![]() ...Hi...Just a shameless creature with an odd sense of humor, an obsession with fanfiction and a requirement in chocolate and sweets to survive. Things to do in a shop when you are bored. 1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking. 2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms. 4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens. 5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away. 6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department. 8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" 9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose. 10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are. 11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme song. 12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels. 13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!" 14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!" 15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here! 16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!" Repost this if you laughed... Or are planning to do any of these things These would get some great reactions... QUOTES TO LIVE BY 1.) Do not use an axe to kill a fly on your friends' head. 2.) Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them. Vampires vs. Werewolves...It's kinda like pirates vs ninjas, but cooler Firefighter: At one point we decided to fight fire with fire... Well...basically... your house burned even faster. 14.) Oh god! They took my freaking kidney! I ran into my ex the other day, then I put the car in reverse and ran over him again. Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and slap that jerk upside the head 19.) "Some people are like Slinkies. They're really good for nothing. But they still really bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs." Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. Either it's my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Collin. Or my other brother Ho-Chan-Chu. I think it's Collin. 21.) Friends will always be like "well you deserve better" but best friends will be prank calling him saying "you will die in seven days" Guns don't kill people. I do. My imaginary friend doesn't like you either. 30.) flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss. 31.) Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS 32.) The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. 33.) The spontaneous rally will begin at 1:45. 34.) Assassinations is an extreme form of censorship. I'll be rich and famous when I invent something that will stab people over the internet I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh the fun I will have. 39.) Somebody needs a Happy Meal. 42.) Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED Apparently you told Santa that you have been good this year...he died laughing. 46.) I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you. Although, chainsaw beats scissors, paper, AND rock! 48.) I am going to put an end to my procrastination problem. . . Tomorrow To put it nicely, I hope you choke. If Tylenol, Duct Tape, & a Band Aid can't fix it, you have a serious problem. Would you like a cookie? So would I. 56.) You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear. 57.) Well the voices and I took a vote. It's unanimous; you suck. 58.) A day without sunshine is like... night. 59.) A rejected invention: Instant water! just add water! 60.) Don't ever attempt a staring contest with a brick wall, they cheat a lot 61.) Don't make me mad...I'm known to bite at random!! 62.) Don't walk in my footsteps. I walk into walls. 63.) I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect! 64.) I do what cheerios tell me. 65.) I put the 'fun' in 'dysfunctional'. 66.) I'm hearing voices in my head and they don't like you! 67.) I'm knocking on heaven's door.. voice in back round: Knocking? You very nearly broke the bloody thing down!! me: That wasnt my fault!! It was poor constrution... I SWEAR!! Dont look at me like that... 68.) If you wish on a falling star it might come true... Unless it's a meteor hurdling to earth... Then no wishes come true... Unless your wish was to be killed a meteor hurdling to earth. 69.) My Braces Are Stuck To The Carpet... 70.) Someday my prince will come he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is to stubborn to ask for directions. 72.) Okay...so there's this thing called retarded-ness and me and my friends, well...We've gone pro. Fanfiction is what literature might look like if it were reinvented from scratch after a nuclear apocalypse by a band of brilliant pop-culture junkies trapped in a sealed bunker. They don't do it for money. That's not what it's about. The writers write it and put it up online just for the satisfaction. They're fans, but they're not silent, couchbound consumers of media. The culture talks to them, and they talk back to the culture in its own language. —Lev Grossman, TIME, July 18, 2011 Female pick up line comebacks: Man: Where have you been all my life? Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Man: Is this seat empty? Man: Your place or mine? Man: So, what do you do for a living? Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Man: Your body is like a temple. Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together. Man: Your eyes are amazing. Man: I know how to please a woman. Man: I want to give myself to you. Man: So, wanna go back to my place ? Man: I'd like to call you. What's your number? Man: But I don't know your name. Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Man: Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason." Man: Haven't we met before? Favourite Quotes: -I'm smiling, that alone should scare you out of your mind. -I'm in my own world, but don't worry, they like me here. -The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but still, it's on the list. -The extinction of the dinosoars was no accident. Barney came along and they all committed suicide. -Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out. -When in doubt, make words up! -Don't you dare tell me that the sky is the limit while there are footsteps on the moon! -I was going to take over the world but I got distracted by something sparkly. -There are three kinds of people--those who count, and those who can't. -Warning: Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again. -I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you. -I like you. When I rule the world your death will be quick and painless. -Excuse me, have you seen my sanity? I think I lost it. -Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door... -My knight in shining armour turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil. -One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions. -WARNING: Do not walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff. -Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you're a mile away and have their shoes. -I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going, and hook up with them later. -If you can't fix it with duct tape, you haven't used enough! -I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on eBay. -Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together. -Education is important, although school is another matter entirely. -I used to be normal, until I met those freaks I now call my best friends. -Remember, it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to pull the trigger of a decent sniper rifle. -Remember what you just said, because tomorrow I am going to have a witty and sarcastic comeback and you'll be devastated then! -Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid. -I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...I was aiming for your face. -Everything here is edible. I'm edible, but that, my children, is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies. -If you try to fail, but succeed, which have you really done? -Never explain. Your friends don't need it, and your enemies won't believe you anyway. -You can't buy happiness, but you can buy ice-cream, which is kind of the same thing. -I do not obsess, I think intently. -Yes, I am a loser, but I'm the coolest loser you'll ever meet. -Reality continues to ruin my life. -When I hear somebody sigh "Life is hard", I'm always tempted to ask: "Compared to what?" -I am going to put an end to my procrastination problem...tomorrow. -If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either. -When life gives you lemons, throw them back and demand chocolate! -It's better to look stupid than to open your mouth and prove it. -Don't make me mad today. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies. -Suicide is a way of telling God, 'YOU CAN'T FIRE ME, I QUIT!' -That which doesn't kill you...will probably try again. -Don't play dumb with me, I'll always win. -So tell me, what's it like living in a constant haze of stupidity? -I never said I was normal, you just presumed I was. -People say violence isn't the answer. Well, they're right. Violence is the question. The answer is 'HELL YES'. -Life is pain. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something. -Stupidity got us into this, why can't it get us out? -All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative. -Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mum saying you can still keep it. -Why is it that people are fine with everyone having a different job or going to a different school, but if you say you follow a different religion, you are weird? -If I had something good to say, I would have already said it. -I'm going to live forever, or die trying! -I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer! -Never knock on Death's door- ring the bell and run away. Death really hates that. -They say that guns don't kill people, people kill people. Well, I think the guns help. If you stood there and just yelled 'BANG!', I don't think you'd kill too many people. -When angry, count to ten. When very angry, swear. -That, my children, is called a wall. But beware, the wall is solid. Yes be afraid! Be very afraid, for we cannot walk through it! Believe me children, for I have attempted this many times before. -Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed. -High School Musical 3 and Saw V were the two top movies at the box office when they opened. One depicted gruesome on screen torture. The other was about a guy with a saw. -It takes 47 muscles to frown, 13 to smile, and absolutely none to sit there with a dumb look on your face. -I do not deny everything. -I deny everything. -Do you want to know why I'm still on earth? Heaven kicked me out, and hell is afraid I'll take over. -Life isn't weird, it's the people in it. -Life is like a garden, the best moments can never be preserved forever, only in your memories. -When life gives you lemons, make grape juice and let the world wonder. -Tell me, what's it like to live in a constant haze of stupidity? -There is no stupid question, just stupid people. -No, not yet, now that you've made me this serious. Regret as much as you damn well want! -Don't just stand back... freakin' disappear!" -If the demon is truly big, then we are no match for it. It's impossible, it's irrational. It's against my religion. -You ought to be arrested." -How did I pass? She beat me like I owed her money. |
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