. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. 7. My mother taught t me IRONY. 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. 19. My mother taught me ESP. 20. My mother taught me HUMOR. 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. 25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. I live in a world of Rainbows, hearts and Unicorns. The rainbow is only in shades of grey and black, The hearts are broken and bleeding and the unicorn are cutting them selves with their horns... All in all it's my perfect life=D Sticks and Stones may scar my skin but words slice through my soul within I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that shit up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, "I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you idiot." Some people are like Slinkies. They're really good for nothing. But they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs. You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder. A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. But a best friend will go up to him and say "It's because you're gay isn't it?" Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. Never argue with me, I'll drag you down to my level and beat you with a bat. A FRIEND WILL BACK UP A LIE! A BEST FRIEND WILL SWEAR TO IT IN COURT A FRIEND WILL TRY TO STOP YOU FROM FIGHTING A STRANGER FOR LOOKING AT YOU WRONG A BEST FRIEND WILL BE UP IN THE STRANGERS FACE BEFORE YOU CAN GET UP A FRIEND WILL TELL YOU WHEN YOU HAVE A BOOGER HANIGING OUT OF YOUR NOSE A BEST FRIEND WILL LAUGH AND POINT AT YOU TILL YOU GET SO PISSED YOU HIT THEM. "When all else fails blow shit up." a good friend will cheer you up when people piss you off. a best friend will help bury the bodies of the people who pissed you off. a good friend helps you up if you trip, but a best friend just stands there laughing beause they tripped you The longest kiss on record lasted 130 hours and two minutes. ╔══╦══╦══╗ you have been Pinned A girl and a guy were speeding over 100 mph on a motorcycle. Girl: Slow down, i'm scared. Guy: No. This is fun. Girl: No it's not. Please, i am scared. Guy: Then tell me you love me. Girl: I love you. Can you slow down now? Guy: First give me a big hug. She hugs him tightly. Guy: Can you take my helmet off me and put it on you? It's bothering me. In the newspaper the next morning, a motorcycle accident occurred because of break failure. Two people, and only one survived. The truth was, halfway down the road, the guy knew the breaks weren't working, but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him, and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then she had him put on his helmet so she could live, even if he didn't. girl You love me.I hate u.We can go like this on forever but time is slow and im waiting for something 2 happen.Will i love u bk? Will u not love me?im sick of waiting i've dated alot of guys non of them make me happy it always end in a sad story not like the ones my mom used to read to me.how come only in fairy tales there a happy ending but in real life theres only sad ending.Can we change that? or will are lifes just be a sad ending that playing over and over.I know your sad in side you try 2 act happy when u see me but i can tell your not happy by your eyes.I think im starting to love you bk.Will i tell in time that i love you to? how will i tell you? if i tell you will you laugh at me and say "well well look who's here sorry but after all these years i've moved on" then will you run over to some girl who you think will make you happy? Will you make me happy? Will i make you happy? All these questions so little time.I think its time i tell you i love you. guy I love you.You hate me.I wish you could be mine forever.Im going crazy with out you im sad everyday.When i see you with over guys i cry inside but i try to look happy on the inside so i won't make you feel sad.Your the only girl for me.I have gone to the point where i can't sleep,eat,life without you.I have given up on everything.I sit on my bed thinknig about you.Your so perfet from the way your hair moves to your body.I just want hold you in my arms.This madness has to stop.I grab a peice of paper and write "i love u" on it.I shall keep it in my hand and use my other hand to hold the gun.Im sorry but for everthing to be right agian i must kill myslef.I hope you don't see this.I cry as i point the gun.Now my time is up goodbye girl I open your door just in time to see the gun "NOOO" i yell as i run to you but i was to late the gun as gone off and u fall to the floor blood slowly poured from your head and my eyes wacth in shock as you fall. boy I heard you yell.I turn and looked at you "im sorry" slowly esacpe my lips as i fried the gun and drop slowly fall to the floor. girl I run to your body after you fell.I cryed on you saying "get up im going to get help" as i get up you grab my arm and i look at you. boy "Wait" i say as im holding on to your arm.I hold up my arm and open my hand and show you the note that said "i love you". girl I cryed even more after seeing that note "i love you to." I keened down be sided you and lays my head on you crying. boy I similed and pated your head "i wish we could have been a couple" girl I cryed even more after hearing you say that "me to. im sorry i didn't feel about you the same way intell now" boy "Its ok" I hald your hand and slowly closed my eyes and died girl I screamed to the world "DON'T LEAVE ME!!!!!!!" i hoped you heard me in the spirt world. "PLEASE I LOVE YOU TO MUCH." I grabed the gun with one of my hands.The other one was in your hand.Tears droped from my face as i pointed the gun to my head and pulled the trugger and i fall on to your body and similed.At least where both happy and we can be togerther forever.Fiallny a happy ending just for us. A story about a boy & a girlOctober 15, 2003 A long time ago, I used to know this boy. He lived in a small town outside of Houston. He lived on a ranch. His family bred and showed horses. (But you weren’t allowed to call him a cowboy. He hated that!) He never lacked for a date. He was kind, giving and respectful of the girls he dated. And did he ever have charisma. He was a great kid. One weekend he was invited to a friend’s graduation party. The boy really didn’t want to go, but his friends insisted he go with them. The party was just dragging along until she got there with her friends. She was a girl I used to know. She lived just outside of Houston too, but an hour away from the boy. She wasn’t a big dater. She went more from “relationship to relationship” (as much as a kid in high school could do). She was always told that her laughter drew people to her. She had many friends, most of them guys. She just loved having fun. Most weekends had her out with a group of friends. That weekend, though, she was just in a bad mood. She wasn’t going to go to the party either. It was a long drive and she was mad at the guest of honor. (She had caught her in a lie and was holding a grudge.) Again, friends prevailed and they got her to go to the party. That is where the boy met the girl. They began to talk. She wasn’t really his type, yet, somehow, she was everything he didn’t know that he really wanted. I don’t know if you believe in love at first sight, but these two kids sure did. (He was 17. She was 16.) There was no way that they had actually met their “forever” person. Their future spouse? This young? It doesn’t happen. Does it? Everyone discouraged her from getting into a long distance relationship …especially while she was in high school. She didn’t listen. She was in love! People said it would never last. It couldn’t. They were too young. But they knew. They. Just. Knew. A year and a half later, that boy got down on one knee and proposed to that girl. She was overwhelmed with love and started to cry as he took her hand in his. She knew her life was about to change. She knew that her dream was coming true. That boy asked that girl if she would marry him. Through her tears, she said YES! That was 15 years ago today. And I have never once regretting saying yes to that boy. Never once. That boy became the man that is the love of my life. And today, I just wanted to celebrate. And to say thank you… to that boy and that girl of so many years ago for believing in love at first sight. There once was a girl named Rose, she was so pretty and strong but her heart wasn't as strong as her spirt. The boy was named Jon, he was sweet like a teddybear but he was depressed but his girlfriend's love was all that he needed in his life but we will see. One time after they played near the ocean, it was a beautiful day and so was the sunset, it shined upon their hearts but I guess not enough for Jon. When Jon took hold of Rose's hand, he had a frown on his face. "Rose, there is something you must know," his dark brown hair covered one of his green eyes. Rose looked at him with a smile not seeing his sad smile. "Yes, you can tell me anything, Jon and you know that." Jon sighed but picked up his head for his green eyes can face her icy blue eyes. "I am going to leave for somewhere today and maybe I will see you there someday," tears rimmed his green eyes. Rose's eyes went wide with tears because she knew exactly what Jon ment, she squeezed his hand tightly. "No, No you just just can't! Jon, I need you! Please...I will do anything...," tears went down her cheeks while she grasped on the rim of his black shirt, the tears hit his shirt like bullets but they felt like a burning touch. Jon winced but looked once more at Rose with now more of a frown. "Rose, I can't live, I just can't. I want to give you so much more then I can but it seems like I gave you everything..., if there was something that I could give, I would give it to you because I always treasure a girl like you, you always helped me through the hard times." Time went by. Rose looked at his dead body, blood swimming all around near her body. She put her hand on his bloody cheek. "Their were two things you could of gave and that was live and stay by myside and along with that love me like you always had. You kept me alive to this day now your gone," at these exact words, the rain fell pouring like the tears going down her cheeks. Corrupted Loveby Angelgirl020A warm sensation fills my body Growing up our parents all had their favorite sayings. Every time you got in trouble words of wisdom would exit their mouths. Here are the ones I remember Answer me when I ask you a question! As long as you live under my roof, you'll do as I say Chew with your mouth closed -- you look like a cow! Close the door! You weren't born in a barn Do as I say, not as I do Do you think I'm made of money? Don't cross your eyes or they'll stay that way Don't make me come in there! Don't make me tell you again Don't put that in your mouth, you don't know where it's been Don't use that tone with me! Don't walk away when I'm talking to you! How many times do I have to tell you? I brought you into this world, and I can take you out! I don't care who started it, I said stop! I hope someday you have children just like you If God had wanted you to have holes in your ears He would have put them there! If I want your opinion I'll ask for it! If it were a snake, it would have bitten you If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all I'll treat you like an adult when you start acting like one I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week I'm not talking just to hear my own voice I've had it up to here with you Look at me when I'm talking to you Look at this room! It looks like a pigsty! Nobody asked you Now, say you're sorry...and MEAN it! Over my dead body! Put that down! You don't know where it's been! Someday your face will freeze like that! Speak up; I can't hear your head rattle Stop your crying before I give you something to cry about Think of the starving children in India/China/Africa This hurts me more than it hurts you What am I, your slave? What have I done to deserve you? What if everyone jumped off a bridge, would you do it, too? What part of NO don't you understand? When you have your own house then you can make the rules! Who died and made you boss? Who do you think you are? Who said life was going to be easy? Why? Because I SAID so, that's why! You can't find it? Well, if you'd put things where they belonged, you wouldn't have this problem You had better wipe that smile off your face before I do it for you You have an answer for everything, don't you? You'd forget your head if it wasn't attached to your shoulders! You're going to put your eye out with that thing! I'm sure you have your own.Feel free to add them in the comment section. "are you drunk" "no mum i was babysitting! i don't know what you did when you were babysitting but i actually have a brain "well if Mary stuck their hand in a fire/ jumped off a bridge would you do it?" um no but i think there's a difference between jumping off a bridge and going to a concert but mum Mary's mum is letting her do it "well your not Mary" "have you done your homework yet?" no im just gona say the dog ate it, yes of course i've done it "where are you? right so if i come round and check thats were you are? right ok then." *turns up at your friends in her pjamies purely to annoy you* "i thought we had a rule that your skirt has to be longer than your t-shirt" well yea, thats why im wearing a shorter top "i definitely had more alcohol than that so where did it go?" uh you drunk it "no i don't remember doing that" well that's why there's a lot of it missing. "It's not that we're mad. We're just really disappointed." so if your not actually mad im not grounded then? "because i said so" "you know when i was younger we didnt have this/ talk to our elders like that" yea well welcome to the 21st century "i shouldn't have to tell you to do it, its just common sense" well if i didnt do it then its clearly NOT common sense "your too young" well according to Granda he caught you doing this at half my age, wanna explain that now?? nah didnt think so "when you have kids you'll understand" no when you remember what its like to be a kid YOU will understand. "next time you can" but you said that LAST time! "That's not how I raised you." no dad coz you didnt raise me at all! granda did! you came along when the hard bits were done "Get down off ther before you break your neck" well when i break my neck i'll come down but until then go away "it's all fun and games, until someone gets hurt" yea then it becomes a comedy show lmao "finish your dinner, there's starving kids in Africa who would give anything for this" well then how greedy are you eating it all on them? OR well send it to them coz i dont want it OR nah even they arent that desperate "we're going to tidy the house today" no what you mean is im going to do it while you watch TV "I brought you into this world and I can take you out goddamnit!" well i came into this world with you so i can bring you out of it with me it wasn't my fault i was born " DAD- well it wasnt mine either, all i wanted was a BJ, MUM- well we all know it wasnt yours your not even the real dad "I know you can do better, you are just not applying yourself " oh is that what you did? yea and how did that work out? really?? HAVE YOU SEEN THE SHITHOLE WE LIVE IN??? "What do you think I am stupid?" i cant answer that without getting into trouble coz you told me not to lie " i know all the tricks, just remember i was a kid before to" yea you've caught me doing 1 thing haha if only you knew about everything else "You have no respect for your elders!" actually i do i just dont show it "Dont make me turn this car around" why not? you're the one making me come "What the hell were you thinking?" trust me, you REALLY do not want to know "told you so" yea but you knew i wouldnt listen "dont be starting arguments or fights" I NEVER START FIGHTS!!! well there you go, you've just started one "i hope you have kids that get in as much trouble as you do" so do i coz you're gona be minding them "if you keep going on like that your gona end up pregnant someday" well yea if you want grandkids thats kinda needed "You can tell me the truth, I won't be mad..." *tell her the truth* ..."WHAT!!! What the @#$% were you thinking?!" this happened when i told her i was staying in a friends round the corner but i actually got the train to a boyfriends to stay over and she got a letter from school so she called me and said i was grounded and had to come home right now and i had to tell her i couldnt coz i wasnt in Belfast anymore "there are some things you SHOULD NOT tell your mother and that was one of them!" then WHY DID YOU ASK????? "dont talk-back to me" why not its funny? OR you only say that when your loosing OR but theres nothing on TV, this is the only entertainment i have "You'll thank me for this when you grow up" no i wont, have you thanked your parents yet? thought not Warning each and everyone of the responses above resulted in a slap across the back of the head, use them at your own risk lmao |
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