die Heiresses, which is only funny to me. (Get it? Like diaeresis. Like coordination. Brontë. Naïve. Look it up.) So maybe that's kind of snobbish?

I'm a bookworm. (duh.)

I actually have a lot of nicknames in real life, but none of them are anything that I particularly like. You can call me Mo.

I like Sibylle Baier, Molly and Nick Drake, Queen, the Beatles, the Talking Heads Nirvana, REM, Weird Al (I saw him live in concert!), the Indigo Girls, and lots more that I'm forgetting since I'm writing this all just lying there on my bed.

The x's (and yes, that apostrophe is completely correct) are because mobile editing doesn't support those long lines, and will delete other things I add. Sorry.

I dog-ear pages of books sometimes. Don't stop reading! I have an argument, if you'd like to hear it.

I'm really into en dashes, em dashes, and hyphens. A note: you're probably using them wrong.

Wow, that sounded rude. If it's any consolation, it doesn't really matter.

I apologize too much.

I'd love to chat with you about any and all of the above things.

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I'm lonely (only a bit) but if you want to chat, I'd lurve to. We can do it over PM.

(Please)

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The Neverending Story/The Ultimate Crossover

I've decided to try and start one of those copy-paste thingies people put in their profiles, so here goes:

"Hello," said the girl.

Add a sentence onto this and paste it into your profile to see how far it can go.

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If you're here from KLCTC, you'll notice that I don't write Keeper fics. I do love reading them, though, so that's why I started it. I just don't think I know Keeper lore well enough to write fanfiction for it, although I may at some point anyway. Just don't expect it to be any good.

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My stuff

Is this effing Hogwarts?

Simon is at Hogwarts. For real (maybe). Who'd have thought?

Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 520 - Published: Aug 23 - [Simon, Blue/Bram] Leah, Abby - Complete

A oneshot, and my only (so far) piece for a fandom besides Harry Potter. Be warned: it kind of sucks.

The Truth Over a Lie reviews

Anna Hilton doesn't believe in magic. Can Hermione convince her otherwise?

Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,027 - Reviews: 1 - Published: Aug 5 - Hermione G., OC

A one shot, rather experimental. I've gotten annoyed with it, but it's out there.

In Terms of Idiocy reviews

Hermione is in over her head. With an unrequited crush on one of her best friends and drama going down with the awful Lavender Brown, she can't deal with much more. When she's assigned a partner from another house, will she benefit, or will this make things that much worse? Note: this isn't complete. It may show up as such, but this is still very much in progress.

Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 10 - Words: 6,983 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 23 - Updated: Aug 3 - Published: Jul 16 - Hermione G., Draco M., Fred W., Harry P. - Complete

An ongoing thing that's mostly on hiatus. I liked it for a while, but then I fell out of love with its ships. I probably won't get around to this for a while.

Pansy Undercover

Pansy has a gig singing at a pub. Pansy has a school life. What will happen when these two worlds collide?

Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 982 - Published: Jul 15 - Pansy P., Draco M. - Complete

A slightly absurd oneshot that may or may not be any good.

the Boy With a Pig's Tail reviews

The Ministry of Magic presents a selection from On Medicine: My Career as a Doctor, by Julian S. Jacobs. This deals with an incident involving a young boy and a pig's tail, which may be of interest to the current reader. Published with permission of the Aurors.

Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 819 - Reviews: 3 - Published: Jul 10 - Dudley D., OC - Complete

A oneshot with a cool concept. I'm not sure if I quite pulled it off, so I may rewrite it later.

On Love and Luna Lovegood reviews

When Luna Lovegood finally gets married, Neville is forced to reckon with his unrequited feelings for her.

Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 788 - Reviews: 2 - Published: Jul 1 - Neville L., Luna L., Hannah A. - Complete

A oneshot thing. I'm not sure why I wrote this, but it's okay.

Out of the Picture

Ginny Weasley knows that some people are out of the picture. So what made her ask out Hermione Granger?

Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 536 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: Jun 30 - Ginny W., Hermione G., Neville L. - Complete

Another oneshot, mostly stream of consciousness, but some dialogue.

Questions reviews

Draco Malfoy is madly in love, and he knows it. Is he a fool to accept his crush's invitation to meet in private, or will it lead to something like what Draco hopes?

Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,782 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 3 - Published: Jun 30 - [Draco M., Harry P.] Fred W., George W. - Complete

A oneshot. Pretty typical Drarry shenanigans.

Dire Circumstances

Daphne Greengrass Jr has been a Harry Potter fan for nearly her entire life, but she couldn't be less happy when she receives her Hogwarts letter because of the drama it reignites.

Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Family/Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 2,636 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 2 - Updated: Jun 29 - Published: Jun 2 - Daphne G., Minerva M., Sybill T.

My first fic. It's pretty awful, and it's on hiatus until I start feeling bad about it.

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I just googled 'get to know you questions' and a site popped up. I'll answer the fifty questions below, if you want to know more about me.

Actually, I'll answer them even if you don't want to know more about me.

Also, feel free to copy these for your own profile of you don't find them totally boring.

Update: Ahrg! So it looks like it's not as fun to answer these as I thought, so I'll answer them slowly.

Done!

  1. What was your favorite food when you were a child? Probably some sort of fish. My family was really into fish for a while.

  2. What’s the #1 most played song on your iPod? I don't have an iPod, since I'm an Android person. But my most played song would probably be something from Les Miserables or Hamilton, since I was obsessed with both for a time.

  3. What is one of your favorite quotes? "Everyone has the right to make an ass out of themselves. You can't let the world judge you too much." -Harold and Maude

  4. What’s your favorite indoor activity? This should be obvious by now. Reading.

  5. What chore do you absolutely hate doing? I don't so much hate as really suck at folding laundry. Honestly. It's weird.

  6. What is your favorite form of exercise? Hiking.

  7. What is your favorite month of the year? I guess I'm supposed to say my birthday month, but I actually really like the beginning of the school year, so September or August.

  8. What’s your least favorite mode of transportation? I don't know, but I really love the bus.

  9. What is your favorite body part? What the heck? Is this meant to be inappropriate, or have my friends rubbed their dirty minds off on me? Well, I'm fond of my feet, regardless.

  10. What sound do you love? Weirdly, the sound of knuckles cracking.

  11. If you could throw any kind of party, what would it be like and what would it be for? It would be some sort of elaborate role-playing party and NO ONE would mess it up.

  12. If you could paint a picture of any scenery you’ve seen before, what would you paint? I can't really paint well, so maybe a polar bear in a snowstorm to be safe?

  13. If you could choose to stay a certain age forever, what age would it be? I don't know. I haven't lived most of my life just yet, so I don't have much to sample from.

  14. If you knew the world was ending in 2012, what would you do differently? Um. Old question? I guess my answer hinges on my belief/disbelief in an afterlife.

  15. If you could choose anyone, who would you pick as your mentor? Gosh. I don't know. Maybe RBG?

  16. If you could witness any event past, present or future, what would it be? Well, this is going to sound dark, but the end of the universe.

  17. If you could learn to do anything, what would it be? Probably to carve ice and/or butter statues. That would be pretty great.

  18. If you had to work on only one project for the next year, what would it be? Maybe figuring out why I only get to work on one project.

  19. If you were immortal for a day, what would you do? Realistically? Go insane/cliff dive. Ideally? Skeleton.

  20. If you had to change your first name, what would you change it to? December.

  21. If you could meet anyone, living or dead, who would you meet? Shakespeare, obviously!

  22. If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would do? Me being me, I'd probably put it safely in a bank account, then invest a little. Also donate to stuff.

  23. If you were reincarnated as an ice cream flavor, what would it be? Recently, I had Earl Grey flavored ice cream. Being a tea lover, if like that.

  24. If you could know the answer to any question, besides “What is the meaning of life?”, what would it be? Wow. That's oddly specific. Well, I'd probably ask if I was a good person. I know, really selfish, but I'd like to know.

  25. If you could be any fictional character, who would you choose? Well, this seems apt. I'd like to live the life of a rather unimportant Hogwarts student. All of the magic but none of the drama.

  26. Which celebrity do you get mistaken for? Is that a common experience or something? I've never been mistaken for a celebrity. My (real life) friends do tell me that I look like Annie (like The Sun'll Come Out Tomorrow Annie, yes) and it's a stretch, but hey! Who cares?

  27. What do you want to be when you grow up? Wait, first you're asking me about my childhood, then you're assuming that I haven't grown up yet? You have a dreadful lack of continuity.

  28. When you have 30 minutes of free-time, how do you pass the time? This really should be obvious by now, but I read.

  29. What would you name the autobiography of your life? Ducks, Books, and Baby Eating: My Guide to Life and Stuff. And yes, I came up with that on the spot. I'm cool like that.

  30. What songs are included on the soundtrack to your life? This is an incomplete list, but here goes: Aghsufcggdtjngerhki! I just tried to come up with something, and I couldn't come up with anything. Well, just know that I'm a cool person with cool taste in songs and stuff. (And yes, I did just press random keys back there.)

  31. Have you ever had something happen to you that you thought was bad but it turned out to be for the best? Urp. Not really?

  32. What was one of the best parties you’ve ever been to? I'm not a party animal. I generally hate all parties, but I pretend very hard that I don't.

  33. What was the last movie, TV show or book that made you cry or tear up? The last Divergent book. It wasn't very good (none of them were) but a major event at the end had me crying as I fell asleep.

  34. What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done? Hard question. I don't really know. I'll probably get back to this and answer at some point if I come up with something.

  35. What was the last experience that made you a stronger person? Geez. These are really deep questions. I don't know. I'll marinate on it.

  36. What did you do growing up that got you into trouble? Actually, nothing. I'm a hardcore goody two-shoes.

  37. When was the last time you had an amazing meal? Like, yesterday. I'm kind of a foodie, actually. Talk to me about cheese!

  38. What’s the best gift you’ve ever received? My dictionary. It was a Promotion gift, and I love it.

  39. What do you miss most about being a kid? Seriously. How old do you think I am?

  40. What is your first memory of being really excited? This is oddly specific. Hm. I guess probably before a birthday or something? Or maybe before my sister was born? Although then I think I was actually kind of bored.

  41. What was the first thing you bought with your own money? Probably candy, since I was little.

  42. When was the last time you were nervous? That's a weird question. Hm. I tend to get nervous very easily, so probably this afternoon.

  43. What is something you learned in the last week? Where the term 'shotgun' came from (like the front seat passenger). Now you want me to tell you, do you?

  44. What story does your family always tell about you? Um. We have a video of me trying and failing to spin a pinecone, and apparently that's hilarious.

  45. At what age did you become an adult? I don't consider myself an adult.

  46. Is a picture worth a thousand words? Elaborate. Gahhhh! It depends on the picture and the words. It's complicated.

  47. Where’s Waldo? You don't want to know.

  48. The best part of waking up is? Folgers in my cup. (I'm very proud of knowing that, since I wasn't alive when that was, like, a thing)

  49. How now brown cow? You're a dog.

  50. Whasssssuuuupppppp? Nothing, bro! (I've always wanted to say that. Always.)

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Everything but the notes at the end and the bonus copied from AvisMe's profile.

The 27 Commandments of Fanfiction

1. Thou shalt not post a fic until it has been checked for grammar and spelling errors. The fanfiction gods hath given you a spellchecker on the computer for good reason. Use it.

2. Thou shalt not post a chapter of less than 100 words, unless it is a drabble. This displeases the masses.

3. Thou shalt not put author's notes in the middle of the story.

4. Thou shalt NEVER use text-speak in a fic, unless the characters are actually texting.

5. Thou shalt keep to one tense, and only one, throughout the story. Do not switch randomly.

6. Apply the above number 5 to POVs as well.

7. Thou shalt not get offended when someone makes fun of the crack pairing featured in your fanfiction. It probably is rather hilarious.

8. Thou shalt not use :) , ;D , or :( in a fanfiction to show the emotion exhibited by a character.

9. Thou shalt try-eth to keep characters in character!

10. Thou shalt not treat every criticism as a flame.

11. The author's note is not a spot for your personal drama, and thou shalt not make it so.

12. Thou shalt not put any form of the phrase "first fic" in thy summary.

13. Thy created characters must not have names that exceed five syllables in length. Nor shall thy name have more than five words in length.

14. Thou shalt not insert thyself into the story line as thyself or as a character- yes we know that you are in love with yourself and are very narcissistic, we just don’t want to read about how you end up with the main character.

15. If thou art writing a story that does not follow the original story line, point it out in the beginning.

16. Thou shall not make a person randomly smart or powerful unless stating a reason for the change (a good reason).

17. Thou shalt show and not tell.

18. Thou shalt not EVER use the phrase "I suck at summaries" in-est thine summary. This annoys thine readers.

19. Thou shalt not write the same way thou speak-est - writing is an art.

20. Thou shalt ALWAYS spell the word "okay" correctly. Using the letter "K" is an unacceptable compromise.

21. Thou shalt only use clichés when thou a) art writing a parody or b) find a new and interesting twist to make such clichés bearable to thine reader.

22. Thou shalt always separate dialogue from two separate speakers in two separate paragraphs. Otherwise thine readers shalt be confuse-ed.

23. Thou shalt not EVER make a chapter all one paragraph. THIS INFURIATES BOTH THINE READER AND THE FANFICTION GODS. They have given thee an ENTER key with good reason.

24. Thou shalt not write with thy caps lock on, it displeases the masses and causes thy readers to lose their vision and make angels weep.

25. Thou shalt know how to spell the character's names correctly before you writeth the fic. Misspelling the name of the main characters makes readers angry and distracts from the story.

26. Thou shalt not say in thine summary "summary inside". This shows lack of creativeness and infuriates the masses. The only exception is when a summary is cut short and a continuation of it lies inside.

27. Thou shall use paragraphs and space the story so it is not terrifyingly daunting to thine readers.

Plus: Super special extra bonus awesome commandment by Mo: Thou shalt not use lines from thine fic as thy summary. Especially not just the first ones. This, too, shows lack of creativity, and also gives absolutely no insight into the story.

Seriously, guys. I know you don't mean to, but why?

Okay, I know this is super annoying of me, but I'm going to elaborate on some of these. Sorry, not sorry. Feel free to ignore.

#5: I'm really not sure why you do this to me. It doesn't make any sense, and I understand plenty of us are amateurs (gosh, now I sound like a snob) but this is some very basic stuff. And, to be fair, maybe you really honestly don't get it. But there are plenty of beta readers (including myself, actually) who are happy to help you fix errors like this. We're there for a reason.

#10: There are flames, and then there are people who honestly disliked your fic for some reason. Or maybe they just had a few issues with it, and liked it on the whole. In any case, the best thing to do for reviews that you think are flames (regardless of if they are or not) is to ignore them. Other readers will recognize a flame, and ignore it. If they don't, then maybe you should consider re-reading your fic, and seeing if it needs a rehaul. I've seen people leave their own reviews about the so-called flames, and honestly? That makes you look immature, even if you're not.

#18: It annoys us, and also shows that hey! you didn't care enough to even try and write something halfway decent. Most of us suck at it, too, but we've accepted it and moved on.

#25: Really. This makes the reader doubt your commitment to the fandom (no matter how committed you actually are). And, when in doubt, google it.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Summers with Hermione by Sapphire1616 reviews
When Hermione Granger disappears off to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, she leaves behind a very different life. Every summer when she returns, her neighborhood friend sees her come back a little less like herself and a little more like a stranger.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,923 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 2 - Published: 7/15/2018 - Hermione G. - Complete
dare to love you (whatever skin you're in) by Someone aka Me reviews
Phoebe Black has never felt comfortable in her own skin. At least, not until she met Moira, who accepted her whatever skin she was in. Transgender!Phoebe. For my dear trash twins.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Family/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,113 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 6 - Published: 6/11/2018 - Phoebe B. - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Is this effing Hogwarts? reviews
Simon is at Hogwarts. For real (maybe). Who'd have thought?
Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 520 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/23/2018 - [Simon, Blue/Bram] Leah, Abby - Complete
The Truth Over a Lie reviews
Anna Hilton doesn't believe in magic. Can Hermione convince her otherwise?
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,027 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 8/5/2018 - Hermione G., OC
In Terms of Idiocy reviews
Hermione is in over her head. With an unrequited crush on one of her best friends and drama going down with the awful Lavender Brown, she can't deal with much more. When she's assigned a partner from another house, will she benefit, or will this make things that much worse? Note: this isn't complete. It may show up as such, but this is still very much in progress.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 10 - Words: 6,983 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 28 - Updated: 8/3/2018 - Published: 7/16/2018 - Hermione G., Draco M., Fred W., Harry P. - Complete
Pansy Undercover
Pansy has a gig singing at a pub. Pansy has a school life. What will happen when these two worlds collide?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 982 - Published: 7/15/2018 - Pansy P., Draco M. - Complete
the Boy With a Pig's Tail reviews
The Ministry of Magic presents a selection from On Medicine: My Career as a Doctor, by Julian S. Jacobs. This deals with an incident involving a young boy and a pig's tail, which may be of interest to the current reader. Published with permission of the Aurors.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 819 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 7/10/2018 - Dudley D., OC - Complete
On Love and Luna Lovegood reviews
When Luna Lovegood finally gets married, Neville is forced to reckon with his unrequited feelings for her.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 788 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 7/1/2018 - Neville L., Luna L., Hannah A. - Complete
Out of the Picture reviews
Ginny Weasley knows that some people are out of the picture. So what made her ask out Hermione Granger?
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 536 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/30/2018 - Ginny W., Hermione G., Neville L. - Complete
Questions reviews
Draco Malfoy is madly in love, and he knows it. Is he a fool to accept his crush's invitation to meet in private, or will it lead to something like what Draco hopes?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,782 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 5 - Published: 6/30/2018 - [Draco M., Harry P.] Fred W., George W. - Complete
Dire Circumstances
Daphne Greengrass Jr has been a Harry Potter fan for nearly her entire life, but she couldn't be less happy when she receives her Hogwarts letter because of the drama it reignites.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Family/Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 2,636 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 6/29/2018 - Published: 6/2/2018 - Daphne G., Minerva M., Sybill T.